Axe discovered in aircraft!

[Team Player]

As thorough and efficient as those security officers at airports are, at discovering nail files and screwdrivers in pilots' flight bags, it seems like their job is a farce in light of this
http://70.86.224.210/~aqwquuwt/forum/viewtopic.php?t=8

[pakeha-boy]

whats in the cockpit...stays in the cockpit......outside of that,well,thats there,s

[Richard Spandit]

In my opinion, checking pilots for sharp objects is a waste of time. If one of them wants to crash the plane for whatever reason, taking scissors of him/her isn't going to prevent anything. Scanning cabin crew makes more sense, as they don't have immediate access to aircraft controls and all their possessions are open to the passengers

[Feather #3]

You guys just don't get it.

Apart from the theatre, the worry is that you'll hand these "contraband" items over in the sterile area to someone else to threaten another pilot's aircaft. An agency overseas permits you to carry the items provded you certify that you'll export them from the terminal in your own a/c. Works for me [and them, too!]

G'day :)

[RENURPP]

Feather # 3
I agree but IT DOES NOT WORK AT ALL.
Here is another example of the joke they call security and the morons employed to carry it out.

Hopped off crew bus heading towards crew room, there is one of those guys who is stuck to his seat at the door doing what ever it is he is supposed to do. NOTHING.
A guy walks up with a wheely bin, guy from security has a look at this bloke, head dress and all, (sikh I am told by trusty F/O, not that this should make any difference.) and waves him through. Have to wonder whats in the wheely bin wouldn't you. Maybe rubbish???

Finish in crew room and proceed through security screening. all goes fine.

Collecting my bits and pieces and wait for trusty F/O watch a lady walk through metal detecting gadget, off goes the alrm. She stands there a little bewildered as to what happens next. The security guy after a while turns to her and says "did it beep?"


I love monty python, and watching these clowns at work is just as good.

[Capt Claret]

But RENURPP you didn't mention the antics of the chief galah in the Top End last week.

Homer was still shaking his head this morning! :{

[V1OOPS]

I love monty python, and watching these clowns at work is just as good. If I wasn't often the target of their silly scans it might be amusing, at least later in the bar, but the trouble is that this stupidty is our hard earned taxes at work :(

[RENURPP]

CC,
whats happening there. Are there any changes was the chief idiot right or wrong?

I have heard nothing as usual.

[Capt Claret]

Homer indicated that the chief-galah was into self-gratification and that his predecessor agreed that what we understood to be the security limit was acceptable.

Don't know any official word. I strongly suggest you don't hold your breath waiting for an answer or you'll go blue in the face and fall over ......

[RENURPP]

Self gratification.

Hmmmm, I wondered why he was spending so much time in the "facilities".

What are the rest of you doing??

Thats how rediculous this whole system is, NOBODY knows what we are really supposed to do.

[Lord Snot]

An agency overseas permits you to carry the items provded you certify that you'll export them from the terminal in your own a/c.So no one would ever lie about their intent?

[The Messiah]

I carry with me a 'killer' left hook on every flight, but I don't tell security.

[Tankengine]

My favorite was some time ago at Kaitak watching a young Chinese guy go through the staff security checkpoint ahead of me. He went "beep" so the girl carefully waved her wand over him, carefully checking each item that went beep. :ok:
Satisfied that he had no illegal knives, nailclippers etc hidden he was sent on.
I was pissing myself because the items he carried that did go beep included an UZI machine pistol, a sidearm and grenades!:eek:
Luckily he was security, I wonder if she would have stopped him taking in a screwdriver?:E

[Richard Spandit]

Stopping pilots carrying sharp objects because they might give them to a third party is still ridiculous. That third party would still have to gain access to the cockpit and after 11/9 no threats are going to get him/her in there. If the third party is already working as Cabin Crew, then they all know where the fire axe is and could quite easily incapacitate one of the pilots whilst the other is in the toilet...

[Ronnie Honker]

I just had a read of that original thread (this one
http://70.86.224.210/~aqwquuwt/forum/viewtopic.php?t=8), and had to laugh at one of the later replies, "Captain may I touch your underwear?"
Sounds like a job for the sexually frustrated desperates, who now are able to justify their touchy feely gropes, in the name of airport security. :p

[Richard Spandit]

That said, it's sometimes quite nice having a bit of a massage every morning when you go through security - kind of sets you up for the day... :)

[Elroy Jettson]

Lucky for the traveling public I was relieved of my nail clippers when all this BS started. Imagine the havoc I would have caused if on short final I leant across and gave the FO a dodgy manicure! Yes, they really saved the day!

[Crossbleed]

The other day I got bumped thrice waiting to fly the rat to Melb. so rather than miss openers I ran over to VB and got a ticket for the next one out.
Diddeley-bop through X-ray spot with my carry-on and slouch of to Mackas for a bit. Halfway through my plastic sandwich I glance down beside me and..... Holy S*it!!... NO BAG!!
I scramble out of there searching left and right and see nothing sus. I fly up to the X-ray machinery and the alert-looking mossad employees and explain my predicament. They direct me to the head security honcho who is in an office way-the-hell out near the end of the finger... RUN THERE.... Arrive panting and explain predicament. There are 236 CCTV's in there and sure enough, none pointed at the Mackas entry. He then whips out Walkie-Talkie and starts the ball rolling. Now we're getting somewhere!! Staff are checking the toilets, bins are being up-ended it's a Goddamn-red-alert!!
After about 20 mins of this we find nought, because, of course, the bag has been stolen.
Now I'm really in the poo. The better-half is almost in Melb. on one of the flights I was too tight to pay for, and I've been burgled.
Despondent and down-at-heel I go back to the X-ray place. Y'know, just in case,.... anyhoo as I converse with uniformed bouncer-brain-donor, I spy a black wheely-samsonitey type bag sitting all alone at the end of the conveyor. I stop explaining my predicament mid-splutter, and examine more closely.
I don't BL:mad: DY BELIEVE IT!! It's my bag.
I feel like a complete idiot and because I don't like that feeling I get to thinking about who else could to blame. Then I think "how the hell can a bag sit here for what is now 30 mins, without attracting attention?"
I say to security sloth; " how the hell can a bag sit here for 30 mins, without attracting attention? ".
He says;" jeez, I dunno mate, guess you're LUCKY ehh?"
I try changing tack; "yeah, but what if it was ticking?!"
"Mate, ya shooden joke about things like that..."

End.

Cross/Bleeed.

[Elroy Jettson]

Yes CrossBleed, the terrorists must be shaking in their desert boots knowing they have to out fox these masterminds of security excellence! What a challenge of mensa like proportions! :ooh: