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ORAC
3rd Aug 2006, 12:38
"We always have been, we are, and I hope that we always shall be, detested in France."
Lord Wellington

lasernigel
3rd Aug 2006, 12:50
For me as an ex squaddie it's got to be.....

If I should die, think only this of me:
That there's some corner of a foreign field
That is for ever England. Rupert Brookes
:ok:

The SSK
3rd Aug 2006, 13:00
I 'collected' this a long time ago, don't remember where.
Do I look like a rabbit? I eat food that used to have a face on it, as God intended. The phrase "top of the food chain" mean anything to you? We didn't become tool makers to sneak up stealthily on a clump of carrots.

allan907
3rd Aug 2006, 13:00
"F*ck off out of here you slimy bograt!" - Station Warrant Officer RAF Hereford, June 1964

Parapunter
3rd Aug 2006, 13:40
Oh Now you can shee? I kick your shkinny Arsh all the way back to Highbury, you pull that sheet again.



Martin Jol, May 2005.

G-CPTN
3rd Aug 2006, 13:42
Since when has Sean Connery been Manager of ARSEnal?
(Or do I mean Hottenham Totspur?)

airborne_artist
3rd Aug 2006, 13:51
"Do unto others as they would do unto you, but do it first" Staff Sergeant Fred XXXXX, Hereford.

"Man like smell of own fart" Ancient Chinese proverb

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." Frank Sinatra

green granite
3rd Aug 2006, 13:57
Be careful of who you tread on on the way up else they tread on you on your descent

tony draper
3rd Aug 2006, 14:05
Silence when you speak to a Officer!!!
:uhoh:
Spike Milligan
:rolleyes:

FL460
3rd Aug 2006, 14:05
"Thank you for coming, nothing important, I just wanted to see you sitting in a very very small chair"

Mercenary Pilot
3rd Aug 2006, 14:22
I'm here to kick ass and chew bubble gum. And I'm all out of bubble gum.

Roddy Piper - They Live - 1988
:ok:

Capt.KAOS
3rd Aug 2006, 14:31
"Everything has been thought of before, but the problem is to think of it again."

J.W.von Goethe.


Re Bubblegum, wasn't it Nixon who said of Gerry Ford that he was so stupid that he couldn't fart and chew gum at the same time?

frostbite
3rd Aug 2006, 14:35
"You've made a happy man very old"

Spike Milligan (again)

No Mate!
3rd Aug 2006, 14:43
''No mate'', Stu's a bell with no bean.

G-CPTN
3rd Aug 2006, 14:46
Re Bubblegum, wasn't it Nixon who said of Gerry Ford that he was so stupid that he couldn't fart and chew gum at the same time?
Not sure that I could do justice to the former whilst doing the latter.
(I heard it as WALK and chew gum. Now I CAN do that . . . )

verticalhold
3rd Aug 2006, 15:14
GENTLY BOY!!!! GENTLY! Its' like w:mad: ing a hamster! If you don't do it gently its' F:mad: ing messy!


My first helicopter instructor. The incredible Jake Jackson OATS 198Too long ago to think about.:)

scruggs
3rd Aug 2006, 15:20
"Never trust a man, who, when left alone in a room with a tea cosy, doesn't try it on".

Billy Connolly....

GOLF_BRAVO_ZULU
3rd Aug 2006, 15:39
"Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country".

Gen George Patton

cavortingcheetah
3rd Aug 2006, 15:42
:hmm:

"To be ignorant of what occurred before you were born is always to remain a child. For what is the worth of human life, unless it is woven into the life of our ancestors by the study of history.":cool:

Of course, absolutely everyone out there knows that Cicero (c106-43BC) said that!:p

CherokeeDriver
3rd Aug 2006, 15:45
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day. Chinese Proverb.

Honey Trucker
3rd Aug 2006, 15:52
“You'll notice that Bush never speaks when Cheiney is drinking water, check that shit out.”

Robin Williams

Tolsti
3rd Aug 2006, 16:23
I try to please one person every day. Today is not your turn and tomorrow is not looking good either!

colmac747
3rd Aug 2006, 16:25
"However tough it is (in Iraq), we will see it through,"
Tony Blair, today

planeenglish
3rd Aug 2006, 16:29
Three favorites:

"I have been far oftener discriminated against because I am a woman than because I am black." - Shirley Chisholm


"If the Wright brothers were alive today Wilbur would have to fire Orville to reduce costs." — Herb Kelleher, Southwest Airlines

"Love begins at home."- Mother Teresa

planeenglish
3rd Aug 2006, 16:30
"However tough it is (in Iraq), we will see it through,"
Tony Blair, today
What a sacrifice he is willing to make! Didn't Lord farquaad say the same thing?!

Lance Murdoch
3rd Aug 2006, 16:38
'It takes 20 muscles to smile but only four to pull back my fist and smash you in the face'

'it looks like a penis, only smaller'

AcroChik
3rd Aug 2006, 18:59
"This Bush guy scares the sh!t out of me."

My dad, a life-long Republican, in early 2000.

"I love you."

My dad, more times than I can count.

tony draper
3rd Aug 2006, 19:09
"The Lord is thy shoving leopard,"
Rev R A Spooner.

yer cudden make it up.
:rolleyes:

Best last words ever,Pancho Villa on his death bed.
"This is terrible,tell them I said something"
:E

lexxity
3rd Aug 2006, 19:16
Oh AcroChick, big HUG for you.

None of the above
3rd Aug 2006, 19:27
Nothing matters very much and very few things matter at all.

Arthur James Balfour 1838-1930, British Prime Minister 1902 - 05.
I think the old boy was on to something there.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)

G-DAVE
3rd Aug 2006, 19:40
Chain still swinging, seat still warm

Chinese proverb (again)!

pigboat
3rd Aug 2006, 19:45
To a fine soldier war is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made so and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.

John Stuart Mill

stevef
3rd Aug 2006, 19:58
'Jesus must f****** hate me.' A normally implacable old craftsman to an inept apprentice who'd just drilled holes in all the wrong places on an aircraft skin insertion repair.

'It was like having a shave and a w*** at the same time.' Fixed-wing transport pilot describing his first attempt at controlling a helicopter.

I was there when these were said. Priceless!

frostbite
3rd Aug 2006, 20:04
"Either that wallpaper goes or I do"

Oscar Wilde on his deathbed.

B Fraser
3rd Aug 2006, 20:23
[QUOTE=stevef]'It was like having a shave and a w*** at the same time.' Fixed-wing transport pilot describing his first attempt at controlling a helicopter.[QUOTE]

Thanks for that ! :D


"When faced with a potential adversary, first walk a mile in their shoes. Not only will they be a mile away, you will have their shoes."


"There is no I in team........ but there is a me"

finfly1
3rd Aug 2006, 20:37
Recently this has become one of my favorite quotes, and people are always astonished to hear who spake these words:


"The President is merely the most important among a large number of public servants. He should be supported or opposed exactly to the degree which is warranted by his good conduct or bad conduct, his efficiency or inefficiency in rendering loyal, able, and disinterested service to the Nation as a whole.


Therefore it is absolutely necessary that there should be full liberty to tell the truth about his acts, and this means that it is exactly necessary to blame him when he does wrong as to praise him when he does right.


Any other attitude in an American citizen is both base and servile.


To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.


Nothing but the truth should be spoken about him or any one else. But it is even more important to tell the truth, pleasant or unpleasant, about him than about any one else."



The author was none other than old 'speak softly and carry etc' himself - Teddy R,

AcroChik
3rd Aug 2006, 20:46
:D

Well done.

Lyneham Lad
3rd Aug 2006, 20:50
"This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper."
The Hollow Men
T S Elliot (1925)


As the above is the first quotation that came to mind, I'm clearly not the optimist I thought I was............:uhoh:

edited to add - particularly when you read the rest of the poem. Doomed, we're all doomed :(

tony draper
3rd Aug 2006, 20:54
"Fear no man beneath these skies, call on me and I will equalize"
Colts 1873 SA Peacemaker, :E

White Bear
3rd Aug 2006, 21:04
Finfly1, Thank you.

Teddy Roosevelt: wish we had his ilk today...

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month. :D

A man who is good enough to shed his blood for the country is good enough to be given a square deal afterwards. :ok:

Every immigrant who comes here should be required within five years to learn English or leave the country. :)

Every reform movement has a lunatic fringe. :ugh:

The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life. :=

A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of the user. ;)

Regards,
W.B.

HowlingWind
3rd Aug 2006, 21:25
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v224/howlingwind/51244849.jpg

Cricket23
3rd Aug 2006, 21:48
Oscar Wilde: "Some people cause happiness wherever they go. Some people cause happiness whenever they go."

