Last Man Left in the Airforce

[Lindaf]

This poem has been credited to a number of people including Pam Ayres. It was in fact written by M.Sig P. I. Fisher [known as Ian or Paddy among other things] during his time at RAF Wyton. Since retiring from the RAF he has made a name for himself as a poet using the pen name Peter Wyton.
See www.myspace.com/peterwytonpoet (http://www.myspace.com/peterwytonpoet)

The definitive version of the poem -
THE UNKINDEST DEFENCE CUT OF ALL


I’m the last man left in the Air Force,
I’ve an office in MOD
and a copy of Queens Regulations
which only apply to me.
I can post myself to Leuchars
and detach me from there to Kinloss,
or send me on courses to Innsworth,
then cancel the lot - I’m the boss.

I’m the last man left in the Air Force,
but the great Parliamentary brains
neglected, when cancelling people,
to sell off the Stations and planes.
The result is, my inventory bulges
with KD and camp-stools and Quarters,
plus a signed book of speeches by Trenchard
which I keep to impress the reporters.

I’m the last man left in the Air Force,
I suppose you imagine it’s great
to be master of all you survey, but
I tell you it’s difficult, mate.
I inspected three units last Thursday,
As C-in-C ( Acting ) of Strike,
then I swept half the runway at Laarbruch
and repaired Saxa Vord’s station bike.

I’m the last man left in the Air Force,
it’s not doing a lot for my health.
Unit sports days are frankly exhausting
when the Victor Ludorum’s oneself.
On guest nights the Mess is so lonely,
there are times when I wish I was able
to pass the port to the chap next to me,
without seeing it fall off the table.

I’m the last man left in the Air Force,
my wife says I’m never at home,
when I’m not flying Hercs, I’m at Manston,
laying gallons and gallons of foam,
or I’m in my Marine Craft off Plymouth,
shooting flares at the crowds on the Ho,
or I’m Orderly Corporal at Luqa.
It’s an interesting life, but all go.


I’m the last man left in the Air Force.
I’m ADC to the Queen,
I’m Duty Clerk at St. Mawgan,
I’m the RAF rugby team.
Tomorrow I’m painting a guardroom
and air-testing numerous planes.
The day after that I’m for London,
to preach at St. Clement Danes.

I’m the last man left in the Air force
and I’m due to go out before long.
There’s been no talk of any replacement
and I won’t even let [I]me sign on.
I hope to enjoy my retirement.
I’ve put up a fairly good show,
and I won’t cut myself off entirely.
There are always reunions, you know.

© Peter Wyton

[BEagle]

Hmmm,

On page 113 of Jack Spence’s ‘There I Was at 20,000 Feet...’, published 17 years ago, appears the following:

The Unkindest Defence Cut of All circa 1975

I’m the last man left in the Air Force,
I’ve an office in MOD
and a copy of Queens Regulations
which only apply to me.
I can post myself to Leuchars
and detach me from there to Kinloss,
or send me on courses to MOTU,
then cancel the lot - I’m the boss.

I’m the last man left in the Air Force,
but the great Parliamentary brains
Omitted, when cancelling people,
to sell off the Stations and planes.
The result is, my inventory bulges
with KD and camp-stools and Quarters,
plus a signed book of verses by Trenchard
which I keep for impressing reporters.

I’m the last man left in the Air Force,
I suppose you imagine it’s great
to be master of all you survey, but
I tell you it’s difficult, mate.
I inspected three units last Thursday,
As C-in-C ( Acting ) of Strike,
then I swept half the runway at Laarbruch
and repaired Saxa Vord’s station bike.

I’m the last man left in the Air Force,
it’s not doing a lot for my health.
Station Sports Days are frankly exhausting
when the Victor Ludorum’s oneself.
On guest nights the Mess is so lonely,
there are times when I wish I was able
to pass the port to the chap on my left,
without seeing it fall off the table.

I’m the last man left in the Air Force,
It’s quiet-but, that apart
There are plenty worse off, for example
The Only Sea Lord, for a start
He was called out last Wednesday evening
(Joint Ops with the Army, my oath)
But their rowing boat sank in the Channel
Which obliged me to rescue them both

I’m the last man left in the Air Force,
my wife says I’m never at home,
when I’m not flying Hercs, I’m at Manston,
laying gallons and gallons of foam,
or I’m in my Marine Craft off Plymouth,
shooting flares at the crowds on the Ho,
or I’m Orderly Corporal at Luqa.
It’s an interesting life, but all go.


I’m the last man left in the Air Force.
I’m ADC to the Queen,
I’m Duty Clerk at St. Mawgan,
I’m the RAF rugby team.
Tomorrow I’m painting a guardroom
and air-testing numerous planes.
The day after that I’m for London,
to preach at St. Clement Danes.

I’m the last man left in the Air force
and I’m due to go out before long.
There’s been no talk of any replacement
and I won’t even let me sign on.
I hope to enjoy my retirement.
I’ve put up a fairly good show,
and I won’t cut myself off entirely.
There are always reunions, you know.

[teeteringhead]

Hmmmmm too!

Certainly remember reading it many many years ago too - but that doesn't necessarily mean I doubt the provenance.

Refrences to Luqa, Marine Craft and foam at Manston date it pretty well .....

[diginagain]

Perhaps the time has come for a sticky ' Leaving the RAF - all discussions in here (merged).'

[newt]

And I thought Beagle was "The Last Man in the Air Force" or was he the chap in "There I was at 20,000 feet.............?"

[Union Jack]

And I thought that "The Last Man out of the Air Force" was the chap who originated the now mysteriously missing thread about a recent meeting at a secret base in Shropshire!:)

Jack

[8-15fromOdium]

Is that the same man who will be using his catchphrase 'giz-a-job' soon?

[Lindaf]

This poem was first published in the Wyton Eye, station magazine in the early 70s. Peter Wyton [Ian/Paddy Fisher as he was then] owns copyright to the poem. We do not know the Jack Spence book and in general have no problem with people using this poem but we do expect the definitve version to be used and proper credit given. There was an item to this effect in the RAF news a few years ago.

[PPRuNe Pop]

For the benefit of new poster 'Lindaf' PPRuNe has a rule about using copyrighted material or advertising. It is NOT allowed. You made another thread on the same subject which is deleted as a multiple thread which is also not allowed.

PPP