'A' for effort, 'F' for brains

[brickhistory]

Here's one currently making the 'doofus' e-mail rounds in the USAF. Good on the young man for trying, bad on him for being an idiot. I edited out the names/phone numbers.

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Lt. N*****,

I am a cadet at the Air Force Academy trying to arrange a flight with the 333rd Fighter Wing between 21 December and 5 January. I have my Secret Clearance and Physiological Training Card and can coordinate any AOC approval or necessary medical clearance (Form 1042). My presence does not impose any limitations on the mission; I’m just along for the ride. Any further guidance or authorization you can provide on this matter is much appreciated. Email is the best way to contact me (c09g*****.s******@usafa.af.***), but my cell phone number is ***.***.****.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Very Respectfully,

C3C G***** R. S******** IV
CS-20 Tough Twenty Trolls
United States Air Force Academy

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*edited to add*
From: N**** B*****2dLt 333 FS/Casual
Subject: RE: Cadet request for F-15 ride

Here’s the guy who keeps calling up and bugging the scheduling shop about getting a flight.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The reply to the cadet:


Subject: RE: Cadet request for F-15 ride



You’ve got some brass balls on you, cadet fourth class G***** S******* (H) IV (seriously…is that your real name, lose that ‘IV’ crap, it just sounds stupid). Let's break down your message and maybe we can educate you on a thing or two.

“I’m a cadet at the Air Force Academy .”

This message should be over right here. Period dot. Cadets don’t troll for rides, they EARN them through the proper channels just like everybody else. We’ve got a long list of maintainers who have earned awards through this wing to get incentive rides. These guys bust their asses in the freezing cold and blistering heat and only the lucky few get the privilege of having a ride. Name me three things you think you’ve done to ‘earn’ a Strike Eagle ride. Seriously. And by the way, I’ve read about all the ‘hard work’ here - http://www.*******.********.com/. And I quote “The learning curve was very steep this past year as I learned about military culture and doctrine in a pretty stressful environment.” Brother, you have no idea what a stressful environment is.

“trying to arrange a flight with the 333rd Fighter Wing”

Sweet mother of pearl, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. We are the 333rd Fighter Squadron, and we are a division of the 4th Fighter Wing. If you want to snivel a ride from us, you ought to at least get your facts straight. This is the foreshadowing of your ignorance, let’s continue….

“I have my Secret Clearance”

Your secret clearance doesn’t mean **** all to us. You think we’re going to take you up on a tactical sortie? You think we’re going to let you sit in on classified briefings? You think we’re going to hang out and talk tactics with you? YGBFSM.

“and Physiological Training Card”

Your physiological training card doesn’t mean **** all to us. Remember all those hard working maintainers I mentioned earlier? Not one of them has a physiological training card - don’t try to impress us with that crap.

“and can coordinate any AOC approval”

Last time I checked, the AOC didn’t run the flying schedule of the 4th FW or coordination of our incentive flights. Apparently you’re not familiar with chain of command and proper channels. Let me tell you what this does NOT consist of; it does NOT consist of going VFR direct to the 333rd Fighter Squadron scheduling shop and bothering our hard working schedulers. This consists of you talking to your commander, your commander talking to our commander, somebody in between giving the approval, and then in the middle of your pipe dream you will be denied your flight.

“My presence does not impose any limitations on the mission; I’m just along for the ride.”

You couldn’t be more wrong. What exactly is it you think we do here? Do you know anything about the F-15E? Do you know anything about Seymour Johnson? Do you know anything about the 333rd? Since it would seem the answer to all of the above is a blatant ‘No’, I’ll clue you in. In the F-15E, while we do have two seats, the second seat is not an empty seat that only gets occupied when goobs like yourself call up looking for a ride. It’s a seat for qualified aircrew – we call them Weapon System Officers. He is an essential part of our mission and we don’t give him the boot for guys who are looking to bum a ride. Also, the 333rd is a Formal Training Unit. That means that we train young pilots and WSOs, so to give you a ride, we would either have to boot a student WSO in aforementioned formal course, or an instructor WSO trying to teach said student WSO. Get the picture?

“Any further guidance or authorization you can provide on this matter is much appreciated.”

…and I’m spent - Hopefully this will serve as all the guidance you need. Gents, if there is something I have left out of this mentoring session with young cadet third class citizen S******* the (H)IV, please feel free to chime in.

Maj C*** T****
Chief of Stan/Eval, 333rd FS
DSN ***-****/****

[Talking Radalt]

From where I'm sat, Maj C**** T**** is the bigger idiot. If it is genuine, in decribing the Major's response to a question that virtually every flying unit has to answer nearly every day, the word "Unprofessional" doesn't even come close. Surely a simple "We are unable to help" letter would've sufficed. They're obvioiusly not that busy if twats like T****** have got time to waste ripping in to naive but well-intentioned cadet types.
If on the other hand it's a spoof (and I suspect very strongly that it is), then yeah, hilarious, in an "Americans would never be like that for real, would they?" kinda way. :hmm:

[Ewan Whosearmy]

It's real.

Sadly, BH has failed to include the first part of the email from the squadron's schedueler, so although your view of the response might not change, you should at least understand the full context.

Very succinctly, the cadet in question had been emailing and telephoning the squadron's schedule shop and would not take no for an answer. When it all became too much to stay 'nice' about, this email was sent. There is an accepted way of cadging rides as a cadet, and this guy was bypassing standard protocol (which is cool by me: if you ain't cheating, you ain't trying).

Secondly, this squadron is not operational but is instead an FTU (OCU to us Brits) who are already backlogged with studes waiting to go to the Strike Eagle.

Make of it what you will, but I didn't think it was a big deal for a grissly fighter pilot to chew-out an annoying cadet.

The latest update to the story is that the Wing commander learned of the email, distanced himself from it, and then invited to cadet to fly in the back of the jet.

[brickhistory]

The cadet is in his second year at the Academy. He should be aware of a chain of command by now, so I don't think the major was out of line.

ewan, you are correct, I did leave out Lt. N****'s note regarding repeated efforts by the cadet, but for the sake of brevity, not malice. I will edit the original to add context.

[Mr-AEO]

Right or wrong you've got to admit, it was a bloody good rant!!!:D

I'm disappointed that he didn't say , "What's you major malfunction Private Pile!?" aka FMJ.

"Sweet mother of pearl, i nearly threw up in my mouth a little":D

[BEagle]

"Dear Maj C*** T****,

Perhaps I should have added that my friends think that my 35C boobs look great in a flight suit.

Would that help, you ranting prick?"

[Tombstone]

I wouldn't go as far as calling the Major a prick as I've seen far worse examples of ranting and raving on this forum!! The Major does come over as a little over the top however, what else would you expect from an Eagle driver?;)

From a personal point of view, it made me giggle whilst trying to picture the cadet's face as he read the reply :{ , priceless.

Merry Christmas! :ok:

[MajorMadMax]

I know Maj "T", he's a good dude but he did make a fatal error in sending an email response which is considered "official correspondence" in the USAF.

I also know the aftermath of this email exchange. It isn't pretty, and if anything I appreciate the sanitization of the names although this has already made the rounds intact.

If anyone is interested in the outcome, all I have to say is that the 4 FW/CC is an '86 USAFA grad, so you can easily guess who came out on top! :rolleyes:

Cheers! M2

[Talking Radalt]

Very succinctly, the cadet in question had been emailing and telephoning the squadron's schedule shop and would not take no for an answer. When it all became too much to stay 'nice' about, this email was sent

Fair enough then. :ok:

[brickhistory]

"Dear Maj C*** T****,
Perhaps I should have added that my friends think that my 35C boobs look great in a flight suit.
Would that help, you ranting prick?"

One wonders that if the thread starter had Cranwell, an F3 squadron, and a squadron leader instead of USAFA, F-15E, and a major how the effervescent BEagle would have responded?

[Talking Radalt]

Pretty much the same I reckon. 35C boobs are a fairly universal currency. :ok:

[brickhistory]

Pretty much the same I reckon. 35C boobs are a fairly universal currency. :ok:


:ok:









obligatory spaces

[Ewan Whosearmy]

One wonders that if the thread starter had Cranwell, an F3 squadron, and a squadron leader instead of USAFA, F-15E, and a major how the effervescent BEagle would have responded?

Beagle is a tool of the greatest kind. Never one to pass on bashing a yank, either.

The difference between Major CT and Beagle is that CT would have said the same to the USAFA Cadet's face, whereas Beagle would probably not.

I also know both the Major concerned and the AFA Wing commander who 'undid' the 'damage' resulting from this email. I think they're both good ****s.

[BEagle]

I should have remembered that certain people are immune to satire....

"Dear (insert name of squadron),

Can I come flying in your aeroplanes? I'm dead keen and would present no difficulties. I've even seen a (insert type of aeroplane) at an airshow and think they're ever so cool.

I'd really appreciate a chance to do this - I do hope you can help. By the way, my friends think that my 35C boobs look nice under a flight suit - would that help my chances of flying with you?

Regards,

Cadet Norma Snockers"

35C is the surest way to secure a jump seat/back seat ride! Or used to be - no matter which air force!

[West Coast]

When thinly veiled sarcasm falls flat, its chalked up to an inability to appreciate satire.

Ok, got it.

[L J R]

Did our Cadet actually get his ride??? ...after said fall out.

[Always_broken_in_wilts]

"One wonders that if the thread starter had Cranwell, an F3 squadron, and a squadron leader instead of USAFA, F-15E, and a major how the effervescent BEagle would have responded?"

Probably in a very similar manner as the cadet in question whilst undoubtedly naive or ill informed or even down right rude was never the less well intentioned and therefore deserving of a slightly more mature and mentoring response................i would suggest.

Beag's,

Just a thought but have you tried typing in capitals............maybe then they might get it:rolleyes:

all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced

[Ewan Whosearmy]

Did our Cadet actually get his ride??? ...after said fall out.

He's due to get it sometime over the Christmas period. The Wing CC invited him to visit Shady J somewhere between 20 Dec and 5 Jan, IIRC.

[Always_broken_in_wilts]

Bloody well done that man:D :D :D

all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced

[BEagle]

Hear, hear - I hope he enjoys his ride, lucky blighter!

We should have bought F-15Es years ago rather than the Tornado GR4!

The F-15 series is, IMHO, undoubtedly the finest jet of all time.

























Even if it is American.....:p

[MajorMadMax]

He's due to get it sometime over the Christmas period. The Wing CC invited him to visit Shady J somewhere between 20 Dec and 5 Jan, IIRC.
That is correct, but one wonders if he will show. Considering the "recognition" it will get him, it may be better to pass on it rather than solidify a reputation (:{) that will follow him for the rest of his AF career.
And now the 333 FS can look forward to requests from every USAFA, AFROTC, and Junior ROTC cadet with a desire to go for a carnival ride in the back of a Strike Eagle! Nice precedence, I thank God I am not a scheduler in that squadron. They will have to have a casual just to answer all the email, phone and mail requests they get. Who next, the Boy Scouts?
Cheers! M2

[Always_broken_in_wilts]

MMM.................don't suppose you have a good contact No for the 333.....perchance:E

all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced

[Jobza Guddun]

Can I just ask, as one who'll always be in a queue for a pax trip, what exactly this fella would have done in his 20 minutes in the Air Force, to deserve said jolly? :confused:

Surely the old "get-some-time-in" rule applies?

I admire his gall but I do empathise with the Major!

Regards all
Jobza