View Full Version : Born again Christians.

31st Jul 2006, 19:11
At age 62, I've had a reasonable, but not amazing life. The last few years have been 'out of my control'. I realise that several decisions made (by me) early on were, on reflection, WRONG. Or at least not the right choices.
What I'd like to do, is start again.
Ideally, I'd like to have some influence over my body, too. First (although I'm not sure that this is most important), I'd like to be TALLER. From infant school, where I wasn't tall enough to be allowed to play drums in the pincussion band, but had to make do with a triangle, through junior school where I never learned to fight, to grammar school where I didn't get picked for rugby (though being small I didn't want to get beaten up) or get to be the subject of swoons from the girls, at University where I wasn't big enough for rowing (had to make do with being the cox). At work, tall people command respect, which short people have to FIGHT for, and so 'management' (well where I worked) chose their 'leaders' from the taller staff who were better able to get things done be telling others.
So next time, God, (well this IS a Christian thread), I want to be TALL.
I've always been 'clever' (some would say TOO clever), so no complaints there - well it WOULD have been nice to be REALLY clever, clever enough to become a millionaire.
'Good looks' are debateable, and I've never been certain whether my success with women suffered because of my appearance, or mainly because of my (lack of) height. I've had a broad spectrum of (sexual) experience (with females only), though on reflection, greater success (I believe) would have ensued if I'd had a larger dick. Say what you will, but a good biggun always beats a good littlun, so THAT would be my other request.
Armed with these changes (and with the experience of my life so far) I would be better-equipped to face the World.

What changes would YOU make (girls too, as I know there are SOME who would like a change from their current status)? Notice that I haven't requested to be able to play football like Beckham, or look like film-star. I don't really think I'd want to be a porn-star, just to be able to attract a selection of females (by reputation if not by appearance). Nor have I requested to be born rich (though that would be useful).

31st Jul 2006, 19:18
well if you had a bigger **** you'd NEED to be taller wouldn't you?

tony draper
31st Jul 2006, 19:33
oooh! thats rude Mr A------------:uhoh:
Anyway I don't see how having a bigger nose would help

31st Jul 2006, 19:47
A bigger d*ck is not necessarily the answer.

Back in the 60s I knew a chap who was slightly 'educationally challenged',
but very well endowed in other areas. He was an aircraft cleaner, lived
with his mum and travelled to work on a bike.

To my knowledge he never had a girl friend, and because of his physical
reputation it was often said of him that it was a bit like owning a Rolls
Royce but not being able to drive.

He was killed on his way to work when he was hit by a car. After his death
hundreds of unopened pay envelopes were found in his bedroom, containing
thousands of pounds.

So G-CPTN a larger d*ck does not always bring benefits.

Anyway at our age what would we do with it?!! :p

31st Jul 2006, 19:49
Anyway I don't see how having a bigger nose would help
Even THAT and a longer tongue would have its uses . . .

31st Jul 2006, 20:05
Helpful during seasonal allergies, one imagines.

31st Jul 2006, 20:11
So G-CPTN a larger d*ck does not always bring benefits.You're right. Apparently it just brought a base salary...no benefits.

31st Jul 2006, 20:24
Please me to God..

I'd like to stop picking my noise, whilst surfing.


31st Jul 2006, 20:27
You can surf ONE-HANDED?

31st Jul 2006, 20:29
Well, y'see. When i just read You can surf ONE-HANDED?, at that very moment, i managed to claw a carbunkle of a bogie out.

Easy..:8 ;)

31st Jul 2006, 21:16
Being taller than average, I can assure you it is not a bed of roses.

When I was a lad, if a group of us got into trouble it was always me that was picked on or accused of being the leader.

I spent a lot of time head-banging long before it became a cult thing.

Whenever I follow a group of people down a tree/bush lined pathway, I get a facefull of cobwebs that the others have walked under.

In order to avoid the latter two, I have developed a less than erect habitual stance.

31st Jul 2006, 21:30
I would like to be confident. The oportunities I've missed because I couldn't bring myself to say hello.....:sad:

31st Jul 2006, 21:42
"The follies a man most regrets are those he did not commit when he had the opportunity";)

I forget the author now

tony draper
31st Jul 2006, 22:03
Indeed ,the moving finger and all that jazz. :rolleyes:

White Bear
31st Jul 2006, 22:29
“The follies which a man regrets most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity”
Helen Rowland.

This woman had an increadibly sharp wit; she is also credited with saying:

“A bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever”

“A Bachelor of Arts is one who makes love to a lot of women, and yet has the art to remain a bachelor.”

“A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted”

“After a few years of marriage a man can look right at a woman without seeing her and a woman can see right through a man without looking at him.”

“A woman need know but one man well, in order to understand all men; whereas a man may know all women and understand not one of them.”

I enjoyed reading her, but not sure I’d have enjoyed her half as much as the butt of her, all too accurate, wit.

31st Jul 2006, 23:00
I enjoyed reading her, but not sure I’d have enjoyed her half as much as the butt of her.

I just knew a 'butt' would have to come into it somewhere!! :ok:

White Bear
31st Jul 2006, 23:08
Are there no longer 'subjects', or 'objects' in Essex English?
Used to be when I lived there........

31st Jul 2006, 23:13
I think I'll come back as an airline pilot. Definitely nearer to God...

Lon More
1st Aug 2006, 01:09
Must make an appointment with the optician. I thought it read Burn again Christians

Loose rivets
1st Aug 2006, 04:25
Growing up in Essex, I could never get a date. In desperation I bought bigger and bigger cars. It had to work surely?..they all said it would. At last, the biggest car on the block by far, an Olds 88.

Sure enough it worked, a local lassie, known for her bias towards the flamboyant, jumped into my car. She looked about at its huge sumptuossity.

"Coo, this in't half good..." She said, and fcuked off and married an American.

West Coast
1st Aug 2006, 05:55
"You can surf ONE-HANDED?"


Indeed you can, and teach a few lessons about the human spirit as well.

1st Aug 2006, 09:08
I would have loved to have been born and raised in the US or Britain. I was born in Turkey, raised in Brussels, getting my primary education at the British School of Brussels, where your little bugger British children tormented me endlessly with "gobble gobble you Turkey, go back to your bird". Then, despite graduating from one of the best Engineering universities in the US, I was exempt from even being allowed to apply to any of the decent jobs because I AM NOT A US CITIZEN. Very unfair. I am back in Turkey now for the first time in 20 years, getting paid less than $20,000 a year for a job which, if I was doing it in Britain or the US, I'd be making at least $60,000 a year.

My dream, until the age of 14, was to be a pilot. I am now a software engineer, go figure. Being a Turk raised in Belgium doesn't really afford you much opportunity to go into the airforce, which I suppose is the most usual stepping stone for a career in aviation, and another reason why I would have liked to have been born and raised in the US.

I am also very very bald for a 24 year old. I am of average height which I guess is ok, but could be better. Penis is average I suppose. Haven't had the best luck with women, but could be worse.

If you can change any of this please let me know. I'll just have to wait for the next time around I guess :rolleyes:

1st Aug 2006, 09:40
PPY would this help?

Green Card lottery. (http://www.us-green-card-lottery.org/faq/index_turkish.html)