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View Full Version : Fellow caffeine-slaves - to arms!


Doodlebug
18th Apr 2006, 09:52
What's this world coming to?

How is it possible that, on a nightstop in one of Europe's major cities, one is unable to procure a cup of humble, honest, plain, good old coffee??

After being sneered at for not ordering a 'Cinnamon Latte' or something in that line: "Aah, no, aah, just a black regular coffee, you know?" The slickly coiffed, gelled, perfumed, tattoed and multiply-pierced waiter acidly acknowledges ones' obviously highly deviant desires with "A Long Black, then!", and minces off, only to return with one of those repulsively 'spritzed' coffee-imitations. One sighs, drinks, shudders, puts half ones' salary on the table and escapes..

Now, it's not the waiters' fashion sense, his(her?) demeanor, or even the fact that his face appeared to have been riveted together for all the metal in it, that gets my goat. Nor the fact that I am clearly somehow sub-human for pathetically attempting to order a 'coffee' instead of a 'Macchiato', either. (Wasn't that an Italian fighter in the war?) No, what gets me is the fact that coffee everywhere today seems to come out of one of those large, refrigerator-on-its'-side looking machines, the ones with a multitude of levers and spouts protruding from the lower end - I am developing a theory about those levers being present for the sole purpose of making a loud racket, thereby presumably impressing all and sundry observing the operator whacking
them about, but that's another story - instead of a good old coffee machine, you know, coffee, filter, drip-drip, etc.

What's become of filter-coffee, is my point. Has the world gone mad? Am I the only one who, again and again, is repulsed by the frothy, bitter, acidic-tasting (done my research: the bitter taste stems from the machines not being cleaned regularily, I'm told) bile served in establishments world-wide today? My Kingdom for the restaurant that makes a pot of good old percolated coffee, nice and strong and aromatic!

The final straw - the airplane I'm on today is equipped with what kind of coffee machine? You guessed it! :{

acbus1
18th Apr 2006, 09:56
I blame the Bean Counters.

rotated
18th Apr 2006, 11:32
I remember my grandmother nearly went ballistic when my mother brought her her first "modern" drip machine--anything other than a percolator was out of the question... Then there was the jungle coffee I cut my teeth on as a lad; boil water, add two or three cups of ground coffee and a cup (or two) of sugar and let her boil away for a few minutes. Also good for delousing and athlete's foot:ok:
But I too do hate walking up to most coffee establishments these days and being looked at like an imbecile for ordering "coffee" (at least I HOPE that's why...). :}

Whirlygig
18th Apr 2006, 12:03
I blame the Bean Counters.
Everyone does ;)

Once in London I went into a Starbucks for a cup of tea before a meeting. I asked the chap behind the counter for a cup of tea. He went away, came back with a mug and asked me if I wanted choclate on top. "What?" ! "Chocolate on your cappucino!" "No, a cup of tea"."We don't do tea, here's a cappucino". "I don't want a cappucino, I want a cup of tea". The manager overheard and explained that they didn't do ordinary tea but I could have one using one of the staff tea bags! I didn't get charged.

However, I will not go into a Starbucks again, not after what they did to their premises in Newbury! Stripped off Victorian Art Nouveau tiles from the outside of what used to be The Anchor!

Cheers

Whirls

Solid Rust Twotter
18th Apr 2006, 12:07
Haven't touched coffee for years. Prefer tea as it's a little trickier to screw up and doesn't fit the trendy mould as well as a double decaff cinnamon mocha latte.:}

Bahn-Jeaux
18th Apr 2006, 12:16
Best coffee I have had in a long time was when younger bro returned from Tanzania with large amount of green beans.
At a subsequent late night BBQ, a wok was placed upon the barbie and said green beans were slowly roasted (stir fried ??) until dark and then crushed.
Water was then poured on and mixture heated until bubbling.
Liquid was then ladled out and poured through a tea strainer.
Finest coffee I have tasted in years.

GearDown&Locked
18th Apr 2006, 12:17
Ahh Doodlebug, how I understand what you mean...

I like my coffee black, short, strong, full of caffeine, made by steam under pressure, something you might call a Mocha, and every time I'm traveling the strongest thing I can get is a bucket size of tasteless brown water ... :yuk: :yuk: :yuk: :mad:

Once I was staying at a hotel near AMS, and one night I told the waitress to make me a coffee like that, because they had a true coffee machine there at the bar. She made the first coffee, but used a very small quantity of coffee... not bad but I've told the lady to double the quantity. "No way!! I don't want you dying in front of me" never mind that and make the coffee, I'll pay double. She reluctantly made that coffee using twice the quantity, gave it to me and stood there with her eyes wide open watching me as I was sipping the coffee with extreme delight, just waiting for me to drop on the floor. I paid as agreed and left ... the face of the waitress looked like I'd just walked on water. Priceless. :) :ok:

GD&L

Grainger
18th Apr 2006, 12:26
Phew ! Thank goodness it's not just me.

