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View Full Version : Well, SHE is here.


Jerricho
22nd Jul 2006, 17:43
Guess who arrived on Thursday to stay for a week. Yepper, she's back.

Been in the house two days and I'm ready to throttle her. *Sigh*

And I'm out of homebrew.

planeenglish
22nd Jul 2006, 17:46
M.I.L.:sad: ?

PE

Jerricho
22nd Jul 2006, 17:50
Uh-huh.

Now tell me people. If you were in somebody else's house who had just sold it, and the people who had just purchased it were coming around to measure up for some curtains (coz they want to take the existing binds down) and the house was marketed as a non-smoking house and all the windows and door were closed coz the air conditioning was on.........would you stand in the kitchen 5 minutes before the new owners were due to turn up smoking a damn cigarette, ashing in the sink and totally ignoring not so subtle hints to get the righteous f**k outside?

G-CPTN
22nd Jul 2006, 17:53
Divorce her . . .

planeenglish
22nd Jul 2006, 17:56
Run Forest, Run!

PE

Jerricho
22nd Jul 2006, 18:02
Divorce her . . .

Just pray tell does one divorce a mother in law :rolleyes: Aside from using a high caliber weapon.

G-CPTN
22nd Jul 2006, 18:05
Face Mecca, and repeat after me . . .
"I divorce thee, I divorce thee, I divorce thee!"

Sorted!
Any more trouble, send in the Brothers.

ExSimGuy
22nd Jul 2006, 18:10
Never mind the fag-ash - she can be forgiven for that, but she's drinking all of your home-brew? :eek: :mad:

Krystal n chips
22nd Jul 2006, 18:11
Erm, about those mounds of earth in the photograph Jerricho-----just a passing thought so to speak..........;) :) ----ever helpful as always please note.

Jerricho
22nd Jul 2006, 18:13
That might work in your fish-bowl mate, but we're talking hard core evil here.

My favorite bit was when I was carrying a box of books up from the basement, opened the front door and took them out to the truck. Of course, as my hands were full, I couldn't close the door behind me. I came back around the corner to find her standing in the open doorway telling me "You know, you shouldn't leave the door open like this when the aircon is on.......". I couldn't help it and replied "Sure, next time I'll try and walk through the closed door, see how I get on".

She hasn't spoken to me for the last hour. Maybe things are looking up.

G-CPTN
22nd Jul 2006, 18:27
Remember, Jerricho, MILs are ALWAYS right.
Right B:mad:Ds

Gonzo
22nd Jul 2006, 18:40
This has cheered me up, thanks Jer! :ok:

2port
22nd Jul 2006, 19:16
Instead of the

"not so subtle hints to get the righteous f**k outside?"

why not just tell her "to get the righteous f**k outside."
If that fails a half nelson combined with some frog-marching would probably work.

2P

Jerricho
22nd Jul 2006, 19:20
Mr Port, I am married to an Irishwoman. Have you even incurred the wrath of an Irishwoman? She admits her mother is "a little bit of hard work". Now, building a fecking pyramid is a little hard work. Parting the Red Sea, hard work. Bringing peace to the world, hard work. Dealing with that woman..........beyond words.

Loki
22nd Jul 2006, 19:26
That`s nothing; try having an anglophobic Scottish MIL. Every time I see her (about twice in the last ten years) she either complains about or tries to denigrate the English. She sent me a tea towel some time ago with a list of all the achievements of the Scots; world war three nearly erupted when I pointed out that the said item had "made in England" printed on it.

pigboat
22nd Jul 2006, 19:29
Take her up to Leaf Rapids or Island Lake someplace, and leave her there. :p

planeenglish
22nd Jul 2006, 19:31
She's Irish? Take her to the pub :ok: , then leave her there:}

Or Jer, just take her to H00ters.

:p

chadwick
22nd Jul 2006, 19:35
A solution to the problem. Go out into the yard and start measuring the ground. Then go into the house and measure her height/arms full extension.

She will get worried. :}

You tell your dear wife the real reason:- That you are really planning putting in a veg plot, so that she/MIL can while the hours away tending to growing veg, POTATOES, Irish love potatoes and don't want it to be to big so, MIL does not over exert herself. All MILs do the gardening on their knees, odd thing that!

But keep her guessing and she will have to be nice to you ,as you spend the rest of her visit, if you want to add to it, humming to yourself, "all work and no play makes JACK a dull boy"

lexxity
22nd Jul 2006, 20:44
Sympathies Jer mate. I feel for you. Now whilst you are out digging that plot, when she invaribaly walks up to see what you are doing "accidently" jump and crack her round the head with yer shovel.

colmac747
22nd Jul 2006, 21:06
If it's of any consolation Jerricho, my MIL is coming with us tomorrow on a day trip out...i've already thought through the process of how can i leave her behind..

Quite simple actually..she doesn't get much exercise, so a starting point is for missus and I to fill up the motor with fuel and get her to go to the paypoint (a distance perhaps of 100m) and then conviently forget she.......


..you know the drill:ok: ;)

con-pilot
22nd Jul 2006, 21:27
Jerry, I read your post on my US/Canada border thread.

Now think about what you wrote.









(Take the MIL with you and,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,need I say more? ;) )

G-CPTN
22nd Jul 2006, 22:59
Ah! Irish! Say no more. I went to school with a darlin' wee Irish lassie, and for periods we 'went out together'. She was the most independant and determined person I've ever met (before and since) and would put Bernadette Devlin to shame, so, Jerricho, let me just say, YOU'RE DOOMED!
Colmac will explain.

Buster Hyman
22nd Jul 2006, 23:48
Take her down to that Toyota dealer & see how he likes being lumbered with a piece of shit!

con-pilot
23rd Jul 2006, 01:26
My red headed, green eyed wife is half Irish.





and





Half Sicilian. :uhoh:



My heart is with you brother.:uhoh:

separator
23rd Jul 2006, 02:25
Jer,

You are in Canada.

Old woman.

Ice floe.

Need I say anymore?

sep

rotated
23rd Jul 2006, 02:41
Come on you mean brastruds, what the old girl needs is a gift so soften her up:E

Here is my offering http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b170/rotated/motherSM.jpg, available on a t-shirt so that she may flaunt her http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b170/rotated/madfire.gif:ok:

Good luck Buddy:}

For the t-shirt: http://www.mikeperryweb.com/mother.html

Rollingthunder
23rd Jul 2006, 02:51
"Oh, bury me not on the lone prairie,
Where the wild coyotes will howl o'er me--
Where the cold wind sweeps and the grasses wave--
No sunbeams rest on the prairie grave."


They buried him on the lone prairie in the end.

Hint...hint.

FLCH
23rd Jul 2006, 05:19
How about trying a new hobby to keep your mind off her.......may I humbly suggest you taking up blowdarts ??

tobzalp
23rd Jul 2006, 07:21
I am glad i called her a C(_)nt when I had the chance.

Barkly1992
23rd Jul 2006, 07:23
Jerricho

When Saddam whats-his-face did the Kuwait thing a few years back, my very Irish Catholic (but Oz born) MIL said that this wouldn't have happened if he was a Catholic - notice how I use a capital C!

My red wine fuelled instanteous hit was - Ferking Hitler was a Catholic - she said - I don't like that word - not to miss an opportunity I said between gritted teeth - What - HITLER>

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - but she forgave me.

Grumpy - which I suppose shows.

:}

Krystal n chips
23rd Jul 2006, 07:52
OK, so the sliver dagger and crucifix method is clearly a non-starter it seems unless you want a reprise of the end of "Carrie" of course :p ------so, an alternative method for you although it may take a couple of years for said tree to grow---but one chilli or curry later and---Bingo ! :ooh:

http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn6701


That will be 30% of the subsequent insurance payout please, in non sequential notes thank you ! ;) :E

And FFS don't forget to use said tree as barbie fuel afterwards-----two for the price of one there methinks ! :D

Lon More
23rd Jul 2006, 11:24
I miss my ex and her mother ....




but my aim is improving :O

frostbite
23rd Jul 2006, 12:10
Couldn't you find a toy boy for her?

Or don't you have that much money?

EI-WIN
23rd Jul 2006, 12:49
Jerricho buys his MIL a one-way ticket to NYC...

http://eu.movieposter.com/posters/archive/main/31/b70-15513

"You were gonna ask me for money? Who the hell do you think you're dealing with, some old slut on 42nd Street? In case you didn't happen to notice it, ya big Texas longhorn bull, I'm one helluva gorgeous chick"! :O

Jerricho
23rd Jul 2006, 15:59
The irony of your post Mr WIN is that she has just come from NYC. Stopped there on the way. Feckin TSA can't even get that right.:ugh:

The Euronator
23rd Jul 2006, 19:08
Jerricho,

Just shag her and get on with life..you know that's all she needs.


Hahahahaah

LongWayHome
23rd Jul 2006, 19:32
Hey Man!

It’s only a week, WTF? Long after “mamma” is gone, your significant other will still be there… Unless she’s pack’n a weapon and means to harm you, really, take a deep breath (or two) and laugh it off. Don’t sweat the small stuff… you deal with bigger issues and stress in your daily life. Raz her up, p8ss her off, take her out for a nice meal; but always maintain your cool… “keeps ‘em off balance”.

I always got along with my ex’s Mom, but your post made me smile.

Keep the faith.


Bill

Devlin Carnet
23rd Jul 2006, 20:22
Tobzsalp
your subtlety is diplomacy in a bottle :ok:

Jerricho
23rd Jul 2006, 21:32
Unfortunately he speaks the truth........

rotated
24th Jul 2006, 02:58
Take my mother in law......................................PLEASE!!!

I take my mother-in-law everywhere, but she always finds her way home!!!

:E :ok:

Farrell
24th Jul 2006, 07:19
Chin up Jerricho!

How long does she have to stay with you?

Mudfoot
24th Jul 2006, 10:08
If she's rich, grit your teeth and bear up. Careful not to crack a tooth. :}
or,
Ask her about a visit to the Thousand Islands region - pick an island... :E

Just trying to help. Good luck.

Cheers, y'all.

Barkly1992
24th Jul 2006, 10:46
She is Irish - Talk about the 'troubles' and the 'holy land' - that's the one that the Israelis are doing a big jobby on.

:rolleyes:

Taildragger67
24th Jul 2006, 12:36
Just pray tell does one divorce a mother in law :rolleyes: Aside from using a high caliber weapon.

Your inspiration for this: Arnie in Total Recall - "Consider that a divorce" after having just blasted Sharon Stone... :}

But don't tell me you didn't consider the possibility of this before wedding Mrs Jerri? Schoolboy error, mate...

tonkatechie
24th Jul 2006, 13:31
Is it a bad time to mention that as women grow older, they turn into their mothers?:uhoh:
Good job I get on with mine...

Jerricho
24th Jul 2006, 13:42
School boy error ain't the word for it.

2 faced bitch. Seems she was on her best behaviour before the wedding, then show her true colours on the wedding night (Plazbot will back me up on that one).

She's here till Thursday. We're moving house tomorrow. Maybe the removalists can stuff her in a box and move her to......I dunno......China.

rotated
24th Jul 2006, 13:53
Just label her clearly-- "COLD STORAGE" :ok:

Jerricho
24th Jul 2006, 14:15
More like "TOXIC WASTE"

Jerrichos MIL
24th Jul 2006, 15:02
More like "TOXIC WASTE"
Talking about yourself again dear? I really MUST get you into a home somewhere.:mad:
I have decided to stay a bit longer to help my poor darling daughter settle in properly and make sure you aren't forcing her to move heavy objects and the like. := It's bad enough that she has to put up with having you around the place.:(

djk
24th Jul 2006, 16:03
Jerricho,

Cheer up, there's still hope.
After all, this woman (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/nottinghamshire/5210060.stm) sued her MIL, maybe you could do the same :)

Krystal n chips
24th Jul 2006, 16:13
FFS Jerricho !!!;) either just plant the bloody tree like I suggested---smile :E and wait-------or take her for a "nice long tour" of the Canadian outback--of which there is a lot I understand ---and one small "mound of earth" is hardly going to be noticed now is it ? :ooh: :p And anyway, as she smokes, you can always claim you were attempting to extinguish the discarded cigarette ( the fact it was still in her gob being irrelevant of course) --so to speak:E

G-CPTN
24th Jul 2006, 16:19
Don't you know anyone with a meat bomber?
Then 'buy her a surprise flight'.

lexxity
24th Jul 2006, 18:10
Surely Jer you should be able to launch some kind if suit against her for poisoning your air with her fag smoke.

BTW - Well done that woman.

SmilingKnifed
24th Jul 2006, 23:10
I'm in the fortunate position that my geographically challenged MIL refuses to leave the snowy mid-west hell hole she calls home. Even if she did want to come to the UK, she wouldn't know how anyway!

planeenglish
25th Jul 2006, 08:54
Only two more days Jer...two more days...:)

What time does her flight leave?

PE

ExSimGuy
25th Jul 2006, 09:05
Bad planning Jerri - You should have moved house after she left. Then you could have conveniently forgotten to tell her you'd moved (and of course, left no forwarding address) :E

Lon More
25th Jul 2006, 10:36
What time does her flight leave?

Just as son as Jerr's worked out how to re-fuel her broomstick.

A photo of her arrival
http://www.netaxs.com/mhmyers/cdjpgs/witch.jpg