View Full Version : Happy slapping

1st Dec 2006, 20:36
Well it look's like I've been happy slapped.
This is about five days ago.
A collection of youths and girls were hanging round at the bottom of the road.
A girl, aged about sixteen, can I shake your hand, and take a picture (on her phone). Er right, clic, walk on.
A motorist stops and asks am I all right. I am covered in blood and lying next to the road. A lot of blood. It's in my shirt.
'Ah, I only live up the hill, I'm fine.'
Tonight, walking down the road again, a guy came out from his house and said 'one of those wee [email protected] came up to you and hit you on the back of the head with a beer bottle. But you got up and walked home, you looked alright. They were taking pictures on their phones.'
This is in the middle of nowhere.
I'd thought I'd tripped.
I've had to throw out a pillow, blood, a Ben Sherman shirt, blood, a hankie, blood, and wash everything else.
I'm gonna track them down
My head still hurts.

1st Dec 2006, 20:42
I thought this was gonna be a joke mate! Blimey, glad you're okay. If any little blighters happy slap me they'd better put my ass on the deck cuz I'll marmalise the sorry bastrads. What is the world coming to?! Foss gets happy slapped and Heather Mills is in the papers claiming a spliffed up Macca went for her with a wine glass but missed. There's no justice is there?


1st Dec 2006, 21:00
No offense mate, but in your part of the world I'd tread carefully before going to "track them down".

Black Bush should cure the head and Santa might see fit to replace your shirt, but having a bunch a ba$tard teens, (And no doubt equally sub-human parents), on your case for x-number of months night not be such a good reward for your efforts. (Especially as the PSNI would probably be as likely to do you as them if you did have a 'wee chat' with your man with the bottle).

Frustrating as it is, you may well discover that to act in haste would indeed lead to your repenting at leisure. Recon you'd be best letting it go, hard as it is to do.

Sadly VFE is right, there is no justice.

All the best! :ok:

1st Dec 2006, 21:38
I'm speechless Foss. Dang glad you're okay. (Where's idiot when ya need him.)

I'm gonna track them down

By god if I lived near you I would help. This is not a 'one time' occurrence, trust me. These little punks and punkettes have done this before and will be doing it again. Sooner of later they will kill someone. Best thing to do (not the thing I would like to do to them, mind you) is to find them and video-tape them in the act and turn the video over to the police and the media.

I you start having headaches or vision problems get to a hospital ASAP.

1st Dec 2006, 22:12
Perhaps have an ambush, umm, excuse me, lesson of your own delivered.
Find out where these little bastards gather, get a group of friends who are of a like mind, set up a nice, clandestine perimeter, have somebody with a video camera.

Send in a sacrificial 'lamb,' except he'll be expecting it so hopefully, can react in time. Make sure you record the attempted assualt. As the little bastards try to leave, your perimeter moves in and detains everyone until your cops arrive. If no cops, make sure the little bastards don't have a camera and, just perhaps, deliver a little old-fashioned 'values' training.

Just a thought...........

I hope you recover speedily.

1st Dec 2006, 22:15
If what you relate is the truth, then you MUST inform the Police, if ONLY for their intelligence. There WILL be other victims, and maybe they can stop it . . .

Why didn't they pick on someone their own size?
On the other hand:- http://icnewcastle.icnetwork.co.uk/chroniclelive/eveningchronicle/tm_headline=beaten-for-kicks%26method=full%26objectid=18192798%26siteid=50081-name_page.html

PS, did you FEEL happy afterwards?

1st Dec 2006, 22:18
Did you report it? You should. Maybe there are security cameras near by that could have captured the culprits.

I had a similar thing happen to me a few years ago. Big crowd of rowdy, drunk guys. I seen them approaching and knew straight away I was in for something. Suddenly, from behind (the other half of 'em that I didn't see) ... *SMACK* ... with a fist/bottle/something hard, right on the side of my face towards the top of the jaw. Down I went. I was seriously injured, very badly swollen the next day and badly concussed. Couldn't walk afterwards and couldn't eat or sleep properly for 2 days. :sad:

One of the main reasons I started taking Ju Jitsu lessons! It's not happening again, that's for sure :=

Whereabouts in NI was this?

Hope you are OK now, be safe!

1st Dec 2006, 22:20
Well, if I'd been pissed, then it would been my own fault. But I was only walking along the shore having a cigar.
Previously I've talked about injuring yourself doing sport, and it doesn't hurt, well not too much.
I didn't have a clue where I was. I put my hand to my head and the entire, all of it, palm, fingers, wrist, was black with blood. It really hurt quite a lot.
Right. Get back to the house.
Collapse. Then the friendly guy in the 4by4 stops.
Right, we'll try that again. Get back to the house. This is a major effort.
I'm also feeling for any depressions in my old head.
Get to the house, 'my darling I have knocked my head, get my blue rucksack.'
This is where the heavy duty medical kit is.
Got through two field dressings and about five gauze dressings. Like, how much blood does your head have. Well quite a frigging lot it turns out.
Thank you God for that design flaw.
These are rich kids by the way, living in very expensive homes.
I was only joking about tracking them down. Sort of.

1st Dec 2006, 22:22
Sorry to hear about this Foss, maybe you can get your gamekeeper mate from the pub to help you sort it out....

1st Dec 2006, 22:33
My God! He IS serious and telling the truth.

Of course I wish you a full and swift recovery, but it sounds as though the assault was severe enough that it could have KILLED somebody (for example if you'd struck your head 'wrongly' when you fell).
Was there any attempt at robbery?

Here in the UK there's been a report published that 'muggers' are getting a high from victims who fight back, and are disappointed when acquiescence occurs.
Words (here) cannot express my thoughts about this type of behaviour.

1st Dec 2006, 22:33
These are rich kids by the way, living in very expensive homes.
I was only joking about tracking them down. Sort of.

Okay, so track them down and sue the crap out of their parents:ok: . Bottom line is, don't let these little arseholes get away with what they did to you.

1st Dec 2006, 23:12
That is not good Foss. I wouldn't let them get away with it. I'm sure you know what to do.

1st Dec 2006, 23:13
What sympathy do I get from darling beloved, 'Don't pick your head it's horrible.'
Put three fingers together and put them them high above your left ear, that's the hole/scrape/scar.
Nothing was stolen, and I've had head injuries before so I knew it was pretty bad, dizzy and that kind of stuff, if everything goes yellow (vision wise) that's really bad. Eating grass is a bit worse because then you've fallen down.
But it's actually nice and moist for a lie down, well for a second or two.
But you can't use your phone, because your hands are covered in blood and the buttons don't work, your fingers slip off.
'I don't want to get blood in my jeans, phone's in my pocket, it's not far, right up, go.'
Darling dearest : 'What have you done to yourself, you're covered in blood.'
'I'm aware of that.'

1st Dec 2006, 23:48
I'd thought I'd tripped.
I've had to throw out a pillow, blood, a Ben Sherman shirt, blood, a hankie, blood, and wash everything else.
I'm gonna track them down
My head still hurts.

there 'aint nothing happy about your "slapping."

Sounds like assault to me.

1st Dec 2006, 23:56
Foss - it doesn't just happen in Ulster and it ain't just a modern thing either.

Over twenty years ago at a function in the midst of a very, very, well to do estate we had to remove a car full of doped up Hooray Henries who were doing whacky races amongst our parked cars

One of the lads went onto the road a while later to make sure they had gone and wham - they got him from behind coming straight off one of said posh driveways

The local police knew exactly who it was and went to the local brickworks car park and lifted them.

It went to court and a civil claim for damages was awarded - and what has Martin seen since - zero - A decent lad bowled over and had his self confidence destroyed for life, just so's a gang of spoiled brats could get their kicks.

If you can do something to stop them turning over someone less intellectually and physically robust as yourself, turn them in - they deserve no less.

Awra best mate - let idiot look after you this time

1st Dec 2006, 23:58
Sorry to hear this Foss. I'm with brickhistory. Those asswipes should be taught a lesson that'll stay with them the rest of their lives. :yuk:

2nd Dec 2006, 00:07
That sounds horrible. Wee sh*tes.

Can you set the (infamous) dog on them when you find them?

2nd Dec 2006, 01:42
What's really annoying is I've spent years, like thirty years, playing rugby.
Years and years doing bloody karate, as well as years of kick boxing.
Then get whacked on the back of my head at the bottom of the road.
[massive sigh]
My head hurts. Maybe I'll get a cool scar.

Tricky Woo
2nd Dec 2006, 07:59
Skip the vigilante stuff... straight to plod for a wee chat. They'll show you photos of one or two of the gang you for sure have form. These are rich kids you say? Then they have a lot to lose.

Five words: police, parents, schools, universities, careers.

If plod pulls one in, then he or she'll shop the rest in a heartbeat rather than risk being the only one to lose the above.


tony draper
2nd Dec 2006, 10:01
Little point in that Mr Woo,our courts are a joke,they refuse to deal with adult criminals much less juveniles.
Get a few of your rugby mates together and some hand out some baseball bat justice,physical pain is all the scum understand.

2nd Dec 2006, 10:02
Whatever happened to organised knee-capping?

2nd Dec 2006, 10:05
poor Fos :( i hope youre feeling better soon,you really should set the dog on them,she would scare them off with her stupidity.seriously though,go and speak to the police,chances are yours wont be a single incident and it could be the same people who keep doing it.

2nd Dec 2006, 11:22
Yes, you must report it to plod, then when they have done nothing and the same thing happens again, and you beat the sh!t out of the little scrotes because you are on your guard, it will give you a better defence in court.

Best of luck.


2nd Dec 2006, 11:39
Get to a doctor Foss, and you MUST report it to the police.
Really sorry to hear what happened.

2nd Dec 2006, 14:09
I'd report it because if everyone did a pattern would emerge. Besides which if they get caught and plead out, you'll be on record before the fact and therefore have a better chance to sue sue sue!!!!

Dea Certe
2nd Dec 2006, 14:18

So sorry to hear about the attack and hope you are alright. Please do get checked out by the doc and get a copy of his notes. And do report it to the police. It might save someone else from being attacked in the same way.

Take care. Hope the Dearest Beloved is taking good care of you and that the Idiot shows some mercy by leaving your sweeties alone!


2nd Dec 2006, 14:23
Thanks for all the sympathy everyone, but as for arrest I have no idea what they look like.
The guy at the bottom of the road, who told me what happened told me what he seen. Apparently the person was wearing a white top. That's it.
Not much to go on.

The only good thing to come out of this the Good Samaritan who stopped and helped. I could have been a drunk or a drug addict for all he knew but he stopped and helped. I've no idea who he is either, he told me his name but I forgot.
So there are some nice people out there.
still hoping for a decent scar

Dea Certe
2nd Dec 2006, 14:33

It should be reported anyway. Could be the coppers have other reports and might have an idea who's doing this.

The lack of memory is a bit worrying. You really should see the doc. Maybe he help with the cool scar.


Suppers Ready
2nd Dec 2006, 14:44

Sorry to hear this. You should telll the cops.
If you decide to take matters into your own hands - let me know.
I have a collection of mad - and I mean mad - relatives who would like nothing more than to come over to your neck of the woods for the day for some hunting and dispensing of street justice to these slimy cowardly f%'"kers.


Loose rivets
2nd Dec 2006, 16:09
I know what you mean about the frustration of training for years and then getting defeated by some odd chance. I was remonstrating with some bloke who was hacking at my trees. I slid down a muddy bank landing up right between his legs. He sat on me while his shit-head father kicked me. Three nights a week judo and karate...such is life.

One important fact. The evidence will be in the camera.

All the best.

2nd Dec 2006, 17:37
Fos, This should help you to cheer up - Big time...!!


MSP Aviation
2nd Dec 2006, 18:07
i'm really sorry to hear about this, foss. hope you're alright.

the thing that makes me the most furious is thinking about these shits thirty or so years from now, sitting in the corner office, looking back on what they did and laughing about it. please do something. go to the police just so you have a legitimate excuse if you do something about it. if not, try to see that something else is done...

Lon More
2nd Dec 2006, 18:08
Craggenmore Been posted elsewhere in a slightly longer version. The two idiots actually came back for more, with the same result

2nd Dec 2006, 18:17
well, if Fos didn't see it first time around...

Lon, can you post the 'sequel' link because that guy had very quick hands and was a pleasure to watch. A real can of opened whoop-ass as they say!

2nd Dec 2006, 18:47
Beat the sh1t out of them the next time you see them. If anyone asks, it was in self-defence albeit it a slightly delayed reaction.

Go and report it, if nothing else it might help in the long run to fill the puzzle bit by bit.

2nd Dec 2006, 18:54
Fos that's terrible!

Get yourself to casulty, NOW. No waiting for Monday for the docs to open, get to casualty, they may have had others in after being attacked by the same gang.

Then get onto the rozzers and report it.

Third thing, feet up, relax and get better soon.

Big hug for you, poor thing.

2nd Dec 2006, 20:01
Funny bits
Walking through a garden center with my father this morning. Looking at shed things, why, I've no idea. There's a big bin of pickaxe handles. 'Dad I'm going to buy one of these things.'
My house and my dad's house has batons everywhere for security.
'Son, don't be silly, you can't walk around with a pickaxe handle, c'mon let's buy some woodstain.'

Tell the whole tale of woe to a close family friend who was a detective inspector. He is a big man, 6 foot five, 17 stone or close to that, and has got quite a few medals for gallantry (or madness) and has been blown up and shot at a few times. 'Right, I'll report this then we'll go down and fix them.'
This could lead to bloodshed, and possibly a fatality. He's probably armed.
'No, honestly, just report it.'

Went to a nurse who lives nearby, explaining my plight.
'That's a nasty cut.'
A nasty cut. Glad you went to nursing school. Then she poked her finger in the gash.
'Please don't do that, that really hurts.'
'Don't be a baby.'
So I'm a baby with a nasty cut.

And the Idiot has eaten a packet of Chewits.

2nd Dec 2006, 20:51
What sympathy do I get from darling beloved, 'Don't pick your head it's horrible.'
And there in a nutshell folks, is the reason why Foss posted yesterday.

He ain't getting much lovin' off Mrs.Foss anymore, no attention, no interest in his affairs..... by christ..... she probably went to bed that night thinking "why inflict an injury on yourself just to claim sympathy off me HUBBY?!".

VFE. *getting far too cynical for 29*

2nd Dec 2006, 21:16
Ahh, it's just a long list of instructions from Darling.
Get the paper.
Get a loaf.
Put some petrol in the car.
Take the dog for a walk, you never take that dog out.
Get some milk, half fat milk.
And stop bleeding everywhere, like honestly.

For Sympathy call 0800 8007 088 Fos helpline if you've just been twatted on the head. If you can use the phone because you're hands are covered in blood.
Darling dearest: 'Don't touch anything.'
'I love you too my sweetest.'

Worse things happen at sea, although nothing springs to mind at the minute.
If she were to read this I'd get the other side of my head dented

2nd Dec 2006, 22:03
Sorry to hear of your plight but stop telling us and tell the police. OK, they may not get them now but every little bit helps and it may stop some other poor sod getting a thump later on.
Rough justice? I have a friend whose business was broken into a few times and he was getting nowhere with the police because they had no proof or evidence, even though they had names. My friend shells out a few quid to a third party and hey presto, break ins stop. Also, three people around town on crutches etc for a few weeks. Friend gets a visit from local plods to say tut tut but we have no proof. They leave a bottle of the good stuff on his desk, wink and walk out. Never been broken into since.

Lon More
2nd Dec 2006, 22:50
Lots of good advice here Fos. Report it, don't forget it, you may come across one of them on his own one night. His actions will give him away because they will probably remember you - probably even have videos on their phones.

Sympathy - to be found between Sh1t and Syphillis in an Irish dictionary, I believe.

Craggenmore, sorry can't find the link anymore

tony draper
2nd Dec 2006, 22:50
We've had thirty years of huggy fluffiness,lets try summat different.:E

2nd Dec 2006, 23:46
if i was you i would be carrying around a nice tube of pepper spray,,its relatively cheap to buy,,and well it sure does work. but use with caution, the last thing you'll want is being sued by a 16 year old chav.

3rd Dec 2006, 00:59
Nice pic Drapes. Great film.

Well, we're all safe here because it's raining. Sh!theads don't go out when it's p!ssing down. Rain is a great crowd controller, like God's water cannon.

Standard Noise
3rd Dec 2006, 10:37
Just ventured in here for a quick look and am shocked.
Foss my man, how's the head? And the memory, any loss of memory and you want to get your head looked at (it might be cut!:} ). I hope it doesn't affect your desire to leave the house when you want. Would you like to borrow Lucifer for a few days, she and the Idiot would make a formidable team.

I was attacked by an older guy when I was 16. Headbutt to the face etc, broken nose and a few cuts. Thankfully I knew who he was. He got fined a few quid, which in itself is no deterrent ( he then assaulted a 14yo schoolboy on the train a few weeks later). But I found that a death threat did the trick. I had three offers to kill him, two from my brother's friends (one of whom was a serving RUC man) and one from a friend of my dad's. Worked a treat, the guy avoided me at all costs from then on. Few years later when I had grown a bit and was a bouncer in a disco, he was involved in a fight. When he saw me with my colleagues, he stopped and walked out to the door himself. Didn't stop me pushing him down the stairs though (disco was upstairs) and the next time I saw him in a pub about 4 years ago, he even bought me a drink and apologised!

Still, with any luck you'll get that scar for christmas but have no other lasting effects. All part of life's rich tapestry, eh?

3rd Dec 2006, 13:42
Best mate sympathy
Just back from coffee with a mate. This is unusual, just turning up.
Mate: 'I was talking to nearest dearest trying to get you, she said you'd got a kicking.'
'I'm not too sure what happened, but there was this teenage girl with a phone taking pictures.'
Mate: 'You got beaten up by a girl? Did she hit you with a handbag or something.'
'Shut up, it wasn't the girl. Don't be a complete bustard.'
Mate: 'I thought you were all into that martial arts crap and rugby and stuff, and you got handbagged. Show me the cut. Ow. Big handbag.'
'Shut UP, I was not beaten up by a girl.' Go and get coffee.
Driving there he starts singing that we were kung foo fighting song from the 70's. Instead of the Ha bit he's sings NO.
Mate: 'Where you Kung Foo fighting, NO.'
'Shut up.'
Mate: 'She's a schoolgirl right, so did she hit you with a pencil case, or a Barbie doll, maybe a textbook or something.'
'Shut up.' But I'm starting to laugh now. This goes on for half an hour.
Mates, love 'em or kill them.

28th Dec 2006, 18:16
Any further developments to report?? How's your head??



28th Dec 2006, 18:30
Never mind your head, how's your brain?

28th Dec 2006, 18:59
Ah sure Group, I was brain damaged already, I've had more blows to the head than I can, than I can, er, than I can, oh aye, remember.

No headaches, blurred vision, slurred speech, loss of motor control, anything like that. Bit different from immediately afterwards.

But I've had to let my hair grow :{ . Thought it might smart putting trimmers over the area. Tried to get it cut today and the bloody barbers was shut.
Fos <--- confirmed skinhead-ish haircut for years and years.
Fos with inch long hippy hair

28th Dec 2006, 19:02
Tried to get it cut today and the bloody barbers was shut.
Round here they're not cutting hair any longer . . .

28th Dec 2006, 19:05
So Group, are you a happy slap
Is that what you're trying to say? ;)

28th Dec 2006, 19:09
Au contraire I'm a long-haired (ex) hippy.

28th Dec 2006, 19:18
Damn. Wrong again. This is going to turn into a massive head drift if we're not careful.

28th Dec 2006, 19:25
'Twas a flippant comment, Foss, they've never been able to cut hair longer . . .

29th Dec 2006, 04:33
First up Foss, I hope you're making a good recovery. This sort of thing p!sses me off immensely but honestly, given where you were hit, it could have been a lot worse.

Cheers for the laugh about what your mate had to say, I know Ulster humour very well and can picture the conversation! Have to say though, it's occurences like this that make me glad to have moved Stateside. Around here, the kids know what happens if they push the limits with cops... so they generally don't.

It's not all doom and gloom in Blighty. I was back over Xmas and chatted with a mate who's been "in the job" for several years. He told - with some delight - of one urchin who confessed to several recent crimes against public property. My mate conceded that the interrogation technique wasn't exactly Home Office-approved, but it's nice to know that in these days of paperwork and tongue-browning, some guys on the front line can still get the job done... :ok: