Overheard on Cheltenham Tower freq...

[StevieTerrier]

ATC chappie to ground handler :. ."Neil to the tower please". .. .Quick thinking rotary god :. ."Is that an instruction to the pilots?"

[Rob_L]

At Doncaster many moons ago on race day.. .. .G-WILI(y) (Willy Carson) where would you like me to park?. .. .Linda in tower, next to G-PUSY, but not too close!!!!!

[helmet fire]

In tropical Oz:. . ABC: ABC, ready.. . Tower: ABC, behind the Shorts 360 on final, Line up.. . ABC: ABC, Roger.. .. .ABC then enters runway, does a complete circle on the threshold and lines up. Shorts 360 crew apply max power, swear a lot, and go around.. .. . Tower: ABC, what are you doing?. . Extended silence.. . ABC: Well, you told us to do a quick 360 and line up.... .. . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />

[Lu Zuckerman]

I may get the technical aspect of the conversation wrong but the facts are correct. A United flight from Chicago to Louisville, Kentucky would call the tower at Cincinnati Lunken every night and say Cincinnati tower guess who. This went on for several nights and finally when the United flight called the Cincinnati tower saying guess who the Cincinnati tower called the United flight and turned out all of the lights and said United flight Guess where.

[EESDL]

Strong winds this year, short finals with wind from the left, gates on right, ATC kindly inform me that I'll have a tailwind!!!!. .. .Appreciate his intentions but such 'helpfulness' only served to block the airwaves.. .Must have been written into the ATC H&S contract:-)

[Grey Area]

RAF Macrahanish many moons ago - USAF F15 on taxiway, wind calm:. .. .F15: Tower this is BLAH15, ready for departure; oh and be advised that your windsock is broken. .. .TWR: BLAH15, say again.. .. .F15: Roger Sir, your windsock is broken, it's just hanging there!. .. .TWR: BLAH15, negative the windsock is fine, you've got 25 knots from straight up!

[heedm]

Supposedly happened in CYMJ (Moose Jaw).. .. .In these days there were easily 30 aircraft in the training area.. .. .Student Pilot (with stuck mike): Do I ever s*$%, self get your s&^% together. F*&^! That was stupid. Oh s*&^! I've been transmitting. F*&^, I'm stupid.. .. .ATC: Pilot with stuck mike please identify.. .. .Student Pilot: I'm not that f*&^ing stupid.

[Weight and Balance]

Flying into CYYJ (Victoria) one day in about 1978, with our chief mechanic at the controls. He was ex-Luftwaffe, very proper on the radio, and with a very noticable accent. Tower informed us we were number 2, and asked if we had the traffic.. .. ."Alpha Tango Echo haz ze traffik in zite.". .. .Next tower call is to a Cessna that will be number 3; tower asks if he has the traffic.. .. ."Roger, I have the Red Baron in my sights.". .. .But my all time favorite radio conversation was at CYPK (Pitt Meadows), when ground control cleared me to "taxi in the water, takeoff at your discretion.". .. .I was driving a Dodge van at the time, and had asked for clearance to cross the active. When I pointed this out, ground control replied without hesitation "disregard previous, cleared across the active."

[Speedbird252]

The Pilots of a PanAm 747 listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt Ground and a British Airways 747 (Speedbird).. .. .Speedbird: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active.". .. .Ground: " Guten morgen. Taxi to your gate". .. .The BA 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.. .. .G: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?". .S: "Standyby ground, Im looking up the gate location now.". .G: (with typical German impatience) "Speedbird 206, have you never been to Frankfurt before?". .S: (Coolly) "Yes, in 1944, but I didnt stop.". .. .Nothing personal, just funny.. .. .Regards all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="cool.gif" />

[helmet fire]

Several years ago, Qantas (an Australian airline) was contracted to help train Air India pilots. As a result, several Indian pilots were rotated through Qantas cockpits on normal Qantas flights. . .. .QF1 from Sydney to London was going via New Dehli as usual, but instead if the typical broad Australian accent over the radio from QF1, there came the voice of an Indian pilot instead. Throughout the director, approach and tower exchanges, the Indian ATC were recieving their own accent back from QF1 and trying to decide if some Aussie git was trying to take the pi55 out of them. Finally, when QF1 checked in on ground frequency, the response in a heavy Indian accent was "QF1, you are very welcoming to New Dehli sir, and you had better be bl00dy Indian"!!. . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />

[Pat Malone]

Heathrow Tower: "Speedbird Concorde 1, line up after the Midland 737."
Concorde: "Is that the blue one?"
Some moments later...
Heathrow Tower: Midland 401 line up after the Concorde."
Midland: "Is that the white one?"
Bloke swears it's true.

[warpig]

i believe in chicago, several airliners doing holding patterns.. one pilot transmits.. ohh god i am so f-cking bored !!! atc replys who said that? i demand to know! what is your tailnumber?!.. pilot replys... lady, i said i was f-cking bored, not f-cking stupid.