Lon More
3rd Aug 2006, 22:07
Ëvery time I open my mouth, some fool puts his foot in it" Irish Maths master, I can only remember his nickname, "Baffa" @ Luton Grammar School early 1960s

White Bear
3rd Aug 2006, 23:00
Oscar Wild:
"I don't like being aboard ship, it's like being in goal, with the added risk of drowning"

Ace Rimmer
4th Aug 2006, 07:10
Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorius triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.

or
It behooves every man to remember that the work of the critic is of altogether secondary importance, and that, in the end, progress is accomplished by the man who does things.

or
The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything.

knew a thing or two old TR

Loose rivets
4th Aug 2006, 07:27
Fenella Fielding was once hit by a lad on a scooter.

"It's lucky I wasn't a bus!" the lad said.

"You should learn to be a scooter before trying to be a bus." She retorted, in that lovely voice.

tilewood
4th Aug 2006, 07:30
Oscar Wild:
"I don't like being aboard ship, it's like being in goal, with the added risk of drowning"


I didn't know Oscar played in the Premier League!!

Do you mean 'gaol or jail?!!!' :p

henry crun
4th Aug 2006, 08:27
There are some truths so obvious that you need a particular kind of intelligence to stop you seeing them.

George Orwell.

Wyler
4th Aug 2006, 08:34
Do not panic, Flight Mechanic
Fitter 2 will see you through.


He doesn't know if his ar$e is drilled, bored or countersunk.


Chief Tech Gibson

My Dad

:ok:

woolyalan
4th Aug 2006, 08:51
Sung to the tune of auld lang syne:
We're here because, we're here because, we're here because we're here etc... - Soldiers song during world war 1

Space, says the introduction to the guide, is big. Really big. You just won't believe how hugely, mind bogglingly big it is. And so on - Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy

What to do if you find yourself stuck with no hope of rescue: Consider yourself lucky that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your present circumstances seems more likely, consider yourself lucky that it won't be troubling you much longer. - Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy

tony draper
4th Aug 2006, 09:19
hmmm,one of one's favourite goes summat like this.
My son,one of these day some fellow will come up to you waving a pack of cards and bet you that the Jack of Diamonds will jump out of the pack and squirt cider in your ear.
Do not take that mans bet my son, for surely you will get get a earfull of cider.
Damon Runyon
:rolleyes:

The SSK
4th Aug 2006, 09:20
Nobody's mentioned Benjamin Franklin yet?
'In the dark all cats are grey' - a well-known enough phrase, but I doubt many people realise how funny and how rude the context. My favourite piece of writing (http://readytogoebooks.com/BF28.htm)ever

planeenglish
4th Aug 2006, 09:25
Men get their pride from their work. Women get their pride from their men.

I don't know who said this, but I like it.

Capt.KAOS
4th Aug 2006, 10:10
From my favorite quotee Groucho Marx:

"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms"

"Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped"

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana"

The SSK
4th Aug 2006, 10:16
hmmm,one of one's favourite goes summat like this.
My son,one of these day some fellow will come up to you waving a pack of cards and bet you that the Jack of Diamonds will jump out of the pack and squirt cider in your ear.
Do not take that mans bet my son, for surely you will get get a earfull of cider.
Damon Runyon
:rolleyes:

Pretty close Mr D but it was the Jack of Spades.

The SSK - Runyon addict

tony draper
4th Aug 2006, 10:31
Indeed one loves Runyon,a spellbinding wordsmith, one had a much thumbed copy of his shorts stories Guys and Dolls,the laughter helped me through a grim time in me life,alas lent it out and it was never returned.
Strange that the stories have never converted to the large or small screen very well.

FunFlyin
4th Aug 2006, 10:51
"God gave us both a penis and a brain. But not enough blood to use both at the same time"

Robin Williams

barit1
4th Aug 2006, 11:34
"Sell not virtue to purchase wealth, nor Liberty to purchase power."
Benjamin Franklin, "Poor Richard's Almanac", 1738

A later version, "Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety",
was disavowed by Franklin in 1812, and was probably written by Richard Jackson in 1755. :8

Taildragger67
4th Aug 2006, 11:58
"Consider that a divorce" - Arnie in Total Recall

"Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink." - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill.
"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it." - His reply :ok:

ML King's "Free at last" and "I have a dream" speeches

JFK's Inauguration, "Ich Bin Ein Berliner" and "We choose to go to the moon... not because they are easy, but because they are hard" speeches.

"He's a shiver looking for a spine to run up" - PJ Keating about J. Hewson

"Old Jellyback" - PJK about Bob Hawke

The SSK
4th Aug 2006, 12:03
"Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink." - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill.
"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it." - His reply

I've never been convinced about that one, it's too good, straight out of music-hall with the straight man delivering lines for the funny one to bat back. Unless of course they got together beforehand and scripted it.

Parapunter
4th Aug 2006, 12:04
'These are the kind of windows faces look in at' - Withnail

'It's the kind of town the police would like a word with' Unknown - about Brighton.

Gaz ED
4th Aug 2006, 12:14
"I knew a woman once, Fawlty. Took her to see India ........at the Oval. The funny thing was she kept to referring to ........................."

The Major.
Fawlty Towers.

(Subsequently dragged out and shot by the thought police!)

Nimrod615
4th Aug 2006, 12:23
"There's no 'I' in team"

"No but there are 3 in 'Im the f***ing Captain!'"

Parapunter
4th Aug 2006, 12:28
"No, but there's a u in c**t"

terryJones
4th Aug 2006, 13:15
"Apart from that, what did you think of Dallas?" Unknown reporter back in '63.
Probably a decendant of the one who said
"That aside, what did you think of 'The American Cousin' "?

Mercenary Pilot
4th Aug 2006, 13:24
It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress.
R. Lee Ermey - Full Metal Jacket - 1987

G-CPTN
4th Aug 2006, 13:49
"there is something of the night about him"
Ann Widdecombe MP about Michael Howard (former Conservative Home Secretary) immediately prior to the 1997 Conservative leadership election. He lost.

frostbite
4th Aug 2006, 14:40
"But my legs are the best part of my face!"

Lady being told that miniskirts were to be banned at Ladie's Day, Ascot.

tony draper
4th Aug 2006, 14:48
"Still it moves",
Galileo.
:cool:

Minty Fresh
4th Aug 2006, 14:58
It's not the critic who counts; not the man who points out where the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; whose errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without shortcoming; who does actually try to do the deeds; who knows the great enthusiasm , the great devotion, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the very worst if he fails, he fails while daring greatly.

- Theodore Roosevelt

Davaar
4th Aug 2006, 15:35
I didn't know Oscar played in the Premier League!!
Do you mean 'gaol or jail?!!!' :p

When Dr Johnson said it a century or so before Oscar Wilde it was represented as "jail".

White Bear
4th Aug 2006, 16:23
"Beer is proof God loves us, and wants us to be happy". :ok:
Ben Franklin

planeenglish
4th Aug 2006, 16:26
"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
Charles H. Duell, U.S. Commissioner of Patents, in 1899 :rolleyes:
"Big fishy eat little fishy" and "you likey, customer likey" Chinese proverb? I doubt it, but it did come from a Chinese guy I knew named Jon . ;)

Dea Certe
4th Aug 2006, 17:35
"Did you ever notice how boring it is when someone else talks?"

I swear, I didn't say this!

Dea

RaraAvis
4th Aug 2006, 21:43
Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere.
Carl Sagan

When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.:E
Mae West

B Fraser
4th Aug 2006, 21:46
I can resist anything but temptation.

Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan, 1892, Act I
Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 - 1900)

pulse1
4th Aug 2006, 21:51
American Airforce officer being grilled by BBC reporter on the introduction of cruise missiles.

BBC man "What would happen if it went astray and crashed into a friendly city?"

USAF man "I guess it would ruin their whole day".

Sweet Magnolia
4th Aug 2006, 23:11
Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't.
Richard Bach

Noah Zark.
4th Aug 2006, 23:43
Lady Astor :- "Mr. Churchill, you are drunk."
Winston Churchill :- " Yes, and you, madam, are ugly. But tomorrow, I will be sober."

G-CPTN
4th Aug 2006, 23:47
From memory:-
You can tell a man who boozes, by the company he choses, and the pig got up and calmly walked away.

Lon More
5th Aug 2006, 00:18
G-CPTN Full text here (http://sniff.numachi.com/pages/tiPIGINEB4.html)

THE SENILITY PRAYER Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference

tony draper
5th Aug 2006, 00:25
"He who lives to run away,lives to run away another day"
Major Obediah Draper of the 17th Disgusting Lancers before he ran away from the Battle of Newburn.
:rolleyes:

RaraAvis
5th Aug 2006, 07:59
What is it, that separates human beings from the so-called lower animals?
Well, as I see it, it's exactly one half dozen significant things: Humor, Imagination, Eroticism - as opposed to the mindless, instinctive mating of glow-worms or raccoons - Spirituality, Rebelliousness, and Aesthetics, an appreciation of beauty for its own sake.
Tom Robbins

Before curiosity kills it, the cat learns more of the world than hundred unimaginative dogs.
...yet more Robbins:D

haughtney1
5th Aug 2006, 09:25
"Where I grew up it was rough, so rough..you felt overdressed walking up the street with both your ears"

"It was such a quiet place, the local newspaper ran the story..car goes up main street.."

