View Full Version : Potato up Exhaust Pipe

7th Apr 2006, 09:24
I was stuck behind a hoodied cretin in a pimped banger this morning, a cretin who had deafening thumpy music on and too much noise coming from his six inch wide exhaust.
Has anybody here tried the effects of jamming a large potato up the rear orifice of one of these cretins? Or up the exhaust pipe? Either would probably do.

7th Apr 2006, 09:29
You would blow up his engine, Cause serious damage or simlpy he acclerates or revs and the Potato comes shooting out and hits you.

But the engine blowing up,like in a Hollywood movie would be awesome.

7th Apr 2006, 09:29
A couple of weeks ago I was asked, as an officer in the RAF VR(T), to train some cadets in teaching techniques, and then assess them. Each had been told to prepare a short talk, but there were very few guidelines. MISTAKE! One of the darlings gave a very good talk on how to disable a car with a candle ... This followed with discussion on why the potato up the exhaust pipe didn't work, and how sugar in the petrol tank was getting harder to achieve. :hmm:

dawn raider
7th Apr 2006, 09:41
didn't have a potato a few years ago so used a hard pear on a mates diesel jeep.

two cranks and an enormous bang ..............as the pear exploded when it hit the shop window on the other side of the street!!!!!! (inches from nailing a old granny - to my horror)

said friend didn't even notice. shop keeper a little stunned. granny moved faster than she had done in years. I wee'd myself.

7th Apr 2006, 10:05
Well, Aerbabe, go on...where does one insert the candle?

Lon More
7th Apr 2006, 10:21
Probably shouldn't admit to having done this, but .... there is a thing called an exhaust whistle which can be inserted in the tail pipe, produces a very loud noise and would probably make the police show an interest.

Found it here (http://www.sillyjokes.co.uk/p-jokes/surprise/exhaust-whistle.html)

Much easier is a tin of tuna/pilchards/salmon emptied into the heater air grill under the windscreen. After a couple of days he'll really be "Johnny No-Mates".

7th Apr 2006, 10:38
Wears the candle, AerBabe?

henry crun
7th Apr 2006, 10:45
I don't think the candle is worn, I presume it is inserted somewhere. :)

7th Apr 2006, 10:56
Basically, you replace the oil plug with a candle. As the oil warms, the candle melts ...

DX Wombat
7th Apr 2006, 11:05
Lon More don't waste good fish, just use the water from a thawed out packet of frozen prawns :E MUCH more fragrant - or so I'm told :ok: :E (and probably not as easily seen as chunks of deceased fish.)
Nice to see you enjoying some further training AerBabe enterprising little dears aren't they? :*

7th Apr 2006, 11:33
Candle - Sump Dain Plug, yes, read that in a Dick Francis book. Can't remember the title and looked in my bookcase - it's missing - some sod must have borrowed it and not returned it:{

So AerBabe - Please ask the "little darling" concerned to please return the bl00dy thing:mad:

Devlin Carnet
7th Apr 2006, 11:42
I understood :ok:

7th Apr 2006, 11:44
Heard that Dick Francis books have sold 750 million copies.
More rewarding than being a jockey!

7th Apr 2006, 11:46
Sand in the sump is fairly effective. If'n y'all can't get to the oil filler, you probably can't get to the fuel tank either, which rules out sugar; Z nails can be effective when administered properly, as can crimping the exhaust just shy of the visible bit, either with a G-clamp (you'll need a big spanner to get the leverage you need in order to tighten the clamp sufficiently to crimp the pipe) or BIG boltcutters (don't close them right up).

The boring old stand-bys, like superglue in the doorlocks, a Z nail glued to the top of a tyre inside the wheel well, carborundum paste in the final drive universal, or a stick of molanite with a blasting cap, battery, and a mercury tilt switch under the driver's seat, are always good fun.

Cutting a wee nick out of the brake line with a pair of sidecutters, or filling the tyres with acetylene, are also hillarious, but may result in colateral damage.

Safest bet is probably to lob a brick or similar large heavy hard object through his back window at the lights, and when he gets out to remonstrate, smack him round the head with a handy cut down baseball bat. You may require four or more large friends, with little or no hair, in order to pull this one off.

7th Apr 2006, 11:50
Its a bit of a hassle to jack the car up, wriggle underneath it, remover sump plug (avoiding deluge of oil), jam candle in hole, wriggle out lower car & make escape.

Far easier to ram a King Edward up the rear pipe.

If its a good fit and its only an average size engine, I can't see any eason why it should stay wedge up there. If the box is a bit old, you could run the risk of blowing a hole in the silencer, or spitting back through the intake system.

Packing the exhaust with snow is good, as it melts and removes the evidence.

Noah Zark.
7th Apr 2006, 13:28
Long screwdriver through grille into radiator.

7th Apr 2006, 14:37
Here - pour locking fluid on a Bentley, then let down his tyres - hahahahah !

I'm sorry I done it
I'm sorry I done it !
I'm sorry I done it !
I'm sorry I done it !
I'm sorry I done it !
I'm sorry I done it !!

G :E

Lon More
7th Apr 2006, 14:46
don't think the candle is worn, I presume it is inserted somewhere

Depends on how fast, and often, you insert it on whether it wears

The Otter's Pocket
7th Apr 2006, 17:54
acbus...It does doesn't it.:O

7th Apr 2006, 18:00
Hey, don't ask me!

I'm just a sweet, innocent, shy little chap asking a question.

:rolleyes: ;)

Paris Dakar
7th Apr 2006, 18:46
To follow on from 'Kolibear's' suggestion......

If you can't quite get to the sump plug, then make do with poking a sharp screwdriver through the oil filter, the car will start up and run before slowly bleeding out as it hopefully picks up a bearing or two along the way.

7th Apr 2006, 19:11
Never dun it Officer :} but

expanding foam up the tailpipe works well if allowed to set hard overnight.

7th Apr 2006, 19:13
Or you can put rocks in the Exaust and push them in with a rod.

7th Apr 2006, 19:29
Thinking back to that chap with the paint spray and the BMW a few years ago, I offer one caveat: Do not try any of the above in Singapore.

Gingerbread Man
7th Apr 2006, 19:42
Seeing as there seems to be no time or hassle limit to these 'pranks', why not just jack the car up and yoink the wheels off? Or combine the forces of a chain, a padlock, a tow point and a drain cover :E .

Ginger :p

7th Apr 2006, 20:12
From Getting Even book by Hayduke

Find dead cat, dog, rabbit or other cute small animal
Tie with length of rope to rear bumper
Throw body under car
Mark will get nasty looks/gestures/missiles from local populace while driving by:E

7th Apr 2006, 20:26
Now that's just sick!

7th Apr 2006, 21:04
Thermite on the bonnet would be fun, taking out the engine block on its way to the tarmac - but you might get in big trouble from the council if they need to re-lay the road :eek:


7th Apr 2006, 21:20
A person I knew had a possum or raccoon climb into a hidden area over a rear wheel well and expire. The stench became inceasingly intense. It took many hours/days searching to find the hidden spot and ex-animal.

Lon More
7th Apr 2006, 22:28
An ordinary match, if struck onto the paintwork will probably burn into the paintwork and be very expensive to repair.
Some milk, spilt onto the carpet will make its presence known within a few days.

Vindictive load of :mad: s here ain't we

7th Apr 2006, 23:01
Don't forget that all these "tricks" cause criminal damage.

A really good one is to let all the tyres down and then put a dab of superglue in the tyre valves. The fun comes from watching the owner as he busts his guts trying to pump up the tyres with a foot pump. ;)

There are more ideas involving the chemical reaction between two fairly innocuous reagents that tend to "warm up" a motor quite nicely, but it's best not to put them on a public website..... :E

7th Apr 2006, 23:05
Fairly harmless but highly amusing is the condom filled with flour over the exhaust pipe!

Did that to a friend on his stag night!



...and yes, I was invited and did attend, said Stag Night!

7th Apr 2006, 23:20
I can confirm that prawn juice is a b*tch to get rid of. :\ :\ The smell is still there after a year. Mixed with eau de cat pee is a very interesting fragrance. :hmm: :hmm: I've tried everything to get the smell away but to no avail. S'okay though anybody I dont like I make sure not to tell them which seat has got the cat pee. Evil I know but some people are beyond evil.....................................:D :D

7th Apr 2006, 23:27
I think best not to ask how you got a mix of prawn juice and eau de cat pee over your car seat. The imagination can sort that one out, including just what that mix was:ooh:

7th Apr 2006, 23:41
It wasnt unknown in the olden days to wire a fish to the exhaust pipe of ones oppositon Piper cub

8th Apr 2006, 00:00
sugar does NOTHING to an engine.

Mythbusters did a show on it, and SNOPES of course has the dirt...



8th Apr 2006, 00:04
However, WATER in the petrol doesn't half mess-up. :E

8th Apr 2006, 01:09
Carborundum (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carborundum) inserted into the oil filler cap will do wonders for the engine :E

Anyone ever seen a can of "TyreWeld"? Get a can of the bicycle variant (narrow can) and insert it into the back box. When the exhaust gets up to temperature, the can will explode (or so I'm told).

8th Apr 2006, 02:24
The natives here get spectacular results from filling their new diesel 4WD's with petrol.

8th Apr 2006, 02:40
lon more, I had one of they whistles once. Left it in one woman's exhaust . . . let me rephrase that . . . left it in the exhaust pipe of a woman's car as I quit work for the day.
Some days later she confronts me in high dudgeon and displeasure, telling me of the panic that ensued when she drove off, with this intense shrieking. Then her boyfriend found the culprit. But that didn't prevent her self-imposed state of panic, intent on milking the sympathy vote for all its worth.
First thing that tells you the engine's gone LBU is the dials. She refused to accept she completely ignored them. Second thing is radical difference in throttle response or noise. Anyone with an ounce of nous about basic trouble-shooting starts at the front and moves to the rear.
But, no. Nothing wrong with the car, b/f found the harmless device, she merely suffered humour short-circuit. Matter of fact, I made it a regular point to play pranks on or around her.
Her folks must've kept her in a closet or basement for the first 10 yrs of her life. Poor girl had little emotional equipment to deal with the unexpected. I like to think I contributed to her experiences. In a beneficial way. ;)

8th Apr 2006, 03:36
A nut in the hub cap is always good, can take a while for nontech folk to find the annoyin rattle. A little battery acid in the tank can do wonders to clean out the fuel system, tho might tend to wear out the plugs and cat converter rapidly:E:E:E:E

Smoke grenade wired to the exhaust with the hadle taped on is always good. as exhaust heats tape burns and handle comes off. White smoke to imittate burning car, red , green or blue for confusion. (not good to do if on a motorway):E:E

Solid Rust Twotter
8th Apr 2006, 07:33
1.) Cheap disposable cigarette lighter poked up exhaust with a length of dowel rod or broom handle. Goes off like a thunderflash and secondary effect could be rupture of fuel tank and fire.

2.) Using heatproof metal tape, affix cheap disposable cigarette lighter to exhaust manifold. Securely taped, it should have enough energy to create a hole in the manifold.

Don't try this at home.

8th Apr 2006, 08:21
OK,OK, right, how about this one.

Get hold of an old hand-operated drill, one of them crank-handle thingies, and rig it up under the floor of the car directly beneath the driver's seat. Fit it with a BIG AUGER BIT!! Then, and this is the clever bit, run a V-belt around the crank wheel and fit the other end to the drive shaft.

When your target driver takes off in a cloud of burning rubber, the drill will spin and the auger will do its thing, straight through the floor pan, and away up his jacksi.


Don't try that at home, either.

Krystal n chips
8th Apr 2006, 09:05
I am infomed by "reliable sources" that 8 very large nails strategically located will have an expensive --and desired--effect. :E :ok:

8th Apr 2006, 10:13
There are some seriously motivated, potential saboteurs walking amongst the unwary.
One is a ickle scawed . . . :uhoh:

Solid Rust Twotter
8th Apr 2006, 10:24
There are some seriously motivated, potential saboteurs walking amongst the unwary.

Unfortunately, all far too blatant...

The best sabotage appears accidental.

Krystal n chips
8th Apr 2006, 10:32
Unfortunately, all far too blatant...
The best sabotage appears accidental.

Hmmm ! A shade ironic from one who produced the excellent idea of the cigarette lighter:ok: :E ---;)

Solid Rust Twotter
8th Apr 2006, 11:05
Still far too blatant, Mr Chips.

Ideally one would have acts of sabotage mistakenly identified as an act of God to avoid raising suspicion or bringing down repercussions on one's cause/head/Scout group.

If done properly all the forensic types investigating the incident should have a religious revelation as did some bloke on his way to Damascus...:E :ok:

8th Apr 2006, 11:47
So it's back to the bone?

Solid Rust Twotter
8th Apr 2006, 12:52
B-b-b-b-back to the bone....

Got a nice ring to it. Maybe one will write a song...:}

8th Apr 2006, 18:33
Tied the remains of the wedding-dinner salmon to the manifold of my cousin's Alpine before he and new wifey drove away:eek:

Kipper in the air intake of Sister's car after her wedding (met up with them several days later and Sis angrily demanded to know where the smell was coming from - they'd been trying to clear it out by opening the fresh-air vent) :E

When (ex) wife's best mate got married, the car had stones in the hubcaps and everything but the chassis of an old cooker tied on the back:O

But the best was at a BCAL party, when we jacked up the rear of a mate's car and let it down on blocks so the rear wheels were not quite touching the ground. As he was too p1ssed to realise that it wasn't a burned out clutch or broken half-shaft, we probably did him a favour as he stayed the rest of the night:ok:

(Why is it that, whenever a practical joke goes down, people always seem to look at me? :confused: )

8th Apr 2006, 19:29
This is a very worrying thread. :uhoh: