Impact on Family life - LongHaul Pilot

[oneday_soon]

G'day

I am giving serious consideration to putting my hat in the ring and having a crack at Qantas over the next year or so.
I have a very supportive wife, who is happy for me to apply, but can any pilots or your partners shed some light on the impact of either being a long haul pilot or the impact of living with one has on the family life.

I gather there are both upsides and downsides.
Any contructive responses would be greatly welcomed.

Information on time away would be helpful too. she has asked me how long are the blocks of time that you would be away.

Cheers

Oneday_soon :)

[the wizard of auz]

Well, the upside is you dont have to put up with your wife all the time.
the downside is, someone else will while your not there.
A repeated cycle in this game that has been demonstrated uncountable times. they all start out with the statement " It will never come to that with me as my wife is loving, supportive and loyal".
seen it happen sooooooooooo many times its beyond being a coincidence.
If you want a family life, stay home with the family.

[Capt Fathom]

It comes down to the individuals involved, not the job.

You either make it work, or use it as a convenient excuse for the breakdown of your relationship.

We all have friends who spend time away with work, sometimes weeks at a time, and their relationships and families are just fine thankyou.

Then there are others that aren't so lucky!

[the wizard of auz]

Ok, so be it. this type of work must attract the worst type of relationship people then. Have a little poll on "how many times the captain has been married" and see the ratio of happily, once married, compared to many times married, or marriage is on the rocks types.

[OhForSure]

Wondering if the mods could make a poll out of this as suggested by The Wizard, as for a long time I (and others) have been wondering what the effect of flying has on marriages. Believe it or not, I've googled this several times, and found nothing succinct. More than anything, I'm just interested.
I don't suppose there'd be any moral or ethical problems with a poll?:E

[John Citizen]

Yes, very true, aviation does ruin relationships / friendships / families
Honestly, is it worth it ???? :confused:
Do you I choose to work in an airline and for example, not see my children (at expense of my family) or work in GA to see my children (at expense of my career) ? :confused:

[Jawz]

Aviation
Induced
Divorce
Syndrome

But hey. Miners do the 2 week on 1 week off thing. So wat is the difference?

Mines do not have 20ish girls in skirts working with you.
Mines are not located in cities with pubs and clubs and their accent is the same as the smelly bloke next to them.

Point being - It's you call mate, can you resist the temptation?

:ouch:

[the wizard of auz]

But hey. Miners do the 2 week on 1 week off thing. So wat is the difference?
Nothing. It happens in this industry as well, and with a far higher attrition rate than the aviation industry.

Mines do not have 20ish girls in skirts working with you.
Mines are not located in cities with pubs and clubs and their accent is the same as the smelly bloke next to them.

Actually, Yes you do. and many many many more of them than in the aviation industry. and it works both ways with a lot of wives working away from home as well as husbands.
there is a wet mess on almost every minesite these days, but with the patrons being much closer than what you would get in a town, as these people see each other on a daily basis, and in fact most times are on the same shift, so they see each other for most of every day, as well as being the only social life they get to see while on that swing.
It is a far more destructive industry for relationships than the aviation industry, but for the same reasons.
I work in both industries and see the damage occurring on a regular basis, and for the same reasons. it is the norm these days, not the exception.

[olderairhead]

Been doing the away from home thing for quite a number of years. Not the Qantas longhaul thing but GA and up to 160 days per year away and for up to 21 days at a time.

Therefore I believe I can offer some insight.

At the end of the day you need an extremeley understanding spouse and a willingness to forego lots and lots of family "moments".

Birthdays, anniversaries, parties, holidays, family get togethers and if you are lucky to have children, lots and lots of lost growing up time with them.

Experience has shown me that the children are the ones that suffer the most. Adults can adapt and express their feelings more openly than children.

Children are told "Dad's going away" and the first thing they ask is "When will you be home?".

After years of doing this it is now "Dads going away again" and the response is "Ohhh why, when will you be back?".

When I reflect, this has been the biggest downside of it all. I would challenge anyone who has done this to say otherwise.