Mr B Connely

AcroChik
5th Aug 2006, 10:10
There is nothing lower than the human race except the French.
- Carl Dolmetsch, quoting Mark Twain in Our Famous Guest

The French are the connecting link between man & the monkey.
- Mark Twain in his diary, Sept, 1879

Eliason
5th Aug 2006, 11:44
"Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety", was disavowed by Franklin in 1812, and was probably written by Richard Jackson in 1755

Seems like it sadly doesn't apply nowadays to the country where it was originally written for... :sad: :rolleyes:

"To light a fire is to cast a shadow"
Found in some book I once read - I think by Ursula LeGuin

Davaar
5th Aug 2006, 14:32
Quote:
“Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety", was disavowed by Franklin in 1812, and was probably written by Richard Jackson in 1755"

I would disavow it too, as one of those perennial superficially attractive but wet and empty statements of principle that do not bear much examination, as per:

1. “Who would give up”. Would on what unstated conditions, in which unstated circumstances?
2. Does “give up” equal the purchase price?
3. “Essential”. To what extent essential? What do you mean by essential? What do I mean by essential? What do Tom, Dick and Harry mean by essential? Is it Okay to give up non-essential liberty? What do you, I, Tom, et al., mean by "non-essential"?
4. “Liberty”. What kind of liberty?
5. “to purchase”. Something of a metaphor, always subject to doubt, always introduce uncertainty. Is a camel really the “ship of the desert”? No. It is really a camel, or perhaps a dromedary. Purchase from whom? Purchase how?
6. “a little”. How little is a little? Mony a mickle maks a muckle. Would it be Okay to purchase “not a little but a whole load” of temporary safety? If so, how much?
7. “Temporary”. How temporary? Would the principle extend to “permanent”?
8. “deserve”. Those who would not “give up”, do they “deserve”?

Cheerio
5th Aug 2006, 14:41
Here is one for Colmac.....(in reference to my performance on the 'smart' thread) ;)

'To be stupid, selfish and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.'

Gustave Flaubert

barit1
5th Aug 2006, 14:53
Quote:
“Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety", was disavowed by Franklin in 1812, and was probably written by Richard Jackson in 1755"
I would disavow it too, as one of those perennial superficially attractive but wet and empty statements of principle that do not bear much examination, as per:
1. “Who would give up”. Would on what unstated conditions, in which unstated circumstances?
2. Does “give up” equal the purchase price?
3. “Essential”. To what extent essential? What do you mean by essential? What do I mean by essential? What do Tom, Dick and Harry mean by essential? Is it Okay to give up non-essential liberty? What do you, I, Tom, et al., mean by "non-essential"?
4. “Liberty”. What kind of liberty?
5. “to purchase”. Something of a metaphor, always subject to doubt, always introduce uncertainty. Is a camel really the “ship of the desert”? No. It is really a camel, or perhaps a dromedary. Purchase from whom? Purchase how?
6. “a little”. How little is a little? Mony a mickle maks a muckle. Would it be Okay to purchase “not a little but a whole load” of temporary safety? If so, how much?
7. “Temporary”. How temporary? Would the principle extend to “permanent”?
8. “deserve”. Those who would not “give up”, do they “deserve”?

Wow! I have just been out-pedanted by ten kilometers! :*

Davaar
5th Aug 2006, 15:10
Hey Man! It's a gift.

P.S. It is known in the profession as "picking the flysh*t out of the pepper". Not so easy as it looks, and fortunes have been made and lost by it.

BUMPFF
5th Aug 2006, 16:18
I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would have me as a member (Groucho Marx)

Son, whether you get married or stay single you're doing the wrong thing (G. Marx again)

Parliamentary Private Secretary: "Winston, do ever lie to the people?" Winston: "Yes, particularly when it protects the survival of our nation."

Bomber Harris as a rejoinder to General Montgomery: "The trouble with paratroops is that they don't explode when they hit the ground."

Farmer 1
5th Aug 2006, 16:22
"You can take a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead."

Stan Laurel.

tony draper
5th Aug 2006, 16:24
"Pacifism is objectively pro-Fascist.
George Orwell
:cool:

Cheerio
5th Aug 2006, 17:25
Excellent Farmer 1, you have tapped a rich seam there!

'If you had a face like mine, you'd want to punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it!'

Bern Oulli
5th Aug 2006, 20:28
"Just because you have hair round your lips doesn't mean you can act like a c**t as well as look like one."
BSM "Q" Bty 286 Fld Regt RA to young gunner who thought he would grow a moustache. c.1965

Groundgripper
5th Aug 2006, 21:09
"actually, I get on very well with my mother-in-law - it's her daughter that drives me to distraction"

Words bravely spoken (very) late one evening in a scottish pub at a range of appproximately 350nm from Mrs GG.:}

GG

GullWing
5th Aug 2006, 22:06
"It is far better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt" (Was this Lord Byron?)

And of course one for those who fly...

"Roads? Where we're going we dont need roads!" (Doc Emmet L Brown, Back To The Future II)

Pan Pan Splash
5th Aug 2006, 22:22
My son has just offered up this, in reaction to the possibility of our summer holiday being cut short again..

"Dad, I love you too much for you to go back early"....


On that note.. if my Boss is reading... "Go to Hell" :ok:

The Nr Fairy
6th Aug 2006, 06:42
Pan Pan Splash:

Isn't about now the time your phone started working odd - not receiving calls ? :)

"You lot look like a thalidomide caterpillar" - CCF RSM, Cheltenham, early 80's.

Nani
6th Aug 2006, 11:56
"Don't worry about life, you're not going to survive it anyway."

Anonymous

airship
6th Aug 2006, 12:10
"If I got a dollar for every time...?!"

Davaar
6th Aug 2006, 13:08
Mrs Fred Willis, of Sherman. Tex., after riots, lynching, courthouse burned down, in May, 1930, to investigating authorities:

"I'd just as soon be dead as scared to death".

Texas Ranger Manuel T ("El Lobo Solo") Gonzaullas [incidentally, Dr draper, a devout Presbyterian, such were the ways of the frontier; my mother would have approved. Good men, those Texas Rangers]:

"Lady, there's a world of difference".

tony draper
6th Aug 2006, 13:21
"Hang 'em first, try 'em later" Judge Roy Bean, another good Texican Mr Davaar, one likes the cut of his jib.
:rolleyes:

barit1
6th Aug 2006, 15:12
"My tongue got caught in my eyeteeth, so I couldn't see what I was saying."
- Texanism

(I'm looking for a good copy of Boyce House's "I Give You Texas" - the termites devoured our family copy from Dad's WWII days)

G-CPTN
6th Aug 2006, 15:19
http://www.elephantbooks.com/item_list.asp?category=Americana%3ATexana&major_id=4
http://www.elephantbooks.com/item_detail.asp?item_id=56874&SSID=124965847%2D509544015
http://www.elephantbooks.com/item_detail.asp?item_id=58982&SSID=124965847%2D509544015
http://www.elephantbooks.com/item_detail.asp?item_id=57849&SSID=124965847%2D509544015
http://www.moneyblows.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=MBM&Product_Code=0011557
http://shopping.msn.com/prices/shp/?itemId=45642128

Or signed by the author:-
http://cgi.ebay.com/Vintage-1943-Signed-I-Give-you-Texas-by-Boyce-House_W0QQitemZ7041710575QQihZ014QQcategoryZ29223QQssPageNam eZWD1VQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Davaar
6th Aug 2006, 15:44
Indeed, Dr draper, we recall Judge Roy and his feelings for The Jersey Lily. We have ourselves a douceur for Miss Loretta Lynn.

Having of late studied the Life and Times of Captain Manuel Trazazas ("El Lobo Solo") Gonzaullas, commanding Company B,The Texas Rangers, we have suggested to Frau Davaar that it is time for a change and perhaps a second career awaits us, well me, actually, not her, with that noble band:

"For fact stands out of hard-fought fight, or years of stand-up strife --
The Ranger rode the border and the outlaw rode for life".

I already have Blackstone in the handy four volume saddle-bag set.

Judge Roy hanged them, but Ranger Manuel Trazazas ("El Lobo Solo") Gonzaullas was more ruthless still; he worked on their souls, carrying a supply of annotated New Testaments for the saving of miscreants as he and they trotted, he in the saddle and they on foot, wrists tied to his stirrups, across the great hot plains. Many must have longed for Walker, Texas Ranger, instead.

When short of jail space he took over a church, nailed a chain to the floor at one end by the communion table and at the other by the door, and shackled the Suspected (Well, we can't try them ALL in the first 30 days, can we?) Sinners to it at intervals (men by the neck, women by the ankle). They could not leave to attend calls of nature, but El Lobo Solo said they could just as well pass the bucket for the collection. That was Ranger humour. What a laugh they must all have had together. It was a Baptist Church, though, so it was Okay.

