View Full Version : Monday morning humour... (because I need a laugh)

10th Apr 2006, 07:46
As the aircraft pushed back from the gate, the cabin crew gave the passengers the safety demonstration…

Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your flight while your captain, Judith Campbell, and her crew take you safely to your destination."

Passenger John, sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?"

When the cabin crew came by with the bar trolley, he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"

Yes," she replied, "In fact, this entire crew is female."

My God," said John, "I'd better have two scotch and cokes. I don't know if I'm comfortable with just women flying us up there in the cockpit."

"That's another thing sir," said the attendant, "We no longer call it the cockpit......

Now it's the box office."

Loose rivets
10th Apr 2006, 08:05

Tell me when we're there

One did find that most efficacious apropos goin' to bed with a smile :8

10th Apr 2006, 08:06
Just grabbing my dictionary Loose, back in a mo to comment.

Six (blonde & baffled!)

10th Apr 2006, 08:08
There is a story about one of the first female pilots on a commercial airline in Australia. They were flying to Christmas Island in a BA146 and had to refuel at Learmonth. The Captain suggested that the First Officer (the female) take it in. She did. It is a bumpy airfield and her landing was not the best. As they taxied over to the fuel, the Captain picked up the microphone and announced "Ladies and gentlemen I would like you to know that I had nothing to do with that landing. It was entirely handled by.......... the first female pilot with this airline." She was furious, but what could she do?

They continued to Christmas Island. There is only one runway on Christmas Island and it undulates somewhat. The island is surrounded by cliffs and when there is a crosswind, there can be a nasty rotor to deal with. This time the captain handled the landing and it was dreadful. As they taxied in, the first officer picked up the microphone and announced, "This is your first officer speaking. I would like you all to know that I had nothing to do with that landing. It was entirely handled by your captain .........." She looked round. He was furious - red in the face, almost with steam coming out of his ears. "What the hell did you do that for?" He blurted. "Well you did it to me." She replied smugly.

"Yes", he stormed, "but I didn't press the microphone button."

Hope that cheers you up, Ms s :)

10th Apr 2006, 08:49
Young couple out on their first date, finally together in his town after some weeks writing to each other. Himself taking her to some of the outdoorsy stuff, they're at the zoo and standing in front of the tiger cage.
He notices her slight frown as she is obviously mulling over some issue.
"Anything the matter, sweetheart?" he asks.
"Mmmm, not really," she says, "it's just that, if that tiger got out and ate you what would I do?"
He's beaming like a mad thing, happy she thinks so much of him.
Then she says, "I mean, I don't even know what buses go to the airport".


10th Apr 2006, 10:25
A husband was in BIG trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.

"Tomorrow," his wife said angrily, "there had better be something
in our driveway that goes from zero to 200 in two seconds flat!"

The next morning, the wife looked outside and saw a small package in The
driveway. She brought it inside, opened it.... And found a brand new
bathroom scale!

Funeral services for her husband have been set for Saturday

Lon More
10th Apr 2006, 15:01
UniFoxOs - I was that man:\

11th Apr 2006, 06:19
aaaand.....how come blokes don't live as long as sheilas............

they don't want to!