View Full Version : Benny needs a new airplane!

15th Dec 2006, 04:18

I reckon he'll have it by Christmas!

God Bless America!

15th Dec 2006, 04:27
looks like he's already got it, thanks to the lord God almighty and His band of wealthy followers....:rolleyes: ...just looking for the $6mill second payment.....:E

15th Dec 2006, 04:49
I will never forget wandering upon a religious pair on cable TV showing off their shiny new twin-engine aircraft - the woman exclaimed - 'look what Jesus gave us'. That couple was Jim and Tammy Baker in the mid 1980s.

I know of a couple of neighbours who left their evangelical church when after years of dutifully donating 10 percent of their income , they attended a special service where the pastor was given a new (5 series no less!) BMW and a Rolex to go with it from the church funds. PT Barnum had it right.

Loose rivets
15th Dec 2006, 07:19
For months I thought that the program guide had misspelled Benny Hill.

Just who would be daft enough to pay this clown money for his toys?

15th Dec 2006, 07:37
Just who would be daft enough to pay this clown money for his toys?

Anybody daft enough to believe in organised religion!

Just look at the gold and jewels that bedeck both the clergy and the buildings of the Catholic church, Where do you think the money came from for those?

And if religion can inspire it's followers to strap explosives to themselves in order to kill innocent people on the promise of
spending eternity with 70 virgins, then getting them to cough up for an executive jet should be a piece of cake!!

15th Dec 2006, 07:58
Just who would be daft enough to pay this clown money for his toys?

The same people who went to look for WMD. Your social standing and often ability to work is often determined by your Sunday activities or persuasion.

Chimbu chuckles
15th Dec 2006, 08:02
Your seed of $1,000 or more toward Dove One will reap a harvest for years. The G4SP is built to fly for decades. Imagine the harvest during all those years, and you will be a vital part of that long-term harvest!

Harvest is exactly right...I would suggest the fields at home have been over farmed and need to lay fallow for a few years before they will again produce as they have in the past.

I wonder if his writers giggle almost uncontrollably as they meld the double entendres with the biblical quotes. The man is just a media pick pocket.

Clarence Oveur
15th Dec 2006, 09:02
Here I was thinking that harvesting of souls was the monopoly of The Grim Reaper. Perhaps Benny saw a business opportunity in an underdeveloped market with few competitors.

Howard Hughes
15th Dec 2006, 09:52
It seems I am the only one in the world without a Gulfstream...:sad:

15th Dec 2006, 13:54
We used to get Morris Cerullo pitching up in Lagos with his Challenger (I think it was) and then going on to Warri Airstrip (800 metres long and 18 metres wide, or was it the other way around?) in a chartered Twin Otter.

I was there one day looking across at the gathering of the gullible, banner draped across the low fence between the ramp and the parking lot, ready to greet their man, when my co-pilot, a believer, asked if this didn't get my faith glands working.

I just told him that if Morris wanted to impress me then he should make it in and out of Warri in his Challenger. That would do it for me; just one little, tiny miracle was all I wanted to see! Otherwise, I just thought he was out in Nigeria to take money off poor people who could ill afford it, the weasel.

We had a German God-botherer who never made it past Kano Airport before the place erupted. Something about Islam not liking people who claim to be able to work miracles when that was the Reverend's stock in trade. He had to get the next flight out of there while the city burned.

One of the last ones came away disappointed when the takings didn't cover the expenses from his 'crusade.' He was pretty short with his local staff over that one, we were told.

Um... lifting...
15th Dec 2006, 14:56
Charlatans, the lot.
Call me silly, but here's a thought... let's say you take my $1000, buy however much of a decent water-drilling rig or tractor or what-have-you that will buy along with the same amount from some other good folk so as to be able to plow X number of fields or drill X wells or whatever the need is.
Write a nice letter to DHL or FedEx and the passenger airline of your choice. Watch those successful businesses palletize and load up your gear and tuck you safely aboard and fly all safe as houses to its target area... gratis. Then, once you give the unwashed masses the means to wash and improve their lot, THEN preach your words, by all means.
But your G4... well, call me a cynic.
Chuks, had never even heard of Morris Cerullo until I read your post, so I thought I'd google him... you seem to be behind the times... he apparently has stepped up to a Gulfstream (the Lord Giveth, apparently... perhaps the Lord will also Taketh Away) which according to a former hostie is largely plated with gold inside... doubtless as protection from cosmic rays on the worldwide ministry. Warri... still about the same.

