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N380UA
8th Mar 2006, 07:12
A 29 year old still-single-woman is strolling down the street in search of… you guessed it new shoes, as she should come by a 5 story supermarket that sells men.

By the entrance she reads a sign:

"Men for sale. Every floor features a men. The higher up you go the better the men. Caution: you cant go back to a lower floor."

"Well" she thinks "that seems interesting enough, lets have a look"

She gets in the elevator and pushes for the first floor.

"Bing"

A voice says: "Welcome to floor one, here you'll find men which hold a steady job."

"Hmm, a man with a steady job is not bad" the 29 year old still-single-woman thinks. "Lets see if it gets better. She pushes for the second floor.

"Bing"

A voice says: "Welcome to the second floor, here you'll find men which hold a steady job and are kind to children."

"Wow, a man with cash who likes kids, not bad!" the lady gets excited." But... lets see if I can get even better. She pushes for the third floor.

"Bing"

A voice says: "Welcome to the third floor, here you'll find men which hold a steady job, are kind to children, and do the household"

"Woohaa!!! This is unbelievable!! A man with cash, who likes kid and cleans the house! I LOVE IT" she cant wipe the grin of her face and challenges the next floor.

"Bing"

A voice says: "Welcome to the fourth floor, here you'll find men which hold a steady job, are kind to children, do the household and are romantic"

By now the 29 year old still-single-woman is dancing in the elevator in total disbelieve of her luck. Should her cash allow it she'll even goanna take two of these handsome husbands.

"It just has been getting better and better, and now I wann'it all!" she said and pushes for the top floor.

"Bing"

A voice says: "Welcome to the fifth floor, you are visitor 3'462'195. There are no man on this floor. This floor is only prove that whatever man does for you women you are just never satisfied!"

BombayDuck
8th Mar 2006, 07:42
'enry 'iggins to Col. Pickering in "My Fair Lady"

HIGGINS
What in all of heaven could've promted her to go,
After such a triumph as the ball?
What could've depressed her;
What could've possessed her?
I cannot understand the wretch at all.

Women are irrational, that's all there is to that!
There heads are full of cotton, hay, and rags!
They're nothing but exasperating, irritating,
vacillating, calculating, agitating,
Maddening and infuriating hags!

[To Pickering]
Pickering, why can't a woman be more like a man?

PICKERING
Hmm?

HIGGINS
Yes...
Why can't a woman be more like a man?
Men are so honest, so thoroughly square;
Eternally noble, historic'ly fair;
Who, when you win, will always give your back a pat.
Well, why can't a woman be like that?

Why does ev'ryone do what the others do?
Can't a woman learn to use her head?
Why do they do ev'rything their mothers do?
Why don't they grow up- well, like their father instead?

Why can't a woman take after a man?
Men are so pleasant, so easy to please;
Whenever you are with them, you're always at ease.
Would you be slighted if I didn't speak for hours?

PICKERING
Of course not!

HIGGINS
Would you be livid if I had a drink or two?

PICKERING
Nonsense.

HIGGINS
Would you be wounded if I never sent you flowers?

PICKERING
Never.

HIGGINS
Well, why can't a woman be like you?

One man in a million may shout a bit.
Now and then there's one with slight defects;
One, perhaps, whose truthfulness you doubt a bit.
But by and large we are a marvelous sex!

Why can't a woman take after like a man?
Cause men are so friendly, good natured and kind.
A better companion you never will find.
If I were hours late for dinner, would you bellow?

PICKERING
Of course not!

HIGGINS
If I forgot your silly birthday, would you fuss?

PICKERING
Nonsense.

HIGGINS
Would you complain if I took out another fellow?

PICKERING
Never.

HIGGINS
Well, why can't a woman be like us?

[To Mrs. Pearce]
Mrs. Pearce, you're a woman...
Why can't a woman be more like a man?
Men are so decent, such regular chaps.
Ready to help you through any mishaps.
Ready to buck you up whenever you are glum.
Why can't a woman be a chum?

Why is thinking something women never do?
Why is logic never even tried?
Straight'ning up their hair is all they ever do.
Why don't they straighten up the mess that's inside?

Why can't a woman behave like a man?
If I was a woman who'd been to a ball,
Been hailed as a princess by one and by all;
Would I start weeping like a bathtub overflowing?
And carry on as if my home were in a tree?
Would I run off and never tell me where I'm going?
Why can't a woman be like me?

*helmet on!* :ouch:

B Fraser
8th Mar 2006, 08:32
International Women Day :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: I thought that was every day :*
Can anyone explain why they have this day and what date is International Men Day ? Perhaps we chaps can arrange a global "leaving the loo seat up" event for the hen-pecked.
Here's something for the ladies.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v248/boxster986/menadvice.gif

RaraAvis
8th Mar 2006, 09:01
Thank you ever so much B Fraser, one feels positively enlightened.... Finally I know what went wrong in my last relationship.... Not enough home cooked meals.... :}:E

Lon More
8th Mar 2006, 09:52
Why can't a woman be more like a man?

Sounds like time to go to Singapore; plenty of lady-boys there I believe.

sixmilehighclub
8th Mar 2006, 10:57
"leaving the loo seat up"

Recent arguement between colleagues on why women complain when the looseat is left up, but men don't complain when it's down.

My theory (if anyone really gives a hoot) is that...

Women have a more accurate aim. Therefore if a man has to lift the seat, it's clean, they don't get their hands icky.
Men dont have such a good aim. Therefore if a woman lowers the seat, it's not clean, and they get their hands icky. :yuk: Also, because of the aim, women dont really want to witness where the men have missed the target.

