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tony draper
7th Aug 2006, 07:00
Mine would be being forced to attend that bloody Edinbourgh Festival.
One thinks the best way of dealing with street artists mimers and the like is the method employed by Rab C, nut the feckers
:rolleyes:

Howard Hughes
7th Aug 2006, 07:01
A computer without a keyboard!;)

Solid Rust Twotter
7th Aug 2006, 07:33
The human race...

tilewood
7th Aug 2006, 07:52
Going on a caravan holiday with Margaret Beckett!! :eek:

AerBabe
7th Aug 2006, 08:40
Shopping in London on a Saturday. :uhoh:

Bahn-Jeaux
7th Aug 2006, 08:42
Remind me to wear a crash helmet should I ever be found busking near you Mr Draper.:}

Mercenary Pilot
7th Aug 2006, 09:01
Being locked in the Big Brother house! :{

None of the above
7th Aug 2006, 09:31
Hell is other people.

N o t a (with due acknowledgements to Jean Paul Sartre).

Barkly1992
7th Aug 2006, 09:38
Having (another) hard drive failure and having to re-load all my files and software - it takes 7 hours.

:ugh:

Erwin Schroedinger
7th Aug 2006, 09:46
I'll second that, Barkly.

If you, or anyone else with the problem, pm me. I'll offer a solution which works well for me!

It'll cost ya, mind. :E



PS - Be patient, I don't come here often.

Romeo Charlie
7th Aug 2006, 10:10
Being forced to listen to Mariah Carey.

Cheerio
7th Aug 2006, 10:10
Living in a cul-de sac, a magnolia executive dolls-house, watching a 'special correspondent' report on the TV news, and having no beer in the fridge.

Miraculix
7th Aug 2006, 10:40
It's a place full of mother in law's! :uhoh:

RaraAvis
7th Aug 2006, 10:51
Being forced to listen to Mariah Carey. ... and watch reality TV:yuk: at the same time while being tickled ... in a room full of spiders...:eek:
Starting to hyperventilate just thinking about it! :uhoh::sad:

rotated
7th Aug 2006, 11:13
Forever and ever and ever and.......
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b170/rotated/pprunehell.jpg
:{ :{ :{ :} :} :} :E :E :E :ok:

Buster Hyman
7th Aug 2006, 11:34
Milton Keynes.

Buster Cherry
7th Aug 2006, 12:12
Every time I hear "It will be a cold day in hell before I sleep with you" :{

VitaminGee
7th Aug 2006, 12:17
being forced to attend that bloody Edinbourgh Festival

or worse, an Eisteddfod :yuk: :ugh:

The old dentist's chair is also high up on my list :eek:

Foss
7th Aug 2006, 12:22
Moving house would be right up there.
Clearing brambles and cutting grass.

I could go on, but that's be your hell then. :E

Fos

Kolibear
7th Aug 2006, 12:50
Sunday afternoon at the Outlaws. Its raining and a twisty wind is redistributing the fallen leaves. Low clouds are scudding across the grey sky. It will be dark soon & I've got a 3.5 hour drive home.

Home seems like Heaven.

frostbite
7th Aug 2006, 12:55
Being forced to attend a football match, or cricket, or golf, or..............

Summer Twosay
7th Aug 2006, 13:07
1. A spanish beach with wall to wall deckchairs, 3 or more, storey hotels and a see of Union flag / English flag shorts and or Footbal tops.:uhoh:

2. Flying to the Maldives on a Monarch airBUS. great pilot, no room :mad:

Flip Flop Flyer
7th Aug 2006, 13:25
A chatshow with Paris Hilton and Dubya

beamer
7th Aug 2006, 13:46
Costa Coffee or Starbucks and anywhere similar..............

I would like a cup of black coffee please.....

Would that be a Tall or a Grande or a Latte or an Expresso or a Capuccino or with cream or with..................

No I want a black coffee please.....

I'm sorry sir - we only use mugs, now would that be a Mega Mug or a standard mug or a...............

Exit stage left muttering the praises of old fashioned wimpey bars !

Cheerio
7th Aug 2006, 13:50
You aren't alone in suffering 'starbuck syndrome'

Don't click the link until you are out of earshot of the easily offended.

http://www.thekidfrombrooklyn.com/video_disp.asp?videoid=1049

Capt.KAOS
7th Aug 2006, 14:59
Baghdad (http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1223363,00.html)

reynoldsno1
7th Aug 2006, 21:44
A weekend in Basingstoke with Barry Manilow .....

Wheel Nuts
7th Aug 2006, 21:47
Stuck in a lift with the MIL for several hours!

Or a beach full of babes :E ....... so when someone says "Go to hell" off you trot, hard done by and down trodden :} !

G-CPTN
7th Aug 2006, 21:48
A weekend in Basingstoke with Barry Manilow .....
Sharing a bed?

White Bear
7th Aug 2006, 22:34
When you have cigarettes and no light, and money but petrol station, and during the summer of 76 in deepest London, pubs with no beer.
Regards,
W.B.

beamer,
An American in an Engilsh Pub:
"I'd like a beer"
"Yer sir, light, brown, porter bitter, lager?
"AH, well.....lager"
"We have 3 sir, care to pick one?"
"That one, the one with the green label"
"Pint or half?"
"Oh er.....pint"
"Glass or Mug?"
"Exit stage left muttering the praises of old fashioned MacDonalds"


It's all in where you are I suppose......

Groundgripper
7th Aug 2006, 22:59
IKEA


:sad:

con-pilot
7th Aug 2006, 23:56
Ah, leave it to you L&A J. Not only political, but in poor taste.:p

Okay, my turn.

Living in a future world if the ideals of L&A J's philosophy are followed today.:D

reynoldsno1
8th Aug 2006, 00:01
Sharing a bed?

probably be preferable to the nasal spray ....:uhoh:

Atlas Shrugged
8th Aug 2006, 00:52
http://www.aimbooks.com.au/images/products/The%20Dick%20Smith%20Way.jpg

:{ :{ :{ :{ :{ :{

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!
8th Aug 2006, 02:24
Living in the Hamster Wheel :{ :ugh: :ugh: :ugh: :ugh: :ugh: :ugh: :ugh:

tony draper
8th Aug 2006, 05:18
Hmmm, being a conjoined twin with Jim Carey. :uhoh:

planeenglish
8th Aug 2006, 07:23
I was under the impression that we are, already, in hell. :ugh:

notmyC150v2
8th Aug 2006, 07:40
Being joined at the hip with Terri Hatcher. So near and yet so far...

Spinflight
8th Aug 2006, 19:21
or worse, an Eisteddfod

Been to one!

Got laid and they had a stripper (all very cultural what?).

Still wouldn't recommend it. :)

eticket
8th Aug 2006, 20:01
Hell =
Being joined at the hip with Terri Hatcher. So near and yet so far...
especially when her boyfriend stays the night!!!! :yuk::yuk::yuk::{:{:{

heaven = when your girlfriend stays the night!!!

1859sqn
8th Aug 2006, 20:30
Winter at RAF Valley.............................Actually, come to think of it, summer as well......

con-pilot
8th Aug 2006, 23:02
Is that the best you could come up with Neo-Con-Pilot ? Very disappointing :rolleyes:

Oh dear, touched a nerve did I? Name calling and all.:ooh:

Shall I bite the bait trolling in front of me or not?

I think not and end this here and now.:E

West Coast
9th Aug 2006, 05:02
My hell....endless Jepp revisions.

Foss
9th Aug 2006, 14:52
1859
How can Valley be boring, sure you got a wee lake which might have Saxon stuff in it, you've got tons of grass to run around, you've got a wee town to buy stuff in you're miles from anywhere the locals hate you every single room in the quarters has a ghetto blaster playing a different song.

Apart from that, it's fine.

Fos

Bluesteel705
9th Aug 2006, 15:02
Being made to sit in on another town council environmentaly driven multiculturaly led non-sexist, non-ageist meeting about where to put the bypass they've been planning for 27 years and are never going to build but they need to do something to pass the time :{

1859sqn
9th Aug 2006, 15:04
Foss, what really p:mad: d me off was the fact that by the time I arrived there, all the best-looking sheep had been taken...........................:\

Davaar
9th Aug 2006, 15:33
Winter at RAF Valley.............................Actually, come to think of it, summer as well......

But do they still have No 7 Site there? I mean the Nissen huts with puddle between door and bed, and the mice/bird nests around exit pipe of never-lit iron stove? But enough of that! The little critters were good company.

madherb
9th Aug 2006, 15:58
"Living next door to Alice" (Alice? Who the F:mad: is Alice??:} :} )

1859sqn
9th Aug 2006, 16:18
Blimey Davaar, and I thought *I* was getting on a bit! :O

Gnirren
9th Aug 2006, 17:38
Oh that's an easy one.

England.

Can't #% stand it. It's like moving back in time 100 years everytime I go.

1859sqn
9th Aug 2006, 18:53
I say sir! That is totally uncalled for dontyouknow? My second will be contacting your second.......................

planepsycho
9th Aug 2006, 19:20
Sitting on the toilet taking care of business, then finding out there's nary a sheet of loo paper in the whole house:=

G-CPTN
9th Aug 2006, 19:22
Sitting on the toilet taking care of business, then finding out there's nary a sheet of loo paper in the whole house:=
Folks that wander around the house with their trousers round their ankles . . . .

tilewood
9th Aug 2006, 19:32
Oh that's an easy one.
England.
Can't #% stand it. It's like moving back in time 100 years everytime I go.


Gnirren, there is an answer to that........don't come back for 100 years!!

Then it will be the Islamic Republic of Englanistan, or ..... it will be
the sunlit uplands of Blairtopia!! Possibly the same thing!! :hmm:

Mudfoot
10th Aug 2006, 01:02
Sitting on the toilet taking care of business, then finding out there's nary a sheet of loo paper in the whole house:=

That's what handtowels are for, dontchaknow?

Writing up a post, switching to another window, coming back and your brilliant and complete typed post is ....GONE!?! :mad:

And, your lawn chair gets stolen and you have no beer... :{

Cheers, y'all.

con-pilot
10th Aug 2006, 01:16
Sitting on the toilet taking care of business, then finding out there's nary a sheet of loo paper in the whole house:=

If you go to China, be very, very careful when you go to the toilet. As much as you can one really needs to, er, take care of that type of business in one's hotel room.

Trust me on this one.:eek:

(Does a hole in the floor and a bucket of rags mean anything to you? And that is a 3 start toilet, yes they grade the toilets. 5 star means a proper seat and toilet paper, sometimes.)

One trip I had a female co-pilot (sorry, FO) and she was shocked about the toilet facilities. In the Forbidden City you had to buy toilet paper a sheet at a time. I think a whole roll cost a dollar US money, but they wouldn't sell her a whole roll. So she carried a roll of paper from the hotel with her after that, along with being a good pilot she was smart.:p

G-CPTN
10th Aug 2006, 01:33
I shall refrain from the obvious comment about your smart FO's backside, as I can't get the wording pithy enough. :{

con-pilot
10th Aug 2006, 01:35
G-CPTN, now be nice.:E

G-CPTN
10th Aug 2006, 01:48
I was merely going to manipulate your words to indicate that she had a [email protected] (due to her supply of toilet tissue), but, as I said, it didn't work. :ugh:

con-pilot
10th Aug 2006, 01:51
That's okay old friend, now that you put it that way it is a bit funny.:D

er340790
10th Aug 2006, 02:12
In a word: IKEA

planeenglish
10th Aug 2006, 14:32
Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:

If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."

The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.

Foss
10th Aug 2006, 17:48
That is absolutely brillant. And I've spilt my tea laughing. There'll be hell to pay for that.

Fos:D

rhinoboy55
2nd Sep 2006, 05:03
flying a jetstream for united express

ormus55
2nd Sep 2006, 12:17
waking up next to anne widdicombe.
:mad: :mad: :mad:

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!
2nd Sep 2006, 14:02
or worse, an Eisteddfod
...they had a stripper ...you probably stumbled into the shearing tent

Foss
2nd Sep 2006, 16:00
Hearing a grunt, a sniff and a slight moan beside you in bed at 5.00am today.
Sounds promising..
It's the effing lurcher, and it's eating a kit-kat.
Bleurgh, bleurgh No I don't want a chocolate kiss.
I'm going to staple it's ears to something heavy, and wider than a door frame.
Nearest and dearest was so amused, I'm lucky she didn't make me eat the crumbs.
'You need to train that bl00dy dog yadda yadda'
That's hell.
Fos

matt_hooks
2nd Sep 2006, 16:13
Hearing a grunt, a sniff and a slight moan beside you in bed at 5.00am today.
Sounds promising..
It's the effing lurcher, and it's eating a kit-kat.
Bleurgh, bleurgh No I don't want a chocolate kiss.


What like this fos?

http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d190/matt_hooks/dogbed.jpg

gets coat

sorry couldn't resist!

frostbite
2nd Sep 2006, 16:14
I love those lurcher tales Foss!

So they can continue for a long time, please explain in most forceful manner before stapling ears, that chocolate can be fatal to said hound! Really.

Tubbs
2nd Sep 2006, 16:18
IKEA
:sad:

Ikea on an uncommonly warm Sunday with a Stella hangover, shopping for a really expensive yet boring household object which my girlfriend wants (me) to buy, but cannot make up her mind whether she wants the beige one or the fecking cream one with the frilly bits. Whilst being chased by spiders and the one from Hellraiser with the fanny mouth thing in its head. Wearing a really itchy jumper and uncomfortable shoes.

Krystal n chips
2nd Sep 2006, 17:44
I think you seriously underestimate the capability of said dog Foss------not many can remove the wrapping from a kit kat ( 2 or 4 four fingered version I wonder ? :confused: ) and then consume it as well :hmm:

Foss
2nd Sep 2006, 18:31
I'm glad that the idiot has a fan club, the lurcher, not me I've got me educakion.
It takes the biscuit and strips the wrapper in the living room. Then brings it in to share on the bed. Did i mention it smells of sardines. The dog not the kit kat.
'Loo dog LOO'
'But it's raining' and a look as if I'm going to skin her there and then on the spot.
Hang on you smell of mint. Mints on bedside table, gone. LISTERINE from bathroom gone. Silver paper and a well chewed plastic bottle of mouthwash behind the sofa.
'Bed, bad dog NOT that bed your bed.'
But the washing machine is on, it's scary
That's only today. I'll have to start a blog. Or get a dog with a brain.
Fos

matt_hooks
2nd Sep 2006, 18:38
But it's a LURCHER! Are you sure it's not got some labrador in it's genetic make up somewhere? Sounds like Labrador behaviour!

Lurcher's are SUPPOSED to be stoopid! All you really want them to be able to do is run like billyo and catch the bunny, no good if they have to stop half way to think about their motivation! :E :E

G-CPTN
2nd Sep 2006, 18:46
Last weekend daughter and her partner were farm sitting (close by here). I drove up to spend the evening with them. As I arrived, they were 'leaving' the house, cursing one of the house dogs that had let one go, polluting the atmosphere and devoiding it of oxygen.
Fortunately, this event happened seconds before I arrived, otherwise I might have borne the brunt of the blame.
Said dog had been out 'hunting' earlier. Heaven knows what it had consumed, but it was well rotten.


Walking with the other house dog (on previous occasions) it runs around the fields, catching and eating the baby bunnies (fur and all) with a satisfying (to the dog) crunch as the head is devoured. This dog is clever enough not to attempt to follow a hare when put up, knowing that it will be outrun, but it does have a go at adult rabbits (because they frequently lead it to youngsters hidden among the long grass).

ormus55
2nd Sep 2006, 19:42
I think you seriously underestimate the capability of said dog Foss------not many can remove the wrapping from a kit kat ( 2 or 4 four fingered version I wonder ? :confused: ) and then consume it as well :hmm:


reminds of the kitkat joke:
whats the difference between a kitkat and joan collins?
you can only get four fingers in a kitkat.
:D

Foss
2nd Sep 2006, 21:13
It's 20.00hrs
Dog has to wee It's time to go out. 'dog, ohhh dog, oh fecking bloody hell hell DOG'
Suspicious rustle noise from a spare bedroom. The idiot has managed to get into a duvet rather than under it. Just a big lump under a duvet cover. Sort of like alien and John Hurst's chest in the movie
You want to try getting a scared lurcher out of a duvet cover. It's like trying to get Big Bird out of a pillow case. Difficult.
Fos

ormus55
2nd Sep 2006, 21:17
a bit of lead behind the left ear helps.

(administered with a gun).

matt_hooks
2nd Sep 2006, 21:53
Or you could just try wafting a piece of bacon or similar near the open end. If he's anything like the dogs I know he'll miraculously develop a brain and find his way out if he thinks there's food involved.

Of course you don't actually have to give him the food! :E

He obviously thinks you're bored Foss, he's giving you something to keep you occupied! :}

jet_noseover
3rd Sep 2006, 02:08
Tried to deal with a teenager? Your own?
Though I know I did a good job bringin' the offspring up, they sure do know how to piss one off. And they love it! :E

Why would that be?
(No, I never did that to my parents..... :) )