View Full Version : Alternative Christmas songs

pasty boy
12th Dec 2006, 15:46
HI Guys
Trying to compile a Christmas album of alternative songs (ie the standard songs with funny lyrics:E ) anbybody got any good links.
Thanks in advance, and a very merry christmas to you all PB:)

12th Dec 2006, 15:51
No links or anything that fits your request (aka wasting your time) but I always enjoyed the playground bastardization of We Three Kings...

"We three kings of Orient are,
One in a bus and one in a car,
One on a scooter blowing his hooter,
Travelling yonder far.

Oh, star of wonder, star of light,
He sat on a box of dynamite,
Westward leading still proceeding,
And it blew him out of sight."

Was funny when you were seven years old.

12th Dec 2006, 15:53
Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labour conditions at the North Pole,
were alleged by the union, to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety,
released to the wilds, by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear,
that Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his beautiful sleigh,
because the ruts were deemed dangerous by the EPA,
And millions of people were calling the Cops,
when they heard sled noises upon their roof tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe, had his workers quite frightened,
and his fur trimmed red suit was called "unenlightened".

To show you the strangeness of today's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose.
He went to Geraldo, in front of the Nation,
demanding millions in over-due workers compensation.

So...half of the reindeer were gone, and his wife
who suddenly said she'd had enough of this life,
joined a self help group, packed and left in a whiz,
demanding from now on that her title was Ms.

And as for gifts...why, he'd never had the notion
that making a choice could cause such commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur...
Which meant nothing for him or nothing for her.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot,
Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls and nothing for just boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific,
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish upon the truth.
And fairy tales...while not yet forbidden,
were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden,
for they raised the hackles of those psychological,
who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone might get hurt,
besides - playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passe.
and Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, dishevelled and perplexed,
he just couldn't figure out what to do next?
He tried to be merry he tried to be gay,
but you must have to be careful with that word today
His sack was quite empty, it was flat on the ground,
nothing fully acceptable was anywhere to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might,
give to us all, without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy - with no indecision,
each group of people in every religion.
Every race, every hue,
everyone, everywhere...even you!
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...


12th Dec 2006, 15:54
I don't know if there any good but heres a link:


cessna l plate
12th Dec 2006, 15:54
Try an internet search for "Bob Varley" There appears to be some gems in his collection of Christmas songs, including such melodic delights as "frosty the pervert"

12th Dec 2006, 15:56
HI Guys
Trying to compile a Christmas album of alternative songs (ie the standard songs with funny lyrics:E ) anbybody got any good links.
Thanks in advance, and a very merry christmas to you all PB:)
If you use bit torrent look for Twisted Christmas Tunes, would email it but its 165Mb. These are by Bob Rivers.


Windy Militant
12th Dec 2006, 16:36
I think it's time to dig out my Accelerators CD it includes their magnum opus

"Christmas is a Pain in the Arse"

:} :D :ok:

12th Dec 2006, 21:27
Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear

(to be sung to "Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland")

Lacy things -- the wife is missin',
Didn't ask -- her permission,
I'm wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

In the store -- there's a teddy,
Little straps -- like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

In the office there's a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He'll say, "Are you ready?" I'll say,"Whoa, Man!"
"Let's wait until our wives are out of town!"

Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress -- like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!

Lacy things... missin',
Didn't ask... permission,
Wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!

12th Dec 2006, 21:39
http://www.kevinbloodywilson.com/site/animations/xmas.htm :E

12th Dec 2006, 22:10
Heart 106.2s breakfast show (Jamie Theakston and Harriet Scott) had 'The 12 Daves of Christmas' on this morning..... Twelve men named, you guessed it, Dave phoned in from various boroughs of London and surrounds, each singing a line. Quite funny the first time round.

Hat, coat....

12th Dec 2006, 22:24
Pretty sure Chuuby Brown did a skit on the 12 days of Christmas...not really one for the kids though!:ok: