Hi-viz Military paintjobs!

[JG1]

Why are military a/c painted grey? I can see them at 10 miles or more yet civil airliners painted white I sometimes pick up only at about 3 or less?
Fighters stick out like bugs on a ceiling, black specks against a light sky.
Comments please.

[BEagle]

It's an example of 'jointery' making optimal use of the UK's defence resources.

When John Major was PM, his office decided that rationilization was needed and turned to him for leadership...

"Grey. I like grey. Grey is good. Pass me the peas please, Norma. Grey. Oh yes, absolutely. Have we got any grey?"

Now many year ago, long before WEBF was making noises about Sea Harriers (or even any noises at all as he hadn't been conceived then - in fact, neither had his father), it was RN tradition to paint everything and anything a fetching tone of battleship grey. So the Great Lord Pusser ordered lots of paint. Millions and millions of tins of the stuff. But then along came defence cuts and there was soon more paint than ships.

But Pusser was a wily cove. "Mr Major - I have a solution. You can paint the RAF's aeroplanes with some of my nice grey paint. I've got plenty to spare. You won't need to paint them in two-shades-of-sh*t, shiny white, hemp, brown or anything else. Just grey, lovely grey!"

"Thank you - I shall see that it is done"

And lo, it was.

Except for the trainers. They used the black paint which Pusser had left over from the bit below the waterline of his old battleships. But there wasn't quite enough left in Pusser's locker, so the Dominie was painted to look like a skunk, with some of Pusser's finest white flagpole-paint on the fuselage top surface.

But Pusser's paint was too heavy for the wretched little plastic planes which the RAF turned to for elementary flying training when they could no longer afford to buy their own, so they are au naturel in Bundesweiss fibreglass...

[Jackonicko]

Uncle BEags,

I verry much enjoid yor beddtyme storry.

Pleese tell us abowt the redd aros and those yeller surch and reskyoo hellycoppters pleese.

[JG1]

Good one BEagle you sure spin a tale!:D

[BEagle]

Pusser's chum who looks after the ports which Pusser's Jolly Jack Tars use, was most concerned that some grey funnel line driver might clout the odd rock. Which is probably a keel-hauling offence, if not a court martial with midshipman's dagger indicating the verdict.

"Ah-harrr, Pusser me old mess mate" quoth Salty Sam, the grizzled old chap who looked after Pussers' ports, "Oi've got somethin' as can help 'ee! Pull up a rum barrel (make sure there are no midshipmen on duty inside) an' I'll tell 'ee a story as'll make 'ee interested!"

And Salty Sam recounted the fact that, because Pusser's ship drivers were always bumping into things other than ocean and docksides, he'd come up with a jolly wheeze and anchored large objects out in the estuaries, to keep Pusser from having to have his ships repainted even more often than the RN traditionally painted them..

"Oi calls 'em buoys - as I know how 'ee likes nice young boys. An' oi've painted 'em in nice bright colours - red and yellow!"

"Hmm, Sam, me old mess-mate, have 'ee got any of that paint left? I know of someone as can use a few cans o' that!"

And the rest, as they say, is history!

But even Pusser couldn't claim responsibility for painting a Nimrod the colour of dog diarrohea:

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a341/nw969/Internet/XV246Flying****e.jpg

As for Desert Pink - well, Pusser had a string of ladies of the night in Union Street, Plymouth, the walls of whose premises were painted.....

[Trashman]

Aaaah, so it was nothing to do with the boffins on the camouflage working group then!:8

[Bruiser Loose]

continuing on from BEagle. (Don't want to steal your thunder, but...)

..............in green, that had in fact been left over from another of Salty Sam's enterprises, namely painting grass green during a visit of HM QE2.

Now it came to pass that some fellows from the Junglie world visited one of said "Massage Parlours" one evening and were quite taken by the dark green paint work that adorned the bulkheads in the den of pleasure. (The fact that they had taken a wrong turning some time previous to this and were in fact en route to Big Gay Al's Junglie Sanctuary has no relevance to this anecdote).

"We need some of this paint!" said the Elder to the remainder of his colleagues. "Yes, yes," the rest cried, "It will really act as good camouflage in all those jungles that we are always posted to."

"Do you mean the jungles of the Province of Northern Ireland, Norway, The Balkans, Afghanistan, HMS OCEAN and Iraq?"

"Yes, yes," they said.

Apart from one. "Afghanistan?" he said. "Have we got the legs to get there? Do we have enough capability to lift more than one of Father Famine's bag meals, even if we could bet there?"

And the Elder replied, "Shut up you stupid boy. Of course not. But it will get us another medal"

And that's where the saying "It's a jungle out there" comes from.

(Hope you don't mind BEagle)

[BEagle]

Feel free, my old!

One fine day when Woopert and Wodney of the Umpty-Umpth Queen's One Chinless Pwancers were discussing horses' fetlocks, the price of bwown bwogues and pink corduroys over afternoon tea, they were alarmed to receive a call from their Corporal-of-Horse.

"Sirs - there's something very strange just arrived at the Q-stores"

W&W decided to investigate. Asking a passing competent NCO to show them the way, they discovered a puzzled quartermaster looking at a large green metal object..

"Eh seh, wot is that, Quartermaster?" asked Woopert.

"Errm, it says 'tank' on the label, sir"

"Good gwief! It's not for us, is it? Does it eat hay?" squeaked Wodney.

"Err, it is sir. It seems that we're to be a mechanised cavalry regiment - and this will replace our chargers"

"Menc..Mechan....Mechanised cavalwy? Surely not - it's just isn't done" shrilled Woopert.

But it was true. So some weeks later, vast quantities of green paint arrived, marked 'Paint, green, little tanks for the painting of'. Much to the astonishment of the Comptroller General of the Queens Paint. "How simply fwightful. It's sooo not us. I have all these tins of black enamel for making Dobbin's hooves look all spiffing on pawade - I don't want all this gween!"

But the Corporal-of-Horse, being an NCO with a sound eye for a quick bob or two had an idea. "Errm, excuse me, Sirs, but I fink I can shift a few of them cans. I know a mate in the Army Air Corps...."

"Army Air Corps - wot's that?" enquired Wodney.

"Errm, well, Sir -you know, the chaps who fly around Salisbury Plain in helicopters"

"Oh those fwightful bounders? Rotters who scared m'pony during m'last chukka at Tidders last week. Righty-ho, Corporal-of-Horse, they can have as much as they wuddy well want" said Wodney.

"Errm, my mate'll need a bung to take 'em of me hands, Sir. Perhaps the regimental fund...."

"Certainly, Corporal-of-Horse. The wedgiment's officers will sort that out for you. A couple of thousand or so to help with your efforts?"

"Thank you very much, Sirs, I shall get on to it immediately"

"Well see you do. Now cut along like a good chap. Spot of tiffin, Woopert?"

And not long afterwards, the Army Air Corps' helicopters started to receive nice new green and black paintwork.....

[Brian Abraham]

Beags - can you explain then where all the bl++dy white paint came from the navy spent splashing about on any non movable land side object. Especially rocks and road side gutters.

[MightyGem]

And not long afterwards, the Army Air Corps' helicopters started to receive nice new green and black paintwork.....
Now, about the time that the RN were trying to get rid of their excess grey paint, the AAC was starting to run out of their green and black paint. Due to the same budget cuts they couldn't afford to buy the same amount every year, so they did a deal as well, and took a few gallons off the Navy's hands. They decided to replace the black with grey and dilute the dark green they had with grey to make a more fetching shade of light green that they have now(for about the last 20 years I think. You're a bit behind the times BEags old chap).