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Chacha
7th Mar 2006, 21:04
Was sent this by a friend of mine! .. :E


Flying will never be the same again.


It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a

high school diplomato fix one: a reassurance for those of us who fly

routinely in their jobs.



After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form,

called a "gripe

sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the

aircraft. The

mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs

on the form, and

then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next

flight.



Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of

humor. Here are

some actual maintenance complaints submitted by

Qantas' pilots (marked

with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an

S) by maintenance

engineers.



By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has

never had an

accident.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.



P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.



P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.



P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.



P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet

per minute

descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.



P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.



P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.



P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for.



P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.



P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.



P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be

serious.



P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.



P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.



And the best one for last ..

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel .. Sounds

like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

edusaeanna
7th Mar 2006, 21:08
Fabulous....I needed cheering up. Worked a treat. :ok:

timmcat
7th Mar 2006, 21:11
Uh oh..... :bored:


Chacha - you had better take a look at this (http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?t=174163) thread.

ooh, and this (http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=169054) one.