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modtinbasher
7th Dec 2006, 14:58
Received from a friend in Canada, thought it worth a post!


:::: BORED AT WAL-MART/TESCO'S OR WHEREVER::::
Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired, and Mrs. Fenton insists her husband go with her to Wal-Mart/Tesco, whatever. He gets so bored with all the shopping trips. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton gets this letter from Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Since May, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below.

Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in Wal-Mart:

1.May 1: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2.May 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3.June 7 : Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies rest rooms.

4.June 10: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares..and watched what happened.

5.July 2: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway. (put by, for Brits)

6.July 7: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7.July15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8.August 2: When a clerk/assistant asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9.August 7: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10.August 12: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11.Augus 22: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible " theme.

12.September 1: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. September 5: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14.October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

And last, but not least.
15.December 2: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

V. Funny I thought

Grainger
7th Dec 2006, 15:08
http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?t=246766

modtinbasher
7th Dec 2006, 15:22
http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?t=246766


OK, sorry Grainger Sir, I stand corrected! But I hope folks still laugh!

bar fly
7th Dec 2006, 15:42
Well I hadn't seen the original posting and thought it was funny so thanks! :ok:

MarcJF
7th Dec 2006, 18:27
I'd not seen it either, so well done. Wonder if any PPRuNers have their own story.....

The Nr Fairy
8th Dec 2006, 10:16
Mr and Mrs Fairy, pre Fairy junior days, mid-afternoon, slightly tiddled on a week day out in London after a beer or two at lunchtime.
Walking through a Tesco's Express shopping for tea, I turn to my wife and ask "Where's the Philadelphia Cream Cheese ?"
"Why ?" asks she - it's not unknown to buy it but rare, all the same.
"I want to spread it all over you then lick it off" says I. Then Mrs bursts into laughter at the expression of the lady who'd been walking behind me at the time !

miikey
8th Dec 2006, 10:49
14.October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

And last, but not least.
15.December 2: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"



:D wow,,ive only been online 15 min and this has just made my day,,lol. funny stuff

Spinflight
8th Dec 2006, 10:53
Visiting friends in Peterborough, walking around Tesco's getting some supplies. Mate's gf goes to the pharmacy counter for something or other.

"Do you have any extra strong Viagra?" Asks I.

"Erm.... I'll have to ask my manager"

30 seconds of mate's gf trying to decide whether to be amused, embarrassed, feel sorry for the poor girl or scarper without bothering to pick up her tablets.

"I think the customer knows we don't stock it." Is the rather belated response.

You can get away with these things if you wear a loud enough shirt. :)