And at the end of the day it is your spouse that is left behind to deal with the tears and ongoing "When will Dad be home?" or "Where's Dad now?".

At the end of it all I suppose it is you that has lost out because you have been in some "exotic" location, by yourself, in a hotel room somewhere, saying to yourself, "Wish I was there with 'em".

But we are pilots and fly aeroplanes and they come first...........or do they???????

After 30 years all I can say is "I wish I had my time over again".

And thank God for an understanding wife.........and forgiving children.

But then again we are all different and your life may not be like mine, but I doubt it!

And I just had my 19 year old daughter read this and she said "True".

I rest my case.

[oneday_soon]

Thanks olderairhead for your response. It is the family thing that concerns me the most, the being away from you kids and wife. It certainly is a hard decision.

[BrazDriver]

Jawz,

Plus as a miner you earn more $$ so you keep the golddiggers happier!!

[oneday_soon]

Thanks for your responses. I appreciate it.

cheers

[olderairhead]

Plus as a miner you earn more $$ so you keep the golddiggers happier!!

No wonder there are separations with this attitude!

oneday_soon may I suggest if you want to think this way you will go a long way with your (sexual) career but not your marital career.

As you were after a serious response to your question may I suggest you ingnore the previous post.

Maybe I am old, but at least I am still with my family.

Remember there is a team relationship in aviation and a strong team will survive.

My point, is the children have to be "educated" into being children of a pilot and you and your family have to acknowledge that you will not be there all the time. If you are all happy with this it will work.

But at the end of the day I can guarantee you that your conscience will eventually win over and you will feel guilty. Having said that, it does depend on how long you intend to do it. I did for 22 years and that is far too long, but I had a great time along the way. The lonely hotel nights when I matured and kids eyes finally did it for me tho!

But if you are young, no kids, an understanding partner and a determination not to be seduced by others in moments of loneliness with a partner sharing the same beliefs as you (read seduced) then it can be extremely rewarding,
for you, not the missus cos you are always the one travelling!

Tough decision mate but if it can work for you and the family, extremely rewarding.

Good luck!

[Capt Wally]

Flyng & relationships don't mix !!............been in the flying business for a loooong time.............2 failed marraiges (not proud of that fact)............flying really is a single mans job, why ruin it with the big "C" word. Stay single if it can be done at all.
Free advice here for those that are married........................slip outside onto a busy street one day when yr feeling amorous towards the opposite sex (in or out of the cabin) & the first female (assuming yr a hetro male) you bump into buy her a house......cut out the middle man, (woman) & get it out of yr system, then get back to the task at hand, flying ! Trust me it takes 10 yrs to get back on yr feet, if you work hard & yr lucky !

Capt wally...............:-)

[ZK-NSJ]

well as a miner, im glad to get out of the house for 28 days at a time, how ironic go and work with a whole pile of gold diggers to get away from one,

[Spaghetti Monster]

Oneday: It's worth bearing in mind that once you've got the seniority to move to a window seat with QF (yes, yes, I know...) you've actually got a bit of choice as to how you run your life. As a 737 F/O you can get fairly few overnights and never actually be away for very long at a time; average trip length on the 767 and 330 is around 4 days versus maybe 8 or so on the 744. Some people find the longer trips (and longer breaks in between) on the 744 are great for their lifestyle; others (me included) would forego the big pay rise on the 744 to avoid being away for big stretches at a time. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's no one simple answer.

Also, living near your wife's family (however unattractive this might seem) can make a big difference, especially if you've got little kids.

One last thing: without wanting to make any sweeping or offensive statements, I suspect that the type of bloke who's prone to getting himself into strife due to working with 20ish girls in skirts, would get himself into strife even if he wasn't in this job - it's just that there's more oppportunity here.

Hope this helps, and good luck whichever way you go.

[Animalclub]

My airline job kept me away from home for at least a month at a time. We had no children and my wife had her own career. She wouldn't let me do anything around the house so she was pleased to see the back of me. Mind you, when we got together again, whether at home or my base, it was like a honeymoon all over again!

Our life had to be based on trust - let's face it, she had access to all our money!! - and it worked for us.