View Full Version : Where is Draper when ya need him

5th Nov 2005, 17:49
Updated: 10:23 AM EST
Pirates Open Fire on Cruise Ship Off Somalia

NAIROBI, Kenya (Nov. 5) - Pirates in speed boats opened fire on a cruise liner carrying hundreds of tourists off the Somali coast on Saturday, but none of the vacationers were hurt, a shipping official and the ship's owners said.

Seabourn says on their Web Site that the Spirit and their other ships have "nearly the same number of staff as guests."

"Gunmen in two or three speed boats opened fire on the Seabourn Spirit while it was about 70 nautical miles off Somalia," said Andrew Mwangura, program coordinator for the Seafarers' Association in neighboring Kenya.

"The captain managed to change the course of the vessel and speed away. Most of the passengers are believed to be Americans or Western Europeans. No one was hurt," Mwangura said.

The Indian Ocean waters off the Somali coast are classed as among the most dangerous in the world.

The 10,000-ton Bahamas-registered Seabourn Spirit was believed to be carrying about 300 passengers and crew from Alexandria in Egypt to the Kenyan port of Mombasa.

Its owners, Miami-based Seabourn Cruise Line, said the vessel had been rerouted to the Seychelles after the attack.

"Early this morning an attempt was made to gain access to the Seabourn Spirit while it was at sea," the company said in a statement. "The approach was successfully repelled."

A company official contacted in Britain gave no more details, but said all on board were safe."

"It is heading for the Seychelles now," she said.

Piracy off Somalia threatens shipping and has sabotaged the delivery of food aid to more than half a million hungry people in the region, the United Nations said on Thursday.

Hijackers have commandeered two vessels used by the U.N. World Food Program this year and ship owners now demand armed escorts to travel in the waters, the agency said.

This week, the London-based International Maritime Bureau said it knew of 27 pirate attacks off Somalia since March.

The attacks have highlighted insecurity in Somalia, which has had no government to enforce law and order since warlords ousted dictator Mohamed Siad Barre in 1991.

11-05-05 09:49 EST

5th Nov 2005, 18:03
Who says he wasn't there leading the attack ;)

Jordan D
5th Nov 2005, 18:06
Surprisingly (or not), those were exactly my thoughts Jerricho.


5th Nov 2005, 18:06
Oops, didn't think of that!:uhoh:

(As I have always considered Draper some what as a hero:E )

5th Nov 2005, 18:08
Great minds think alike.........or fools never differ ;)

5th Nov 2005, 18:20
Whats needed is a couple of modern "Q" ships. Pirates attack a smallish cargo ship only for the covers to pulled off a couple of Goalkeeper style rotary cannon to turn them into chum!!!!


Solid Rust Twotter
5th Nov 2005, 21:01
This is a weekly occurence in that part of the world. Spend a fortnight in Kenya and you'll find the papers full of this kind of thing.

Need a US carrier in the area to sink the filth who do this.

tony draper
5th Nov 2005, 21:18
Bloody hell armed bumboat men,if yer don't stop and buy their wares they fire rocket grenades at yer

Phalanx guns, and a couple of chain guns mounted fore and aft,that the answer. hose the feckers into the hereafter, eat lead yer shitehawks!!
Seriously all merchant ships carried firearms when trading in those locals,wick with pirates specially around South China sea ,never heard of it down East Africa way,but they did eat a couple of lighthouse keepers off the Afar triangle if memory serves.

5th Nov 2005, 21:21
"Phalanx guns, and a couple of chain guns mounted fore and aft,that the answer. hose the feckers into the hereafter, eat lead yer shitehawks!!"

'Ere, steady on, Herr Draper!! None of my relatives, for sure!

5th Nov 2005, 21:31
My history teacher would say that we need to educate them as to the evil of their ways. I say we need a couple of those special Hercs to.....ahem...edumacate them. Maybe tart1's cat can watch the fireworks...

5th Nov 2005, 21:50
Apparently, the pirates were repelled using 'sound' - loud explosions - and 'other' countermeasures. They were PREPARED for the attack. There are 300 such attacks each year (yes, 300 or one on six days out of seven throughout the year), mainly on merchant ships, where they make-off with the whole ship (or boat?) and keep the cargo.
Wonder what firearms the cruise ship carries?

5th Nov 2005, 21:59
The reports now are that the Captain used the PA system to tell the passengers that they were under attack and to stay below decks. Then the Captain started rapid turns creating large wakes and at one point almost rammed one of pirate boats.

Nearly rammed one of the pirate boats, my kind of guy!:ok:

6th Nov 2005, 00:27
Think I would have gone for run them over rather than nearly ran them over!

6th Nov 2005, 00:35
Wonder what firearms the cruise ship carries?

You serious? 300 pissed off pissed, up retirees who have just had their samba lessons and limbo competition interrupted.........imagine trying to mess with 300 Binos. They wouldn't need firearms. :E

6th Nov 2005, 00:48
I could easily see Drapes at the stern of a fast boat manning a .50 caliber shouting "CHARGE"

Incipient Sinner
6th Nov 2005, 09:12

6th Nov 2005, 09:23
It would only need one suitably-equipped helo. Worked with the drug smugglers, and there HAS to be room to stow one of those.

Capn Notarious
6th Nov 2005, 09:26
An excellent picture there. Most of the remedies have been suggested. Of Man the hunter gatherer this is the worse example.

6th Nov 2005, 10:57
> Of Man the hunter gatherer this is the worse example.

You mean they were just looking for berries and nuts?

6th Nov 2005, 11:21
Not too long ago a shipping company was concerned about the risk to it's ships when passing throught the Malacca Straits. The company had a meeting with a security company who seemed to employ ex SAS men, the intention was to put a small team of security men on the ship for the Malacca transit to prevent pirates boarding. The proposal was that the security team would let the pirates board,"dispatch them", and then return them to the sea. When the shipping company realised what "dispatch them" really meant they decided that they dare not get involved...

7th Nov 2005, 03:35
The following story circulates locally in these parts:

It is said that a Russian cargo ship passing through the Malacca Straits stopped when ordered to do so by pirates, who then boarded the ship. When they arrived on deck they were overpowered by heavily armed Russian sailors who then summarily executed all except one, who was returned to his speedboat to spread the warning. Whether the story is true or not, there is ample evidence that Russian ships are carefully avoided by Malacca Straits pirates.

The legal consequences of the use of lethal force by ship's crews is uncertain, but lethal force is generally discouraged.

Russian ships excepted.

Tricky Woo
7th Nov 2005, 09:11
One hears this sort of thing happens all the time. Just that on this occasion it was a luxury cruise liner, rather than some rusty bucket.

Just imagine if all this piracy shenanigans made the papers every time an oil tanker or merchant ship got hassled in Africa or the South China Seas, there'd be no room left for other important news such as the visit of a certain royal pair to the colonies. Hmm, no matter how much lipstick, makeup and makeover is applied, that Camilla still looks like a horse in drag. And Charlie himself... well, words fail me. Not exactly yer glamorous royals, are they? The poor yanks must see it as a punishment for the invasion of Iraq. Christ knows who the Brits'd send if they chose to invade Syria or Iran next. Probably yet more ugly royals. Not exactly short of bum-faced royals, are we? Chuck a brick into a royal gathering, and it'll for sure hit a face like fcuk off. Hmm, maybe that's what happened. Too many bricks and breeze blocks chucked about at royal garden parties, left the whole bloody lot of them disfigured, and unfit for public display.

One teeters on the brink of digression; one must thunk up a royalty/piracy connection super quick.

Now yer pirate was not always some ragged ruffian in a rubber boat armed with an AK47. In the good old days, when typhoid was still fashionable, many a noble man set forth under the good Queen Beth's instruction (there it is! phew!) armed to the teeth with cutlass and sharpened codpiece. Their targets were selective (on parchment) as they were a sort of precursor to the U-Boat war, as they were specifically instructed to wage war on Spanish galleons, thereby cutting off the flow of gold to the mightly Spanish war machine that was around then making its presence felt in almost every corner of Europe.

In practice, they were a disreputable bunch, looking for easy pickings, and more than happy to squint at, say, a Portuguese or French flag, and swear blindly it were a Spanish flag, guvnor, and no mistake. That fcuker Drake would commandeer and fire a barge on the Thames, if it made him an extra few quid.

Still, that's where yer romantic notion of the pirate came from.

Back to the recent events. What on earth were a bunch of daft sods in two baby boats going to do with a fcuking great cruise liner? Line up the passengers, and make 'em walk the plank? Nick all their watches and wedding rings? Rifle through 2,000 underwear drawers? Steal the gin from behind the bars? Crazy! One imagines a scene similar to when the weasels take over Toad Hall.

One cannot decide if these daft tossers were victims of an overactive imagination (I know, let's steal a cruise liner) or an underactive one (I know, let's steal a cruise liner). Well, they'll pop up again, one imagines. Hard to keep an ambitious man down. Probably try and nick something really big next time. Like Australia. They'll put a few extra barrels of gasoline onto their boats and bounce from wave top to wave top across the Indian ocean. Imagine their surprise when they find out the truth that the authorities have so successfully concealed for two centuries: Australia doesn't exist.

Hmm, might be the perfect excuse for the authorities to explain the non-existence of Australia to the world. "Well, it was there just now, but a bunch of pirates in two rubber boats have just nicked it! See for yerself, just 100,000 square miles of empty ocean now."

Aha! I've figured it out!

Them pesky pirates were on their way back from trying to steal Australia, frustrated by their lack of success, and too embarrassed to tell anyone of its non-existence, when lo and behold, they find a smaller target just before they get home. A cruise ship! Well, they have a quick chat, count out their ammo and rocket grenades (the had plenty, because yer need a stack of weapons to steal a whole continent) and thought 'why not'. A mere bagatelle. What they hadn't counted on is that the Australia that they were going to steal was a stationary target whereas yer cruise ship has engines and a rudder, and can weave and stuff.

Anyways, after trying to nick the cruise liner, them pirates said fcuk this, we're off to try something both large and stationary and (yer pirate learns a lesson plenty fast) also actually exists. So, I reckon the Brits should keep a careful eye on the Channel, 'cos two rubber boats are on the way right now.

One does so like threads of a piratical nature. A-har, Jim lad!


7th Nov 2005, 09:27
I think Tricky Woo is exaggerating. Charles' sister Anne is a good-looking filly.

As for cause, I suggest the miscreants were after mobile phones and credit cards, together with car keys. With the owners 'all at sea' they would have time (and the information) to empty the victims' bank accounts and make off with their (undoubtedly) expensive cars. Think BIG, Tricky Woo (and not just Australia). And crusie liners carry FOOD (in large quantities). Pirates NEED nosh, and the prospect of exotic nosh would fuel any bandit's ambitions.

Tricky Woo
7th Nov 2005, 09:29
When Charles' sister is horse riding, it's hard to work out which end is the horse's bum.


tony draper
7th Nov 2005, 09:40
Boarding a vessel at sea was regarded as a very serious outrage in my day, understand that a Merchant ship is regarded as soveriegn(sp?) territory of the country it is flagged in, a least one battleship would have been dispatched with orders to lay waste to the Sultans/king/heads mans, Palace / Stately Home/ mud hut, and all villages/towns/ghettos withing cannon range of the land said pirates hailed from,make a example of them as it were,had they done something similar in Paris ten days ago, French car dealers would not now be rubbing thier hands together with such vigour.

7th Nov 2005, 09:47
I can just imagine a battleship sailing up the Seine as far as Paris . . .

7th Nov 2005, 10:08
.........just imagine Vanessa Feltz or Anne Widdecombe on a barge!:eek:


Tricky Woo
7th Nov 2005, 10:22
Hmm, you're probably right, Mr Captain, yer average cruise liner's stuffed full of exotic food stuff that would gladden the hearts of even the toughest pirate.

One can only imagine the scene at the burst into one of the many restaurants, and immediately commandeer the full length of the buffet bar.

Long John Twatface: "Any one of you rich old folks so much as moves, and I'll run ye in wi' my razor-sharp cutlass! A-har!"

Then silence throughout the room, as the pirates eat their fill of prawn cocktails, canapes, and those curly cheesy things.

Long John: "A-har, me hearties, here be caviar... you! YOU! Scurvey dog, come here!" (a scared sh1tless waitor in a white dinner jacket scurries forward) "Me and me hearties are hungry for this here Beluga caviar. We wants ourselves toast, and lots of it, otherwise we'll feed these geriatrics to the sharks, a-har!"

Long John: "Oh, and we wants grog! Yea! Grog for me and my boys! You waitor, bring us a case of a light chardonnay, and none of that oak casked rubbish, a-har, we wants traditional chardonnay that won't cloud the taste of this here finest food. Oooh! Lobster, I likes a grilled lobster, I does! A-har! And bring me the finest walnuts ye have, for my trusty parrot!"

Tamiflu the Parrot: "Walnuts! Walnuts! Pieces of eight! Pieces of eight! AK47! RPG! AK47! RPG! SCREEECH! SCHREECH! A-CHOO! A-CHOO! BUGGAH BUGGAH! We all fall down! We all fall down!"

Long John: "Aye, good food for me poor old parrot wot's can't stop sneezing, a-har... sick as a parrot, he is... caught it off some slutty hen he found in a Filipino whorehouse."

Tamiflu the Parrot: "A-choo! A-choo! We all fall down! We all fall down!"

Long John: "There there, Tamiflu, there's sure to be a vet on board somewhere..."


7th Nov 2005, 10:26
Maybe they just wanted to watch the match on Sky?

tony draper
7th Nov 2005, 10:34
ooh! ooh! Venessa Feltz.

Tricky Woo
7th Nov 2005, 10:40
Long John (up on the games deck): "Right lads! Get them giant chess pieces and peel up the chess boards off the deck, and and, look! They've got quoit sets! Get the lot of 'em!"

Entertainment officer: "Oh no! Not the quoits!... (then mumbles) but at least they'll leave us the..."

Long John: "...and the croquet sets, and don't go any forget the bloody hoops again, yer daft sods!"

Ent. officer (cries): "Oh buggah! What're we going to do now!"


Old man: "They took all the backgammon sets, and the card tables! And all the TVs! I'm bored already, and will report you to the captain!" (scream, as the captain runs the gangplank and is fed to the sharks in the swimming pool)

Ent. officer (as an aside) "Be my guest, mate."

Old lady: "That rude pirate stole my anti-wrinkle cream. Oh, and I want a wee!"

2nd old man: "Have you seen my willy?"

Old man: "How will I watch Last of the Summer Wine now?"

Old lady: "I can feel my face crinkling up right now!"

2nd old man: "I've lost my willy..."

Old man: "...we haven't even got a pack of cards left, they took the lot! You're going to have to work very hard to keep us entertained, young man.."

(splash as the entertainment officer jumps into the shark-infested pool)


tony draper
7th Nov 2005, 10:48
A little known historical fact, Captain Kid,(hmmm,or was it Black Beard)was beheaded by a single cutlass slash swung by a English Officer during a sword fight.
One does not think said English Officer required post Traumatic Stress councilling after the event,our chaps were made of firmer stuff in those days.

7th Nov 2005, 10:59
.........and cabin boys hadn't learnt what sexual harassment was. ;)

7th Nov 2005, 13:25
>.........and cabin boys hadn't learnt what sexual harassment was.

Well I'll be bu66ered!

7th Nov 2005, 13:32
Oh! C'mon, G-CPTN, that really [email protected]@ks!

7th Nov 2005, 14:03
I remember that a vessel was boarded by a military looking group somewhere off Malasia. They strung cable between two ribs and let the vessel motor between them. The cable caught on the bow and the ribs were pulled against the the vessel which they then boarded. There was some shooting and casualties. They got away with quite a lot as I remember.

7th Nov 2005, 18:44
Ex mil sniper with a silenced rifle in a camouflaged position and out of sight. No names, no pack drill, no sound, just waving and gesticulating Somals one by one mysteriously fall over to the puzzlement of the tourists who were waving back happily and wondering what trinkits the happy natives were bringing out for them to buy.:}

Well dressed dapper gent with roller type airline carry on calmly walks down corridor to his cabin. 'Hmmm the blazer and slacks certainly are a lot more comfortable than the old Ghillie suit.' he muses to himself. 'Now lets see, twelve confirmed at $5000 a head. Hope the skipper made a note in the log, still the gun camera will corroberate, both the hostile intent, confirm they fired first and the lat and long on the internal GPS co-ordinates, time and date of the contact with the hostiles. Guess I had better call this in to International Shipping Executive Action Group pronto by squirt transmission from my Satmobile. Hope my tux has come back from the ships drycleaners, think I will try the Pouilly Fuisse 63 with the Dover Sole tonight.

Cabin boys Jerricho?? in earlier day the powder monkeys/gun deck boys may well have known quite a lot about sexual harrasement. Mind you there were also often women/wives/professional ladies aboard HM ships as well.

7th Nov 2005, 19:31
Next to Paterbrat’s idea I like the “Q” ship idea best. However, I feel if the “Q” ship is used it should be mandatory that the event be filmed if only to see the faces of these pirates when they see the rotary cannons exposed and blow them out of the water.

On a serious note it is truly shocking that there are over 300 attacks on vessels every year around the world. Sadly this will probably continue until a large cruise ship with 200 or 300 passengers onboard is captured for ransom and the pirates start killing off the passengers and crew to show how serious they are in their demands.

Another problem facing us on this issue is that the great majority of large ocean going vessels are registered in small island or costal countries such as the Bahamas and Panama. Last time I checked neither the Bahamian nor the Panamanian Navy have any aircraft carriers or assault ships.

Therefore if a cruise ship is captured it will likely fall to a world power such as France, England or the United States to try to effect some kind rescue effort free the ship. When one looks at all the possible problems such as operating in territorial waters of a foreign nation, whose government leaders may possibly be partners with the pirates, possible loss of innocent lives and loss of the ship things could become very difficult and dangerous.

No, we must stop this piracy now before it gets out of control, if in fact the problem is not out of control at the present time.

7th Nov 2005, 19:46
>Mind you there were also often women/wives/professional ladies aboard HM ships as well.

Thus the expression 'son of a gun' as paternity where dozens of sailors were involved was impossible (in those days) to determine.

7th Nov 2005, 19:53
Piracy Con never stopped. It has been a way of life in many parts of the world. Simply goes unreported much of the time.

7th Nov 2005, 20:16
Well Pater that’s pretty obvious with over 300 reported acts of piracy a year. I wonder how many more are never reported. There are a lot of pleasure crafts that disappear every year just in the Caribbean, in our backyard so to say.

I have made the acquaintance of a few yacht captains over the years and most every luxury yacht has a small arsenal of weapons hidden on board. I have been told by these captains that usually all the pirates need to see is that the crew is armed and the pirates will leave and look for easier prey.

When I was in Singapore earlier this year there a couple reports of piracy on the news, however, the reports were more on the subject of whose country had the responsibility of interdicting these pirates. One news report was on a company that provides escort service (no not that kind of escort service Jerricho) for commercial vessels in the area. During the show there was some sort of government minister that stated the government had no issue with these escort companies provided that they had no weapons onboard the escort vessels.

By not allowing weapons onboard these escort vessels kind of defeats the purpose of having escort vessels don’t you think.

7th Nov 2005, 20:35
Chinese navy was apparently involved with some acts which could be described as barefaced piracy, unfortunately could not be reported without rocking the diplomatic boat, so to speak.