[Gomer Pylot]

Heedm & Warpig, that chestnut is so old and moldy I can't get it down. It's from WWII, IIRC. Certainly not long after, and it's usually said to be a military aircraft, often with an instructor providing the last sentence. Certainly an aviation legend. :cool:

[hyd3failure]

True cos it happened to me:

In a Jetstream out of Culdrose on a Friday afternoon Navex:

Jetstream: "St Mawgan Radar navy 630 request transit the overhead at 2000' outbound on a Navex from Culdrose and returning to culdrose later in the afternoon"

SMG: "Navy 630 yr cleared as requested qfe blah blah blah...pause........Navy630, will you be coming over me again later?









silence from Navy630

[A109]

"American Woppadewop (A Boeing 747) move onto the taxiway and hold, you are number 2 to a Shorts 360"
"Awww rarger tower, whereabouts is this other aircraft?
"Er..American Woppadewop...its right in front of you..the Shorts 360.."
"Omigod..sorry..I thought that was a chock!"

[Coconutty]

Heard this one being told about a conversation at BHX :

Blah Tug - Ground... holding Delta 1, request enter 24, cross 33 to vacate Western Apron...
( or something similar )...

Tower - Blah Tug - Hold Delta 1, contact Tower on 118 decimal 05 ...

Blah Tug - Tower , err Ma'am I don't have that frequency..

Tower - Blah Tug - then I suggest you return to your Stand and get it ...

Blah Tug - Tower, Ma'am - we have a 737 in tow ..

Tower - Blah Tug - I am aware of that - TAKE IT WITH YOU ! :uhoh:

[SilsoeSid]

Don't go to Chicago when the decorators are in!


"Request Runway 27 Right."
"Unable."
"Approach, do you know the wind at six thousand is 270 at fifty?"
"Yeah, I do, and if we could jack the airport up to fifty-five hundred you could have that runway. Expect 14 Right."



"Air Force Four-Five, it appears your engine has...oh, disregard...I see you've already ejected."

[John Eacott]

Overheard on CU many moons ago, when squeaky voices weren't always following the plot:

"Pan, Pan Pan, 576, position, etc, total electrical failure, closing down this frequency"

"Station calling Culdrose, say again your last"


Another one from them days:

IIRC, one of our Rotorheads was in the Wessex that got out a full Mayday before ditching, only to have the Wren at the other end faint before passing on what was happening :rolleyes:

[Old Skool]

isn't there one about

'lining up behind the virgin with the tight slot'

[AlanM]

And for all you heli types who ask Thames to transit the Biggin overhead, the request on the land line to the tower is often:

"I would like to come over you with my chopper!" (depends who is on of course)

[whatsarunway]

Plenty to keep you laughing,

Worth a look at these!




http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=59309&perpage=15&pagenumber=1


:O

[212man]

Heard this myself at ABN on tower frequency. An S-61 is being held at a visual reporting point about 6 miles East of the airfield while 2 Shorts 360s are carrying out ILS approaches in strong winds. Female tower controller is aware that this is causing some delay to the inbound 61 and calls them gratefully to say:

"Bristow XXX, thanks for waiting patiently, I'll let you in as soon as my shorts are down"

[rotornut]

I was in the Toronto Island Airport tower (YTZ) years ago when I heard this from contoller Monty:

"City 301, are you going to take off with that door open or do you think you might want to close it?"

City: "Yes, we know."

And immediately one of the "ramp rats" ran across the tarmac and closed the rear baggage door on the Dash 7 which had stopped taxiing for takeoff.

[JerryG]

I'm sitting quietly in the left hand seat accompanying a brand new PPL on his first post-licence Navex "You fly it Bloggs, I'll do the radio".

Two hours into the flight he asks "Where is Beem, I can't find it on the map?"

Me "I've no idea"
PPL "You MUST know, you've kept refering to it all afternoon"
Me "Like when?"
PPL "Like just now when the controller asked where you were and you said you were West 'a beam"

:hmm:

[helicopter-redeye]

An apocryphal tale of a 747 about 10 DME from 27R at Heathrow

Tower “Speedbird 02 can you reduce your speed 10kts please, there is a slow moving turbo prop ahead of you”

747 Capn “Wilco, speed 260”

Tower (moments later) “Speedbird 02 apologies, can you reduce speed a further 20kts, slow moving turbo prop ahead”

747 Capn “Wilco, speed 240, I hope this is the last request”

Tower (at 6DME) “Speedbird 02, can you reduce speed a further 10kts for the turbo prop as you are still closing”

747 Capn “Madam, do you have any idea what the stalling speed of a Boeing 747-400 is?)

Tower “No but I’m sure if you ask your first officer he can tell you”

[Speed may be a bit inaccurate but you get the gist of the tale]


:oh:

[warpig]

i heard someone saying that palm beach approach had someone with a hand held going copy that, roger, clear to land.

[MD900 Explorer]

Overheard whilst on a fam visit to the tower.

212 on ILS approach in ****ty weather, and RVR was down to about 80M on Runway 20L

Tower - Please advise your alternate
212 - 02 sir
Tower - stunned silence

The other which is faily good was told me by someone else

Puma (Unkown company, but either Norsk or CHC) coming in also on a ****ty day to Bergen.

Tower - What are your company minima for VFR approach
Puma - Small company, small minima
Tower - stunned silence again.

MD :ok: