View Full Version : Personalised GPWS Warnings

13th Apr 2006, 07:20
First it was mobile phone ringtone downloads, how about the same for your GPWS. Examples.

Woody Allen
"Oh god I dont know, Pull Up or something"

Jerry Seinfield
"Like I was saying....PULL UP"

Gilbert Gottfried
Ö my god, Pull Up!! Hellooo are you listening out there...PULL UP"

Bronx Taxi Driver
"You Idiot, Pull the F&$%@k Up"

"Terrain there is.Um-hmmm pull up you should"

Joan Rivers
"Can we TALK? Ter-RAIN"

As from Flying mag page 99

So what else can anyone come up with.

West Coast
13th Apr 2006, 07:33
Whoop whoop..too young, pull out...

13th Apr 2006, 07:44
Vicki Pollard
Yeah, but, no, but, yeah, but, no, but, well anyway I was talking to Leanne, one of the hosties, you know, her who did Kevin on the layover, and anyway she says that you aren't to take any notice anyway because, well, it just wasn't me right? What's YOUR problem?

Listen to this right? 'Cos whatever, I ain't even bovvered right?

I did have Yoda installed on my car sat nav. Amusing for the first trip or two, but gets very tedious being told 'In 200 yards, at the end of the road... left, you must turn' I now have a the very nice and soothing voice of an antipodean lady giving the directions.

13th Apr 2006, 07:58
Male porn star - "Whoop, whoop! Going down!"

Gynaecologist - "Whoop, whoop, going up."

Swat Team squaddie - "Whoop, whoop, going in!"

13th Apr 2006, 08:09

"Whoop, whoop, You are reminded that under the terms of CAR 157 you may not fly over any city, town or populous area, at a height lower than 1000 ft or any other area at a height lower than 500 feet. For this purpose you are reminded that the definition of "height" specified in this GPWS warning is defined as the height above the highest point of the terrain, and any object on it, within a radius of........................................................."


13th Apr 2006, 08:44
That reminds me, allan907........

"Whoop! Whoop! Pardon me, got bird flu."

13th Apr 2006, 08:58
Yeah, looks like the poms are down the swanny:eek:

13th Apr 2006, 09:08
I think the voice of one of my ex flying instructors would work reasonably well, as long as you restricted it to one of his favourite phrases...

"Oi, what are we going to do now? F***ing crash?"

Memorable, it was...

Gingerbread Man
13th Apr 2006, 12:04
Maybe you could personalise those Airbus "retard, retard" things to be more polite...

13th Apr 2006, 12:10
Would the Ryanair version be "Eejit, eejit" ?

Loose rivets
14th Apr 2006, 06:45
The Beg Yin

"That looks to me like a F:mad:ing mountain. I could be wrong, but I would bet my auntie's F:mad: ing knickers on the fact that if F:mad: ing is.

Now, if I were F:mad: ing you, and I'm F:mad:ing glad I'm not...but if I were, I would Woop F:mad: ing Woop.....pull the F:mad: up!"

14th Apr 2006, 07:59
Marcel Marceau

............................................................ .....

14th Apr 2006, 09:15
If you forgot to set an alarm sound at all... :eek:

Howard Hughes
14th Apr 2006, 09:17
Surely Jerry Seinfeld should be....."what is the deal with pull up, pull up?"

14th Apr 2006, 11:23
How about the whale, from the Hitchhiker's Guide;

"What's this thing, coming towards me, really fast, so big and round, I think I'll call it GROUND"


14th Apr 2006, 11:44
Actually, in order to cut costs, GWPS manufacturers are transferring their service to a call centre in Calcutta. The standard messages will be:

If you are configured for landing with gear and flaps down, and are fully established on the ILS, Press 1.

If you are not configured for landing or are not established on the ILS and wish to go around, Press 2

For any other reason, Press 3 and you will hear the voice: "Oh, goodness gracious me, you must be putting on the power and lifting the front absolutely straight away!"

14th Apr 2006, 14:33
Paris Hilton

"I'd hit that.......like whatever"

Loose rivets
14th Apr 2006, 16:42
Who the heck is the Beg Yin, and why didn't anyone notice?:rolleyes:

14th Apr 2006, 17:53
Just for you, the Big Yin (http://www.billyconnolly.com/)

Irish Steve
15th Apr 2006, 02:01
Several years ago, a group of us were working with a simulator project, and some "enhanced" warning systems trials. It wasn't an "official" project as such, more a bit of lateral thinking research.

Just for the "craic", we set up a warning routine that calculated the relevant descent profile, and if the "arrival point" was not going to be on a runway, the system said, in a very plaintive and sad female voice "30 seconds to impact..........20 seconds to impact........ 10 seconds to impact........... Goodbye". The "Goodbye" was spoken about 1 second before ground impact.

The first time it was demonstrated, the effect on the assembled group of observers and interested parties was "interesting" :E

Arm out the window
15th Apr 2006, 02:31
The Steve Irwin might get your attention:

"Crikey! Now we're getting really close to the GROUND! This is going to be very, very close - PULL UP! Otherwise we might all be KILLED!"

15th Apr 2006, 03:04
Another Steve Irwin; Crikey! Now we're getting really close to the GROUND! Lets go in a bit closer BEFORE we pull up pull up.

Loose rivets
15th Apr 2006, 05:14
Just for you, the Big Yin (http://www.billyconnolly.com/)

Aye, I ken the BIG Yin, but where did I get the BEG Yin from?:} still, I suppose I should answer my own question really. I blame the French for my typing errors. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/walnaze/banghead3.gif

One cannot help but let one's mind wander to Dr Stephenson. One has a passion for small blond Ozzy PhDs

A former colleague of mine told the tale of the computer chip with a speech impediment.


Loose rivets
15th Apr 2006, 05:25
Eddie Izzard.

I suppose I shouldn't have dressed to kill tonight, not if you're going to land without any flaps down. Oh, I don't know, perhaps it won't make any difference.

Would you like the warning in English or German? Well, I suppose I could do it in both. Or not...I don't mind. Woop.............this is going to make a mess of my lipstick. Woop, Woop, too low. Just a moment, I have to adjust my frock. That's better. FLAPS! There, did you like that?

Charlie Foxtrot India
15th Apr 2006, 05:38
"Are you sure you want to fly this low? I thought you thaid that flying clothe to the ground was inherantly dangerouth and by doing tho you run the rithk of a controlled flight into terrain"

"Yeah I know"

Arm out the window
15th Apr 2006, 06:07
Good one CFI, made my day, that did!

Krystal n chips
15th Apr 2006, 07:47
Dirty Harry
Whoop, Whoop, Terrain, Terrain----" do ya feel lucky punk, well do ya --go ahead, make my day !"
Teflon Tone,
As above but "Look, it's ok, trust me, I'm a regular sort of guy, no honestly, what I'm saying is this, I mean it's all about whether or not, overall and with due regard to the wider issues and I can assure you that Snowdonia does have WMD's and, I'll come back to you on this one later "

Ian Paisley

Glideslope / sink rate

"Let me tell you thish !!--here and now !!--and for the future as well !!---there will be NO deviation from the glideslope on this, or any other flight for that matter and there will Never be an excessive sink rate either until such time as -----" er, this warning could probably go on for a couple of hours of course ! ;)

15th Apr 2006, 08:58
Derek Faye

How very dare you. Flying too low dear? Who dear? Me dear? No dear! You fly into the ground if you like but I'm off to book a manicure, come along George.

George Bush

My fellow Americans, the features of the geophysicalityness of the terine you are transposing over is not inconsiderate with collision with it.

15th Apr 2006, 09:02
Tommy Cooper

There's this aeroplane right, and it goes like this, or it might have been like that. No it was definitely like this. And it's about to crash into the ground and, ha, ha, ha. Sorry, but I've heard this one before. Anyway.....

Basil Brush

Whoop, whoop, pull up, pull up. Boom, Boom

15th Apr 2006, 13:23
How about something Stanley Unwinesque?

You can make up your own examples 'cos I'm not up to it.

15th Apr 2006, 14:23
Jet Blast

"Whoop Whoop........feckin' speed cameras......pull up.........feckin ground there, must be French........whoop whoop!"

15th Apr 2006, 14:30
"Crashes?? Whoop! Whoop! Gringo! We don' - Whoop! Whoop! - need no steenkin' crashes! Joo gon' pull up!"

Lon More
15th Apr 2006, 15:27
RiskyRossco Bit too close for comfort I think.
Weren't the last words on a CVR "Shut up, gringo" before flying into a mountain?

15th Apr 2006, 16:02
There should be one specifically for pilots from that Yorkshire!

Whoop-whoop...'Ah say,thas ground o-er yonder Whoop-whoop..pull tha bloody finger out'!

And one for scousers...

Whoop-whoop Caaaalm down...whoop-whoop...dya hear me our kid'!

15th Apr 2006, 16:04
And one for chefs...

"terrine...terrine"...in the sink!

15th Apr 2006, 18:28
One for teenagers....

whoop, whoop, and stuff, whoop, whoop, whatever....

15th Apr 2006, 18:31
One for people on drugs:

Whoop! Earth is getting bigger. My hands is feeling weird. Im getting smaller.

Capt. Queeg
16th Apr 2006, 05:48
Hi I’m henceforth known as Capt. Queeg. Sorry it’s late but here are some more EGPWS Warnings for you. Made ‘em meself:

Jack Palance:






“Pull. Up.”

Robert DeNiro:
“Pull-up? Pull-up? You talkin’ to me? I’ll give you fcukin’ pull-up, mothef***er…”

Homer Simspson:
“Woohoo!! Pull-up. Woohoo!! Pull-up.”

Ned Flanders:
“Whoop-whoop, Pull diddly-up”

Beavis and/or Butthead:
“Hee. Hee. Hee…. Pull up. Hee. Pull up. Hee. Hee…. Pull up Pull up Pull up!!! Hee, you said ‘pull’…”

Mr. T:
“Poo Lupp, foo’. Ain gettnonn no plane wid no foo’, won’t Poo Lupp.”

Comical Ali:
“Don’t-don’t pull up, Don’t-don’t pull up, there is no hill ahead. We will destroy that hill with our fearless and mighty aircraft. The hill will bathe in it’s own blood. But there is no hi-…..”

*sound similar to impact

An Aussie:
“Wup-wup? Where the bloody hell’s that???”

16th Apr 2006, 05:57
Who were you before?

16th Apr 2006, 06:02
Jerricho's MIL
Pull up! I don't know why she married you! I'll give you terrain, you worthless lout! She could have married that nice doctor! But no, she had to marry you! What she saw in you, I don't know!.......
(At which point the impact is a blessed relief)