View Full Version : Vasectomies

15th Apr 2006, 08:27
The BBC reports today that a high percentage of men are failing to
return for a check-up after having had a vasectomy.

If some clown in a white coat had held me down and then carved
my family jewels into interesting shapes, I don't think I would be
too keen to volunteer for a repeat experience!! :p

15th Apr 2006, 08:35
Men! Some of you are such wimps ... nothing but big girls blouses. Real men don't even bother with an anaesthetic for the procedure. :rolleyes:

15th Apr 2006, 09:05
...and that from a human of the female persuasion!

They keep going on about the pain of childbirth but they've never had their foreskin caught in the zip!

15th Apr 2006, 09:47
We tend not to worry about such small things, allan. :E

Krystal n chips
15th Apr 2006, 10:00
If some clown in a white coat had held me down and then carved
my family jewels into interesting shapes, I don't think I would be
too keen to volunteer for a repeat experience!! :p

From what I've read in certain, er, periodicals, some do and pay a great deal of money for the --ahem--experience. ;)

tall and tasty
15th Apr 2006, 10:11
These always made me smile when a big hunk of a man used to bring his male dog into the surgery to have him done.

You would ask them to read the consent form and then sign and before they did the question had to be asked "What are they in for?" The comments ranged from a simple " being done" to "errr well you know having his whats its cut off". "Oh you mean well we can do a special deal two for the price of one" Blushes from the young man! But funnier if their wives/g/f, mothers came in with them and asked if a "two for one was on offer!"

Sorry guys but from what I have heard it is a little sore for a day or two as long as your youngest does not head butt you in the area,:{ which is inevitable and then you are right as rain. A woman on the other hand is laid up for a couple of days. Only time a mum gets any rest!!:p

But I had a friend who was a real casinova who used to tell the girls, "don't worry I fire milk duds!" (ok sorry below the belt, but I found it funny!":O


Flaps ten please
15th Apr 2006, 10:31
When I had mine done I wimped out and went for the general anaesthetic- the local involved three jabs from the east,west and deep south :uhoh: :eek:
Was advised not to ride my bicycle home and stayed in bed with a bag of frozen peas on my :mad: for three days...
...and no, I never went back :O

Vankem Spankfaart
15th Apr 2006, 10:35

The check-up being missed the one where the (as yet unverified) Jabbas have to provide a sample to check if they are wild oatless.

Despite this sexually aware society some blokes may have trouble walking into a surgery with a full sample pot and, to all intents and purposes, declaring "here ya go luv, I've just had a w*nk! Tell me if I'm shooting blanks"


tall and tasty
15th Apr 2006, 10:41
...and no, I never went back tl be honest you should go back for the check ups it can highlight any thing that may have gone wrong. Post op complications are ususally picked up a few days afterwards.

We had a dog (ok not the same) but he was fine and 3 days later was very lethargic and came in white as a sheet. A ligature had slipped and he was bleeding slowly inside. The only sign of it was his lethary which the owner put to the post anesthetic.

So I would recommend you go back, beside you will see a pretty nurse and that should make your day :p


15th Apr 2006, 10:46
When I had mine done, the surgeon was keen to inform me that although a little sore for a day or two, that I could lead a normal life and 'do whatever I wanted to'.

So, I asked him whether I could play the piano, to which he replied: "yes, no problem." Of course, I was able to use that old line: "that's funny, I couldn't beforehand!" Well, it made me smile at the time!!:p


15th Apr 2006, 10:46
Real men don't even bother with an anaesthetic for the procedure.

That was the worst bit of the whole thing! Oh, and the burning smell from the cauterization.

15th Apr 2006, 10:55
So lets get this right, a lot of men who have a vasectomy don't come again? :uhoh:

green granite
15th Apr 2006, 11:17
The simple old fashioned way were the best, a real tight rubber band :E :E

15th Apr 2006, 13:15
Best and cheapest way is with two housebricks - doesn't hurt at all!

Unless you catch your thumbs between the bricks.

15th Apr 2006, 13:47
Had the big V about 15 Yrs ago, thinking about it still makes my eyes water.

