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answer=42
10th Apr 2006, 22:29
I wish to prepare a military coup. I have organised the following:

- Balcony for announcing takeover. All dictators need to have a balcony from which to issue edicts. If you can’t have a balcony what’s the point?

- Advance party to capture the military uniform factory. Epaulettes, high peaked hats and gold braid, lots of gold braid are essential to any self-respecting junta.

- Radio station. Early takeover of radio station is traditional to coups: v. useful for making public announcements in stentorian voice and playing patriotic music. The internet just doesn’t have the same feel.

What else might I need?

tinpis
10th Apr 2006, 22:35
Lotta $munny to run off with to Switzerland

The Invisible Cat
10th Apr 2006, 22:54
you'd need a large football stadium to round-up you opponents (confiscating their belongings would help with above statement)

G-CPTN
10th Apr 2006, 23:02
Facial hair.
Partial or full set. (Hitler, Stalin, Castro, Saddam, Allende, Pinochet . . . )

Howard Hughes
10th Apr 2006, 23:04
Wives.....
You need to have lot's of wives!!;)

VTA
10th Apr 2006, 23:08
Deny all knowledge of ever hearing of Mark Thatcher

seacue
11th Apr 2006, 00:21
Radio station????

How backward. This is the age of television.

toothpic
11th Apr 2006, 00:36
Lots of sculptors... if you are successful you will require lots of big statues........

:p :p :p :p

Irish Steve
11th Apr 2006, 01:01
A very large collection of fawning and not too fussy media people, who will already have agreed to give your actions maximum publicity, regardless of how they feel about the validity of your actions.

If you can also line up a large group of sympathetic political leaders from other countries, ( especially from the G7/G8 grouping), then that's another big help.

Announce you have nuclear capability. That will get you a lot of attention.

Try to gain control over something important, like oil or water. That will make sure that other countries take you seriously.

Make sure you have (a) a personal aircraft, fully crewed.
(b) A VERY safe place to escape to if it all goes pearshaped
(c) Lots of VERY loyal supporters who can't be bribed by ANYONE
(d) a hide like a Rhino

That should get you going.

IF all else fails, talk to GW?, he seems to have more than a few of these qualities

Onan the Clumsy
11th Apr 2006, 01:34
...a dark secret involving little boys

Metro man
11th Apr 2006, 03:08
Surround yourself with people who owe their positions to you and stand to lose them if you are deposed. Keep control over the police and military, look after the top commanders VERYwell. Have an escape plan and lots of money outside.

Study Zimbabwe's President Mugabe, impoverished the country and still in power. Must be doing something right:yuk:

Ontariotech
11th Apr 2006, 03:16
AH-64 Apache x100

M-1 Abrams x500

Aircraft Carrier x5

Ummm......

I'll stop there I think, to many similarities.

BlueWolf
11th Apr 2006, 04:00
Henchpersons, many thereof. Most types are acceptable; grim, devious, shifty, mean and/or sadistic, ugly, menacing, thick-set, or disfigured. Own weapons preferred. Military training an advantage, though not essential, as your uniform factory can outfit them by the battalion.

Gainesy
11th Apr 2006, 07:34
Yer'll probably need a small neighbouring state/island to invade every so often.

Havin a Missus who looks like a wide mouth frog seems to work here.:hmm:

vapilot2004
11th Apr 2006, 07:52
An evil genius political advisor with supreme muck-raking skills. :ouch:

All of the old-boys from the good old-boys-network you can muster. :=

FOX-News Channel (in lieu of radio station) :yuk:

Moronic electorate with the collective intellegence of, oh I don't know, a certain giant western power that shall remain nameless for the purpose of this discussion. :O :mad:

A dope's dope for an opponent. :{

A predecessor with a thing for cigars and slutty girls. :cool:

Bible Thumpers and lot's of 'em !!! :rolleyes:

Oh - OOPS :eek: - I was thinking Judicial - not Military coup. :E

In that case I would defer to Ontariotech's fine post. :ok:

BombayDuck
11th Apr 2006, 07:54
Aren't we forgetting the Mercedes Benz? And the fifteen car convoy?

angels
11th Apr 2006, 07:55
Take a leaf out of the book of the chaps in the Florida Keys who seceded from the U.S., named themselves the Conch Republic, declared war on the U.S., surrendered after a minute and then demanded a billion dollars in reparations.

It happened in the early 1980s, so to take account of inflation I would recommend a reparation demand of 10 billion dollars of which I would take a mere $50 million as commission. I will also assist in the conversion of the dollars into a convertible currency of your choice (no commission, but a crap rate).

Thank you.

1DC
11th Apr 2006, 08:03
Drapersan as Vice President of Persuasion and Security..

airship
11th Apr 2006, 08:07
Hello,

I'm CEO of Private Equity Resources SA based in an obscure offshore tax haven. We offer turnkey solutions for aspiring military dictators like yourself. But your country must be rich in mineral sources - gold, uranium, diamonds, copper etc.

However, we're no longer interested in countries with only petroleum. There's too much competition from the State Department these days...

Yours sincerely,

Whirlygig
11th Apr 2006, 08:08
Make sure that when you are on your balcony giving your stirring speeches, that you come up with plenty of soundbites so that Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber can write a successful musical about your life.

Cheers

Whirls

Duchess_Driver
11th Apr 2006, 09:06
...to order your brand spanking new A380 as 'Blair Force One'.

acbus1
11th Apr 2006, 09:09
I wish to prepare a military coup.
Oh yeah?

You and who's army? :rolleyes:

strafer
11th Apr 2006, 09:40
Alternatively, you could get yourself elected by having a friendly soundbite for every occasion. You won't actually need any policies which will make things better - that's not the point. You will need to create a million or so pointless jobs in the Civil Service and other public sector areas, so that these people will have to vote for you in order to keep their snouts in the trough.

Then redraw the constituency boundaries, stuff the Upper Chamber with your mates/sponsers and most importantly, shave an ape, call him Deputy Prime Minister and use him as a scapegoat.

This might not work for ever, so make sure you bring in a law which will enable your missus to set up a Nonces R Us law firm and make you millions from fighting the pointless cases you have now encouraged.

All the power, none of the epaulettes!

4Foxtrot
11th Apr 2006, 09:40
I can highly recommend this gem:

http://www.libreriauniversitaria.it/data2/images/BUS/300/640/1853676403.jpg

Chapters include how to:

Starve/ethnically cleanse your population in 3 easy steps.

Steal ballot boxes during 'free' elections designed to show that you are a democracy to those pesky UN observers.

Obtain massive amounts of circa-1962 Soviet military hardware (that will survive the first 2.5 seconds of a war against Lockheed Martin).

Wear enormous aviator-style sunglasses without any sense of irony.

Onan the Clumsy
11th Apr 2006, 12:32
From Planning to Execution :ooh:

Wouldn't "From Planning to Escape to South America" be a better title?

G-ALAN
11th Apr 2006, 12:58
Sunglasses and full millitary suit which seems permenantly stuck on.

Something to smoke, pipe, cigar or just a fag.

Crystal tankard of fine malt whisky and some crystal glasses all in a fine display cabinet.

Corruption, probably in the way of a drugs empire to prop up your own personal fortune despite the fact your regime is socialist.

An accent is a must. Either russian or latin. in English accent "I'm terribly sorry old boy but we are forthwith comandeering this land in the name of our glorious new regime", is simply laughable.

Be able to say "glorious new regime" alot.

Also you have to be on very good terms with some weapons smugglers to arm the monkeys who do your dirty work.

effortless
11th Apr 2006, 13:02
Facial hair.
Partial or full set. (Hitler, Stalin, Castro, Saddam, Allende, Pinochet . . . )

Allende??? since when was he a feckin dictator?:confused:

Adopt the US as your new best friend.

G-CPTN
11th Apr 2006, 13:05
Allende DID have a mouey though . . . and he WAS a leader of a country . . . and he isn't any more . . . and nor is Pinochet . . . and HE had a mouey . . . and

effortless
11th Apr 2006, 13:23
Allende DID have a mouey though . . . and he WAS a leader of a country . . . and he isn't any more . . . and nor is Pinochet . . . and HE had a mouey . . . and

So sorry chap, I thought we were talking dictators here. I mean he was elected, he promoted human rights and he was overthrown by a dictatorship.

ex_matelot
11th Apr 2006, 13:27
I'll be in charge of quelling the inevitable liberal uprising by bombarding Dave Martin with web links everytime he pokes his head out!

Grandpa
11th Apr 2006, 13:44
Make sure you have CIA to back you ( a few declarations mentioning your support of "free enterprise", "global market"......) and you can claim too you are the last rempart of democracy against fundamentalism......

ex_matelot
11th Apr 2006, 13:58
Grandpa,

Thats mere hearsay and you know it!!
See..

www.shootdownaliberal.com/davemartin

:ok:

strafer
11th Apr 2006, 14:12
If you fancy declaring yet another republic in France - along with the braid and epaulettes, it's important to have an absolutely HUGE nose and a craven lack of gratitude for the countries that defeated the previous regime.

Neptunus Rex
11th Apr 2006, 14:21
Alternatively, you could get yourself elected by having a friendly soundbite for every occasion. You won't actually need any policies which will make things better - that's not the point. You will need to create a million or so pointless jobs in the Civil Service and other public sector areas, so that these people will have to vote for you in order to keep their snouts in the trough.
Then redraw the constituency boundaries, stuff the Upper Chamber with your mates/sponsers and most importantly, shave an ape, call him Deputy Prime Minister and use him as a scapegoat.
This might not work for ever, so make sure you bring in a law which will enable your missus to set up a Nonces R Us law firm and make you millions from fighting the pointless cases you have now encouraged.
All the power, none of the epaulettes!

Simply the best argument for a Coup d'Etat I've heard in a while.

Neppie :cool:

Tricky Woo
11th Apr 2006, 14:44
Of course an element of luck is always needed, and you never know where that might come from... like a few bits of chad on ballot votes.

TW

None of the above
11th Apr 2006, 14:51
All you will need is a copy of 'Bradshaw's' or whatever it is called these days.
You will then be able to give your undivided attention to ensuring the trains run on time.
Everything else can wait.

Noah Zark.
11th Apr 2006, 15:03
An absolute must is to find the guy who gave Idi Amin's Royal Guard dancing lessons, so that when your Royal Guard is assembled before the world's press on Ascension Day (when you ascend to become the God-like icon of your conquered people) dressed perhaps in kilts, or sarongs, or short trousers, or whatever, they can look REALLY good as they limbo past the the Presidential dais, hands stretched wide open, palm upward, shimmying!
A marvellous spectacle!!

acbus1
11th Apr 2006, 15:24
Military coupe.......


http://oldcarandtruckpictures.com/Jeeps/1958JeepMilitaryHotkissM201-a.jpg

MyData
11th Apr 2006, 15:50
Bananas, and lots of them apparently. For your new republic.

Rick Storm
11th Apr 2006, 16:17
Back in the early 80s I remember reading a book (fiction) on this subject, I can't recall the title, but a very good read. Seems the main character has some senior army officers' on his side, holds the Queen in the tower, in the end all goes wrong and he gets one in the head.

airship
11th Apr 2006, 16:29
You need a Swiss bank account that you set up for yourself. I've heard of stories where people have promised to set someone up an account, transferred loadsamoney into it, sent the account no. and pw details off and then, just as soon as the bugger's feeling rich, moved it all out again... :uhoh:

Rick Storm
11th Apr 2006, 17:12
Answer42
On second thoughts, just post a few strong orders on the Mil site after they get back from the bar, you could influence the whole of the RAF those boys will do anything after a night out especially a photo of the Queen.

I'm working on my devious plans as of now. "Pay attention men" just wait untill the mess bar closes, I'll have 20 a/c in the sky come 00:01 BST
Whirrly girl will you be my Eva Peron? We shall have all the water we need in the South East. Marks and Spencers will be state owned. We move tonight.

Grandpa
11th Apr 2006, 19:50
Didn't he work for CIA before taking power in Iraq?

This Pinochet of yours....Was not he supported by CIA, to defend "freedom", torturing and killing thousands opponents and destoying Chilean democratic government?

You had your Mobutu too, your beloved Sha, this funny nazi Air General in Viet-Nam N'guyen Kao Ky, old Synghman Reeh in Korea, Battista had nothing to fear from USA, Guatemala democratic government was deposed by a junta obedient to United Fruit....................

The list is so long of these dictators supported by those who pretend to teach democracy to Iraqis......................

ex_matelot
11th Apr 2006, 20:21
Hamster wheels next door Grandad!:ok:

Any excuse eh!

WeatherJinx
11th Apr 2006, 21:36
Mural Artists.. :E

AnEviltwinEr
11th Apr 2006, 21:47
lots and lots of Uranium.

...Aaand some nuclear fysiologhists. (whatever.)

Whirlygig
11th Apr 2006, 21:49
Ah, that'll be me then :ok: A job at long last where I can use my useless degree!

Cheers

Whirls

PS - we're physicisisists

MadsDad
11th Apr 2006, 22:11
Years ago a girlfriend told me "Physicist, heal thyself".

I did have a cold.

AnEviltwinEr
11th Apr 2006, 22:18
Ah, got anoter one:

you need a big private jet, like an A380, or an AN225 (which would be the cheapest, i think)

hughesyd
11th Apr 2006, 22:29
a false arm with a stuffed cat perched on it!, maybe a eye patch if you really mean business!.

ex_matelot
11th Apr 2006, 22:34
Big swivel chair with HUGE remote control on the left arm and a big fluffy cat on the right:ok: