View Full Version : Friday jokes

Standard Noise
1st Dec 2006, 13:23
Bloke driving home, he hits a deer and kills it so he bundles it into the boot and takes it home to cook for dinner. His kids ask what is for dinner but he doesn't say. As the family sit down for their meal, he still won't tell his kids what it is but gives them a clue, "it's what mummy sometimes calls daddy."
His daughter screams and shouts, "don't eat it, it's a ******* arsehole!"

Bloke parks in a disabled bay and a traffic warden shouts over to him, "Oi mate, what's your disability?"
"Tourette's," he shouts, "now f*ck off you c*nt."

bar fly
1st Dec 2006, 14:24
Following a nasty car accident, a man's wife slips into a coma. After spending weeks at her bedside, the husband is summoned to the hospital. "It's amazing" says the Doctor, breathlessly. "While bathing your wife, one of the nurses noticed she responded to her breasts being touched."
The husband is very excited, and asks what he can do. "Well," says the doc, "if one erogenous zone provokes a response, perhaps the others will too." So the husband goes alone into the room, where he slips his hand under the covers and begins to massage her bits. Amazingly, the woman begins to move and even moan a little. The man tells the doctor, waiting outside. "Excellent!" he says. "If she responds like that to your finger, I think you should try oral sex." Nodding, the husband returns to the room - but within minutes the heart monitor alarms go off, and the medics pile into the room. "What happened?" shouts the doctor, as he checks the prone woman's pulse. "I'm not sure," replies the man, looking sheepish. "I think she choked."