Yes, got home , slowly sank into favourite chair. Daughter saw me, yelled daddy and launched into a flying leap and landed in the tender zone. I saw stars. Two days later had to go back to work. It is difficult to do a two legged limp up a flight of stairs, Boss took one look and sent me home for another two days. A week later went ot collect a BBQ plate that the metal bashers had cut for me, they had to pick it up and put it in the boot of the car, I couldnt lift it, it stayed in the back of the car for another three weeks.

I wont be going back for another one:E:E

15th Apr 2006, 13:55
Thanks for the info, Avtrician.

Boll***s to that, then! :\

15th Apr 2006, 14:59
Used to be a hassle, what with the price and everything, Now, it's a snip.
:hmm: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

15th Apr 2006, 15:04
I could think of a few men that should have had Vasectomies at birth !


(And yes my darling ex...if you're reading this that does include you!)

15th Apr 2006, 15:22
When I had mine done about 25 years ago, the surgeon(does it rate a surgeon?) and I had a brandy when it was all over. It must have done some good cos it was done on saturday morning and i was back at work on the monday feeling slightly uncomfortable but otherwise ok..

15th Apr 2006, 15:31
12 years ago the dog and myself finally shared some common ground...The big V was performed by a Dr Cox!!! I kid you not...When I went back for the test, I walked into the clinic and the nurse held out a jar and asked in a dead-pan voice
"can I have a sperm sample in here"??
My reply
"not from this distance" raised a smile:E

15th Apr 2006, 16:40
Had mine done about 20 years ago - now I can look back and laugh at the calamatous sequence of events that day. Lots of things went wrong.....

It all started when the doctor/surgeon held up the syringe and said "Just a small prick!". The nurse had obviously heard that one before and just groaned. I kind of groaned as well but that was after I'd left the bed vertically and hit the ceiling.

It then got worse :\

15th Apr 2006, 19:34
Years ago, "National Elf", and they did the "3 days in and a general" at that time. (didn't feel a thing" ;) )

Couple of days after, on my "evening job", lugging barrels of beer wasn't too funny though, and the girls took theg piss a bit (day-work job at BCAL, LGW) when I was walking around like a cowboy just off his horse.:uhoh:

But it's a complete waste of time now - girls of my age don't need me to have gone through all that:*

15th Apr 2006, 22:14
Michael Parkinson said the best gift a man can give his woman is a vasectomy! :D Post children I expect he meant! :D

15th Apr 2006, 23:00
Went to BPAS, had the "exam" locally [Manchester]. Went to Liverpool on my motorbike. Arrived on a [very] hot day. Asked the Lady in the canteen for a drink.......[no attempt for accent]
"Hi, can I have a drink, please" ....
"You've had your op then"....
"Ermm, no"
"Can't help you then Laa"
"I'm having a Local"
"You're sure, not takin' the P...."
"Yes, I'm gaspin'"
"Here you are Laa, and have a bit of cake.....but if youse throws up,it ain't my fault"

Two hours later after the Anasthetic,[on the Operating Table] "Do you know that you have a Hernia?"
"Did the "doctor" examine you?"
"Yes, from the waist up"
"BU6ger, can you come back next week, for a General, at no extra cost.
A week later.....
The ex drives me to the Clinic...my 4yo son is in tow..[He has been told that his Daddie's willy is being "worked on".
Twenty [or so] young ladies arrive.....and sit with the Gents already there.....
Bearing in mind some have had the "OP"......and some have NOT :ok:
"Mum, are these men having their willies cut off?"
"Mum, why are these ladies here? THEY haven't got willies"
Ex and son were asked to leave...HE was causing so much merriment, it was HURTING the recuperating patients.....:ok:
All I remember, is waking up with my hand up a nurse's skirt....and she said that it was "Normal":{
Would I recomend it? YES :ok:

16th Apr 2006, 00:13
Hats off to you who does that! :eek::eek::eek:


Loose rivets
16th Apr 2006, 00:43
I did my own, (My DIYing knows no bounds) and in the days following, I monitored the gradual decline of my viable output. There was still a very few 'living' 4-5 days later!

I did however, feel that I reacted to the absorption adversely for some years. Very slight, like a hint of glandular fever now and then.

jon s gull
16th Apr 2006, 03:49
Had mine a coupla years ago, a general anaesthetic on the doctors request. I live in a very small town so the last thing I remembered on the op table was saying Gday to all the people in the theatre that I knew.

Went back for the check up and was inspected by a pretty, young local nurse, who pronounced "very nice". It was worth the time.

Was riding Desdemona [the ducati] the next day.worst part was the hair growing back after shaving the complete area.

16th Apr 2006, 06:54
inspected by a pretty, young local nurse
Was her name Anne?

Local Anne aesthetic?

16th Apr 2006, 12:39
Trouble I had was that after the needle had gone in, and having returned from low earth orbit, the doc just starter slicing and dicing and tying knots like he was putting on a rugby boot BEFORE the anasthetic had started to kick in!:eek:

At least when you go to a dentist he has the decency to "let it numb up for a couple of minutes" before getting down to work with the stainless steel!

A week of discomfort for a life without having to "paddle with your wellies on" aint much looking back on it now.:O

16th Apr 2006, 16:33
Seems that some get it good and some don't.
I was given a local and was chatting to the Doc and nurses throughout the procedure - some really black humour going on too, mostly at my expense.
Wheeled into a ward and told by the nurse to "take it nice and easy" so I sat there like a prat for 30 min bored out of my skull. I managed to collar the Matron and told her I was bored, could easily sit in a chair and not waste a bed (in short supply in my area) and how long did I have to stay here as I felt fine.
I was told that the bed rest was simply for the general to wear off and remiinded her I'd had a local. 20 min later I was driving home.
The worst bit was several weeks later as Jon S Gull records. Once the shaved area starts to regenerate the itchiness can drive one up the proverbial..

16th Apr 2006, 16:55
Having been through the proceedure twice and facing a third I think I am an expert on the subject....

I had a vasectomy with all the attendant problems noted above. I then noted a mass which turned out to be an epididimal cyst which has to be removed by the same proceedure (not a serious problem). Thing is you can get them on both sides and having had the right Cyst (and only that!!!) removed there is now one developing on the left.

Once again I am looking at having the proceedure carried out with all the associated discomfort. So anyone who claims the Vasectomy is a pain has no idea!

Just a note the vasectomy was under a local and the cyst removal was under a general. The follow up to both was the same as was the level of pain/discomfort (just make sure you have a tight pair of undies).

:O :O :O :O :O :O :(

16th Apr 2006, 23:38
Oh Yeah
I forgot to say....that AFTER the local, I iwas numb [down THERE stupid] and I could STILL feel my "bits" being moved around :cool:

17th Apr 2006, 14:51
Why any bloke would willingly lie back and let another dude take a scalpel and cauterizer to their genitals is beyond my comprehension:eek: :ooh: :{


18th Apr 2006, 10:19
had mine done many moons ago under a local in an RAF Hospital - when there were still such things.

Two problems - I knew the nurse from having flown aeromed flights with her in the recent past - still it gave us something to talk about while I "numbed".

Then they put a Walkman on me to distract me during the actual op - but it had a bl:mad:dy James Last tape in it - I hate James Last.

But no discomfort (not much) and best days work I ever did - highly recommended.

18th Apr 2006, 10:35
Why any bloke would willingly lie back and let another dude take a scalpel and cauterizer to their genitals is beyond my comprehension:eek: :ooh: :{

Oh stop being such a pansy :bored: Just look at the other options for a bloke:

1 Continue to procreate

2 Go swimming with your wellies on

3 Pull out at the last minute

4 Become celebate

5 Become a poof (and, quite frankly, your attitude to vasectomies means you are half way there already...)

Of course you could demand that your wife/girlfriend do one of the following:

1 Fill themselves full of chemicals three days out of four for the rest of their child bearing life

2 Insert some sort of radio antenna into her uterus for several weeks at a time

3 Insert a small frisbee covered in goo immediately prior to you getting anywhere near her

4 Get herself sterilised which is a much more invasive procedure than a vasectomy

5 Be on top every time, though frankly this is not very reliable...

As you can see, a mere snip snip snip is the least worst option.

Vasectomies rock :ok:

18th Apr 2006, 10:42
I've had the snip and I've also been through the reversal op (unsuccessful, but then again it wasn't me that particularly wanted it to work).

Neither was a particularly big deal although if you exaggerate a bit you get the 'you went through all that, just for me' sympathy response.

18th Apr 2006, 18:00
Had it done after a night shift under a local. No more traumatic or painful than a trip to the dentist, and normal conversation is still possible. The local stung a bit, and no sensation noted during the op, though I did get the doctor to move the big shiny light so I couldn't see him chop my nuts reflected in the chrome bit in the middle.

A day in bed was nice. Was aghast to see the pathetic 2mm wounds the next day, they throbbed a bit more significantly than that.

DID go back, doctor approved the appearance, confirmed I had fired 20 rounds (which should empty the magazine) and gave me a plastic pot to fill at home. I asked his receptionist to use the clinic's toilet, but didn't say what for. Nurse at pathology clinic seemed no less inclined to take my pot of slime than the jam jar full of crap from the guy before me.

18th Apr 2006, 23:00
balix that is a very sensible post!!

If only all men were as practical and sensible as you.

Having a vasectomy is a wonderfully liberating thing for a man (and his woman/women)!

I'm glad to hear so many of you have had the 'snip'. :ok: :ok:

18th Apr 2006, 23:07
tart 1: Take that white coat off, and can I have my scissors back?!! :p

19th Apr 2006, 00:59
No big deal. I jogged home from the hospital after I had mine. :E

My next door neighbour wasn't as lucky. He had his done at the doctor's office. The following night he woke up with something the size of a bowling ball between his legs, it seems he'd develped an internal leak. Said it was no fun being nekkid from the waist down, holding the family jewels cupped in both hands while his wife drove him to the emergency clinic. :uhoh:

Capt Claret
19th Apr 2006, 02:08
When considering undergoing a Vasectomy, I discussed the issue with my DAME who was also a student pilot but not my GP.

He advised that female tubal ligation whilst more traumatic for the patient, was less likley to have complications because it was done in an operating theatre (sterile) under general anasthetic. Whereas a vasectomy was usually performed in a doctor's surgery (less sterile) under a local.

Complications from tubal ligation were rare, whereas infected and swolen testes, as experienced by pigboat's neighbour, were not uncommon. :eek:

So, to put a spanner in the works of all the proponents, I underwent my vasectomy in '91 or '92. It was an informed decision and I had no qualms about becoming sterile. I did cop a fair bit of flack from my house mate when producing the final specimin for the GP to confirm only blanks being fired.

Sadly my GP must've cut a nerve or two as well as the vas because, shall we say, the sensation's never been the same since. :{ :{ :{

19th Apr 2006, 08:11
This is all true:

Mr Butcher - the surgeon - had bandaids and nics and scratches all over his hands during the prelim interview.

General anaesthetic

Got 3 days off after - drove to the Rock next day with a huge wad of cotton wool (as my friend) and then climbed Ayers Rock (first and last time) - yes I am an idiot.

Didn't go back and didn't do the pre-test either - blow that (!)

I don't recommend it.

19th Apr 2006, 08:16
IMHFO: Was 'blow that' a comment or an order?!!:p

19th Apr 2006, 08:17
Well Captain Claret, you Aussie boys might have to endure Bush surgery to get 'em disconnected but here in Blighty I would guess most blokes get it done at their local hospital's day surgery unit. What's more, just claim to be a bit of a wimp (like I did) and they will give you a general anasthetic.

19th Apr 2006, 08:48
Outpatient, Local anaesthetic, home a couple of hours later. Only
problem was a bit of tugging on adhesions.

Doctor, can you take away the pain, but leave the swelling, please?

20th Apr 2006, 02:49
tilewood yes you picked the double entendre (there's always one embedded) but it was neither - a hope - always a hope.:E

20th Apr 2006, 04:38
Twenty-one years since I had mine under local anaesthetic, with an overnight at the hospital at HMCS Stadacona in Halifax dockyard. A good idea all round that firing blanks stuff is.:cool: :ok:
There was a bit of discomfort during the procedure. The left incision was only a few millimeters long, and didnít bleed, so my naval surgeon (using gear developed during the Battle of Jutland, no doubt) left the suturing for later. After farting around trying to identify the right vas, and opening the hole in my personal sporran a couple extra times to do so, he finally got around to closing that particular gap and went back to find the other. He grabbed what he thought was the right spot with a pair of giant tweezers. There was no reduction in nerve sensitivity at that particular location, and I rose vertically from the table, offering up loud comments about his visual acuity, amongst other shortcomings.:mad:
Canít believe folks would rather have a general anaesthetic than local though. There are far more serious potential complications from being put under. Iíve never heard of anybody croaking as an aftermath of a local, for a vasectomy or anything else, but a general carries risk.
I did actually develop a mild infection in the area around the starboard incision a few days later. Off to the Flight Surgeon who scratched his head a bit, prescribed an oral antibiotic, and asked me to check back at weekís end. The problem went away overnight, but I returned as instructed for a chat. He seemed pleased to hear that the drug had worked well, and I asked him why he had me return.
He explained that heíd never seen a post-vasectomy infection before and wasnít sure what to prescribe. Yeah, OK, so what is that stuff Iím taking?
Oh just the antibiotic I normally prescribe for vaginal infections.
Boys, my voice didnít get any higher, and I didnít start cyclical nosebleeds or shopping for new curtains. Of course I get a little bitchy during the full moonÖ.

20th Apr 2006, 06:22
It was a bizarre experience.

Waiting for the local anaesthetic to take effect, I had the somewhat exotic experience of sitting on a the edge of a table, naked from the waist down while chatting about Asian food with an exteremely pretty Singaporean nurse, who occasionally fondled my privates to see if they were numb yet. [Is this procedure the origin of the expression "numb-nuts?"] Then, in the middle of the surgery, the Surgeon's wife called him on her car phone to ask when he'd be finished - she couldn't find a parking space and was driving round and round the block.

Mrs B was highly amused when my parts turned sequentially blue, green and yellow over the next few days. I was just happy they didn't turn black and fall off.

And no, I didn't go back again. I'd returned to Borneo by the time I had to submit my post-op 'sample.' Mailing it from the airport Post Office, I had to fill in a declaration form stating the contents of the package. :E

20th Apr 2006, 21:38
Great stories. Also local anaesthetic, to this day I swear that my toes were moving when the doc was pulling on the ducts. What a terrible situation it was, despite all warnings I drove home myself straight after the surgery, unfortunately I had a team of five builders working in front of the house. Their grins, when it took me about 10 minutes to get out of the 911 and another 10 ten to make it duck-style to the frontdoor, are carved in my soul.

20th Apr 2006, 23:52
Got mine when you had to pay £25 to get it done. Can't say I remember it was painful when the local wore off, bloody uncomfortable though.

Subsequent samples all failed. I suspect it had something to do with the fact that I had a few beers that night to kill the discomfort, got romantic with Mrs C-dog and probly pulled the stitches.

Bloody surgeon wouldn't give me my £25 back though!

Farmer 1
21st Apr 2006, 08:19
My wife wanted me to have it done, I didn't. But, both being sensible, responsible and intelligent adults, we discussed the matter at length, and eventually agreed to compromise.

I only had one side done.

CarltonBrowne the FO
21st Apr 2006, 12:59
Avtrician, when you say never again, I'm curious; do you think you'll need another BBQ plate?

21st Apr 2006, 16:25
There was no way I was going to be awake to watch some guy in a white coat and scalpel play with my plums, I had a general. yes, I'm a coward and I admit it.

Strangely enough, I asked the Doctor about the procedure and he started to explain that my day was vasectomy and bowel day. I told him to make sure I was lying the right way on the bed when I went under!!!

Impress to inflate
21st Apr 2006, 20:21
Had the big V last Sept. Job done on the Friday, feet up Sat, cut lawn on Sun back to work on Tuesady. Walking down the flight line in a sweaty goon suit. Ramp controler put my a/c right at the end so i had the longest hobble. For three days he pulled that stunt and giggled as I hobbled on CCTV past all the cameras, walking like John Wayne. All clear now. Told my big V story to my co-pilot in graphic detail, It only took three mins before he turned a colour paler than white and started to gag.:yuk: