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surely not
26th Jul 2006, 20:51
Driving around the Burgess Hill Ring Road this afternoon with its many roundabouts I couldn't believe what the driver of the Land Rover Discovery was doing in front of me!! She, oh yes it was a female driver, was negotiating the straight bits of road, roundabouts and corners with her feckin dog on her lap with its head out of her window!!!

How the heck did she think she was in proper control of her car?

Ok over to you good people for your stories that top this............

SimplyTommo
26th Jul 2006, 20:52
Why are the police never around when you need them?

colmac747
26th Jul 2006, 20:54
was negotiating the straight bits of road, roundabouts and corners with her feckin dog on her lap with its head out of her window!!!

They should chop her arms and legs off and one round to the head. Bet she'll not do it again....silly cow:}

AcroChik
26th Jul 2006, 21:07
I've seen the same sort of thing in the richer suburbs of NY. Barbie doll wannabe in a Cadillac Escalade SUV ~ these things are immense ~ with a standard poodle (its hair color matched hers) checking out the view from the drivers side. And wifey was talking on her cell phone!

Drivers on cell phones are one of my pet peeves.

Only auto accident I've ever been in, I was driving a rental back into Seattle across the floating bridge (yeah, there's a floating bridge in Seattle). Morning rush traffic: dense, slow. I stop. My car gets whacked from behind. I whirl around in the seat and spy Buster Broker in an S-class Mercedes holding his cell phone. I got out to survey the damage. He got out to meet the wrath of an annoyed, delayed New Yorker. "Just a sec," he said to me, "I have to wrap this up." And he kept talking on his cell phone for another 45 seconds or so!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!
26th Jul 2006, 21:19
Why are the police never around when you need them?
maybe they were. Was the dog an Alsatian?

Rich Lee
26th Jul 2006, 21:22
Barbie doll wannabe in a Cadillac Escalade SUV Did it have suicide doors?

AcroChik
26th Jul 2006, 21:31
"Did it have suicide doors?"

I dunno.

http://www.celebratetango.com/festival/main.html

G-CPTN
26th Jul 2006, 21:36
I've seen the same sort of thing in the richer suburbs of NY. Barbie doll wannabe in a Cadillac Escalade SUV ~ these things are immense ~ with a standard poodle (its hair color matched hers) checking out the view from the drivers side. And wifey was talking on her cell phone!
Well if Britney Spears can do it (drive that is) with a BABY on her lap, what can one say?
http://hobo.typepad.com/fbcg/images/britney_spears_drives_baby_no_car_seat_1.jpg

airship
26th Jul 2006, 22:19
She, oh yes it was a female driver, was negotiating the straight bits of road, roundabouts and corners with her feckin dog on her lap with its head out of her window!!! I'm pretty sure I've also seen a male driver with his feckin dog on his lap with its head out of the window!!! But it might have been a bitch. One shall endeavour to check the status of the flies next time...?! ;) :} :uhoh:

GolfWhiskeyKilo
26th Jul 2006, 22:28
Why are the police never around when you need them?

We are sometimes. I was behind a person today who was reversing ONTO a roundabout from the wrong side. I was in a marked police vehicle and by this stage had all the lights illuminated (headlight flashers, grill lights and roof lights) and hey still kept coming towards me.

Funny, I thought.

WK

airship
26th Jul 2006, 22:33
I was behind a person today who was reversing ONTO a roundabout from the wrong side What's the right way to reverse onto a roundabout then? :confused: I did take my test in the UK but it was like 25 years ago... :O

GolfWhiskeyKilo
26th Jul 2006, 22:37
haha I see what you're saying, I said "wrong side." Its been a long, hard, hot day.

It was honestly something like what you see on these TV programs!

WK

G-CPTN
26th Jul 2006, 22:42
Saw a (possible) RTA the other day, whereby traffic LEAVING a roundabout onto a dual carriageway met a vehicle 'oncoming'. Nearest junction (where it IS easily possible to join the wrong carriageway) is several miles distant. Must've been a hairy drive for the dark blue Golf . . .

SET 18
26th Jul 2006, 22:42
Ahh, but was she speeding..?

I suppose the speed cameras would have got her then....Govt policy (or police policy) seems to be to abdicate all road responsibilities to the yellow boxes.

oh no, what have I started!!

Chesty Morgan
26th Jul 2006, 23:03
Assuming she was travelling at the speed limit she would be travelling about 140mph below the threshold for the speed camera. How would that work then:confused: Do speed cameras work backwards? And if they do would you already have a ticket?

In fact I might try reversing past a speed camera, in the right direction of travel, in excess of the limit to see if they will give me 60 quid!

airship
27th Jul 2006, 00:00
Earlier this year, I arranged to meet someone "at the exit of the autostrade at San Remo". It's a very scenic route but at that time of year reduced to as little as 1 lane in each direction with lots of roadworks. He was travelling from Genoa, I came in from France, and arrived first. There was absolutely no parking just after the barrier so I decided to take another ticket and park in the layby a few metres after the barrier going back onto the road leading back up onto the autostrade.

About 20 minutes later, I see my RDV coming towards the exit barrier and flash him - he shouts back "let's go get some lunch - follow me", so I make a U-turn (there should have been some sort of lane divider there too but there wasn't) and present my ticket to the attendant...

Who immediately goes apeshit in Italian (which I don't understand a word of... ;) ) before calming down and finally addressing me in broken French, accusing me off making a possibly fatal U-Turn on the actual autostrade and that he should call the police immediately. I patiently tried to explain the real situation and realised his true predicament: he couldn't process the ticket...! After some more huffing and puffing, he finally waved me through for free. Bleedin' Eyetalians...fancy having a motorway exit without any parking after the barrier (San Remo must be the worst, no parking for about 2kms to and from the exit)?! :mad:

Did anyone understand all that...? :O

G-CPTN
27th Jul 2006, 00:45
Try doing what YOU did with a convoy of Articulated Heavy Trucks (oh and in a heat-wave so our U-turns churned-up the tarmac 200 mm deep).
YOU ain't seen ApeSh1t from an Autostrada employee ! Believe me, you ain't . . .

con-pilot
27th Jul 2006, 02:26
Drivers on cell phones are one of my pet peeves.

No, sadly I must disagree.:(

If one can hand fly a turbine powered aircraft single pilot and communicate with ATC, one can bloody well talk on a cell/moblie phone while driving.:suspect:

Some people cannot drive and listen to the radio without menacing other drivers. We are becoming a world ruled by the weakest or least capable idiots.:cool:

I'm sure Mr. D will agree with me on this one.:p

What about people driving down the interstate/motorway putting on make-up, fixing their hair, changing CDs, yelling at their kids, etc.:=

rotated
27th Jul 2006, 03:05
con-pilot,
No, sadly I must disagree.

If one can hand fly a turbine powered aircraft single pilot and communicate with ATC, one can bloody well talk on a cell/moblie phone while driving.

Some people cannot drive and listen to the radio without menacing other drivers. We are becoming a world ruled by the weakest or least capable idiots.

In principle I agree with you the pilot. A trained professional who, one would assume, has a fair degree of discipline both in and out of the cockpit, i.e, behind the wheel.

Problem is, as you say, the "lowest common denominators" who only just manage to stay in their lane on the best of days... one more distraction is NOT what they need...

What about people driving down the interstate/motorway putting on make-up, fixing their hair, changing CDs, yelling at their kids, etc.

They should be drawn and quartered, then kept on bread and water for a month, then shot at dawn, and buried in their feckin' SUVs.:E :ok:

I am all for a graduated VEHICLE system--for the first year or two of driving a gutless <1000cc bugsmasher, if they manage to survive that without incident perhaps a Corolla or something equally non-threatening for a while; after 5 years or so with no infractions/accidents the restriction could be lifted. Else back to the pushbike!!! ;) :ok:

allan907
27th Jul 2006, 03:47
Jeez. Some people will get peeved at anything. Have some charity people. The dog may well have been her guide dog :E

rotated
27th Jul 2006, 04:54
As spotted on the 'net...

The funniest thing I ever did was when I was borrowing my Dads car and I
had to get gas. My Dad had a bad accident a few years back and he had both
ankles surgically redone. So his car has handicap plates and I guess they
have some rule that you have to give them full service at self serve
pumps.
The attendent came out and I waved him off without looking up from the
nozzle. He tried to figure out why I had handicap plates so I thought it
was a good time for a trick.
I went to give him the money and I kept on bumping into things like the
pump and when I went to give him the money I felt each individual bill and
did the same when he gave me change. The whole time I spoke to him I
staired into space( btw I was wearing dark sunglasses) . I walked out of
the station running into everything and bumping my head when I got into my
car.
The attendent asked me, "How do you drive."
I replied with, "What do you mean?"
He answered with, "Are'nt you partially blind?"
I ended with "No I am completely blind, I am driving a specially equiped
car."
I then sped away driving over the curb. In the rear view mirror I saw a
station attendent with his jaw on the floor.

:cool: :} :ok:

Grandpa
27th Jul 2006, 05:26
Yeeeees!
(but add to that some smoker's occupation with cigarette and lighter and you can come to real fun............or sorrow)

Foss
27th Jul 2006, 07:25
There's an evil sixteen year old kid lives nearby, and he's got his first moped. He's always scooting about at top speed, cutting corners and doing doughnuts, that kind of thing.
Was out walking the dog and from about a 50 yards away I could hear all this reving and smell of burnt rubber from the kids garage, he's doing doughnuts in his garage.

Then he come's shooting out of the garage, down his driveway, across the road, and piles into the garden wall opposite. :ugh: <--- just like that. Cue ambulance.

:hmm:

Fos

Pan Pan Splash
27th Jul 2006, 07:30
The armed forces driving test used to involve having the skill on a friday night to drive up the M6, eating a cheeseburger with your left hand, holding a large pepsi between your legs, steer with your left knee whilst talking on the phone or singing any tune by Bon Jovi or Guns N Roses very loud... whats the big deal??:O

Cars only had 4 speeds back then, STOP, FAST, FASTER, HARRY WEEKENDERS!!:ok:

PS Rotated - Top quality mate, can I steal that trick sometime??

Windy Militant
27th Jul 2006, 08:05
I'm now resigned to the numpties who having spent an absolute fortune on a car won't spend a tenner to get a hands free kit for it. It's the F:mad: kers that are texting as they drive that scare me. :uhoh:

Oh as for the Armys driving skills brings to mind the tale of a mate of my nephews, who whilst on a long dull drive in an army truck on the German Auto Bahn, shall we say felt the spirit rising. Deciding it would be a shame to waste it, he set the hand throttle and set to a bit of hand relief whilst steering with his feet.

At the subsequent interview, no tea definately no bickies, he stoutly proclaimed his innocence until they showed him the CCTV footage!:eek:
I belive he had a nice stay on the Costa Colchester shortly after.

mazzy1026
27th Jul 2006, 08:18
And he kept talking on his cell phone for another 45 seconds or so!

Chik - I think I may have ended up in jail for assault after that little episode :mad:

ORAC
27th Jul 2006, 08:21
Hmmm,

I did my UK driving test with the army in Cyprus in 1978 before returning to the UK. Booked test and went down on appointed day to meet the Sgt instructor. "What happens if I fail", I asked politely.

"Sorry sir", he said after a short pause, "I donīt understand the question"....

BORN4THESKYS
27th Jul 2006, 08:47
It was not Paris Hilton was it? Thats the sort of stupid thing a mentally challenged women such as herself would do!!!! Why is it also that even when the Police do catch the rich and famous, they usually get off with a "don't be a naughty boy or girl again", followed most probably by "can I have your autograph". But as soon as someone with no social standing in society is caught they are taken to the cleaners, well as far as our liberal British police forces can do anyway. I get rather mentally agitated to say the least when I read the British press, and read time and time again about celebritys and also to include certain members of the Royal family who have indulged shall we say in mind altering substances, and get no action taken against them!

The police want to get tough on crime, drugs being a high priority! Oh how they make me laugh, their posters saying "drug dealers are not labelled", in the slightest hope the public will phione their confidential hotline. How can we expect the police to arrest these selfish parasites when they don't arrest them when they are doing it right under their noses. Kate Moss for example, what the hell happened there? If they want to get their hands on drugs why don't they start with the London Fashion show, if I were the police commisioner I'd send in the drugs squad, snarling dogs the lot, they'd get a result every time.

People in this country, to include our pathetic members of parliament would like us to believe in the idelogy that we are a classless society, what a fallacy! Our there are people who thinks meritocracy exists, yeah right!!!!!

Erwin Schroedinger
27th Jul 2006, 08:48
At last ! A solution to the problem of women drivers!

Combined intelligence of female driver + dog = at least double that of female alone.

GearDown&Locked
27th Jul 2006, 09:01
Well if Britney Spears can do it (drive that is) with a BABY on her lap, what can one say?
http://hobo.typepad.com/fbcg/images/britney_spears_drives_baby_no_car_seat_1.jpg

Yes, a blown up airbag is a dreadful thing. stoopid cow :mad: :ugh:

eal401
27th Jul 2006, 11:57
How the heck did she think she was in proper control of her car?

Think??? Women drivers think??

I wonder what Sheila's Wheels would say??? :rolleyes:

mazzy1026
27th Jul 2006, 11:59
Sheila's Wheels song now firmly implanted in one's head :{

GolfWhiskeyKilo
27th Jul 2006, 12:15
For women who enjoy their cars?

ExSimGuy
27th Jul 2006, 13:14
Some people cannot drive and listen to the radio without menacing other drivers.
I've just "graduated" from a regular cell-phone to a "full-blown PDA-phone" and I find that I can no longer easily compose long text messages one-handed while doing 130 (kph) on the highways; the damned thing takes both hands and leaves me steering with me knees; which is very embarrassing when I suddenly come upon Old Bill with a road-block and "document check", as the left foot has to go on the clutch, right foot on brake (hard!), right hand to slip it into neutral,and left hand to reach across to the right side of the car for my licence, resident's permit and car registration.

Can't manage yet to operate the PDA with my teeth - but I suppose if I had a hands free kit . . . . .

Cornish Jack
27th Jul 2006, 15:10
Why was Surely Not surprised at what he saw? Nothing unusual there - just the all-too-common SBID in action. (Standard British Idiot Driver) They are increasingly in evidence and their antics are ever more ridiculous. Our marvellous plods couldn't care less, even if they were around often enough to observe them.
I, nowadays, only drive a couple of times a week but can guarantee to see at least two examples of advanced idiocy on the roads each time.
Yesterday's .... Female in Golf GTi in medium density traffic, steering with knees, sunvisor down, so she could use the vanity mirror to primp her hair:mad:
A little later on multi-carriageway coming up to on-slip. Moved to middle lane to allow joiners onto inside lane. Male joiner, in Jaguar, one hand clamping cell-phone to ear, moves straight out to third lane, still blathering away.
One would like to ask these cretins one question - Did you pay for driving lessons?
If answer is No, response is "It shows"
If answer is Yes, response is "Go and ask for your money back"
The above are only the 'speciality' acts. We ALWAYS have the loons who don't understand that indicators are to show INTENTION not ACTION, who cannot correctly position for a right turn unless there are white lines to direct them, who believe that multi-carriageways are provided to allow one to pick one's lane and remain there:ugh: and so on and so on ad nauseam.:mad:

G-CPTN
27th Jul 2006, 15:26
Can't manage yet to operate the PDA with my teeth - but I suppose if I had a hands free kit . . . . .
Would you have to spell out each letter using phonetics?

G-CPTN
27th Jul 2006, 15:35
see at least two examples of advanced idiocy on the roads each time.
Yesterday's .... Female in Golf GTi in medium density traffic, steering with knees, sunvisor down, so she could use the vanity mirror to primp her hair:mad:
A little later on multi-carriageway coming up to on-slip. Moved to middle lane to allow joiners onto inside lane. Male joiner, in Jaguar, one hand clamping cell-phone to ear, moves straight out to third lane, still blathering away.
One would like to ask these cretins one question - Did you pay for driving lessons?
If answer is No, response is "It shows"
If answer is Yes, response is "Go and ask for your money back"
The above are only the 'speciality' acts. We ALWAYS have the loons who don't understand that indicators are to show INTENTION not ACTION, who cannot correctly position for a right turn unless there are white lines to direct them, who believe that multi-carriageways are provided to allow one to pick one's lane and remain there:ugh: and so on and so on ad nauseam.:mad:
I think I'm with you! First of all WHERE does it say in the Highway Code that vehicles on the main carriageway have to move-over when they approach an on-slip, regardless of the speed of the joining vehicle (or whether the traffic behind can absorb such a manouevre)? Second, it is up to the joining vehicle to adjust its speed in order to MERGE with the main traffic. This of course means both 'get up to speed' and not just stop at the line yet don't barge through the lanes of traffic because you are a third-lane BMW driver. If the main traffic is congested, YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT!

GearDown&Locked
27th Jul 2006, 15:42
Male joiner, in Jaguar, one hand clamping cell-phone to ear, moves straight out to third lane, still blathering away.
One would like to ask these cretins one question - Did you pay for driving lessons?
If answer is No, response is "It shows"
If answer is Yes, response is "Go and ask for your money back"


I'm afraid that type of human garbage would reply "Who fckin' cares!?"

Sometimes I would love to be driving one of these
http://www.pica.army.mil/Voice2005/050513/2005%2005%2013%20Voice%20online%20photos/AFD%20crush%2087.JPG

GD&L:ok:

bar fly
27th Jul 2006, 15:50
Kate Moss for example, what the hell happened there?

Easy BORN4THESKYS!You'll have Boogie Nicely in here harping on about Pete Doherty. :zzz:

Foss
27th Jul 2006, 17:12
Daft, elderly, female coffin dodgers who double park outside the newsagents in the nearby village, and leave the car door open, thus blocking the road.
Then totter to buy a paper, and stop to have a wee chat while I have a wee cry in the car, stuck behind them. :{

Fos

planeenglish
27th Jul 2006, 17:26
the damned thing takes both hands and leaves me steering with me knees; .

Which is, unfortunately, probably better than I drive with both hands and concentration at full go! :(


PE

rotated
27th Jul 2006, 23:10
From the St. Petersburg Times:

Blame it on Tony the Tiger. It was Friday and Pinellas County Deputy Nick Lazaris was on his way to give a morning presentation on aggressive and drunken driving geared to the teenagers at St. Petersburg Catholic High School.But Lazaris was delayed. As he approached the intersection of Seminole Boulevard and 117th Drive, he was hit by a northbound pickup truck that was trying to make a left turn into a shopping center.Lance Matthew Kocses, 30, the driver of the 1999 Toyota Tacoma, was cited for failing to yield the right of way. There were no injuries, but $5,000 damage was done to both vehicles, Pinellas County sheriff's spokesman Mac McMullen said. The problem, McMullen said, was that Kocses was distracted. 'It was determined he was eating Frosted Flakes while he was driving,' McMullen said. 'I think the fortunate thing is nobody was really hurt so we can talk about the Frosted Flakes." No milk was involved, McMullen said. 'They were in a bowl, but they were dry,' he said. Kocses did not return a phone call seeking comment.

You couldn't make this stuff up... and just think if he'd gotten a call during breakfast :}

Wile E. Coyote
28th Jul 2006, 08:45
Shelia's Wheels : the alternative version :E

http://www.union.ic.ac.uk/medic/fitness/tracks/Sheila's%20Wheels.mp3