View Full Version : Where's the Friday joke?

7th Dec 2007, 16:08
I can't even think of a suitable one that hasn't been used.........

Unless perhaps 'Gordon Brown and Alastair Darling'

7th Dec 2007, 16:55
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence" the farmer says "This is a special day for me .. I am celebrating."
"This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!" says the woman.
"What a coincidence!" says the farmer? As they clinked glasses the man asked "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!"
"What a coincidence "says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I used a different cock," he replied.
The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence".

7th Dec 2007, 17:44
Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. As she wiped away her tears, he asked her to make love with him for one last time.
Of course she agreed and the y made passionate love.

Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said,"Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Carolyn agreed and again they made love.

Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Carolyn's shoulder and said, "Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die."
She agreed, the n afterwards she rolled over and fell asleep.

Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Barry, I'm not being funny, but I have to get up in the morning and you don't."


Arm out the window
8th Dec 2007, 20:39
How do you find out if a girl is ticklish or not?

Give her a test tickle.

8th Dec 2007, 21:14
Whats green and talks like a frog............................

.......................a talking frog...

(compliments of my 4 years old niece)

10th Dec 2007, 03:51
How do you titilate on Ocelot?

Occilate it's Tit a lot...............................

10th Dec 2007, 21:54
If I purchased a teddy bear in the middle east for $10, and named him Mohammad, and then I sold that teddy bear on ebay for $20, would you say then that the teddy bear turned prophet? :}:ugh::D

11th Dec 2007, 08:37
Two dwarfs pull two women and take them home, first dwarf can't get it up and to make matters worse , he can hear the second dwarf saying " 1-2-3 here I come uhhhh!...".the next morning first dwarf says" how embarrasing I could'nt get an erection," second dwarf says " you think thats bad, I could'nt even get on the flippin bed"

Windy Militant
11th Dec 2007, 12:42
A very tall willowy and very distraught debutante runs into a police station. The desk sargent eventually manages to calm her down enough to take a statment.
Sarge "Right Miss What happened."
Deb "I've been raped by a Dwarf"
Sarge "With respect miss, er how did he reach"
Deb "He had a bucket"
Sarge " Well miss why didn't you kick the bucket out from under him"
Deb " Because he threw it over my head and swung on the handle" :{

11th Dec 2007, 15:24
A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever! 'A smart-arsed chappie at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other hand

The Nr Fairy
11th Dec 2007, 18:59

Might have been that same debutante who ran into the police station shouting "I've been graped !"

"Don't you mean 'I've been raped' ?" asked the desk sergeant.

"No", replies the deb, "there was a bunch of them."

11th Dec 2007, 19:12
talking of teddy bear jokes

british rail are looking for the owners of paddington bear...