View Full Version : Grandad's jokes are the best

15th Feb 2006, 16:13
The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"

The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.

"Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired."

She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"

This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!"

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your motors on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.":E

Lon More
15th Feb 2006, 16:37
Nice one. Thought it was a version of the one about the "gentleman of the road" sat on a park bench eating a sandwich. Well dressed woman with small fat dog passes by and dog begins to yap.
"He's hungry," says the woman. "He only wants to share your food."
The tramp looks at the fat little animal and says, "shall I throw him a bit?"
"Yes," says the woman.
The tramp picks up the dog and hurls it into the nearest tree saying, "If it comes back I'll throw it some more."

15th Feb 2006, 17:09
"I remember when I was your age and my father was a kitchen hand at the Kremlin" my grandfather proceeded to tell me one day.
"I was playing in the corridors with a ball and it bounced into one of the rooms. I ran in to fetch it and I was shocked to see that it was Stalin's room.
I just looked up at him and said.. what are you doing comrade"?

"And you know, instead of slashing my face with a razor, he simply replied "I am shaving". I'll never forget the kindness he showed to me that day."