View Full Version : Man in funny hat says something even funnier

Two's in
1st Dec 2007, 21:48
While some of us wrestle with the vagaries of the Muslim faith and Teddy Bear names, others are accused of conducting the latest round of the Crusades in Iraq and Afghanistan, and terrorists worldwide are acting in the name of Allah against the great Infidels; Benny the Boxhead in the party hat has decided from the calm and serenity of the Vatican the it is in fact Atheists that are the threat to world peace.

Clearly being German and wearing Fancy dress has impaired his memory to the extent that he's unaware that the Catholic Church has just a teensy weensy track record of imposing its will on the downtrodden worldwide for many hundreds of years, and the Inquisition was probably good fun for everyone.

Now, as he is God's representative on Earth, I always try to cut him some slack for being out of touch with humanity, but in the Pot calling Black stakes, the grand poohbah has taken the biscuit on this occasion.

Pope denounces atheism in second encyclical
Richard Owen, The Times, London
Published: Saturday, December 01, 2007
ROME - Atheism has led to some of the "greatest forms of cruelty and violations of justice" known to mankind, the Pope said yesterday.

He also said that humanity would not be saved by scientific progress or political revolution, but only in the hope offered by Christianity.

"A world which has to create its own justice is a world without hope," he said in an encyclical released yesterday, the most authoritative statement a Pope can issue to the faithful and the second of his pontificate.

1st Dec 2007, 22:02
I liked this bit best:
Reciting arguments made by atheists, he said: "A world marked by so much injustice, innocent suffering and cynicism of power cannot be the work of a good God. A God with responsibility for such a world would not be a just God, much less a good God."
Feel free to read the whole encyclical in English (http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/encyclicals/documents/hf_ben-xvi_enc_20071130_spe-salvi_en.html). Now I dunno if the whole thing should be merde bubula or stercus tauri or perhaps ***** tauri, in any case the message is clear. Keep paying in the money.


1st Dec 2007, 22:09
Here's another howler:
"If technical progress is not matched by corresponding progress in man's ethical formation, in man's inner growth, then it is not progress at all, but a threat for man and for the world."

Well perhaps the abolition of slavery and procurement of equal rights for women and minorities might be evidence of progress in man's ethical formation among other advances. But it doesn't seem to me like Catholicism has led the way in these areas. I could be wrong......


1st Dec 2007, 22:19
Reminds me of this wee cracker (all true allegedly)

The scene is a Roman Catholic primary school in the East End of Glasgow in the 70’s.
Christmas is approaching and the 7 year old pupils are being coerced into the usual school Christmas b*llocks at that time of year... You WILL be in the Choir... you WILL audition for the Nativity Play for parent’s night etc..etc...

Anyway... one wee lad had his heart set on being chosen to play Joseph in the nativity play.

However... during the auditions... the snotty, specky, teacher’s pet:ugh: got picked for this auspicious privilege
– our wee friend got picked for the less than prestigious role of the Innkeeper...!!!:{

Our little friend held his disappointment back most manfully throughout all the rehearsals and preparations... displaying a solid performance in his enforced role as the Innkeeper


The night of the performance in front of the gathered throng (pupils, teachers, and parents etc – the full house)..!!!

‘Mary’ &’ Joseph’... duly knocked on the Innkeepers door and asked... “Do you have any lodgings kind Sir..?”

Whereupon our wee hero... stole a glance at ‘Mary’ and said...- “Why yes Ma’am, you can come straight in...”..... And whilst drawing ‘Joseph’ a dirty look ... (at the top of his voice)... said to him...
“AND.. you can F*ck right off... ya b*st*rd..!!!”:D:D

I heard the teacher fainted... big bloomers in the air and everything..!!!:ok:

1st Dec 2007, 22:22
Reminds me of this wee cracker (all true allegedly)
Similar scene but its Jesus goes up to the innkeeper, produces 3 nails and says "Hey big man! Gonna put us up for the night?"


'Chuffer' Dandridge
1st Dec 2007, 23:12
Yet more medieval religious guff.............:rolleyes:

Atheist and proud of it

2nd Dec 2007, 01:16
Well perhaps the abolition of slavery and procurement of equal rights for women and minorities might be evidence of progress in man's ethical formation among other advances. But it doesn't seem to me like Catholicism has led the way in these areas. I could be wrong......
I think the very last thing anyone could accuse the Catholic church of is progress in man's "ethical formation." That particular establishment still seeks to control the masses (especially women) by bans on contraception. Uncontrolled breeding serves the Catholic Church very well; it takes away the sexual and economical freedom of women and places the full weight of supporting a large family squarely on the husband alone. Two birds with one stone, so to speak ... with the added "benefit" that it keeps the lot of them in relative poverty without hope of breaking out of the trap.

2nd Dec 2007, 06:45
Religion? The opium of the masses!

Krystal n chips
2nd Dec 2007, 10:02
Bit of bad timing there then....just renamed the ted...Pope Tedwina 1st so as not to offend anyone....plus my other, ahem, interest in the Catholic faith can also be misconstrued I suppose...I just find Nuns outfits to have a, well, sort of, um appeal on a lady....so does this make me an aetheist or a heretic I wonder ? :hmm::E

Nice point about controlling the masses however....seem to recall we have an ex PM converting to the faith who had similar concepts....so no surprise that he has become a fully paid up member really.

Alas, the man in the hat also seems tohave forgotten that "In the name of the Father" , many of his disciples have demonstrated a fondness for youth shall we say and then been conveniently relocated to a foreign ministry under the guise of the "Lord will take care of his sins later"....rather than Statute Law of course which may well find the straying soul, er, guilty.

Life's a Beech
2nd Dec 2007, 12:46
Christ, the Catholic church criticising us atheists for not modernising!

And when has atheism "led to ... cruelty and violations of justice"? That is just like the usual crap about Stalin and Mao being atheists, so it must be bad. No-one told the fool that it was not their atheism but their desire for control and power that led to their excesses. Just like the Catholic Church through the ages.

The Catholic Church starved millions over the last century, by campaigning against contraception. To paraphrase Dawkins, if you modernise medical care without introducing family planning, people will starve. It is basic, GCSE level ecology.

blue up
2nd Dec 2007, 13:05
Not wanting to inflame (heaven forbid!) but didn't the current Pope have a previous career with...err...the military?
I seem to remember a joke doing the rounds about the Warsaw Uprising, an SS officer being stopped by God just as he was about the shoot a prisoner. "Do not shoot this Pole for he will be my future representative on earth", to which the SS officer replies "So vot iz in it for me?" God thinks for a while and say "Well, OK, you can be the next one"

History is a funny thing. Talking to my (Pakistani-born) cab driver a month ago. He reminded me that the far end of the Middle East seems to be following on from the Spanish Inquisition and the Crusades. A century or six later on and religious zealots are fighting for control of 'the holy land' and bumping off anyone who opposes them. The 'other side' of the religious divide plans an invasion and counter-strike. Lots of dead civilians and lots of ill feeling for decades.

Now, I don't know much about religious history but it does seem to fit with that old chestnut of "those who forget history are destined to repeat it."

Sorry if i've drifted a bit. Long night.

tony draper
2nd Dec 2007, 13:49
You should have told yer taxi driver he was talking bollix,Islam invaded Europe in 711, long before the Crusades,so they started it.:E

2nd Dec 2007, 23:04
Reminds me of the tale of the chap who died & ended up in heaven. He ws being shown around the place by one of the minions (where the shops were, the pubs etc) when he saw a mighty brick wall. "What's behind the wall?" he naturally enquired. "Oh, that's the catholic section" spoke the angel "It's so they can believe they're the only people up here"

2nd Dec 2007, 23:50
The Best Way To Look At It Is:

TAOISM : Sh!t Happens

HARE KRISHNA : Sh!t Happens (Rama Rama Ding Dong)

HINDUISM : This Sh!t Happened Before

ISLAM : If Sh!t Happens – Take A Hostage
ZEN : What Is The Sound Of Sh!t Happening?

BUDDHISM : When Sh!t Happens, - Is It Really Sh!t?

CONFUCIANISM : Confucias Say – “Sh!t Happens”

7th DAY ADVENTISTS : Sh!t Happens On Saturdays

PROTESTANTISM : Sh!t Won’t Happen If I Work Harder

CATHOLICISM : If Sh!t Happens – I Deserve It

JEHOVAH’S WITNESS : Knock, Knock – Sh!t Happens

UNITARIN : What Is This Sh!t?

MORMON : Sh!t Happens – Again..& Again..& Again

JUDAISM : Why Does This Sh!t Happen To Me?

ATHEISM : I Don’t Believe This Sh!t

RASTAFARIANISM : Let’s Smoke This Sh!t

I think the Rasta's.. Have Got It Just Right..!!:p

tony draper
3rd Dec 2007, 00:13
Hee hee, very good Mr Dawg :ok::E

3rd Dec 2007, 13:04
Why.. Thank You Mr TD

Praise indeed from so noteworthy a poster...!!:p

22nd Dec 2007, 20:01
Oh dear! This Atheist bashing seems to be contagious …..
… it’s almost like something is afoot?
:ugh: :ugh: :ugh: :ugh:

Bern Oulli
23rd Dec 2007, 16:20
Sorry? Atheists are irrational? From someone who believes that Mary was a virgin? Saints preserve us.

23rd Dec 2007, 16:40
Thank God I`m an atheist

Two's in
23rd Dec 2007, 19:36
I did see that the man in the funny hat regained some credence and gravitas (irony alert) by allowing Tony "the Spin" Blair to convert to Choirboy fiddling. I couldn't think of two people who deserved themselves more...

So the difference between them is that one thinks he his God's representative on earth, loved by the masses; and the other one's the Pope.

23rd Dec 2007, 21:28
So what did the man in the funny hat say about Uncle Tone preaching for gay Rights and gay marraiges (not that I object, but the Catholic church does!)? What about the fact he has been directly involved with the deaths of some 750 000 Iraqi civilians? I know! the answer is simple, the Pope granted him absolution, all he needs say is 'you are forgiven your sins' and you are! One free ticket to heaven. No wonder Tony Bliar has been a badass. He did whatever dirty double dealing stuff he wanted, knowing that he was going to convert, and using his position to make the man in the funny hat a friend, therebye ensuring absolution. No wonder he is smiling now, he truely truely believes his sins are forgiven, the blood has been wiped from his hands and he will go through the pearly gates. If Blair really believes in the catholic version of heaven and hell he should be a very worried man, because maybe the big cheese might not buy the man in the funny hats gift of absolution.

23rd Dec 2007, 22:42
Not really convinced he's any more sincere about it than anything else.

He seems to do everything with an eye to what benefits Tony best in this life.

If he had calculated that converting to Islam would have bought him bigger rewards/publicity, he would probably have gone that way.

23rd Dec 2007, 22:44
Give it three years, he is peace envoy to the Middle East after all:E

23rd Dec 2007, 23:08
Says a lot about His Tonyness...

Who else would want to not only associate... but join a fraternity of 10,000 paedophiles dressed in frocks..!!:\

Merry Chrtistmas


24th Dec 2007, 16:28
Religion is such an emotive issue at the best of times, and especially at this time of year that I wonder how this thread has survived!

For me, although not an aethiest, neither am I a fan of the church in all its guises. All different religions have thier seperate beliefs but all still point to one god. My problems with the church per se (and I class myself as C of E like most of us in England) are the fact that they preach avarice and looking after your fellow man "peace be with you" etc. 99.99% of all wars for thousands of years have been based on religion from the crusades, before that even upto the modern day. The church itself, whilst preaching self denial to give to the less needy, is one of the richest organisations in the world. It's buildings are some of the finest ever designed and are filled with some great artefacts, gold, tapestries and so-on. Yet when you go for whatever reason they seem to permanently hold out thier hands for your hard earned, telling us how much a church costs to run every year. Fine, except that they charge like a team of plumbers at 2am on a Sunday morning. Hundreds of pounds to get married, something similar to be buried. The only thing that you get for free is a christening, and funnily enough you also get told that this is an acceptance into the house of god and will be accepted as such by all other religions. The case of it costs sod all to join but a whole lot more to belong.

I will carry on praying to my God but the church can go and whistle, because without people like the bloke in the funny hat stirring things up the Earth might be a more peaceful place!

tony draper
24th Dec 2007, 16:38
Hmmm, I dunno,I've been told that half the trouble we are having with our bearded chums is because they do not have the equivalent of a man in a funny hat.

24th Dec 2007, 16:45
Hmmm. Must be Christmas.
Time to bash on Christians, I see.

Move along, nothing more to read here. Wake me when you lot have an original thought!

Two's in
24th Dec 2007, 17:27
Hmmm. Must be Christmas.
Time to bash on Christians, I see.

Can you think of a better time? The hypocrisy is at its maximum about now, we can go back to ignoring our fellow man for the other 364 days once this nonsense is over.

Noah Zark.
24th Dec 2007, 18:33
Pope denounces atheism in second encyclical

It only needs an encollective and it can go in the Rotorheads forum!