Eff Oh
15th Dec 2006, 15:33
Cerullo purports to have first met God at the age of eight. Since then, his life has apparently been one unbelievable experience after another," says Lundy. "He says he was led out of a Jewish orphanage by two angelic beings; transported to heaven for a face- to-face meeting with God; has the ability to predict the future; can heal the sick; and has told audiences when they look at him they `are looking at God.' He also asks them to `give me your pocket books.' " :hmm:

As Billy Connolly would say..." You go to any mental asylum in the world and tell them that god talks to you. They won't even let you home for your pajamas!!!" :ok:
Rock on Billy. :ok: :ok:

Other contributors previously provided the following information or view point of the ministry of Morris Cerullo;

The BBC documentary programme 'Everyman' showed that at least one death resulted from this appearance when a woman who had been told she had been cured of epilepsy stopped taking her tablets and died following a seizure in her bath.

BTW It's also illegal to claim you can heal people!

15th Dec 2006, 16:00
Well, it seems the smart way to bet when you see what these evangelists get up to!

Nigeria has seen explosive growth in so-called 'miracle churches.' There are two a short distance out of Lagos that stand out from the air like a dog's wotsits. Each one has space for something like ten thousand believers. When they are open for business you can see the cars backed up on the expressway for some distance holding people waiting to get in to be fleeced... sorry, saved.

There was a high-profile case when the cashier of the Ikeja Sheraton got religion bad and donated richly to his miracle church. Only trouble was, he got a bit mixed up between his money and his employer's. He had to go away for a while for that but when the hotel asked the Rev for what they foolishly took to be 'their' money back (one high-profile donation from the godly perp had bought him a nice, new generator set) they were sent away with a flea in their ear. The Rev saw no connection between the thefts from the hotel and the donations to his church from the thief.

When I was just a disaffected youth we used to laugh at the audible antics of Reverend Ike, a black preacher in the Philadelphia area who peddled his 'miracle prayer cloths' and preached the virtues of wealth to his poor, black radio parishioners. He made it very clear that he was rich and had little use for poor people, as if Jesus had just got it wrong there.

Of course just a bit later on, in the late Sixties and early Seventies, many of my highly-educated friends and neighbours fell victim to such as Sri Chin Moy and that little butterball of a One Perfect Master whose name escapes me. Their wheeze was that you had to bring, I think it was, a clean white handkerchief, a piece of fresh fruit and (wait for it!) $50 to be admitted to the Presence.

I once had the luck to go to a free introductory session with Sri Chin Moy, when he tinkled the ivories a bit and then invited questions.

I asked him, since he had just played a piece by Beethoven there, who was a notoriously tortured and unhappy soul, how he squared that with his message of universal bliss, bliss, bliss.

He skated over that question of mine like an air-suspension Greyhound at full chat over a dead possum on Highway 61, not even a ripple disturbing his waves of cosmic bliss. 'Ohhh, Suuupreeeme....' and I don't think he meant either Diana Ross, Flo Ballard or Mary Wilson.

I looked around at the rapt faces of those space cadets-to-be and made my exit. Some of them are probably still sat there.

The girl who invited me called me up later, realised she had the wrong number (I can vouch for that!) but then called again, ten minutes later, still with the wrong number. You know, I suspect that young lady was on DRUGS!

Later I knew a guy who was definitely on drugs. He used to say, apropos of nothing, 'I used to be all f*cked up on drugs. Now I'm all f*cked up on Jesus.' He had a point there. I try to avoid both. Well, except for Doxycycline now and then. It's those moonworms you see; they don't want to hurt me, they just want to live in my head.

15th Dec 2006, 16:02
I note the aircraft is called 'Dove One'

No doubt the next one will be called 'Pull the Other One' ;)

Um... lifting...
15th Dec 2006, 16:29
I note the aircraft is called 'Dove One'

No doubt the next one will be called 'Pull the Other One' ;)

Oh, ye of little faith... Ah, but the scales must fall from your eyes, Earthmover. If you reread, you will find that you are exhorted to be a "partner" in this blessed undertaking. Let's see... let me do some math here, 6000 partners at $1000 each for the down payment... let's say the aircraft has a very conservative life of 20000 hours, that's about 3-1/3 hours per partner share of $1000 (I assume the rest of the cash will come from the "to be saved", who aren't actually, you know... "partners").

"Now we must pay the remainder of the down payment, and I am asking the Lord Jesus to speak to 6,000 of my precious partners to sow a seed of $1,000 in the next ninety days. And I am praying, even as I write this letter, that you will be one of them!"

Based on this, why don't I pay oh, $6000... and since we're "partners" and all... I take myself and oh, 10 of my closest buds and we all head off to spread the word in oh... Maui, say, picking up people around the US on the way using those few extra hours. Chuks, you in for a seat or two? $600 apiece, $550 if you self-cater, $450 flat if you bring enough for all of us.
Mid-February work for you? I need to block out the time wiki-wiki while it's still available. I'm counting on you to speak at a revival... so get cracking.

Is a dyslexic agnostic someone who doesn't know whether or not he believes in dog?

15th Dec 2006, 18:14
Screw the $6 000! Jesus has called ME to do the Gulfstream type-rating initial course with FlightSafety International, Savannah, Georgia, USA. Praise Jesus!

Come all ye faithful! Tis the season to be gullible. Yessiree, Bob! Gimme my
$25 000 and I shall be off like a rat up the proverbial drain pipe to do my type-rating and the Lord's work, in that order. As in, the type-rating right away and the Lord's work when I can get around to that.

I take cash and credit cards only. No checks. Sorry, Danny; is this prohibited advertising? No, just missionary work! Hallejujah!

Come on down folks! Let me hear that first envelope hit the table! I can make the blind to see, the lame to walk, the deef and the dumb to hear and talk. (Copyright Richard Penniman, a/k/a 'Little Richard,' used without permission. Oops!)

Um... lifting...
15th Dec 2006, 18:32
Jesus has called ME to do the Gulfstream type-rating initial course with FlightSafety International, Savannah, Georgia, USA. Praise Jesus!

Ah, but was it a face-to-face meeting... a la Morris...? Captain Chuks... while having God as your copilot is all very well, you'll need someone in the other seat... better bring me along. I'm free most of January... make that $50K.

16th Dec 2006, 09:54
your name didn't come up in the conversation.

It was just one of those things, when that still, small voice broke into the quotidian humdrum with an invitation to Savannah for just me.

If you want to come along, very well then but find your own batch of suckers to finance that; I got here first! (As you may have noticed, we God-bothering types are not big on sharing, actually. I hope you do not have a big problem with that. If you do, don't bother me; talk to Jesus because He set this deal up.)

I tell you what, though. If this deal works out as hoped then I will let you, for just $1 000 or so, become a 'Type-rating Prayer Partner.' For your money you shall get a very handsome, hand-crafted Xerox replica of my FAA ATP licence showing 'Gulfstream V' on line XII with (insert your name HERE) inked in next to that, suitable for framing. I shall stop to pray for you every time my butt nestles into that sheepskin seat covering on the GV and that's a promise.

For $5 000 you can become a 'Checklist Prayer Partner,' when your name shall be inserted in the aircraft's Pre-flight Checklist, right after 'Remove Chocks.' That, too, shall trigger a brief spell of prayer and again a handsome copy of same shall be sent to you for framing and display showing you as one of the Godly.

For those of you on a tight budget we have other options. At the bottom end of the scale we have the 'J-3 Prayer Partner,' $50 for an hour in a J-3 Cub for me and 30 seconds of prayer for you. At the top we have the 'Weekend in the ISS' for $30 million, when the entire time in orbit not spent barfing shall be spent praying for your personal salvation, nearer my God to Thee.

Um... lifting...
16th Dec 2006, 10:02
Well, you can't say fairer than that! Where do we sign!:D

16th Dec 2006, 10:12
Is a dyslexic agnostic someone who doesn't know whether or not he believes in dog?

yep, and since he was an insomniac, he sat up all night wondering about it! :8

16th Dec 2006, 10:47
Who was it who said: "Thank God I`m an atheist"

Wish it was me.