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4 in formation
16th Dec 2006, 14:20
Santa’s Fright
Twas the night before Xmas
and all through the Clyde
No ships were a moving
All tied alongside
The leccies and deckies
Were putting up lights
The captain and first mate
Seeing the sights
The pressure was falling
Down through the floor
The wind increasing
A tug at the door
Twas that night before Xmas
If you didn’t know
Twas that night before Xmas
When it started to snow
The captain and first mate
Made their way back
An erratic course
Like a yacht trying to tack
Fish supper in one hand
Irn Bru in the other
They slipped and they slid
To cries of Oh Mother
The first mate fell down
And whilst on his back
Caught a glimpse of something
Through the snow and the black
He cried out to the captain
Look see yon Reindeer
It must be Santa
Bringing some cheer
The captain looked startled
And quietly hissed
Its snow dear not rain dear
You must be well nissed
But reindeer it was
Downwind for the city
With a break in the cloud
Even Greenock looked pretty
The sleigh was the latest
In stealth design
Red overall it cruised at Mach 9
If you get close you will see on the side
Shumaker 2 a name worn with pride
All over the world the sleigh fleet flew
Each with its own dedicated crew
of elves gnomes and helpers working all night
Invisible to everyone working faster than light
Santa was having a marvellous time
With the fastest sleigh in the sky
Liverpool,Blackpool just a blur
As Shumaker 2 flashed by
Descend low level was the flight plan that night
giving villages plenty of room
you couldnt imagine the grief you would get
hitting Troon with a sonic BOOM BOOM
in the back the crew worked with night vision
dropping presents with stunning precision
their methods still classified
they were very satisfied
it was going to be a first class mission
Crossing abeam Girvan at zero feet
course correcting.... a touch of reheat
Hard turn at Ailsa coast in sight
the lights of Ayr twinkling bright
seconds later overland
Twas that night before Xmas
When fate took a hand
Troon was behind it
No time to see
The fat escaped turkey
Hiding up in a tree
Loud thud
oh dear said Santa or words to effect
the gnomes in the crew were less select
expletives and comments much much worse
totally unsuitable for use in this verse
Mayday Mayday MAyday Santa gave a yell
birdstrike ..engine out..avoiding now Goat Fell
engine well feathered
Pulling up hard
Speed coming back
grab emergency card
Says Prestwick 8 Cats
should read Prestwick CAT 8
ooh err says Santa we are going to be late
think of the comments all the derision
to think i departed in north pole position
with speed and height safely in hand
he circled the city preparing to land
the sleigh glowed red as it slowed
whilst the crew worked hard
to shed the load
ATC said
whats your present position
three tonnes and falling
met even more derision
As for the turkey that was
hiding in the tree
Last seen in a garden
roasted to a tee (note 2sec aftertburner=gass mark 400}
with presents now gone
they had to get down quick
relight didnae work and
they glided like a brick
straight ahead was Prestwick
The airport was silent and dark
the last plane was hours ago
and snow had left its mark
as luck would have it in the tower
the watch manager was alert
engrossed in conversation with a customer called Bert
their topics were free ranging
then when staring at at the snow
he saw a glow approaching
what it was he didnt know
He switched all the lights on
Pure dead brilliant so they were
and watched a sleigh arriving
like a high performance car
Santa sat dejected
but he didnt have to fear
as out of the falling snow
arrived the van from Greer
The specialist handlers took it
all in their stride
ViPS or reindeer they serviced all with pride
repaired refuelled fed hot mince pies
Santa was soon airborne under leaden skies
Santa was back on schedule soon
for an air to air replenishment
round the back of the moon
no one involved would forget that night
Twas the night before Christmas
Santas big fright
END