So to be fair, men should lower the looseat.
It had nothing to do with the fact that it is usually the women who clean the darn thing anyway which totally makes my theory invalid.

Oh eck! I'm typing all this, and I'm sober! Just nipping over to the AA forum for some councelling... :\ :}

Biggles Flies Undone
8th Mar 2006, 11:01
SMHC - maybe you should be dating men where the distance between willy and water is less and the aim, therefore, better ;)

sixmilehighclub
8th Mar 2006, 11:09
BFU - Maybe I should be dating, fullstop. :{

Oh here we go again.....:}

acbus1
8th Mar 2006, 11:17
Either that or come out of the closet.

tall and tasty
8th Mar 2006, 11:18
BFU - Maybe I should be dating, full stop. SMHC there is someone out there for you. The trick is finding them But if you stop looking he will walk into your life unexpectedly and you will wonder why you were single.
So what is International Woman Day really all about??

http://http://www.un.org/ecosocdev/geninfo/women/womday97.htm (http://www.un.org/ecosocdev/geninfo/women/womday97.htm)


Gives one an insight, but is it also where we can be cheeky and get away with it? Where the girls get coffee/tea made for them or the men clean the bathroom :} Or can we choose who we would like to wined and dine today. I would choose.........................starting at the top a Pierce Brosnan look alike for the day, then who knows ;)


TnT

sixmilehighclub
8th Mar 2006, 11:39
Either that or come out of the closet.

Are you implying I'm that Witch from Narnia??

Biggles Flies Undone
8th Mar 2006, 14:07
BFU - Maybe I should be dating, fullstop.
Either you posted someone else's pic, or you're very successfully winding up a lot of JB males... ;)

acbus1
8th Mar 2006, 14:17
Witch from Narnia?

Nooooo!!!.....I was referring to your loo seat obsession. Water Closet thereof. :rolleyes:

B Fraser
8th Mar 2006, 15:40
Rara,

As a gourmet and connoisseur of the finer things in life, I would be pleased to sample your cooking and offer helpful tips on where things could be improved. What's more, I'll do it for free. We blokes can be so unselfish, I have no idea why the ladies complain. They must be making it all up the poor dears.

I promise not to tinkle on the loo seat as I never have any problems aiming. It must be due to practicing with a small weapon ...... I used to do target shooting on a pistol range ;)

Pip Pip!

Minty Fresh
8th Mar 2006, 20:08
BFU - are you suggesting the whole of prooners have been duped by SMHC?

Damn it - i'll have to start lusting after someone else :}

Six - who's the hot girl in your photo?

Onan the Clumsy
8th Mar 2006, 20:15
Men dont have such a good aim.Well certainly Ben Kingsley didn't in Sexy Beast :ok:

Fliegenmong
9th Mar 2006, 03:08
Is it just me or does anyone else find the water in the toilet cold:E :O

RiskyRossco
9th Mar 2006, 03:59
Int'l Women's Day? Only the one day? Truth be told it's every day.
:rolleyes:
Don't put down the seat, forget her buffday, forget your anniversary, forget to make reservations, forget to compliment her hair - just 'cos, don't hold the door, forget the trash, buy her Black and Decker instead of black pearls, forget every offhand remark makes an impact, forget that flowers or a short call or simply clearing the dishwasher are all Grand Gestures of Appreciation, let her have a moan and try to fix it, deny her an ear simply to listen . . . disparage commitment in the actual sense.
And what does she do? Or say? Or what minor skirmish erupts from some perceived or actual barb?
Bad enough to be ruled by emotions and able to communicate with His Nibs in a language only other girlies understand, yet she would rather preserve the peace, generally, than kick up.
And there's only the one day to recognize this?

Okay, so that minor observation took on a life of its own.

I would share this, if only to provide the mainstream s/thing truly 'bizarre' at which to marvel.The hazard of a writer whose ultimate purpose is to communicate. And the hazard of realising early on the frailty with which the path of social engineering endemic to the lot of the fairer gender is wrought. Countless were the women to whom one became a confidante: uniform and universal were the doubts and insecurities facing them daily.
Oh, yeah, that and my dictum on husbands is To Love and Cherish The Wife. More than his own body.
If you consider that 'unrealistic' then ponder this. Women are ordained to trust their husbands completely. The really weird out there might experience that briefest of flashes - "what would happen if both adhered to these rules?"

So I take women seriously. Sue me. . . :E ;)

Solid Rust Twotter
9th Mar 2006, 05:20
Is it just me or does anyone else find the water in the toilet cold:E :O

Do you think you should be drinking it, Baldrick?:E

Fliegenmong
9th Mar 2006, 06:52
Nah I think I'll get some sort of step ladder - that should fix the problem:}

RaraAvis
9th Mar 2006, 11:13
B Fraser, what an utterly noble offer, one feels thoroughly humbled by such selflessness and generosity...;)

Ones purely hedonistic pursuits suddenly seem, oh so trivial....
Bows graciously....:rolleyes:

As for tinkling, well, I'm sure your ability to expertly handle small ...eerr... weapons does come handy at times...:p

Safety_Helmut
9th Mar 2006, 13:07
Part of the tribute to Military women (http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?t=153632&page=88): :E

S_H

sixmilehighclub
9th Mar 2006, 15:52
Either you posted someone else's pic, or you're very successfully winding up a lot of JB males... Six - who's the hot girl in your photo? :suspect: BFU, Minty, how very dare you!!! :eek:

I got their permission before I posted it, what's the problem??? :E

Tis me. There's a couple of my colleagues on here who can vouch for me. Whether they will or not is another matter! :uhoh:

really must kick addiction to smilies

Minty Fresh
9th Mar 2006, 16:06
Let the lusting continue then :} :}