Frau Davaar is very understanding, has offered to pack sandwiches for the trip to Waco, and I am looking around for a suitable steed. If the Texas Rangers prove difficult, maybe some ridiculous age-limit, there are always the others in Arizona, against whom the Outlaw Texas Red made his fatal slip (with the Arizona Ranger with the big iron on his hip who was to bring him back alive or maybe dead; it really didn't matter, he something something said; Pigboat knows the words).

They tell me sleeping al fresco, head on saddle and the twinking stars above is very refreshing. By the way, El Lobo Solo (I think I know him well enough to be familiar) sometimes used hounds (the baying hound) and I believe you have one. I don't suppose you would care to join me, bring the hound along, and make it a group application? Maybe Pigboat too. Anyway: Keep you posted.

tony draper
6th Aug 2006, 16:05
One would gladly see hanged the miscreant who stole one's copy of Mr Marty Robbins Gunfighter Ballards Mr Davaar,that held the tale of Texas Red and the chap with the big iron, also wicked Felina of El Paso,and various other tales of wicked women leading poor chaps to shooting each other and being hanged as a result.
Strange that they all seemed to have time to compose sad ditties before before mounting the scaffold,still that is a old tradition started over here by the likes of the Laird of Derwentwater and his lament before handing the chap with the axe a few coins.
:rolleyes:

mcluhan
6th Aug 2006, 16:13
I can't think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they're dead. (Laura Kightlinger):eek: :} :} :}

EyesToTheSkies
6th Aug 2006, 16:27
"Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine"

A colleague.

G-CPTN
6th Aug 2006, 16:36
An erstwhile manager used to say there was NO excuse for being late for a meeting.
"You should have PLANNED for every contingency, (including earthquakes having disrupted all communications)."

tony draper
6th Aug 2006, 17:18
"No flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris."—Orville Wright.
:uhoh:

seacue
6th Aug 2006, 18:42
I am very happy to see that Maitre Davaar has returned to his old form. I had feared that he had become a GOM like I am.

tony draper
6th Aug 2006, 18:48
Surely that should read "Wot like I am" anyway grumpyness is a goal to be striven for.
:rolleyes:

reynoldsno1
6th Aug 2006, 20:50
"What the f*** was that?"
Mayor of Horoshima,1945

"They're going to have someone's f***ing eye out in a minute"
Harold 1, 1066

G-CPTN
6th Aug 2006, 22:05
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
Thomas Watson Senior, Chairman of IBM, 1943

singaporegirl
6th Aug 2006, 22:43
Now who is this pair of strangers
Ridding the world of all dangers?
Not exactly "Bonanza",
More Quixote and Panza,
Drapes and Davaar: the Lone Derangers.
:rolleyes:

pigboat
7th Aug 2006, 00:35
There has to be somebody out there, like an evil reverse Santa Claus, who has made a career of stealing copies of Gunfighter Ballads And Trail Songs. He got mine in 1969. May he rot in Hell. :uhoh:

Edited to add:

Davaar, count me in. I shall get the chaps out of mothballs forthwith. ;)

gupta
7th Aug 2006, 06:22
Always been struck by this:


It is the soldier, not the reporter,
who has given us freedom of the press.
It is the soldier, not the poet,
who has given us freedom of speech.
It is the soldier, not the campus organizer,
who has given us the freedom to demonstrate.
It is the soldier, not the lawyer,
who has given us the right to a fair trial.
It is the soldier,
who salutes the flag,
who serves under the flag,
and whose coffin is draped by the flag,
who allows the protester to burn the flag. By Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, USMC

OverTq
7th Aug 2006, 08:39
Spike Milligan's headstone -

"I told them I was ill"

Davaar
7th Aug 2006, 10:11
Every man thinks meanly of himself for not having been a soldier, or not having been at sea.

Dr Johnson.

Cheerio
7th Aug 2006, 11:29
Or with the same sentiment, as Shakespeare would attribute King Henry V:

"This story shall the good man teach his son; and Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by, from this day to the ending of the world, but we in it shall be remember'd;

We few, we happy few, we Band of Brothers; For he to-day that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile, this day shall gentle his condition;

And gentlemen in England now a-bed shall think themselves accursed they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks that fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day."

Capt.KAOS
7th Aug 2006, 13:40
To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.


(Theodore Roosevelt)

MoateAir
7th Aug 2006, 14:32
Another Chinese proverb:

"Wan who walks onto plane sideways probably going to Bangkok".


Rev. Spooner on finding someone sat at his regular seat in church:

"Excuse me sir, but you are occupewing my pie"

G-CPTN
7th Aug 2006, 14:37
One has brought-up one's Mrs and Kids to appreciate the proclivities of the Revd Spooner, AND the activities of the Bishop and the Actress.

frostbite
7th Aug 2006, 14:45
One also mustn't forget Mrs Malaprop!

G-CPTN
7th Aug 2006, 16:01
OR Miss Print . . .

(who wears a Freudian slip.)

tony draper
7th Aug 2006, 16:12
"I'll try anything once", as the Bishop said to the Bishop.
:E
"You won't know untill you try it", as the actress said to the actress,
:E

frostbite
7th Aug 2006, 17:26
'Some days it's just not worth chewing through the straps'.

(both a quote and an observation)

wasdale
7th Aug 2006, 18:13
"There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full."

Henry Kissinger

McAero
7th Aug 2006, 19:40
" I know I was born, and I know that I'll die. The in-between is mine. I am mine"

I try to live by this. Cheers to Eddie Vedder, Pearl Jam.

AntiCrash
8th Aug 2006, 03:26
"You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing, after they have exausted all other possibilities."
Sir Winston Churchill

tony draper
8th Aug 2006, 03:35
Dear Sir,
I sit in the smallest room your letter before me, soon it will be behind me.
Your sincerly.
Winston Churchill
:uhoh:

Rich Lee
8th Aug 2006, 04:03
"The greatest happiness is
to vanquish your enemies,
to chase them before you,
to rob them of their wealth,
to see those dear to them
bathed in tears, to clasp to
your bosom their wives
and daughters"
-GENGHIS KHAN

Blacksheep
8th Aug 2006, 06:41
Every man thinks meanly of himself for not having been a soldier, or not having been at sea.Except us old airmen that is, Davs. ;)

He had a tough childhood, that Ghengis.

notmyC150v2
8th Aug 2006, 07:13
Charles the first, as he was enjoying a springtime game of bowls at the Spencer estate, Althorpe, had a visitor. It was Cornet George Joyce - a very junior officer, had come to take him into custody of the new model army. "where is your commission"? he asked the polite young soldier who led him away the following morning. "here is my commission', said the corporal. "where"? asked the King, expecting to be shown a document signed by Fairfax. "Behind me", Joyce answered, indicating the troop of five hundred New Model cavalry waiting to escort them to an army rendezvous at Newmarket.

"It is as fair a commission as I have seen in my life", Charles acknowledged.

quoted poorly from "The Tyrannicide Brief" by Geoffrey Robertson.

notmyC150v2
8th Aug 2006, 07:16
But first death to all the lawyers.

Dunno who said it but they should be sainted.

Ultralights
8th Aug 2006, 07:42
"I think the problem is that it's French, it's a surrender monkey.... So you see if you show it a difficult corner, it just sort of gives in. Sits in a cloud of its own smoke, with its hands up 'I don't want to go around this corner fast. I want to go home and make love and make cheese. That's what I like doing most of all because I'm French!'"

MoateAir
8th Aug 2006, 13:41
.......and then there is the worlds most polite bad character/job reference......

"If you can get (insert name here) to work for you, you will indeed be fortunate"

barit1
8th Aug 2006, 13:59
But first death to all the lawyers.
Dunno who said it but they should be sainted.

"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers". - (Act IV, Scene II).
- Henry VI part 2, Wm. S. :8

one dot right
8th Aug 2006, 14:06
"The greatest happiness is
to vanquish your enemies,
to chase them before you,
to rob them of their wealth,
to see those dear to them
bathed in tears, to clasp to
your bosom their wives
and daughters"
-GENGHIS KHAN

He was a lovely chap wasn't he?:uhoh:

Mr Lexx
8th Aug 2006, 14:08
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.


(sorry, seem to have gone all "bumper sticker")

Hobo
8th Aug 2006, 14:49
The trouble with History is, it's just one f*cking thing after another. Allen Bennett

woolyalan
8th Aug 2006, 15:28
"I think the problem is that it's French, it's a surrender monkey.... So you see if you show it a difficult corner, it just sort of gives in. Sits in a cloud of its own smoke, with its hands up 'I don't want to go around this corner fast. I want to go home and make love and make cheese. That's what I like doing most of all because I'm French!'"
Clarkson????

"If we learn about history, and history repeats itself, then we must be terrible at learning from out mistakes" - cant remember who, but its so true.

and of course

this site (http://www.dubyaspeak.com) is full of brilliant quotations, a few dont make sense, but are as funny as hell

Rich Lee
8th Aug 2006, 16:12
"…take the fight to the enemy and [do] not be passive about it. The best medicine is aggression and violent supremacy. After contact, they will fear us more than they hate us."
-LTC Bryan McCoy Commander
3rd Bn, 4th Marines
Somewhere in Iraq

"Please send me your last pair of shoes, worn out with dancing as you mentioned in your letter, so that I might have something to press against my heart."
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Capt. Jerome, USMC: "Captain Jerome, United States Marine Corps, and you are my prisoner, sir."
The Bashaw of Tangier: "You are a very dangerous man, Captain, and your President Roosevelt is mad."
Capt. Jerome, USMC: "Yes, sir!"
-from the film "Wind and the Lion"

Davaar
8th Aug 2006, 16:56
.....................

Forty flags with their silver stars,
Forty flags with their crimson bars,

Flapped in the morning wind: the sun
Of noon looked down and saw not one.

Up rose old Barbara Frietchie then,
Bowed with her fourscore years and ten;

Bravest of all in Frederick town,
She took up the flag the men hauled down.

In her attic window the staff she set,
To show that one heart was loyal yet.

Up the street came the rebel tread,
Stonewall Jackson riding ahead.

Under his slouched hat left and right
He glanced; the old flag met his sight.

“Halt!” – the dust-brown ranks stood fast.
“Fire!: – out blazed the rifle blast.

It shivered the window, pane and sash;
It rent the banner with seam and gash.

Quick as it fell, from the broken staff,
Dame Barbara snatched the silken scarf.

She leaned far out on the window sill,
And shook it forth with a royal will.

“Shoot, if you must, this old gray head,
Bur spare your country’s flag,” she said.

A shade of sadness, a blush of shame,
Over the face of the leader came.

The nobler nature within him stirred
To life at that woman’s deed and word.

“Who touches a hair of yon gray head
Dies like a dog! March on!”, he said.

................................

John Greenleaf Whittier

[T J “Stonewall” Jackson. Observed of him (Brigadier) in the First Battle of Manassas: “Look, there stands Jackson like a stone wall."]

tony draper
8th Aug 2006, 17:08
Ah,that brings back memories one recals Mr Masterman, a large rotund teacher of fond memory striding back and forth in front of the class reciting that with much sweeping gesture and air punching.
Also another one cannot quite recal about a maid being tied to the foot of a bed with many a merry jest,by evil redcoats of course.
:rolleyes:

Davaar
8th Aug 2006, 17:41
On the other hand there was the Southern Belle (I could find the source of the report, given half an hour or so) who was caught up in the pacification program.

A Northern general told her she must swear an oath of of loyalty to the Union. She demurred, on the grounds that her Mama had forbidden her to swear, as it was very very wicked indeed to do so. She always did, she said, what her Mama told her.

This, said the general, must be the exception. You must swear, no matter what your Mama says.

She thought that over and replied that if she must swear because he told he she must then she must, but the sin for swearing would lie on his head, not hers? Right?

He agreed.

Well then, she said, if I must swear, I must: God damn every Yankee to Hell!

Dick Fisher
8th Aug 2006, 17:56
During an earlier life as a broadcaster, I always thought this quote was entirely responsible for helping me maintain a "normal" hat size.

"The fact that your voice is amplified to the extent that it reaches from one end of the country to the other, does not confer upon you greater wisdom and understanding than you possessed when your voice reached only from one end of the bar to the other".

Edward R Murrow

Davaar
8th Aug 2006, 18:24
"Within ten days of our several appointments, my learned brothers and I realised we were selected for our manifest brilliance and not, as we had hoped before appointment, as the reward for twenty years loyal spear-carrying for the ******* Party of Canada."

Mr Justice ***** of the Appeal Court of *****.

AntiCrash
8th Aug 2006, 19:33
Thou shall not pull less than 100 BMEP in descent.

James W. Boy's 11th commandment

Solid Rust Twotter
8th Aug 2006, 19:42
Barbara Richie, were it not Mr Davaar? One grows cotton headed with age....:(

Rich Lee
8th Aug 2006, 19:56
Lord Naoshige said, "The Way of the Samurai is in desperateness. Ten men or more cannot kill such a man. Common sense will not accomplish great things. Simply become insane and desperate."
-Analects of Nabeshima (or, as it is more commonly known - Hagakure Analects of the US Postal Service)

Fall in and prepare to march!
No time now to talk or trifle.
silence, you orators!
The word is with you,
Comrade Rifle!
-- "Left March"
Vladimir Mayakovsky, 1948

"Death is better, a milder fate than tyranny."
-Aechylus 525-456 B.C.

"Choose tyranny!"
-General Claire, Leader of the Canadian World Domination Movement, 1998;
whose stated aims are:

1. The systematic destruction and sublimation of all opposing the Canadian reign -- and the polite, yet horrifically brutal, control of our future territories of conquest.
2. Infiltrating the USA and through a cleverly designed plan, destroying it, and using its resources for our own purposes.
3. Demonstrating to the world that Canada is the final and ultimate power.

http://cwd.ptbcanadian.com/

Davaar
8th Aug 2006, 21:00
Barbara Richie, were it not Mr Davaar? One grows cotton headed with age....:(

No, with respect, Solid, it was Frietchie. A more substantive snag is, as I have read, that Jackson's march did not take him through Fredericksburg; a trifling, nit-picking, cavil, I think we can agree. His march SHOULD have taken him through Fredericksburg, where ol' Barb had her line awaiting delivery.

seacue
8th Aug 2006, 21:44
No, no, Maitre Davaar. Babs Frietchie was a Frederick, Maryland, lass. Not a southern gal of Fredericksburg, Virginia. Frederick is the seat of Frederick County, Maryland, while Winchester is seat of Frederick County, Virginia. Prince Frederick is seat of Calvert County, Maryland. Being a City, Fredericksburg, Virginia, isn't in any county. Never hurt to butter up the royals a bit.

Word around Frederick was that Babs was a bit "off" and hung out the flag for all the troups.

In more recent years there's been a Barbara Fritchie candy shop along the highway just west of Frederck. Can't say whether it's still there or met a diserved end.

seacue
(My parents retired to Frederick.)

tony draper
8th Aug 2006, 21:55
Don't think that Babs woman would have been as lucky had this chap been in charge.

http://groups.msn.com/LatinFlyersAirportBar/drapespickies.msnw?action=ShowPhoto&PhotoID=1759

:E

answer=42
8th Aug 2006, 22:25
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

Albert Einstein

Flash2001
8th Aug 2006, 22:32
Oderint dum metuent.

Caligula.

Reminds me of the Marine officer quoted above.


After an excellent landing you can use the airplane again!

henry crun
8th Aug 2006, 22:36
Lord grant me chastity, but not yet.

Saint Augustine

Unwell_Raptor
8th Aug 2006, 22:45
We're all fcuked. I'm fcuked. You're fcuked. The whole department's fcuked. It's been the biggest cock-up ever and we're all completely fcuked.

Sir Richard Mottram - Civil Servant

Davaar
8th Aug 2006, 23:38
QUOTE

No, no, Maitre Davaar. Babs Frietchie was a Frederick, Maryland, lass. Not a southern gal of Fredericksburg, Virginia. Frederick is the seat of Frederick County, Maryland, while Winchester is seat of Frederick County, Virginia. Prince Frederick is seat of Calvert County, Maryland. Being a City, Fredericksburg, Virginia, isn't in any county. Never hurt to butter up the royals a bit.

Word around Frederick was that Babs was a bit "off" and hung out the flag for all the troups.

In more recent years there's been a Barbara Fritchie candy shop along the highway just west of Frederck. Can't say whether it's still there or met a diserved end.

seacue

UNQUOTE

All I will venture is that the dear lady's name is spelled "Frietchie" in The Home Book of Verse, 9th ed, and I am not about to mess with Holt, Rinehart and Winston of New York, Chicago and San Francisco.

I will agree that our republican friends a little South have a lingering warmth for the crowned heads, going so far as keep King of Prussia, PA (as I recall?). Up here we changed "Berlin" to "Kitchener" during a past unpleasantness.

That lot in MD were not too reliable, come to that. They gave Mr Lincoln an anxious moment or two. I cannot remember where I read that Jackson did not encounter Ms F., wherever she was. Somewhere.

I shall add the seacue geography to my must visits.

seacue
9th Aug 2006, 02:41
That lot in MD were not too reliable, come to that. Yep, 'twere very likely that MD would have "gone southern" had it not been for the vast Union occupying forces. The town of Frederick has a German heritage.

Back to the quotes:

1) Some times I think I'm indecisive, but I'm not really sure.
2) Regarding computers: Hurry up and buy now before the price goes down.
3) Also computers: If you can actually get delivery, it's obsolete.

I claim authorship of all of these. They originated in the 1960s.

seacue

G-CPTN
9th Aug 2006, 02:47
2) Regarding computers: Hurry up and buy now before the price goes down.
How true! I used to watch the window-stock of a large supplier of electronic devices (remember credit-card-sized 'appointment diaries'). Every couple of months the new model (with more features) would be CHEAPER!

con-pilot
9th Aug 2006, 02:50
If we are having fun now, this is it!

By me on the 30th trip into Aspen back in 1980.

We are having way too much fun now.

By me on 40th trip into Aspen in 2005.

(I hate Aspen by the way.):ooh:

G-CPTN
9th Aug 2006, 02:55
"Haven't had so much fun since the cat died." Anonymous
(Typically used when attending an event which turns out to be frustrating.)

Loose rivets
9th Aug 2006, 03:08
"They're going to have someone's f***ing eye out in a minute"
Harold 1, 1066


And, "Keep yer eye on that one Harold!":ouch:

Capt Claret
9th Aug 2006, 03:52
To compliment MoateAir

He sets an abysmally low standard, which he fails to achieve.

Blacksheep
9th Aug 2006, 04:39
"Who the fcuk do you think you are!!? Davy fcuking Crockett!!!?

Corporal "Jock" Bailey, Drill Instructor 'B' Flight, No.2 Sqn, No. 3(A) Wing RAF Halton. 1963


"All day Sergeant!"

A/A "Face" Johnson in reply to Sgt "Dino" Stoneman's question "How long have you been in the Air Force you despicable lump of dog turd!!!?"


"Yes Sarje. You're standing on me hair!"

Me, in response to the question whispered in my ear by the same "Dino" - "Am I 'urting you lad?

Oh Lordy, Lordy - I do so wish I'd never said that... :uhoh:
It did grow back. Eventually.

ChrisVJ
9th Aug 2006, 07:59
"If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times this week, we don't sell those because there's no call for them."

Barkly1992
9th Aug 2006, 08:18
Rupert Murdoch (The Dirty Digger) on the commencment of the Gulf War 2 - "The price of a barrell of oil should fall to US$20."

:}

got banned
9th Aug 2006, 08:30
whoever invented decorating wants fu%*ing

whoever invented fu%*ing wants decorating


(my dad)

Solid Rust Twotter
9th Aug 2006, 08:41
Many thanks Mijnheer Davaar.

One's Saffer education is sadly lacking when it comes to American history...:O :\

SID PLATE
9th Aug 2006, 09:03
"They couldn't hit an elephant at such a dist......"

Last words of American Civil War General Duncan Sedgwick

bigfatsweatysock
9th Aug 2006, 10:06
All the war-propaganda, all the screaming and lies and hatred, comes invariably from people who are not fighting.
George Orwell

All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome.
George Orwell

"Of course the people don't want war. But after all, it's the leaders of the country who determine the policy, and it's always a simple matter to drag the people along whether it's a democracy, a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism, and exposing the country to greater danger."
Herman Goering at the Nuremberg trials

Violence is the first refuge of the incompetant.
Isaac Asimov

Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel
Dr. Samuel Johnson

MoateAir
9th Aug 2006, 10:30
Thanks for the kind words Cpt Claret :confused:

I think this was one of Churchill's pearlers.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

barit1
9th Aug 2006, 11:35
Some times I'm bipolar, but sometimes not.
- Mrs. b :ouch:

sir.pratt
9th Aug 2006, 12:08
it's not dyslexic being easy........

if i've told you once, i've told you a million times - stop exaggerating!

Farmer 1
9th Aug 2006, 12:10
If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.


(And a variation on a theme -)
You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.


Dorothy Parker

Davaar
9th Aug 2006, 12:41
I claim authorship of all of these. They originated in the 1960s.

seacue

Ah! I like that. It opens a whole new field of literature: One's own quotes.

They should be known as "seacues". I claim to originate the usage.

It is so simple, too; no need to write a book, find a publisher, and then wait a century for someone else to find the bons mots inside and make them into "quotations". One simply has the pensee, hits a victim with it, TELLS SOMEONE ELSE, and there we are: Instant Quotation

Needless to say I have a few of my own in the locker. In response to "Ou sont les neiges d'antan" I snap right back: "Elles sont a la tete", the hoary locks, the passage of time, Life's Experience, and all that. Dashed witty I think.

Too bad it has to be in French, but then the French are a topic on which I am ridiculously broad-minded.

Rich Lee
9th Aug 2006, 18:54
Flight Test Quotes

"They are not doing flight test, they are doing electro-political engineering."
- Yoda (Jim Adkins) at a contentious flight test briefing.

"There is no column for hookers."
- British Flight Test Engineer Mike Pope after viewing the new Boeing Travel Expense Report.

"Everything fits in the virtual world."
- Engineer Dean Van Delar about Cadcam sprogs who don't understand why Cadcam designed parts do not always fit on the real aircraft.

"The CH-46 is a priceless national asset."
- William Wainwright (without hint of a smile)

"I do not eat animal crackers. Animal crackers do not bleed!"
- Dave Guthrie after a successful Hellfire test.

"You have the general build of a sailor."
- Ron A. Trejo, US Marine (RAT) to an RAF pilot.

"Typically oscillations are not by design"
- Engineer Bill Harris CRW Yuma

"TLOS!
What is TLOS? Is that a Situational Awareness Acronym ?
TLOS stands for 'Table Load Of Shxt'."
- Tom Cloud SA

This is NKR-(Not Kuit Right)
- Flood (F-15 Experimental Test Pilot)

tilewood
9th Aug 2006, 19:20
"Haven't had so much fun since the cat died." Anonymous
(Typically used when attending an event which turns out to be frustrating.)


Or " I haven't laughed so much since the old king died!!" :p

tony draper
9th Aug 2006, 19:31
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Dorothy Parker.
:)

tilewood
9th Aug 2006, 19:34
"Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?!!"

Mae West.

Sorry to lower the tone! :)

barit1
9th Aug 2006, 20:50
"Well - y'know what I always say"

"No, what DO you always say??"

"aaaaah - - - I forget."

- (self, more than once...) :ouch:

AcroChik
9th Aug 2006, 21:03
Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
Dorothy Parker

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
Mae West.

terrain safe
9th Aug 2006, 21:27
"The only words that fill me with fear " Daddy wanna poo" ", The Rock:\

seacue
10th Aug 2006, 03:24
Davaar's comment on my claim of authorship Ah! I like that. It opens a whole new field of literature: One's own quotes.

I greatly value that comment, coming as it does from a great wordsmith such as Davaar. Thank you.

Autoquotes forever!

seacue

Richo77
10th Aug 2006, 04:49
"Talking to you is like masturbating with a cheese grater; somewhat amusing but mostly painful"

Ford Fairlane

BelfastChild
10th Aug 2006, 05:55
Be careful because there is always someone ready to step into your shoes and do your job better than you do it

David Brent

barit1
13th Aug 2006, 18:41
Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.
and
Sometimes the first duty of intelligent men is the restatement of the obvious.

George Orwell

ormus55
13th Aug 2006, 19:24
Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence.
Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved, and always will solve, the problems of the human race"




no idea who wrote it, but its just brilliant.

Davaar
13th Aug 2006, 19:28
[ The slogan "press on" has solved, and always will solve, the problems of the human race"[/I]
.

Or, as it used to be quoted by one of my teachers lang syne:

"Patience and Perseverence
Made a Bishop of His Reverence".

tony draper
13th Aug 2006, 19:33
Old Mr Jones First Mate MV British Monarch,
"Procrastination is the thief of time laddy"
"Yer right Mr Jones, I'll do it first thing the morrow"
:uhoh:

tart1
13th Aug 2006, 20:32
Yet another Chinese proverb ... Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time. :)

My favourite: Be careful what you wish for. ;) (was it Oscar Wilde - most quotations seems to be from him!)

matt_hooks
13th Aug 2006, 22:01
Ah, good old Confucius, the author of such greats as:-

He who go through turnstile sideways going to Bangkok

Although obviously one could rewrite that in the present climate as

He who go through turnstile sideways going to be shot by the security for carrying a large bottle of water!

And an old favourite of my geography teacher at school, god bless Mr Furneaux!

He who tamper with elephant get tusk up bracket!

G-CPTN
13th Aug 2006, 22:05
Chemistry Master (who had been gassed in WW1 and had to clear his throat before speaking), when ever anyone dropped a glass beaker or other apparatus:-
" Hmmhmm, did it bounce?"

RIP Charles Gent.

H Ferguson
13th Aug 2006, 22:56
As I was going to St. Ives
I met a man with seven wives.
Said he, 'I think it's much more fun
Than getting stuck with only one'

'St Ives' Roald Dahl 1916-90

Thing's that go 'bump' in the night
Should not really give one a fright.
It's the hole in each ear
That lets in the fear,
That, and the absence of light!

