View Full Version : What CAN'T you do?

9th Feb 2006, 17:13
I'd just like to ask what CAN'T you do that you wished you could (such as playing the piano or speaking Russian, riding a unicycle or . . . )?

Edited to remove nothing in particular

tony draper
9th Feb 2006, 17:19
I can't mention my p**t c***t or even use the words p**t c***t.:uhoh:

9th Feb 2006, 17:22
Oh G-CPTN ... you have failed to read the unwritten rule! (I know it's a difficult concept, but I speak as One Who Knows!!!)

And very soon you won't have many posts to worry about!! :ok:

Edited to add:

Good edit G-CPTN...verbum sat sapientis as we used to say at No. 2 FTS;) ;)

9th Feb 2006, 17:22
I can, or could, speak Russian, but have long regretted avoiding the piano lessons my parents scrimped and saved for. At the time it seemed the most awful thing I could spend my time doing. I even dragged my knuckles down a wall until they were bleeding in order to avoid one lesson. What a f:mad::mad::mad:ing prat!!

What I would give now.

An I can't mention the unmentionable.

9th Feb 2006, 17:26
I can't get well again. I wish I could..

Lance Murdoch
9th Feb 2006, 17:35
Play cricket, despite being able to play most sports to a reasonably high standard I am completely and unspeakably cr*p at cricket. This is a shame because it seems like a very good way of spending summer Saturday afternoons.
Music is someting I am also rubbish at.

Sailor Vee
9th Feb 2006, 17:42
Read music, or, for that matter, sing or play any instrument. As for those prats on 'Fame Academy' saying there is no such thing as 'Tone-deaf', they haven't met me!

9th Feb 2006, 17:55
I can't swim. I hate the smell of swimming pools, which is the only real way to learn in this country. On holiday in Majorca several years ago, my boyfriend at the time started to teach me by having me wear a bouyancy aid and splash about in the sea. On the second day in the water I was getting really confident ... and then we came home.

9th Feb 2006, 18:14
Me too AerBabe. Can't stand swimming pools, give me vertigo every time I let go of something solid. The seashore has the decency to slope and has the benefit of Ms. C0L to help :ok: Could do with a 3 month holiday though to crack it.....

Lafyar Cokov
9th Feb 2006, 18:46
I can't get my wife to go down on her best mate........

9th Feb 2006, 19:07
i cant find a wife to go down on my girlfriend

9th Feb 2006, 19:15
I can't fly a plane, and even more annoyingly I can't afford to learn:{

9th Feb 2006, 19:21
Can't sing. I had a good soprano, I could read music and all, but something just went very bad when my voice broke. Wish it hadn't.

9th Feb 2006, 19:38
I wish I could say no to eBay :(

9th Feb 2006, 19:42
Can't bend myself into a pretzel like the seriously double jointed (she must be...:ooh:) girl in the video.
Alwyas believed I'm pretty flexible, however, this......:(...

9th Feb 2006, 19:42
I can't say no to Rara either :E

9th Feb 2006, 19:48
But of course you can't....:E:p..... Oh, about that Ebay, have a wonderful gizmo you most definitely need, Jerricho, perfect for the Winterpeg's winter, you know, Portage and Main, 50C below.....:D

9th Feb 2006, 19:50
I cant spel...oh buger...not agian

Capn Notarious
9th Feb 2006, 19:51
As yet the skills of ventriloquy elude me. However any Captain puppet
I'd operate, will have a huge watch and she would tell bawdy jokes.

9th Feb 2006, 20:02
I have to address you quite firmly, ThreadBaron, as in Taradiddle, Poppycock, Phooeey, Baloney (or bologna if you wish), and any variant. Come off it! Straighten up, man! There is no more stopping you now from learning the piano than there ever was.

I know a lawyer who went to war for King and Country; emerged a major; went to college; married; children; graduated; needed the money; got job; distinguished career; retired at 65; post-retirement sinecure; retired from that; thought one day: “I always wanted to be a lawyer but I was always too busy”; not too busy now; enrolled 1st year law, 2nd year law, 3rd year law; graduated; articled one year; Bar Admission Course six months; called to the Bar; in practice now about ten years.

In my own more modest case that skill on the E flat alto sax that has brought tears to so many eyes began at 50. In my defence I plead that I have never played "The Saints" in public.

Stop the whining, ThreadBaron. Carnegie Hall awaits.

Buster Hyman
9th Feb 2006, 20:04
Too tall for the Air Force...too short for the NBA...too ugly to be a movie star...too handsome to be a pilot...too un-co to ride a skateboard...too slow to text messages...too smart to bungie...too stupid to avoid forums...too lazy to type anymore...

Gingerbread Man
9th Feb 2006, 20:31
I'm with you on too tall for the Air Force :( .

I was going to write "I can't lick my elbows" when I saw the title of the thread, but then saw the crucial words but wish you could, and thought better of it - what good would it do me?

I really wish I could speak loads of languages (I intend to try). I also wish I could feel comfortable about being on a dancefloor without being completely blotto.


(Oh yes, and I wish I was gutsy enough to ride a motorbike :) )

tall and tasty
9th Feb 2006, 20:38
I can't speak one language fluently and wish I could converse in Italian and French, just love listening to those spoken. To be honest it comes from being lazy as a child with a father that was fluent in 8 languages and learning 4 more!!

I can't touch my tongue to the tip of my nose and would love to have that as a party piece!! (Don't ask why just thought it would be good to do) and I would love to do the splits with my legs sideways, always have been able to do it the normal way but not the other for some reason.

Other than that I try to not use the word can't in things will always try and if I don't manage it then at least I can say I did try

TnT :D

9th Feb 2006, 20:42
T and T I can touch my tongue to the tip of my nose, but it doesn't really do me much good. People are impressed by it for a couple of seconds and that is it!!

I can't do the splits though ........... either way!! :ugh: :{

Romeo Delta
9th Feb 2006, 20:50
As for those prats on 'Fame Academy' saying there is no such thing as 'Tone-deaf', they haven't met me!

They also haven't watched American Idol. :} The DEFINITION of tone deaf. It's a wonder they could find enough people to put on the show.

I had a good soprano,

I had a good soprano once, meself, but then I moved away, and she found someone new. :E

I wish I could speak fluent Spanish, would make life in Florida a lot easier. Also would love to speak Japanese, Russian, Chinese, German, etc. Oh, and Finnish. I love Finland, and thank goodness most people there speak English.

Also I do wish I could lick my own elbow (while not lifting my arm). Things would kinda take care of themselves from there. :E :ok:

9th Feb 2006, 20:57
I wish I hadn't been turned down by the airforce.:{ :{

Wish I'd studied law when I had the chance, thanks to Davaar I may rethink that when me laddo goes off to school.:ok:

Loose rivets
10th Feb 2006, 04:37
One of my greatest failings has been to be a ‘jack of all trades.' I would love to be a master of just one...and get paid for it.:(

10th Feb 2006, 07:37
I have a good friend, we'll call flandiddlywigwog, because that is his nickname, who until quite recently was a supply teacher. He was infact asked by one of his 14 year olds this very question, to which he replied in a welsh lilt:

"Well love, I can't shag the missus standing up in a hammock"

He got the sack for that one.:E

10th Feb 2006, 08:40
I wish that I could ice a cake. I really admire some of the confectionary creations that I've seen. When I retire & I've loads of time on my hands, I'm going to learn how to do it.

The other thing that I can't do is raise any enthusiam for working.

tony draper
10th Feb 2006, 08:46
One can bang a tune out of a guitar but only in English.

10th Feb 2006, 08:54
What you got wrong, Jabberwok? PM me if it may help. (Reiki Master hat on)

10th Feb 2006, 09:28
Apply myself! :sad:

tony draper
10th Feb 2006, 09:41
One could never whistle, yer know place two fingers on the lips and emit a loud PHWEEEEEET!! dunno why, prolly genetic, truth to tell it has not handicped one to much of a extent,one thinks that as a race we have probably evolved past the whisling stage and those that still have this ability are throwbacks who should really be part of the fossil record.

10th Feb 2006, 10:39
Class 1 Medical certificate gnarrr gnarr arghhh fume :mad: :{

10th Feb 2006, 11:55
Find anyone who knows the 3 rules for a perfect landing everytime. :ugh:

10th Feb 2006, 12:00
Water ski. The only sport at which I've ever been a total failure.

10th Feb 2006, 12:07
Resist ppuning after half a bottle of red biddy.

Oh, and the bits about musical instruments are interesting. Just about everyone has the regret of not learning a particular one. What is it about musical education that leaves us so deficient?

I go to Philippines quite often, and the wonder there is that nearly everyone plays something musical. When I asked why, a guy said, "It just takes time sir. You seem to have no time in your country."


Solid Rust Twotter
10th Feb 2006, 12:13
Get into airlines....:ugh:

10th Feb 2006, 13:07
Can't whistle either Drapes.

James Bond held that men who couldn't whistle were poofs, but we know better, don't we ducks? (As if he could talk. All that Navy stuff. All them wimminn were just a cover.)

10th Feb 2006, 14:53
Well Dr draper, Lauren Bacall told Humph how to whistle. For her. "You just round your lips and blow". Is there more to know,for a better reason?

tony draper
10th Feb 2006, 15:12
Oh one can indeed whistle like that Mr Davaar,tiz the two fingers to the lips wolf type whistle one is unable to execute,anyway tiz prolly not politically correct nowadays,at one time on windy days when ladies dresses blew up exposing stocking tops the whole street would erupt in wolf whistles,so one was at a distinct disadvantage in those circumstances,but as one said one would prolly find oneself in front of the beak for wolf whistling at a lady now.
Hmmm one wonder why it is that ladies skirts and dresses lent themselves to being blown up by errant passing breezes in those days, and why are skirts and dresses not constructed thusly with similar properties nowadays one asks oneself,?
PS when one was a young lad at sea,one only ever made the mistake of whistling once,whistling at sea was frowned upon and would earn one a cuff around the ear from the nearest old timer.

tall and tasty
10th Feb 2006, 15:55
One could never whistle, yer know place two fingers on the lips and emit a loud PHWEEEEEET!! dunno why,very unlady like but I wish I could, my sister can and she used to impress all the boys at school with it. Even now on the side lines of a footie or ruby match she can get the attention of her off spring. AS for calling in the horses at night I have to call and she does a wolf whistle and he presto two horses appear out of the dead of night!

tart1 my sis can do it and she has fun with licking ice creams and allsorts in the presence of the opposite sex!!


Loose rivets
11th Feb 2006, 04:34
Now now chaps, I know it's tempting, but don't rise to that one.

One could never whistle like Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's. Sad that.

My mate didn't exactly whistle on a ship, but he did get whistled at. He was Brasso-ing the huge whistle on the funnel, when some silly bu$$er set it off. In those days he was probably just given an extra tot of rum...when he had stopped walking round in circles.

11th Feb 2006, 05:22
.......one can't find a "Stall Warning" or "Sink Rate" fecking ring tone for ones mobile anywhere !!:}

Lafyar Cokov
11th Feb 2006, 23:49
I wish I could be bothered to finish a sen......