You've Just Been Made CEO of Qantas

[Enema Bandit's Dad]

You have just been made CEO of Qantas. It seems there are a lot of issues. What would you do to change things? No slagging off please, let's keep this sensible.

[Lord Snot]

I would have all the pilots examined in literacy, mathematics, physics, and aeronautical subjects, all over again, no matter who they are.

Then I would sack all of the high-school drop-outs and pay the others more to do their job with pride.

The rest would be replaced with pilots of a higher standard, if they could be found. If not, no worries, just farm off some of the less-important flying to Jetstar for a while.

Oh and I'd pay the haggard, old boiler hosties to leave, along with all the flouncing, mincing poofs and cranky cadets.

:ok:

[Scumfish]

If you want to keep this sensible, I would first of all award myself and senior managers with a 50% pay cut to gain credibility with the staff. If the mangers refused to accept they would be replaced. I would then get an independent company in to do an audit of the company to rid itself of deadwood and duplication to increase efficiency. Other areas that I would attack would be contracting out the baggage services. Front line staff would be kept on and possibly increased. Heavy maintenance would be moved to Avalon, freeing up all of that space at Sydney and the associated rent. IT systems would get a thorough overhaul. The route structure would also be seriously examined. Just where do you stop??

[Buster Hyman]

Hang on. Do you want to become the first living person to become a Saint, or do you want to make it the most profitable airline in the world? Can't have it both ways. :(

[Toluene Diisocyanate]

I would have all the pilots examined in literacy, mathematics, physics, and aeronautical subjects, all over again, no matter who they are.

Then I would sack all of the high-school drop-outs and pay the others more to do their job with pride.


I assume this applies to All pilots in the Qantas group?

If not, no worries, just farm off some of the less-important flying to Jetstar for a while.


Impossible. How could JQ do it with 80% of their pilots sacked?:} :} :} :yuk:

[Hugh Jarse]

Interesting...Some of the most competent pilots I've flown with are "high school dropouts"

IMHO it just makes them more determined to succeed. And just as proud, if not prouder of their achievements.

Oh and I'd pay the haggard, old boiler hosties to leave, along with all the flouncing, mincing poofs and cranky cadets.
Let's get rid of the poofs, Asian, Catholic, haemophiliac, peanut allergic pilots while we're at it:eek:

Well done, Lord Snot! Not....

[Chronic Snoozer]

Make anonymous posts on PpruNe about market forces, economics 101 and the fact that pilots and engineers are overpaid and underworked.

[Shitsu_Tonka]

Hold frequent press conferences predicting dark times ahead unless costs can be cut. Make threats about moving jobs offshore if cuts can not be made to expenditure. Award self big bonuses based on those cuts. Set up some subsidiaries within the company to compete with the legacy workers. Let them fight amongst themselves about who can do it cheapest and not lose their jobs creating disunity therefore reducing chances of anyone standing up to my bullying.

Continue this cycle until there is no meat left on the skeleton. Then parachute out and leave it to the shareholders to work out where their airline went.

After an extended holiday, come back as a consultant on 20K per day plus expenses to help solve the woes.

(Why change a proven model?)

[Shagtastic]

I'd hire 'Leo Hairy Camel' aka M O'leary of Ryanair as Managing Director and give you guys a real scare!!!

You'd all give up flying and go fishing.. no stress, no jetlag, no airline even?

Shags

[Alien Sex God]

In all honesty, what would you do Sunfish?

[Dropt McGutz]

Remove the fuel surcharge on staff travel tickets. After all, those seats would otherwise be empty. That's just ripping the staff off. And they wonder why the staff are so disengaged. Policies like this certainly don't help.

[Datum]

Just as a start:

1. Announce a 20 % DECREASE to my outrageous and unethical salary. I will do this in order to provide all employees of the QF Group with the LEADERSHIP that has been lacking for sometime now...

What is good for them is good for me! If my employees see that I am willing to make financial concessions - so might they.... Given my extraordinarily high salary - a 20% cut will not effect my lifestyle any where near as much as it may effect the lifestyle's of some of my employees...

This will show them that I truly understand their position and that I too am willing to make concessions to ensure the long term viability of the Airline...

2. I will treat my employees (in particular my Cabin Crew, Engineers and Pilots) with far greater respect. If I treat them with respect they will work harder for the company. If my employee groups are happy and highly motivated our product and service will improve dramatically...this will quickly result in greater customer satisfaction and therefore greater profits for the company..

3. I will engage the 'Senior Officers' of the company - AIRCRAFT CAPTAINS...and instill a much greater sense of team within the pilot body. It may be dangerous to only listen to a few of the Senior Pilots who always have my ear... I would do this by initiating meetings between senior management and the Senior Aircraft Captains, with or without the Chief Pilot present - importantly, I wish to hear what they all have to say regarding the company, it's product and the pilot's perceptions of it's current direction. What are their concerns? How can we do a better job? How can we save more money? Noting that most of my Aircraft Captains have worked for Qantas for far longer than I - Maybe they will have something constructive to suggest...if not - at least I have given them the opportunity...At least they will feel like they are being ENGAGED...

4. I would stop paying my senior pilots performance bonuses..Why? - Because they are eating their young and thinking of themselves when making many of their decisions.... They are providing EXTREMELY POOR LEADERSHIP to the entire pilot body which is creating much anger and DISTRUST....we cannot afford to have so much distrust in our organisation....particulary at the operational level! Unfortunately, they have been loyal towards management - and disloyal towards the group they should represent....

[Sunfish]

1. Team of investigating accountants to go through the books with a fine tooth comb. Announce to the sharemarket that there is going to be no dividend, lump in every loss and provision known to man and drive the share price into the dirt for a year.

2. No pay cut, but change of remuneration of everyone in the company to include a profit sharing component - and a signifigant component at that. All staff can get options on QF shares as well - but at a signifignant exercise price, say $10 per share.

3. Get every function possible out of Sydney. Its too costly. Run a bidding war with the states (and screw the Federal Government as well) to set up a heavy maintenance base in either Avalon or a green fields site.

4. Outsource everything not directly related to the airlines core competitiveness. The baggage handlers and caterers can have their own company. So can the Engineers. They both get profit shares too and options as part of the Qantas group.

5. Reintegrate Jetstar and Australian into the Main Qantas brand. Stress that a Qantas ticket may cost slightly more but that its better value for your money.

6. In return for a profit share, getting jetstar and Australian fixed, keeping maintenance in Australia and so on, get a complete overhaul of terms and conditions out of everyone in the system and get big savings that way.

7. Since there is now only one Qantas, a whole layer of "group general managers" gets removed, plus anyone else who doesn't have enough to do except make trouble for other people. The new management philosophy is simple. Decisions get made as close to the coal face as possible. Stuff that comes up to me for decision had better be precisely argued on one page (OK use both sides) and it must have your recommendation on what to do as well. Same had better operate at other levels.

8. No Qantas manager ever flies First or business class, its cattle class from now on, like the average customer experiences it. Americans call it "eating your own dog food". That should be enough impetus for a better economy class. The only staff who get business or first class are pilots flying for operational reasons.

9. Rejig schedules to remove any Sydney centric bias, even if it costs slightly more, the goal is to provide as many passengers, International and domestic, with direct flights to their destinations.

10. Invite SIA and Emirates to compete with Qantas, when they arrive, drop fares to match theirs and start an advertsing campaign that attracts so many new tourists and inbound investors to Australia that you and your competitors get overwhelmed by demand and laugh all the way to the bank.

In short, and to borrow it from Google's ten points, "don't be evil"

[185skywagon]

How about a little commission for Travel agents, again.:{

[kiwiman]

8. No Qantas manager ever flies First or business class, its cattle class from now on, like the average customer experiences it. Americans call it "eating your own dog food". That should be enough impetus for a better economy class. The only staff who get business or first class are pilots flying for operational reasons.


I thought you were being serious until I read this one......

[Keg]

I may bag you on occasions Sunfish but not a bad read. If you backed it up with action I'd follow you.

[Scumfish]

I'd be keeping the catering department due to the income they bring to the company.

[Annulus Filler]

I'd talkup the company and pay slightly over and above award wages to all employees. Employees will always reap in the profit share at the same rate as my bonuses. Employee moral will hopefully increase, and as a result provide increase productivity knowing damn well that their end of year bonus is a collective effort and is entirely up to all of them on how the business performs.

[capt.cynical]

I would send Geoff and Margaret on a date for 2 -6 hour days
The first half would be on the check-in counter on a foggy good friday.
The second half would be in the baggage collection area on a stormy easter monday afternoon.

PS G&M all those people yelling and screaming at you.
They are called CUSTOMERS.

It would be worth selling tickets to these events.
:O

[Chronic Snoozer]

Start flying to Hamilton Is again....cause I can.

[Chimbu chuckles]

All the stuff that Sunfish said PLUS.

Bring all the pilots in all the subsidiaries under one seniority system.

All Jetstar employees go straight on the bottom of mainline list. Eastern and Sunnies get melded on date of joining only and that list goes under the combined mainline/j* list.

Pilots under a certain age can progress to jets based on seniority and performance...promotion based on bidding for available slots....no DEC from turboprop to jet..if you're a dash captain and want to fly jets and you meet all criteria you can bid for a jet FO slot based on your seniority. For instance some might bid for A320 slots that come up and someone else a few mths later might bid for 744 slots..just the luck of the draw about what comes up when....of course type freezes for say 2-3 years unless company needs override.

All, and I mean ALL cadets and GA recuits go into the right seat of a Dash 8 and get a seniority number based PURELY on the date you CHECK TO LINE on the Dash. ..and progress in the normal way from there on.

This I believe is what AIPA,AFAP,JPC etc should be uniting for....you want to protect your turf then unite and do it....there is NO other way that the pilots in the various companies will ever have a vested interest in YOUR terms and conditions....and you'll never be strong enough on your own to achieve anything.

The pay off for management is career minded pilots who have a vested interest in the company's success.

[epoxy]

Start a Gold Coast basing for the 400.

[nasa]

What Sunfish said & Over a period of some 2 years or so rationalise the entire fleet.............

[Fris B. Fairing]

Put the wings back on the kangaroo.

[ozangel]

Replace all pilots with Robots.
Program the robots to fly upside-down at least once on every flight.
Replace all flight attendants with vending machines on rails that roll down the aisle, replace all cabin managers with fembots that shoot you if you ask for coffee.
The safety demo will be 'american info-mercial' style predominantly focusing on selling passengers safety equipment and educating them about the many handy 'around the home' uses of seatbelts/life jackets/life rafts/megaphones/oxygen.
Bells installed, so that if a passenger wants to get off half way they can signal the robots who will land immediately in the nearest cane field, school oval, or beach.
Replace all engineers with ONE dog named Rover and a chia-pet.
Employ Magda to run the call centre, and insist she remains in the character of the lazy 'And I said pet I said love I said pet...' woman.
Swap all dash 8 engines with 747 engines.
Put the 74 on coffs harbour runs, and the dash on an all stops london.
Introduce hand rails in the cabin and sell 'standing space' tickets.
Remove lavatories, galleys, carpet, overhead lockers.
Sell off Mascot headquarters, buy a church with a creepy gothic tower instead.
Replace management with flying monkeys.
Convert current simulator centers into theme parks - manned by robots of course!
Replace airport security staff with Fire Breathing dragons - to pass through you need to be 'The Chosen One'. (Same as now i spose, but fire breathing dragons are so much more fun!)
Sell tickets to ride the aerobridge while its positioned - A Platinum ticket gives you the opportunity to drive the aerobridge, a Gold Ticket allows you to ride, and a Silver ticket allows you to watch. Anyone in the departures level without a ticket to watch will be ravaged by flying monkeys and interrogated by the chia-pet.
Hub the airline out of Norfolk Island, Launceston, and Broken Hill.
Paint the planes purple.
Have Kerri Anne Kennerly and Bert Newton mud wrestle naked on advertisments to the tune 'Yes sir, I can boogie'.
Remove wings of 767s and convert them to boats. Sell them to sydney ferries.
No check-in, no baggage service, load your own bag, and buy your ticket from the vending machine on board. Failure to pay, or have exact change activates the 'ejector' function in the seat.
Sell it to Air New Zealand.
RUN, FAST!

[sebby]

Ozangel wins!!!

[QFinsider]

Get an external audit conducted...Find out how much transfer pricing makes J*"profitable" New transparency of accounts.

Probably go and walk around the shop floor and talk with my people, without John Travolta

Same audit can look into remuneration package and benefits enjoyed by my predessor...:E

[inthefluffystuff]

Hell guy's I'm up in the fluffy stuff but me tinks you guy's are up here too, but have had some funny juice or similar brain altering substance.
But what some say would be great, imagine going to work as happy as hell. Sure beats what is going on at this time.

[Ozgrade3]

I read some years ago in Air Transport World that at Southwest Airlines in the states, all senior management staff from Herb Khellar are expected to be able to check in pax, load aircraft, refuel aircraft, perform almost any Customer Service Role etc, and they frequently come out of their offices to help the frontline staff when the chips are down.

Any wonder why they are best performing airline in the world, since their startup some 30 years ago their only loss was in the 1st quarter of their first year, like in 1974. Currently they are (I think) just about the only airline in the US thats making a profit.

[Datum]

Difference is that at Southwest and other successful airlines OS management see themselves as equal and as part of the same TEAM that their employees are part of...they share the same goals and work togther towards the airline's success...

Instead of bullying, manipulating and threatening, Southwest's Management LEAD their organisation forward, they show COMPASSION for their employees......In turn, this generates MUTUAL RESPECT

In stunning contrast - the ARROGANCE being displayed by Senior QF Management is absolutely disgraceful....:yuk: :yuk: :yuk:

QF management have NO concept of the true importance of these values.

The culture within the airline is at an all time low. It will only be a matter of time before, customers and shareholders wake up to this very very sad state of affairs....

The QF Board of Directors are obviously asleep or don't care.....WAKE UP!!

[Sunfish]

I've flown Southwest and spent an entetaining hour watching them turn around a couple of 737's. It was great to watch.

Girls was doing check in stuff on the computer. Guy was grabbing bags and loading onto trolley. Aircraft arrives, girl leaves check in, puts on ear defenders, grabs bats and marshalls aircraft, then connects ground power. Guys unload, then load, check in girl takes baggage from late check in passenger and loads it herself. Engineer wanders up, then wanders away again.

Girl who was marshalling the aircraft announces boarding and checks passes. Guy who was loading now driving tug. Another girl disconnects ground power then goes back to checking in.

Poetry in motion. I wonder if anyone in QF senior management could even find the fuelling point on a 747?

[Datum]

The only thing GD and his greedy management mates care about is their next bonus....

If they all really cared about the airline they would TAKE NOTICE of what their staff are saying and attempt to correct the POOR MORALE within their respective areas of responsibility....

If you are reading this and you are not in the Aviation game - WATCH OUT....because every other CEO in corporate Australia is watching this with intense interest....

If GD gets away with what he is doing at QF.....expect the same in other industries too!....

[QFinsider]

Whilst Nick Minchin may feel his personal opinion is misquoted, the government want further IR changes, it is an ideological platform. The HR Nicholls(spelling) society is ultra right wing who's who....This is the begining. IR changes will depend on what Dixon gets away with....

Perhaps it is time to remember that without pilots aircraft go nowhere:E
If J* were to parallel mainline in size then the company would push us much harder. At the moment it doesn't.......They are to be used to break apart mainline terms and conditions...Unfortunately they cant roll it all out so quickly as many of the pilots who think it doesnt affect them (and vote in EBA7 accordingly) would now get scared.......

[Angle of Attack]

The vast majority of Mainline pilots in QF are like a deer with no eyes...
They have no idea!

[Scumfish]

Well I think that it is rather obvious that GD reads PPRUNE as he taken on one of my ideas, moving heavy maintenance to Avalon. It will be interesting to see when he starts taking on more of Sunfish's and my ideas.

[ThoughtCrime]

Ozangel you can stay! ROFL!!!

You can be Prime Minister while you're at it


...TC

[ozangel]

Oh TC, kind of you, but...
Im already working for Bush, and getting sloshed every time he wants me to write a speech for him takes up most of my time...

Besides, i think the John is doing a great job - my efforts would just seem amateurish compared to his new workplace rules, etc.

I would like to see Many Vanstone conducting 'Super fun happy meetings' where the public are drawn into local halls and churches, and a new and improved robotised Mandy brainwashes them into voting liberal just once more... :}