View Full Version : How To Become Hugely Successful and Influence People by Playing in a Pop Band

13th Apr 2006, 11:28
Hi folks,

So, VFE has got himself into a pop/rock band (again) but this time it has legs and motivation to succeed - yes folks, we're at the dream 'we're going all the way to the top' stage! We have an 18 year old VERY FIT female singer so it just has to succeed, right? :}

Apart from dressing the singer up in suspenders, how else can we excel and succeed? What do you look for in a new band these days? What do you require from your music - the look, the sound, the image, the whole artistic package....?

VFE. :bored:

13th Apr 2006, 11:40
Fit front bird. That'll do it. Just look at that Alison Oldfrapp bint.:}

13th Apr 2006, 11:45
Our burd knocks seven buckets outa her! Our burd looks like a cross between Kerry McFadden and Amanda Holden. She works in a retirement home which I find so endearing....


13th Apr 2006, 11:45
I was going to say get some public exposure....but it looks like you've got that part covered;)

bar fly
13th Apr 2006, 11:48
Am I the only one that tried to click your VERY FIT link? :(

13th Apr 2006, 11:50
Yes, sorry barfly, that was rather norty of me wasn't it!

**que the Mutley chortle** :}


13th Apr 2006, 11:51
What? Ferry McHoldem man? Gissa piccy.

13th Apr 2006, 12:00
When we get to 3 pages, I;ll post the goodies up for you to see.

Firstly though, you have to tell me what you think to our band name - 'Hiroshima'. Now, there was a Japanese/American funk group in the 70's called 'Hiroshima' but we're kinda hoping to use that name. Anyone know how the copyright laws work on that kinda deal?


tony draper
13th Apr 2006, 12:08
Buy amplifiers that go up to 11.

13th Apr 2006, 12:19
Our burd knocks seven buckets outa her! Our burd looks like a cross between Kerry McFadden and Amanda Holden. VFE.


As for the name - something about if your music is marketed and you are performing in the same territory as the original "trademark" holder, and they object - then you have to change it. e.g. if this band only played in Japan and you don't play there, you'll be OK. Or somethinng... ummm ask a lawyer.

13th Apr 2006, 12:21
Here (http://www.music-law.com/bandname.html) you go.

13th Apr 2006, 12:29
Fit front bird. That'll do it. Just look at that Alison Oldfrapp bint.:}

Alison Moyet?



13th Apr 2006, 12:41
Hmmm, looks like calling yerselves Hiroshima's out of the question then.

Are you a band ahead of your time? Then why not consider Bushewr (said in a Farsi accent - must sound like GWB answering the telephone, or does he use "this is the 43rd President speaking...hello")? That might be where the next nuclear attack falls, even if it's not strictly a nuclear one...uhmmm?!

Hint for dressing up the lady singer: Pop out bust (for the free publicity - worked well for Janet Jackson dinnit?!)

13th Apr 2006, 12:45
Hiroshima - sounds like a blast.

If you can sell records while being called the Smashing Pumpkins, it seems a name is not all that important.

The Strafers sounds cool though.:cool:

13th Apr 2006, 13:31
VFE get yerself a "Sound". You have to sell something new, not a "sound a like" with a fit bird up front. The fit bird is good for the mag covers but that comes after success. It still comes down to great sound, great songs, great show.


13th Apr 2006, 14:17
Nagasaki might be available.

(collateral thinking, that is)

I claim copyright, BTW. I want 10% of all profits from record sales.

13th Apr 2006, 14:36
Would be nice to have been called 'Hiroshima'. Shame that.

I like the idea of slipping a swear word into the name but it's just not feasible if you wanna get gigs as no venue will put your name on the flyers, or book you, for that matter which kinda makes getting yourselves known a bit tricky.

Did have a band that performed two gigs under the title: 'Fairytale of the God Fearing B*stards' though... albeit only two gigs, that was fun!


Minty Fresh
13th Apr 2006, 14:48
Thought it was along the lines of that old advert -

"You can't sing, you can't dance, you look awfull ...... you'll go along way"!!

Apologies for those not remembering the kit-kat ad's

surely not
13th Apr 2006, 15:03
Watch out for 'fit front burd' being seduced away into a solo career if she is really that fit :E

Going back in time, but a notable battle non the less, why not 'Ypres' you can cause all sorts of fun with journos trying to pronounce the name properly.

13th Apr 2006, 15:22
I think The Reactors have been taken too. (Monster garage, a kinergarden teacher, remember?) But i think anyone wouldnt mind if toy took that bandname. Noone will ever know.

Quite alot of bold in here, isnt it? ;)

13th Apr 2006, 18:01
Come on! Post, post, post .. . .

Let's get it up to 3 pages so he'll post the Fit Burd :E

(I don't s'pose he'll want to call a band that sort of name tho' - wold have to use 8-point on the posters ;) )

13th Apr 2006, 18:40
Totally pointless post helping on the way to page 3

13th Apr 2006, 19:11
Well I ain't playing any of yer tunes...cause you ain't had a hit yet! :rolleyes:

stroles off muttering...new kids on the block...think it's easy..mutter, mutter

13th Apr 2006, 19:13
Soon be three quarters of the way to page 3;)

13th Apr 2006, 20:21
Hope page 3 means what I think it does!

13th Apr 2006, 20:28
New kid on the block? First time I've been called that! :)


surely not
13th Apr 2006, 22:04



















Howard Hughes
13th Apr 2006, 22:16
Come on show us yer "fit bird"!!;)

13th Apr 2006, 22:53
Problem at the moment, as it stands, like, is that err.... I don't actually have a photo of her yet! Just trying to work out how to sneak a shot of her and get it downloaded onto the internet without her realising I'm the seedy old barsteward that I really am! :hmm:


13th Apr 2006, 23:07
Less excuses more posting. Page 3 looms large VFE.

14th Apr 2006, 05:11
Get a mate with a digital camera to take some pics of the band "for publicity", then edit out the rest of you ugly buggahs:E

Howard Hughes
14th Apr 2006, 08:21
Gentleman, what is going on?

I have been at work for 8 hours and we still have'nt made it to page 3!!
Err so to speak!!;)

Solid Rust Twotter
14th Apr 2006, 08:37
Are we there yet?

14th Apr 2006, 09:43

14th Apr 2006, 10:29
Feeling sorry for all you guys without something to drool over so I'm posting this in the hope you'll hurry up and get to page three! ;)

surely not
14th Apr 2006, 11:00















14th Apr 2006, 11:24






Betcha it's but some awful bint, how else could VFE get her into his band? :E

14th Apr 2006, 14:12
Will page 3 never arrive?:sad:

14th Apr 2006, 14:22
Well, will it?

14th Apr 2006, 14:49
This one might...

(I should've posted a pic of meself, I've always wanted to be on page 3. Only there aren't enough women tabloid readers, one presumes...)

14th Apr 2006, 15:59
Re the name of the band -- as Hiroshima is already taken, what about adding a word after Hiroshima, such as Hiroshima Red (or orange/grey/whatever), or Hiroshima Rocks, Hiroshima Blues, etc., or some other unique word that is unlikely to have been paired with Hiroshima. Maybe even a word that provides a contrast with Hiroshima?

14th Apr 2006, 19:51
Ok, 40th post.......perhaps #41 will start page 3?
Yep! It did, but still no piccy of the Fit Burd

Shame VFe, denying all us Music Appreciators on here :(

14th Apr 2006, 20:03
Based on the non appearance of the fit burd, maybe the 'Broken Promises' would be a good name :}

14th Apr 2006, 20:08
or "Failed, Miserably"

Howard Hughes
14th Apr 2006, 21:19
Maybe even a word that provides a contrast with Hiroshima?"Hiroshima DC" :ok:

14th Apr 2006, 22:50
'Wasted' Viagra solo ???

15th Apr 2006, 13:15
Ok, ok! Relax guys - I'm waiting to get hold of a digi-cam and next time I see the lovely singer I'll snap her and post. Might take a week or so but your luct will be rewarded, fear not! :)


15th Apr 2006, 13:38
A week!:{

I'm gonna have to make do with my bird then.:(

"Lies, Damned Lies and VFE"

15th Apr 2006, 14:26
Hey, did anyone notice that we're back on page 2 again.....
what a rip off!:confused:

george bridson
15th Apr 2006, 14:37
You can use cusswords in your name, just be a bit clever. eg "Rhysical Pheck" (psychedelic folk/rock crossover), or "Vertical Smile" (short-lived soft-rock outfit with absolute babe vocalist). These have already been done, but I'm sure someone will think of something.

Solid Rust Twotter
15th Apr 2006, 15:46
There's a record label in the US by name of Barking Pumpkin.

In a similar vein, Humourous Vegetable...

15th Apr 2006, 19:36
Standing-by for the pic of the fit burd, even if we have to wait till page 4 :E

Gingerbread Man
15th Apr 2006, 19:41




that (bugger that for a game of cards) it's the number of posts that starts a new page, and not the height or length of the actual post :p ?

Still, i'm ready to see this photo if there'll ever be one.

Ginger ;) (Seeing as it's about a band... http://www.augk18.dsl.pipex.com/Smileys/bananaguit.gif)

19th Apr 2006, 10:24
Still Waiting ;)

20th Apr 2006, 07:14
it's the number of posts that starts a new page, and not the height or length...So size doesn't matter? :hmm:

21st Apr 2006, 10:24
Back to the top!

- so that Vfe doesn't forget he still owes us a picture of his

fit burd


heads back to "Pics of all of us", and Charlie Barlie

21st Apr 2006, 10:50
Re the name of the band

What about Eruption?
Nuclear Fusion?
Atomic Boogie.
Ground Zero.
Air Burst.
Nuclear Fallout.
Size Doesn't Matter (sorry, I pinched that!).

Or, seeing as how your front-man is a burd, how about Great Tits . . . .

21st Apr 2006, 12:05
A google image search for fit bird can be temporarily satisfying.... :\

Devlin Carnet
21st Apr 2006, 12:16
Better start perusing "internet fit burd" sites then...
You know whats gonna happen dontcha :ok:

surely not
27th Apr 2006, 07:39
Does this fit burd exist, or was she a mirage of some alcohol addled brain? We need the photograph!!!

27th Apr 2006, 15:29
VFE, have you got a manager or will you continue to manage yourself? I think you're going to need one as you have been failing miserably so far to fulfill the promises that we, the adoring fans, were made. Just imagine 10000 screaming old perverts had flocked to, say, the Wembley arena for a concert and it was a no show from the band. :{

Where does she live? I'll go there with a camera and ask her myself! :cool: "Camera loves you baby."

27th Apr 2006, 17:40
Do you suppose that perhaps VFE had a bit of finger trouble and meant to post 'fat bird'?

Now too embarrassed to admit it.

28th Apr 2006, 01:47
When we get to 3 pages, I;ll post the goodies up for you to see.

Uh, we're on page 3 dude:hmm:

30th Apr 2006, 18:32
Uh, we're on page 3 dude:hmm:We're on page 4!!!:{

surely not
11th May 2006, 15:17
and just to increase the pressure on VFE to produce photo of rumoured fit burd lets keep this thread on Page 1

11th May 2006, 16:04
Daughter #1 plays the sax, very well. In a couple of mildly successful local bands.

Went to see Rod Stewart last summer. His line up included a v fit lady sax player. Blonde, 5" heels, short skirt. Lovely.

Came home, told #1 daughter - Uni cancelled. Would pay for trip to expensive hairdresser, decent shoe shop and for selection of short skirts, and send her round to Rod.

SWMBO almost agreed with me.

12th May 2006, 07:10
Should have a photo or two of our lovely singer in the next week or so because we're working on the band website now so stay tuned - sorry it's taking so long but this IS rock n roll folks! :}


Windy Militant
12th May 2006, 07:57
How to succeed in the Music business.
1) Have absolutly no Musical talent at All!
2) Be Photogenic, it helps if you fit the current look that's in vogue.
3) Sell your soul to the Media Whore masters of corporate industry.
4) Allegedly Sh*gg a Footballer, or someone who Sh*gged someone who Sh*gged a footballer.
5) Make dodgy covers/remixes of old hits
6) Have absolutly no Musical talent at All!
If you do not meet the above requirements be prepared for a life of penuary and be cursed to spend the rest of your life in fleapit boozers. Changing in toilets that reek of P*ss and Puke, giving your best to a bunch of drunks who spend the night shouting at each other and playing the fruit machines and asking if you can play 'Smoke on the Water' 15 times a night.
If you're still hell bent on throwing you life away to follow the impossible dream how's about calling the band
Fit Bird
now where's that Picture!:E ;)

12th May 2006, 08:13
Oi VFE, you're full of it, I reckon your front burd is Alice Cooper or summat. However, I doff my Strat to your publicity ligging ways. Stand & deliver!:=