View Full Version : Life skills (or what I learnt by age 33)

5th Feb 2006, 17:23
There are just some things that school, parents and alike can't prepare you for in life, and can only be learnt through experience and trial and error.
For instance, as a child you are taught to always tell the truth........as an adult we know that sometimes bending the truth is good for all involved (No, your ass doesn't look big in that).
At school, we're instructed to study things like Shakespeare and read books like "Catcher in the Rye", learn things like molecular bonds strengths, what a "mole" in chemistry is.........hasn't ever helped me in understanding assemble instructions from Ikea or how to fill out a tax return.
We are told that "it doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's how you play the game"........as the winner goes off on a sports scholarship to some great university and is given cars and houses and girls while you're stuck pushing trolleys around a supermarket carpark.
Other things I have learnt by age 33:
- A wedding ring suddenly makes you seem very attractive to the opposite sex.
- no matter how much you resist, you will start talking like your father.
- money may not provide happines, but it does certainly help
- farting will always be funny
- asking a married couple "So, when are you going to have kids" is probably one of the rudest things you can ask (for so many reasons)
- all those stereotypical jokes about mother-in-laws ARE totally based on fact
- no matter how hard you try, there will come a point where technology will overtake your ability to keep up with it, and you will be left behind.
- nobody important really gives a sh*t about what sort of car you drive
- at some point you are going to have to start watching what you eat and how much you drink.
Any others?

Too Short
5th Feb 2006, 18:17
Laugh in the face of adversity... and then run like hell...

Keep away from wasps.

Never slap a horse's rear.

5th Feb 2006, 18:20
If you'd put 10 or 15 quid a week away every week since you'd started working, and if, at 33, you knew by then what it was you'd been put on this Earth for, and if that involved access to cash, then you'd be in a much better position to accomplish your newly found life-goals than if you hadn't put any money away at all. And it's all a lot more relevant when you've reached 45! :O

PS. When I was 33, they didn't have an E-Bay neither... ;)

5th Feb 2006, 18:25
Nothing is ever quite how you were expecting it to be. :{

It's true - think about it. Life always manages to surprise you.

5th Feb 2006, 18:31
NO no no tart1! My bank statement surprises me. So does my VISA card statement sometimes. As does the statement in return for filing my tax return.

But the rest of life is surprisingly pleasant... :ok:

5th Feb 2006, 19:14
When it comes to women and flying, gravity always wins in the end.

5th Feb 2006, 19:18
Would you care to explain that to a poor, simple, country girl Mr. Torque?

Are you incinerating that "things" go south? 'Cos believe me, "things" can go south with blokes as well.

And, I trust that my (and your) number of landings equals my (and your) number of take-offs!



And before anyone comments, it's a Malapropism!

5th Feb 2006, 19:21
You don't really need to go out on a friday and saturday night.:{ :{

5th Feb 2006, 21:06
Make sure you are single and unattached

5th Feb 2006, 21:15
You don't really need to go out on a friday and saturday night.:{ :{
Yes I learned that a long time ago but somehow I can't seem to get out of the habit.:cool: :cool:

Howard Hughes
5th Feb 2006, 21:21
You don't really need to go out on a friday and saturday night.:{ :{
As a young bloke it was compulsory to go out from thursday to monday night consecutively, home after 4am every morning and still up for work (of course I was'nt flying at the time), now I can barely manage the friday/saturday double!!:ugh:

5th Feb 2006, 21:59
Don`t play cards with strangers

5th Feb 2006, 22:05
Someone's going to say 'Don't eat yellow snow' in a minute!! :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Atlas Shrugged
5th Feb 2006, 22:08
Never operate a chainsaw after taking a Cold Pill ! :eek:

5th Feb 2006, 22:32
Trust your instincts!

If it feels wrong even when it seems absolutely perfect - liiiisten to your leetle inner voice coz' eventually (4 long years later) it will prove to be correct:ouch:
And when it feels right, go for it. Stop over analyzing everything or you will miss out..

When you screw up, it's not the end of the world (well, hopefully...:uhoh:), learn from it, at least try to, and move on.

Never ever let yourself be talked into giving an hour long presentation to a group of selected guests the morning after a full blown Scandinavian Crayfish and Aquavit Party

6th Feb 2006, 00:36
Tread carefully through your 33rd year, Jerricho. It is a metaphysical crossroads, and not everyone survives it.

If you have destiny, now is the time when the changes which will facilitate that destiny begin to be initiated.

Keep your senses sharp, your weight balanced, and be prepared, to bend with the force, or to go with the flow.

Good luck.

Buster Hyman
6th Feb 2006, 00:52
If you don't become an interesting person, you'll be doomed to spending the rest of your life anonymously on a bulletin board....:{ :{ :{ :{

6th Feb 2006, 01:42
NO no no tart1! My bank statement surprises me. So does my VISA card statement sometimes. As does the statement in return for filing my tax return.

It's male menstrual cycle: occurs every month, and you feel as if you were bleeding and there were no way to stop it.

6th Feb 2006, 02:14
- always wear your socks in a brothel -

- kiss a nun once, kiss a nun twice. DONT get in the habit -

- never, ever, ever eat the yellow snow -

6th Feb 2006, 02:36
Dont fcuk with ....

1. big spiders

2. snakes

3. crocodiles

6th Feb 2006, 04:55
Give it another 30 years Jerricho and farting won't be funny, just a frequent, accepted part of life.

6th Feb 2006, 05:08
No 1DC, it will be funny......especially if you don't follow through!!

BlueWolf poses an interesting crossroad! I think I am up to the challenge.

6th Feb 2006, 17:39
No, at this age one does not TRUST a fart.:p

cessna l plate
6th Feb 2006, 17:54
To be serious, strange in JB I know but still,

Listen CAREFULLY to a record called "Sunscreen" by Baz Lurman. Released about 3 or 4 years ago.

At the time I thought what a load of crap, but listening to it now as I am older, wiser and now have a young family, it couldn't be more appropriate if it tried.

Loose rivets
6th Feb 2006, 18:19
At 33 something strange happens. Just like our man in the first ‘Time machine' film, the sun, which formally took all day to traverse the sky, now starts to move more quickly. At 66, it is flicking across the heavens, with buildings going up and families moving in while you change a tap washer. The bin man comes every morning, despite repeated reassurances that they still only come once a week.

At 99 presumably it's all a grey blur.

6th Feb 2006, 18:34
Jazz music is crap no matter how hard to try to understand it with the aim of appearing 'cultured'.

There is more culture in the average pair of 3 badge underpants than there is in Plymouth also!

6th Feb 2006, 19:30
After your 30th birthday nothing will ever be the same:

- Making love in a single bed or the back seat of your car is no longer an option.

- Yo have more food than beer in the fridge.

- 7 am is time to wake up, not to go to bed.

- You listen to your favourite music while commuting between home and work not at the disco.

- You allways carry an umbrella with you.

- You listen to BBC news or Kiss FM.

- Your friends marry and divorce instead of becoming boy/girlfriends and breaking up.

- Your holidays go from 130 days down to 15 days per year.

- Your older relatives now openly tell sex jokes while you're present.

- You no longer know every pub's opening and closing hours.

- You are convinced that the best food for your dog is Pedigree Pal instead of last night's left overs.

- Staying over the weekend at a friend's house and sleeping on the couch is not acceptable.

- You buy aspirins and anti-acid drugs instead of condoms.

- Frozen pizza and snacks aren't in your shopping list anymore.

- 90 % of the time spent at the computer is work related.

- You loose contact with 70% of your friends and barely keep in touch with them via email.

- You use formal shoes instead of your favourite sneakers.

- You no longer wear shorts on weekends!!

- When you finish taking a shower you put the towel back on its hanger

- Your nephews know more about computers than you.

- Big Brother contenders are younger than you.

- You can spend 20€ on a CD without going broke.

- The music store salespeople look like your younger brothers and sisters.

- University start-ups were born in 1986


Mac the Knife
6th Feb 2006, 19:35

Well, the young 'uns may be smarter than me, but I'm a lot more cunning.

Old age and treachery beats youth and idealism anyday.

6th Feb 2006, 21:36
I forgot one:

Tequila shooters may seem like a good idea at the time, but are not.

7th Feb 2006, 11:56
Jazz music is crap no matter how hard to try to understand it with the aim of appearing 'cultured'.

I knew there was a reason why I didn't like ex_matelot's posts on the Hamster Wheel while agreeing with the basic thrust of his argument, and the quote above sums it up. It would seem that what ex_matelot doesn't understand is by definition crap. The millions worldwide who love jazz in any or all of its forms are only trying to appear cultured. Now I understand, and I feel much better. All my jazz albums are being burned tomorrow.

7th Feb 2006, 12:08
Can I have any of your spare Miles Davis before you torch them ?

7th Feb 2006, 12:15
Nope; all seven of them are going under the flame, you pretentious bastard.

7th Feb 2006, 12:17
Bugger, Oh well it was worth a try :{

Lance Murdoch
7th Feb 2006, 17:20
Some things Ive learnt by my 30th year and some much earlier-

- It is rare that you get yourself into trouble by keeping your mouth shut (certain situations one encounters in aviation are a notable exception).

- Confidence is at least as important as ability.

- You are far more likely to get things done by being nice to people but be prepared to jump on anyone who trys to take advantage of this.

- Earning the respect of people who work for you is as important as earning the respect of people you work for.

- Never trust an employer, work is just an economic arrangement whereby the employer pays you as little as possible for your skills, experience and labour.

- Peoples perception of you is far more important to career success than the reality.

- Never go out with a girl whose first question is 'how much do you earn?'

- Never trust a car salesman - if you buy a car with alloy wheels make sure the correct key for the locking nut is supplied:\

- Where money is concerned keep everything documented.

- Money cant buy happiness and it certainly isnt the most important thing in life. Having enough can help you avoid alot of unhappiness though.

- Social class is an artificial construct and the only people who give a damn about it are people who would be nothing without it.

- Never judge people by appearance or first impressions.

7th Feb 2006, 17:26
Never, ever, sneeze whilst squeezing the toothpaste tube.


7th Feb 2006, 18:19
If you want something to do a specific job, sometimes you have to pay for the quality.......the cheap option is a waste of time.

7th Feb 2006, 19:01
Im pleased to educate you Binos;)

Jazz....magazines are ok though:ok:

7th Feb 2006, 23:06
F*** me, Jer, you're that old????????

7th Feb 2006, 23:21
F*** me, Jer, you're that old????????

Now now, respect yer elders!

(I'll be 33 end of April.....truesies!)

7th Feb 2006, 23:23

Jesus, don't do that! I just laughed so hard some of my tea went up my nose!!!!

8th Feb 2006, 00:15
Sheesh! All these lessons being given and at around two months older than our thread starter, Jerricho, I've only one, contadictory to his own, insight of my own to make.

Fill your life with as much enjoyable, slightly stupid, frequently debaucherous, gratifying, caring, humourous and utterly, yet appropriately, frivolous behaviour as possible and you won't have had time to learn any of those skills (which, to me from the posts so far, seem to be mainly woes anyway) and you'll maintain a perfectly good reason to continue, unabated, in your merry quest for them.

Works for me. :ok:

<Awaits 'Yes, but...' comments form those who failed to grasp my preferred skill early enough> :E

Buster Hyman
8th Feb 2006, 00:18
Life skills (or what I learnt by age 33)
...apart from typing one handed you mean?:E :ouch:

8th Feb 2006, 11:59
You make your own luck, good and bad

Never sneeze while trying to hold a fart in.

Treat people younger than yourself with respect - they're the ones who will write about you.

Loose rivets
9th Feb 2006, 04:00
At 33 I used to pick Mrs R up and run up the stairs with her. :E Today things are not quite the same...beset by two main problems in fact.

One. Me back goes ‘out' as I try to lift her.:ugh:

Two. She reminds me that we now live in a bungalow.:confused:

Gingerbread Man
9th Feb 2006, 09:52
Jazz music is crap

You forgot to mention funk - jazz's deformed cousin.

Ginger ;)

9th Feb 2006, 10:41
Oh shush you pussy. Your father is the greatest man either of us know and you should be glad you talk like him.

The biggest lesson you have learned to date is that London sux arse and the rest of the world roxzors your soxzors.

9th Feb 2006, 12:35
In the old days the love of your life had legs almost up to her armpits. Nowadays her armpits are almost down to her legs. :E

Be careful what you eat if you have a bad cough. Never catch diahorrea if you have a cough. :eek: :(

The days definitely get shorter, boredom is no longer an issue.

The nights get longer, you can't easily get through one without visiting the bathroom.

Folks start to imagine that you snore.

Folks accuse you of being grumpy. I'M NOT GRUMPY, IT'S THEM DAMNIT! :*

No matter how large your bank balance, you will expand to fill it.

A good night on the tiles involves dominoes.

You realise that the only feelings you have for young girls are fatherly ones. (Allegedly).

The "older women" that you always yearned for become younger than you.

Strictly Jungly
9th Feb 2006, 13:54
Nope; all seven of them are going under the flame, you pretentious bastard.

Brilliant! Just made me laugh so much!!

9th Feb 2006, 15:24
Shy Torque,
"Never catch diahorrea if you have a cough."

I don't think you need to qualify the first three words - simply never try to catch diahorrea fullstop!
Not only hard to achieve but likely short on chuckles, too.

9th Feb 2006, 15:44
Your father is the greatest man either of us know and you should be glad you talk like him.

I didn't say it were a bad thing.

If and when I start talking like you, I'll just have to top myself.

9th Feb 2006, 21:09

9th Feb 2006, 23:36
Mini-hijack in progress......

Have come to a painful conclusion that one of the very important skills is acquiring friends in all the right places - such as trades.... who know how to fix/install thingies around the house... Like irregular height shower doors and do so hopefully before Christmas, aaarrghhh.... :{

Think a visit to a local tradesmen pub or similar is in order. :hmm:

Allooooo, boys....:suspect: