View Full Version : COMPUTERS!

5th Mar 2006, 07:54
Apologies if this has been done before!

This is a true story from the Word Perfect help line. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired!

Tech: Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?

Caller: Yes, well, Iím having trouble with Word Perfect.

T: What sort of trouble?
C: Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away

T: Went away?
C: They disappeared

T: Hmm, So what does your screen look like now?
C: Nothing

T: Nothing?
C: Itís blank; it wonít accept anything when I type

T: Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?
C: How do I tell?

T: Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?
C: Whatís a sea-prompt?

T: Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?
C: There isnít any cursor: I told you, it wonít accept anything I type

T: Does your monitor have a power indicator?
C: Whatís a monitor?

T: Itís the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when itís on?
C: I donít know

T: Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?
C: Yes, I think so

T: Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me itís plugged into the wall
C: ÖÖ.Yes, it is

T: When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?
C: No

T: Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable
C: ÖÖ..OK, here it is

T: Follow it for me, and tell me if itís plugged securely into the back of your computer
C: I canít reach

T: Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?
C: No

T: Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?
C: Oh, itís not because I donít have the right angle Ė itís because itís dark

T: Dark?
C: Yes Ė the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window

T: Well, turn on the office light then
C: I canít

T: No? Why not?
C: Because thereís a power outage

T: A power Ö..a power outage? Aha, OK weíve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in ?
C: Well, yes. I keep them in the closet.

T: Good, Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from
C: Really? Is it that bad?

T: Yes, Iím afraid it is
C: Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?

T: Tell them youíre too stupid to own a computer.

5th Mar 2006, 07:58
Needless to say the help desk employee was fired!

Good thing, too.

He's wasting his rare talents as a help desk chappie.

We need him as Member of Parliament for our constituency.....might bring some plain talk and common sense. :mad:

5th Mar 2006, 08:10
Yea olde Urban Legend (well the latter half)


Loose rivets
5th Mar 2006, 16:05
That darn Snopes, will have nothing to dine out on soon.:sad:

The T/V repair world used to have similar stories going the rounds, but it was difficult to tell who was the daftest, customer or supplier, when my boss was around.

He not only looked like Charlie Chaplin, he did the walk as well. When some old souls got their knobs in a muddle, we would have to make a 7/6 (third of a quid) call just to put them all right again. My boss would put little white paint dots on the knobs to help these folk. Nice...very kind. But he would have the habit of pressing the paint tin lid back on with his foot.

I could always tell the customers that he had been to, they had little white circles on the carpet leading from the T/V to the lounge door.

6th Mar 2006, 06:33
I was in UK a short while ago and installed a web-cam on my daughter's PC, downloaded Skype (definitely the best thing since sliced bread) and set it up for video calls. Back in Borneo, I called home. They could see me well enough, but I couldn't see them, so I had to talk Mrs B and No.1 daughter through checking the settings.

"Go to the tools menu and select options..."
"Its up there at the top, in the menu bar..."
"No, in the Skype window not the Internet Explorer one..."
Dear Lord, give me strength...!
"OK, great. Now look at the list of choices on the left and click on the blue button where it says Video (BETA)..."
"Its the second one up from the bottom..."

Eventually I got to the bottom of it - they had unplugged the camera from the USB port "because we weren't using it"

I have every sympathy with the unfortunates who work on the Tech Support desk, I really do. I know I certainly couldn't do it for a living.

Windy Militant
6th Mar 2006, 08:09
Part of my job is loaning Imaging equipment to Universities to allow PhD students to carry out research. A lot of the systems have broacast monitors with dual video input. I spend an awful lot of time on the phone talking the top 5% of our brightest and best through the intricacies of "push the button marked A" A college recently ran through this procedure with one particular indiviual and was told that it still didn't work, as he was delivering kit to another department the following day he popped in with another monitor. Having lugged the replacement up three flights of stairs he discoverd that the "Faulty" monitor hadn't been switched on Doh! :{

6th Mar 2006, 08:20
The only wothwhile thing to come out of the Channel 4 "comedy" The IT Crowd........

IT Department Advice Over the Phone

1 - Try turning it off and back on again.

2 - Is it plugged in?