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fourplay
21st Apr 2006, 13:20
Very very funny signs...
Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
At a Budapest Zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
Doctor's office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the grounds of a Nairobi private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.
In Aamchi Mumbai restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.
A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS; WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
Another, the best! In a Japanese cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

ExSimGuy
21st Apr 2006, 15:34
"LIFETIME GUARANTEE"
yes, when it's broken, it's the end of its life, therefor end of guarantee) :mad:

BN2A
21st Apr 2006, 16:39
My parachute came with a lifetime guarantee....

:uhoh:

AnEviltwinEr
21st Apr 2006, 16:49
Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Hey! Our girls up here arent that stupid! It's the English-signmakers who are! (which are Englismen, i bellieve.)

A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
Ha Ha Ha Ha HA! :P

G-CPTN
21st Apr 2006, 17:08
Haircutting while you wait.

djk
21st Apr 2006, 17:11
scary one at the shoemenders / keycutters near where I grew up

"Get your ring cleaned here for free"

brings tears to the eyes that one does

cabingal
21st Apr 2006, 17:32
:) Fabulous!!!

G-CPTN
21st Apr 2006, 17:42
Watch batteries fitted.

It's THAT exciting?

frostbite
21st Apr 2006, 18:18
Shoe repairers in Leigh-onSea, dayglo sign in the 60s

Cobblers To All!

G-CPTN
21st Apr 2006, 18:41
one day Pope John XXIII was walking around Rome and developed a hole in his shoe. A shoemaker named Abraham Cohen repaired it for free, and the Pope, by way of reward, told him who he was. Cohen proudly put a notice in his shop window saying "Cobblers to the Pope." The following day, his Catholic neighbours put up signs saying "Bollocks to the Chief Rabbi."

BDiONU
21st Apr 2006, 19:43
one day Pope John XXIII was walking around Rome and developed a hole in his shoe. A shoemaker named Abraham Cohen repaired it for free, and the Pope, by way of reward, told him who he was. Cohen proudly put a notice in his shop window saying "Cobblers to the Pope." The following day, his Catholic neighbours put up signs saying "Bollocks to the Chief Rabbi."
Do you know why there are more protestants in Scotland than catholics? Because its a lot easier to say F... the pope than to say F... the moderator of the general assembly of the church of Scotland!

BD

Saintsman
21st Apr 2006, 20:22
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they got together to discuss the experience.



Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down ! one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week in Fellowship, feasting on God's Holy Word, and praising Jesus."

They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.

The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start things out with my bear".