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Rollingthunder
26th Nov 2006, 21:01
After returning home or arriving somewhere after a long flight.

For me, everytime, it's a nice cup of tea and a couple of bickkies. That's before absolutely anything else. Makes the world right again.

Howard Hughes
26th Nov 2006, 21:07
Err, a little lie down...;) :O

Standard Noise
26th Nov 2006, 21:09
A decent pint and a look at the rugby results.

Juud
26th Nov 2006, 21:55
Cup of tea
Update on kids' & husband's doings during my absence
Plate of pasta with cream/brie sauce
Quick browse of PPRuNe & e-mails
Shower
[email protected]
Sleep

Huck
26th Nov 2006, 22:01
Numbers 6,5,4,3,6,7, above, in that order....

Silversmith
26th Nov 2006, 22:01
Got to be a decent cup of tea....! :)

Buster Hyman
26th Nov 2006, 22:18
Why, firing up the PC & getting on to Jet Blast to see all my favourite characters & their wacky, wacky adventures is the Ducks nuts for me!:}


:zzz:

gupta
26th Nov 2006, 22:21
Second bang is the door closing..............

lexxity
26th Nov 2006, 22:24
A nice brew, bath, glass of wine followed by 10hours sleep.

Huck
26th Nov 2006, 22:26
Second bang is the door closing..............

Third is your bags hitting the floor.

ShyTorque
26th Nov 2006, 22:47
A nice cuppa, and to sit quietly for a few minutes, especially if the motorway traffic was bad, as it very often is.

What I DON'T want is to listen to children's TV blasting out, interrupted by a run down of all the things that have gone wrong since I left the house. Nor do I want to give instant fix answers to a whole plethora of technical questions! Especially when the answer lies in an instruction leaflet in the cupboard - the answer is to read the book.

Try telling that to a wife......and you are often accused of being unreasonable and uncaring. :rolleyes:

Whirlygig
26th Nov 2006, 22:54
Try telling that to a wife......
You could always try telling it to someone else's wife :E

Or perhaps you are living in the wrong decade/century! :}

Taken from the 1950s Good Wife's Guide!

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.

Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. Clear away the clutter.

Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables.

Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Prepare the children, take a few minutes to wash their hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise from the washer, dryer, and vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him.Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to see him.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first. remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure, and his very real need to be at home and relax.

Your goal. Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. Don't greet him with complaints and problems. Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low soothing and pleasant voice. Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity.

Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

A good wife always knows her place.




Cheers

Whirls

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!
26th Nov 2006, 23:00
Don't know about the first thing, but I'd say the last thing I need is a shit.

As I've got older, I become more and more constipated on long flights :uhoh: :{

dontpickit
26th Nov 2006, 23:24
As I've got older, I become more and more constipated on long flights :uhoh: :{

Try those packets of 'dried' figs or apricots, try to get the most moist variety (don't eat them all at once, but little and often with plenty of water).

Whirlygig
26th Nov 2006, 23:34
Don't know about the first thing, but I'd say the last thing I need is a shit.

As I've got older, I become more and more constipated on long flights :uhoh: :{
..and don't eat chocolate - can bind you up something chronic!

Cheers

Whirls

pigboat
27th Nov 2006, 00:08
I read somewhere in a chocolate trivia book that the Marquis de Sade allegedly used chocolate suppositories.

How's that for thread creep?:p

mini
27th Nov 2006, 00:25
Number one has to be the long hot shower, second is food in a quiet restaurant with a local paper, third is a drink, cold, on draught, with the mandatory chat about nothing with the barman, fourth is the ensuing good nights sleep.

(sad bugger who obviously spends too much time in hotels...)

Blacksheep
27th Nov 2006, 00:55
Since most of my journeys are long haul across eight time zones, its usually a long soak in a hot bubble bath, followed by a cup of tea and a mooch to see what's changed since I left.

Buster Hyman
27th Nov 2006, 01:33
chocolate suppositories
Adds a whole new meaning to Chocolate Starfish don't it?

Loose rivets
27th Nov 2006, 02:07
A snippet from Whirls


Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.


Yea!..........bring yer mate round....the one with the long hair and the big.........


S'funny, we gave a collection of ‘The Woman's Encyclopedia' to charity when we were clearing out. I got to reading bits of it, and they were filled with stuff like the above. Made the Rivetess larf it did.


As for my homecomings.

The snow is building up on the windscreen, but I'm dreaming of home. It has been a long flight and a horrible drive. Only two miles to go.

I would be met at the door with a Martini, and my uniform would be taken to be hung up. The fire would be crackling nicely, and a wonderful smell of dinner would be wafting from the kitchen.

I can hear her now. "Your bath is poured darling...be as quick as you can. The kids are all in bed so that we won't be disturbed, just stick your head in and say goodnight. Oh and I've chilled the 78 Montrachet to go with the fish course, will that be okay?"

The water temperature would always be perfect and the suds by Marbet Man. She always put that in when she was.....well, you know.

My trousers and white dinner jacket would be on the stand and my shoes polished...as always.


As I came down the stairs, she would surely be wearing that new gown; the slinky one with the slit that reaches the upper limits. Mmmm.........can't wait to get home. At last the headlights shine on the garage doors. I press the door beeper.

**** all happens!

I slither to the front door and fumble for my keys. There are no lights on...anywhere. I open the door and stumble in.

"Hellooooooo?????" Not a sound. There is a note on the table.

‘Fuse bust. Dinner in the microwave...so mend the fuse first. No hot water, so we're at mums. Se ya.."

Well, it was a nice dream.

con-pilot
27th Nov 2006, 04:55
I can relate to that Loose. However, mine came true.

Years ago, back in my Marshal Service days, I came back from a South American mission that lasted 4 days.

When I landed at 20:00 hours the temperature was -03c with freezing drizzle with calm winds. The runway was sanded and of course the 727 did very well on contaminated runways.

The landing was no problem, however, taxing in was a chore. I had to use more reverse thrust than brakes. I know you have been there.

Now came the drive home.:eek:

Between the time I landed and I got to my car a warm front moved through and the temperature rose from -03 to +03. So the ice on the roadway started to melt.

Normally my drive from the airport to my house is 20 to 30 minutes. That night it took over 2 hours. I lost count of the accidents and the number of cars off the road on my way home.

Our house at that time had an upslope driveway. I pulled into the driveway, put the transmission into park and started to get out of the car. As I stared to get out of the car it slid back into the street. So I got a running start and drove/slid back into the driveway. It slid back into the street.

Okay, I give up. I pull up to the curb and park. Opened the door and stepped out and fell on me butt. I finally had to craw to the front lawn dragging by bag until I could stand up on the lawn and walk/slip to the front door. There were over 1,000 car accidents that night in Oklahoma City and OKC is not that big of a city.

As I drag myself onto the porch the door opens and my wife is standing there to help me into the house (she said that she heard me cursing).

There is a roaring fire going in the fireplace, she fixes me a very nice martini and finished cooking a wonderful pasta dinner.

Plus the fact that I had the next three days off made it wonderful.

Loose rivets
27th Nov 2006, 05:17
Three days.....you had THREE days off!!!

Luxury.


We had to be back on duty before we even got within sight of our 'ome, then we ad to give our boss the keys to our 'ouse and promise not to re-enter our airspace before 'ee were done with our dinner...'least, he said it were our dinner.:confused:


Log fire!!?? All we ad to keep us warm were old passenger manifests...then we 'ad to rub two 'osties together to get them to light. And 'osties were thin in them days!!!

You 'ad is easy you did.