'BUMP! Spike Milligan

President J.F. Kennedy quoting George Bernard Shaw on the influence of the Irish

" Speaking as an Irishman, (Shaw) summed up an approach to life other people......'see things and say: Why ?........But I dream things that never were- and I say :Why not?

G-CPTN
13th Aug 2006, 22:59
There are holes in the sky where the rain rushes in, but they're ever so small.
That's why rain is so thin.
Spike Milligan.

pigboat
13th Aug 2006, 23:07
Capitalism stands for the unequal sharing of blessings. Socialism stands for the equal sharing of misery.
Winston Churchill.

The philosophy of the schoolroom in one generation will be the philosophy of governance in the next.
Abraham Lincoln.

A proof is a proof. What kind of proof? It's a proof. A proof is a proof. And when you have a good proof it's because it's proven.
Jean Chretien.

As I See It
13th Aug 2006, 23:38
"I'd like to say it's been a pleasure working with you, but I'm an honest man and that would be lying."

By me, when saying goodbye to a fellow employee I didn't very much respect

Pan Pan Splash
13th Aug 2006, 23:43
Tonto to Lone Ranger...

"whats this "We" Paleface"??

:E

barit1
17th Aug 2006, 12:57
Self, on several occasions (especially when admiring someone's shiny new flying toy):

"Gee, I wish I was rich instead of so damned handsome!" :}

Foss
17th Aug 2006, 18:48
G-Capt
My physics teacher used to say after a drop of anything onto the floor, pencil, beaker, acid 'Well it's not going to fall any further is it. Newton boys, Newton.'
[email protected]

'Flippin 'eck, it's a bit nippy out here.'
Scott of the Antarcrtic.

Rossian
17th Aug 2006, 19:02
Re posts 165 /181
"since the old king /cat died"
Scene: deep hole in the Appenine mountains
Time : Oh God o'clock in the mid-1980s
Situation : Another f***ing paper exercise, in the Navy distaff room
Personae: several persons, all male, of different nationalities, of the military persuasion under the command of one of the most amusing Captains RN it was ever my pleasure to work for.
Smart US Army captain marches in, salutes very smartly " good evening sir i'm from the comsec division as HQ*******"
Capt DE (expansively) "Yes dear boy what can the Navy do for you?"
SUSAC "I'm sorry to say sir I've had to file a COMSEC violation against your department"
Capt DE (sits bolt upright in chair) " Goood lord I can't believe any of my chaps slipped up like that what happened?"
SUSAC "Sir it's not one of your chaps as you call them, it's against you personally" (V embarrassed)
Capt DE "ME????? How can you tell it was ME?"
SUSAC " Sir, no one else in the whole of HQ******* uses the phrase 'since the Old Queen died,' Even the Brit admiral recognised it"
Capt DE "I reckon that's a fair cop then, guv"
SUSAC "I beg your pardon sir.........?? What does that mean?"
Capt DE had been captain of Britannia and HQ******* was deemed a rest tour after that.
The Ancient Mariner

Davaar
17th Aug 2006, 20:04
First Mate MV British Monarch,
" :

Attributed to someone or other when King Edward VIII wished to marry Mrs Wallis Simpson (twice divorced) and yet remain king:

"The Lord High Admiral of England cannot become the third mate of an American tramp".

Davaar
18th Aug 2006, 00:59
Identical words concerning the same general uttered by opposing armies about to engage in bitter mutual battle, Chattanooga, November, 1863.

Ulysses S Grant, Major General in the United States regular army, aware that he was under fire, went out alone with a bugler to inspect the Union picquets.

He was recognised by a Union soldier, who shouted: "Turn out the guard for the commanding general!".

Grant said: "Never mind the guard"; but it was too late. The call had been heard in the Confederate lines.

Across no man's land came an answering call: "Turn out the guard for the commanding general -- General Grant!"

General Grant saluted the Confederate guard and continued on his way.

woolyalan
18th Aug 2006, 10:26
Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.


He who controls the past commands the future. He who commands the future conquers the past.

Was actually that one (I think), even if it isnt, this quote was used in the original Command & Conquer game

tony draper
18th Aug 2006, 11:35
Re the Simpson woman,she must have been doing something special for HRH,because he certainly can't have married her for her looks.
:rolleyes:

Davaar
18th Aug 2006, 12:33
Whatever it was, she was rumoured to be very good at it, and had learned it in the Far East. Hong Kong, I think.

tony draper
18th Aug 2006, 14:25
Ah yes Mr Davaar,Honkers was awash with such graduates. :rolleyes:
She was a singulalry ugly woman unless the camera hs been very unkind to her.
I think someone very high up at the time posed a similar question to mine.
and Edward was rumoured to be a bit strange,one suspect the knives were out for him when he said publicly, speaking of the unemployed "We must do something for these people"
"Oh dear! we can't have that old chap"
:uhoh:

My Dad's Little Boy
18th Aug 2006, 15:22
" Show me where it says in my f:mad: g contract that I've got to f:mad: g smile, you f:mad: g docile c:mad: !"

A colleague of mine who was having a really, really bad day after he had been told to "Smile - it's not that bad" by his manager.

MDLB

barit1
18th Aug 2006, 18:03
He who controls the past commands the future. He who commands the future conquers the past.

Was actually that one (I think), even if it isnt, this quote was used in the original Command & Conquer game

Prolly from G.O.'s 1984 - if anyone can quote the book I'll gladly concede.

Davaar
18th Aug 2006, 18:25
he said publicly, speaking of the unemployed "We must do something for these people"
:uhoh:

Yes, Dr draper. This is where my usually-well-suppressed pinko element rises to the ascendant. I believe your quotation and response are accurate.

The late Nevil Shute wrote a novel about that time, and it is set near the draper estates. It is not currently in print, I think, but I recently wanted to refresh my memory and I got a copy from the net. If you like, look for: "Ruined City", about a fictitious ship-building town in North East England, having a hard time in the Depression. Where might that reality have been, would you say?

barit1
21st Aug 2006, 12:42
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
Martin Luther King, Jr

ORAC
21st Aug 2006, 13:01
I believe the point goes to barit 1.
George Orwell - 1984:
"The Party said that Oceania had never been in alliance with Eurasia. He, Winston Smith, knew that Oceania had been in alliance with Eurasia as short a time as four years ago. But where did that knowledge exist? Only in his own consciousness, which in any case must soon be annihilated. And if all others accepted the lie which the Party imposed-if all records told the same tale-then the lie passed into history and became truth. "Who controls the past,"' ran the Party slogan, "controls the future: who controls the present controls the past." And yet the past, though of its nature alterable, never had been altered. Whatever was true now was true from everlasting to everlasting. It was quite simple. All that was needed was an unending series of victories over your own memory. "Reality control," they called it; in Newspeak, "doublethink."

Farmer 1
21st Aug 2006, 13:33
To return to the old theme, with another variation:

If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.

G.B. Shaw.

The Bloomsbury Treasury of Quotations is licensed from Bloomsbury Publishing Plc. Copyright © 1994 by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc. All rights reserved.

slim_slag
21st Aug 2006, 14:09
No idea who that it cab be attributed to but

For every complex problem, there is a simple solution, and it's always wrong

Was going to post it on the 'Profiling thread', but then realised it would apply to almost every bloody political/secuirity/terrorism thread, so thought better put it in here.

seacue
21st Aug 2006, 14:19
Slim_Slag
Isn't your quote from Mr. Einstein? The version I remember doesn't contain the always.

ORAC
21st Aug 2006, 14:31
For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.
H.L. Mencken (1880-1956)

Big Tudor
21st Aug 2006, 14:39
"It is in truth not for glory, nor riches, nor honours that we are fighting, but for freedom -- for that alone, which no honest man gives up but with life itself."
Various, 6April 1325. Monastery of Arbroath.

JAW656
21st Aug 2006, 18:48
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."— Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.

pure genius :rolleyes:

seacue
21st Aug 2006, 19:28
Thank you ORAC, more like what one would expect from the Sage of Baltimore than from my suggested source.

gregers
21st Aug 2006, 19:40
"you fecked up never come down excuse for a sh1thouse licker outing spazoidic fr1gpig" WO Walker to err "someone :O " after the 303 rifle butt impacted on said someones little toe instead of the parade ground, result = broken little toe :ooh:

Greg (who won't be doing that again in a hurry)

modtinbasher
21st Aug 2006, 19:53
If one were to measure progress on the number of suiciders, if that's your definition of success, I think it gives -- I think it will -- I think it obscures the steady, incremental march toward democracy we're seeing. In other words, it's very difficult -- you can have the most powerful army of the world -- ask the Israelis what it's like to try to stop suiciders. ...That's the -- but that's one of the main -- that's the main weapon of the enemy, the capacity to destroy innocent life with a suicider. ...Trying to stop suiciders -- which we're doing a pretty good job of on occasion -- is difficult to do. And what the Iraqis are going to have to eventually do is convince those who are conducting suiciders who are not inspired by al Qaeda, for example, to realize there's a peaceful tomorrow. -- Dubya unleashes the made-up word "suicider (http://www.dubyaspeak.com/repeatoffender.phtml?offense=suiciders#h)" 5 times in quick succession -- a new record, White House, May 23, 2006 ~~~~~~~~

I do not want to deny anybody the right to contribute to their eye test.
- - The Rt Hon Margaret Thatcher (ex Conservative UK Prime Minister) as she lays plans to commence charging for eyetests that had hitherto been free.

~~~~~~~~~

In a sense what we do with the regional development agencies is to give them the resources to look at deficiencies in the economy in the regional areas, so that they can address themselves to that.

-- John Prescott UK Deputy Prime Minister trying to describe the raison d'etré of his unelected brain child.

It just goes to show that some people are very clever, and some are not I suppose!

PaperTiger
21st Aug 2006, 20:07
Now, I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.
J. Robert Oppenheimer


Happiness is a dry fart.
John Pilger re: Vietnam

Davaar
21st Aug 2006, 21:26
For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.
H.L. Mencken (1880-1956)

.... and then there was Atkin, L.J., in P Phipps & Co (Northampton and Towcester Breweries) Ltd v Rogers [1925] 1 K.B. 14 at 19: "..if this form is correct I cannot see why any one adopts any other. It is simplicity itself. It is also, in my view, so uncertain as to be invalid. Short, simple and wrong".

Did Mencken read the King's Bench reports, or did his lordship read Mr Mencken?

Nah. Just coincidence.

1DC
21st Aug 2006, 21:32
Politicians and nappies should be changed often, and both for the same reason..

G-CPTN
21st Aug 2006, 21:53
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."— Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.

pure genius :rolleyes:
http://www.pprune.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2762337&postcount=116

Davaar
21st Aug 2006, 22:10
This one belongs equally here or on that Belated Apologies thread that the sober sort must view with distaste:

Unknown judge, K.B. (or Q.B.) quoted 1967, addressed to labourer who pleaded that alcohol was always the cause of his downfall:

"You are not to touch alcohol ever again: not even a TEENY, WEENY sherry before dinner".

tony draper
21st Aug 2006, 22:30
Barrister to Jury in the Lady Chatterlys Lover obscenity trial.
You must ask yourselves ,would you like your servants to read this?
:rolleyes:

Davaar
21st Aug 2006, 23:30
Our responsibility to the Lower Orders has always been a burden, as per Lord Justice-Clerk Eskgrove, 1782-1804, in sentencing a tailor to death for murder, a crime aggravated,as his Lordship found:

"Not only did you murder him. whereby he was bereaved of his life, but you did thrust, or push, or pierce, or project, or propell, the lethall weapon through the belly-band of his regimental breeches, which were His Majesty's".

BelfastChild
22nd Aug 2006, 07:00
"Bury the dead - they stink up the joint...."

Douglas Coughlin

Choxolate
22nd Aug 2006, 08:01
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong - Bertrand Russell

and

Faith is not wanting to know what is true - Nietzsche

and finally

The smallest minority on earth is the individual. Those who deny individual rights cannot claim to be defenders of minorities - Ayn Rand

ORAC
22nd Aug 2006, 08:33
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
Oscar Wilde

Beetlejuice
22nd Aug 2006, 11:06
"A woman is only a woman but a good cigar is a SMOKE!"

Rudyard Kipling.

Bless!

tony draper
22nd Aug 2006, 11:18
"Alvanley, who's your fat friend"
Beau Brummel

N380UA
22nd Aug 2006, 11:54
From "The last Boyscout"

Milo: You think you are so ******* cool, don't you? You think you are so ******* cool. But just once, I would like to hear you scream in pain...

Joe: Play some rap music.

Totally agree!:*

tony draper
22nd Aug 2006, 14:24
"We need more speed Flash, quickly !! throw some more uranium on the furnace"

Dr Zarkov.
hee hee

:rolleyes:


"War war war! Dickie Plantaganet,that all you think about"

Queen Berrengeria to her hubby Richard the Lion Heart.
hee he hee, Hollywoods take on History
It hasn't improved much either.
:rolleyes:

Navajo8686
22nd Aug 2006, 15:13
Deputy Headmaster at school assembly after hearing a chattering sound:

"Every time I open my mouth some fool starts to speak".


Brought the house down (and we all got detention for laughing :} )

Farmer 1
22nd Aug 2006, 15:43
Some fool opened the floodgates when he mentioned Oscar Wilde, who was sent to prison for being that way inclined. While standing in the rain with a large group of prisoners, he said, "If this is how the Queen treats her prisoners, she doesn't deserve any."

bekolblockage
22nd Aug 2006, 16:01
"We trained hard, but it seemed every time we were beginning to form up into teams, we would be reorganised. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganising, and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency and demoralisation."
From Petronii Arbitri Satyricon AD 66 (Attributed to Gaius Petronus, a Roman General who later committed suicide)

Buster Cherry
22nd Aug 2006, 16:18
Blackadder: I've a horrid suspicion that Baldrick's plan will be the stupidest thing we've heard since Lord Nelson's famous signal at the Battle of the Nile: 'England knows Lady Hamilton's a virgin, poke my eye out and cut off my arm if I'm wrong'.

B Fraser
22nd Aug 2006, 20:11
Blackadder: A man may fight for many things. His country, his friends, his principles, the glistening tear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I'd mud-wrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an amusing clock and a sack of French porn.

aw8565
23rd Aug 2006, 15:32
We've catalogued some amusing quotes that our Ops office has collected over the years...

"So if it's on finals, is it still in the air?"

"The aircraft on stand 11, where does it leave to...?"

"My radio's not broken it just doesn't work"

Pilot: "We have 254 souls on board"
Ops: "Confirm 254 as we were showing 244"
Pilot "That's the pax figure, 254 includes the crew, we are souls too"
Ops could only confirm that indeed "You are souls too...!"

"What's the switchboard number?"
"Call 100, they'll tell you"

"Why is the flight from Palma delayed?"
"Because of the coach drivers strike"
"But the strikes are in Spain aren't they?"

Pilot: "Could you call an engineer for us?"
Ops: "Yes can I tell them what the problem is?"
Pilot: "It's a problem with a switch on the flight deck"
Ops: "A knob in the cockpit, on the phone now sir...."
Pilot: "Thanks..... (pause)...........(click)."

"It's pretty quiet isn't it...." About 12 seconds later a lightning strike first took out the ILS for about 5 mins then a second put the terminal on emergency lighting and took nearly all the check in belts down. One of the busiest days I've ever had!

"I think it's off..." Same person as above about a light bulb that had shed it's glass bulb and left the filament behind. A colleague received a brief electrocution shortly after...

Despatch: "We won't be off before we depart"

"I could if I could but I can't"

(Answering the phone) Ops: ..... "Operations...."
Person: "Is that Operations?"
Ops: "Errr.... yes"
Person: "Oh sorry wrong number....." click.

And my personal favourite made by me age about 8, in the school playground to a bully in front of a crowd of people.

"Oh just shut yup..." I got confused between shut up and shut your mouth.... Although when he started laughing I punched him and started running... Those were the days....

BlueBird128
23rd Aug 2006, 15:48
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage." :) :) :)
Or, better still, the quote from the Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you."
But my favourite quote is my signature (and has nowt to do with the cheese eating surrender monkeys).

frostbite
23rd Aug 2006, 17:18
My first bank manager (those were the days)

"We will always lend you an umbrella when it stops raining"

Gerry Mobbs
23rd Aug 2006, 17:42
My english teacher(c1952)taking a spelling test.Spell"phlegm".I'll give you a clue,the "P" is silent as in bath!

Earthmover
23rd Aug 2006, 19:07
"Don't eat yellow snow." Eskimo proverb

"Access to the cockpit is difficult.. It should be made impossible"
ETPS 'Preview' on the Lincoln bomber

"Sir, your manuscript is both witty and original. Regrettably, the part that is witty is not original ... and the part that is original is not witty"
Dr Samuel Johnson

wasdale
23rd Aug 2006, 20:47
Just before the last solar eclipse in the UK a few years ago, we were discussing it on the flight deck when blonde (really!) hostie brings drinks and asks: "So when is the eclipse then?"
"Oh, about eleven o'clock."
"Is that morning or evening?" :hmm:

con-pilot
24th Aug 2006, 00:16
Okay one from my father. My mother and I went his office to pick him one afternoon and overheard the following;

"Lieutenant, when I say jump you do not stop and ask "How high?", you just g**damn jump and hope the **** (wasn't ****) it is high enough!"

About a minute later this First Lieutenant comes running out my father's office, his face beet red.

I was 12, learned some new words that day I did.:p

retiredandloveit
24th Aug 2006, 05:11
My wife in hairdressers discussing the fact that the next day is the longest day.
Trainee overhearing the discussion........."Just my luck. I'm at College!"