View Full Version : Monday/Tuesday Joke Thread

25th Sep 2006, 18:26
here (http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?t=245352):E


25th Sep 2006, 19:10
I am not making this up, promise.

Saturday evening I was sitting at home working on the computer half listening to TV which was tuned to a local channel when I heard a female newscaster break in the normal program and stated;

"Breaking News! Now on Channel 9. A DEAD BODY HAS BEEN FOUND AT FUNERAL HOME!, Details at 6."

It turns out that a body of a man who had been stabbed to death was discovered in the parking lot of the funeral home, but she didn't say that.

(I know that is tragic that someone died, but I couldn't help but start laughing.:( )

25th Sep 2006, 19:31
A local small shop had their window broken by a rock. However, the window was close to a high wall surrounding the Churchyard, and it was difficult to see how anyone could have gained sufficient 'swing' on the rock to achieve such damage. The proprietress (sp?) said that the Vicar had been in and examined the damage, and in his opinion, some body from the graveyard mustn have thrown the missile.

27th Sep 2006, 08:12
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in
which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are
run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing dopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand):
The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
Jewish men.