I just want an ordinary cup of coffee - black, strong and plenty of it.

Anyone else noticed another disturbing trend these days - you order a black coffee and they ask you if you want milk with it :confused:

Even if you explain that black coffee means no milk they often bring a little pot of milk "just in case". What the hell's going on ??

G-CPTN
18th Apr 2006, 12:28
Prefer tea as it's a little trickier to screw up
Would that be Earl Grey, Lapsong Souchong, Darjeeling, Ceylon, Yorkshire, PG Tips or Tetley? Would you like milk (in first, in after) or lemon? Fully brewed (ie stewed) or first blush? :E :ok:

BlueWolf
18th Apr 2006, 12:37
Plunger. Espresso ground beans. Plunger pre-heated. Water off-boil (about 92C is fine). Two scoops per cup. Steep for eight minutes, no less. Stir. Plunge. Serve black, with half a sugar. Palatable with anything less isn't strong enough...;) :ok:

Ultranomad
18th Apr 2006, 13:17
Haven't touched coffee for years. Prefer tea as it's a little trickier to screw up
Strange, from my own experience, a good cup of black tea is much harder to come by than a good cup of coffee. Green tea has come into fashion, so many places will make it well enough, but black is relatively rare. (I personally prefer Assam). A wonderful place I remember most fondly is Pure T on Polk St. in San Francisco.

Solid Rust Twotter
18th Apr 2006, 13:49
Would that be Earl Grey, Lapsong Souchong, Darjeeling, Ceylon, Yorkshire, PG Tips or Tetley? Would you like milk (in first, in after) or lemon? Fully brewed (ie stewed) or first blush? :E :ok:
NATO Standard.

airship
18th Apr 2006, 13:51
...one is unable to procure a cup of humble, honest, plain, good old coffee Just put yerself in the shoes of someone who absolutely, positively must have his daily cup of civet coffee (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/4896230.stm)...?! Civet coffee is one of the world's most expensive. In the Philippines, only 500 kg are produced a year and the roasted beans sell for more than $115 a kilogram.

The beans pass through the civet whole after fermenting in the stomach and that's what gives the coffee its unique taste and aroma.

I doubt even Starbucks do it! :D

G-CPTN
18th Apr 2006, 13:51
NATO Standard.
Tea, Ern? :ok:

G-CPTN
18th Apr 2006, 13:54
The beans pass through the civet whole after fermenting in the stomach and that's what gives the coffee its unique taste and aroma.
Like civet sh!t?

BlueWolf
18th Apr 2006, 13:57
Hmm; that critter looks like an ordinary possum with zebra stripes photoshopped onto it, in addition to which, anyone stupid enough to pay $115 a kilo for coffee made from cat shit should be referred to our "Price of Whisky" thread.
:rolleyes:

flyblue
18th Apr 2006, 14:16
Eh eh, Doodlebug, I think it is the Macchi airplane you are talking about, not "macchiato".

http://www.cmpr.it/Pratica%201998/Macchi%20Mc.202%20%20-1.jpg

"Macchiato" in Italian means "stained" or "spattered", referring to the coffee "staining" the milk.
Macchi on the other hand is the name of the brand (Aeronautica Macchi), a common Italian family name.
http://www.regiamarina.net/arsenals/planes_it/macchi/macchi_photo_it.htm

G-CPTN
18th Apr 2006, 14:25
Eh eh, Doodlebug, I think it is the Macchi airplane you are talking about, not "macchiato".
"Macchiato" in Italian means "stained" or "spattered", referring to the coffee "staining" the milk.
Macchi on the other hand is the name of the brand (Aeronautica Macchi), a common Italian family name.
http://www.regiamarina.net/arsenals/planes_it/macchi/macchi_photo_it.htm
Don't you just HATE a smartarse? :ok:

What about the Maquis then, eh?

flyblue
18th Apr 2006, 14:27
Wanna dip me in oil G-CPTN? :E

The Real Slim Shady
18th Apr 2006, 17:00
Chocolate would be more fun:ok: :\ :\

I digress, I find Starbuck's coffee far to bitter; even if you but their beans and grind them yourself it turns out horrid.

In the arrivals hall at Arlanda is a coffee shop, Costa I recall; they serve possibly the worse cup of Java ever!! So thin your goldfish could live in it.

Jerricho
18th Apr 2006, 17:03
That reminds me of a t-shirt

http://upyourtee.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/tee_choc.jpg

DOME
18th Apr 2006, 18:03
A couple of months ago departing MEL I fronted the airside Starbucks and asked the fifteen year old for a regular sized black coffee. After being told that I really wanted a short Americano (or something) and replying "no, I want a regular sized black coffee", the 15yo blithely informed me that as a "barista" she needed to know exactly what my order was! She was somewhat put out when I (in turn) blithely informed her that she was in fact a coffee shop assistant, and as far removed from a trained semi professional as it was possible to be. I got a black coffee - and crap it was too.

djk
18th Apr 2006, 18:20
or you have companies like Arby's selling what they call is a "Jamocha shake"
which in reality is a coffee flavoured milkshake, but of course it sounds trendy if you call it a Jamocha

I refuse to drink at places like Starbucks out of principle and mostly because their coffee tastes like a brown crayola crayon dipped in hot water

Alternatively you can have tea served the american way
Stewed, reheated and then served in a styrofoam cup

G-CPTN
18th Apr 2006, 18:51
Wanna dip me in oil G-CPTN? :E
Don't tempt me . . . :ok:

RaraAvis
18th Apr 2006, 19:27
French Press, Plunger or whatever you want to call that crafty little gadet, is the only way to do coffee.
Must be drunk strong, black and sugarless..:8

And served with a piece of 'Montezuma's dream' dark handmade chocolate..... in bed :E...heaven in so many ways....

tall and tasty
18th Apr 2006, 19:36
What's become of filter-coffee, is my point. Has the world gone mad? Am I the only one who, again and again, is repulsed by the frothy, bitter, acidic-tasting No I like my coffee black and strong and always get odd looks when ordering it. I get asked "with sugar" "no straight black please " and then it is almost like you asked for something that is far too much hassel to make.

TnT

Ps even if I have a cafe frappe I like it without sugar unless the coffee is very bitter :p

Krystal n chips
18th Apr 2006, 19:40
That reminds me of a t-shirt
http://upyourtee.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/tee_choc.jpg


Would that be a "cry from the heart" then Jerricho ?--the, er, chocolate bit I mean :p :E

tall and tasty
18th Apr 2006, 19:45
dip me in chocolate

Every girls dream I think :E

TnT

RaraAvis
18th Apr 2006, 19:59
Yes, TnT, I can imagine that would be rather...pleasurable:O:D

Doodlebug
18th Apr 2006, 20:28
So it's not just me! Hell, gonna start me a petition!:}

Yup,Rotated, chucking boiling water onto 2 heaped teaspoons of ground coffee, stirring briskly to let the muck settle, does the trick surprisingly well. An old habit in some of the worlds' navies, I believe.

That's the one, Flyblue! :rolleyes:

GreenWings
18th Apr 2006, 20:54
A couple of months ago departing MEL I fronted the airside Starbucks and asked the fifteen year old for a regular sized black coffee. After being told that I really wanted a short Americano (or something) and replying "no, I want a regular sized black coffee", the 15yo blithely informed me that as a "barista" she needed to know exactly what my order was! She was somewhat put out when I (in turn) blithely informed her that she was in fact a coffee shop assistant, and as far removed from a trained semi professional as it was possible to be. I got a black coffee - and crap it was too.

LOL, reminds me of Foamy the Squirrel's rant about Starschmucks (for those of you not acquainted: Foamy the Squirrel (http://www.illwillpress.com/vault.html)

His diatribes would be well suited to PPRuNe (except that he's a squirrel, not an aviator)

Anyway, someone after my own heart. I loathe Starbucks, filter coffee IS the way forward, though I am rather partial to an espresso every now and again.

In the words of Eddie Izzard, "I like my coffee like I like my women..."

:ok: GW

Jerricho
18th Apr 2006, 21:02
Sure is Krystal!

I fully admit I am a lesbian ;)

Solid Rust Twotter
18th Apr 2006, 21:18
http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d132/Lardbeast/coffee.gif

glider
18th Apr 2006, 21:19
As much as I do love the US, I cannot stand the Starbucks trend of "double flip-flop upside down inside-out vanilla flavoured creamfilled mocchadelli latte".

Coffee should be so black that you could easily balance a teaspoon (which of course shouldn't be placed there in the first place) in it.

What's up with the tea-mania?
In my company, coffee is on the MEL!

Fly hard
/Mange