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Tyre kicker
5th Oct 2006, 13:46
Proof of what can happen if a wife drags her husband along to go shopping.......

Dear Mrs. Johnston,

Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras.

MEMO Re: Mr. Mark Johnston - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Mark Johnston has done while his spouse is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, Code 3 in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, Why can't you people just leave me alone?

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his Madonna look using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled PICK ME! PICK ME!

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the foetal position and screams NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!

And; last, but not least!
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, There is no toilet paper in here!
__________________
:ok: :E
TK

woolyalan
5th Oct 2006, 14:19
Most likely not true, but very very funny :}

er340790
5th Oct 2006, 14:33
After three years of refusing point-blank to go shopping with my wife, I now can't wait for our next trip to the Mall.....

Keep them coming!

Grainger
5th Oct 2006, 14:40
I refer to a certain Scandinavian self-assembly furniture store as "The Four Letter Word". I would rather stick red hot needles in my eyeballs than be dragged around there on a bank holiday.

The stupid product names are only one of many irritations, but could also be the source of great fun. Last time, I announced my intention to pinch some of the labels off the items and scan in the fonts, then make up fake labels with names like "snotti", "plop", "bigjobs" and many others that wouldn't get through the filters on here. These labels to be deployed on our next visit.

So far this ploy has kept me away from the store for several years :ok:

er340790
5th Oct 2006, 15:26
Quite true. There should be a class-action suit against I**A on the grounds of the numbers of divorces / marital disputes that their flat-pack-crap has caused.

I am normally reasonably tolerant, but have been known to become pathologically deranged when confronted with their no-help assembly guides / missing parts.

In NL I actually gave an ultimatum to my wife - 'If another piece of I**A crap enters our house, I walk.' It actually worked.

Flying_bear
5th Oct 2006, 16:42
hope to see behaviour like this more often, ,,,,,, just a quick question, they guy watching the camera wasn't accidently watching a trigger happy video by chance...:confused:

FB:ok:

Evanelpus
5th Oct 2006, 16:50
Most likely not true

You are having a laugh mate, I'd never have guessed. Your post gave me a bigger laugh than the memo but I am having a bad day.....now where are the antidepressants??

PaperTiger
5th Oct 2006, 19:52
He ATE a security camera :confused:

No wait, I read it wrong.

He ATE his NOSE :confused: :confused:

How does he smell ?

G-DAVE
5th Oct 2006, 20:46
How does he smell?

Bloody awful I guess. If he hates shopping, he can't buy deodorant!:uhoh:

woolyalan
5th Oct 2006, 20:55
some of them could be done without anyone noticing though, after thinking about it, like the alarms, wet floor sign, condoms and mission impossible theme, are all possible, hell ive seen someone change alarm settings in some shops :},

Flying_bear
5th Oct 2006, 21:15
admit it, most of you have gone round pressing the buttons on cuddly toys to make them laugh and jiggle, admit it,

:hmm: Just me then

FB

Foss
5th Oct 2006, 23:07
Going off to get a coffee while darling does something else then realising there's a fair to medium chance of starving to death because you're lost in the feminine hygiene section unless you set off a distress flare or start crying.
Fos modern man

Whirlygig
6th Oct 2006, 00:01
Creche_for_men (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/1064374.stm)

...and I thought it was called The Pub!

Cheers

Whirls

G-CPTN
6th Oct 2006, 00:15
I wonder if it survived?
See date.
Was it REALLY free? Summit for nowt? :confused:

Farmer 1
6th Oct 2006, 08:15
Quite true. There should be a class-action suit against I**A on the grounds of the numbers of divorces / marital disputes that their flat-pack-crap has caused.
I am normally reasonably tolerant, but have been known to become pathologically deranged when confronted with their no-help assembly guides / missing parts.
In NL I actually gave an ultimatum to my wife - 'If another piece of I**A crap enters our house, I walk.' It actually worked.
You mean she went and bought another piece?

cynicalint
6th Oct 2006, 11:03
I wonder if it survived?
See date.
Was it REALLY free? Summit for nowt? :confused:

What with your missus roaming around a shop and you at a screen you probably paid well over the odds for the experience by the time she came to get you, loaded with HUGE carrier bags full of stuff you didn't need!

Foss
6th Oct 2006, 11:11
Girlfriend comes back with bread, milk, pasta, sauces, steak, a new blouse, toilet paper, a magazine, chicken, bleach, soap, tins of stuff, dishwasher tablets and you say...

'Why are there no crisps. I asked for crisps'
:ouch:
Fos often scowled at

Romeo Charlie
6th Oct 2006, 16:28
Creche_for_men (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/1064374.stm)

...and I thought it was called The Pub!

Cheers

Whirls


I always thought a Creche was a car accident in Woking..........;)

ORAC
6th Oct 2006, 16:47
I**A.........

Used to have an apartment full of the stuff, furnished my first apartment, in Dubai, from there. Gradually started replacing it all with real furniture when I bought a house. Beds went when they wouldn't go up the stairs. Only things left are 2 bookcases in the study, hopefully I'll get rid of them and replace them at Xmas....

Free at last, free at last, Oh dear Lord, free at last.......

Duckbutt
6th Oct 2006, 16:52
I always thought a Creche was a car accident in Woking..........;)

And they have lots of sex there as well, usually full of potatoes and stuff like that.