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Parapunter
5th Nov 2005, 12:42
Talking to my mate Paddy last night, he creased me up, telling me about a girl who blew him out in a club, with the most withering f**k off line he'd ever heard:

Paddy: "Hi, what's your name?"

Girl: "I don't have one."


Me, I was once told by a girl I was chatting up that she was a lesbian. I asked did you always know? She replied, no, just in the last five minutes.:}

Can those be beat?

A-FLOOR
5th Nov 2005, 12:52
A: Hi, what's your name?

Girl: F*** off.

A: Really, are you Russian?

:rolleyes:

As for real, actual blow-out lines: don't know, never heard one :p

Astrodome
5th Nov 2005, 12:56
Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name!!"
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "What sign were you born under?"
Woman: "No Parking."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilised !"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I'm here to fulfil your every sexual fantasy."
Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy"
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"

A-FLOOR
5th Nov 2005, 12:59
Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!" How is this one a blow-out line?

:E

effortless
5th Nov 2005, 13:13
mmm just like a penis only smaller.:{

Lon More
5th Nov 2005, 15:27
effortless, beat me to it.

"That reminds me, I must buy mushrooms."

"The ceiling needs painting"

Most hurtful of all, "Is it in?"

G-CPTN
5th Nov 2005, 15:32
One I heard (from a friend, you understand) was a lassie who continued to scoff her chips, asking "have yer no' finished yet, Hamish?"

Lon More
5th Nov 2005, 15:36
GCPTN Reminds me of Billy Connolly's famous line,
"... and she made me tagliatelle
which she balanced on her belly
so I could eat
when I was on the job."

G-CPTN
5th Nov 2005, 15:43
The cat who didn't know who the father of her kittens was, as she had her head in a tin of salmon at the time.
There was a girl where I worked (went by the name of 'Droppem') who became pregnant after a certain party. The father was unidentified until a red-haired baby was born . . . Several workmates heaved a sigh of relief!

Back to the topic - "variety is the spice of life" (one that I received from an ex to be . . .)

gravity victim
5th Nov 2005, 18:16
"I dunno who the father is 'cos I was taken from behind while being sick out of the window. I think I can give you some names of blokes who were at the party if that's any help."

(allgedly a verbatim quote from a Social Services interview)

enicalyth
5th Nov 2005, 18:58
if I'm asleep before you finish, pull my nightie down.

SmilingKnifed
5th Nov 2005, 19:02
'As fun as it's been for us (a few weeks) I've decided I'm a lesbian.'

You should have seen the look on my face.:{

TheFlyingSquirrel
5th Nov 2005, 19:32
Used a good one last night - I told a broad if we went to Saudi, she could be my second wife - she giggled.

frostbite
5th Nov 2005, 20:27
Thread drift...

If you want to keep them in line, as soon as you're married, introduce her to everyone as 'my first wife'.

allan907
6th Nov 2005, 00:26
A mate who had been trying desperately to get this particular girl in the sack and who wasn't having any of it. He invited her for a drink at a pub way up in the moors outside Sheffield, parked up at a lonely spot miles from anywhere and then said.....

"Either you f**k, or f**k off!"

Apparently she did the biz but the relationship fizzled out after that!

Mac the Knife
6th Nov 2005, 07:14
"I had better sex when I was in jail....."

Ultralights
6th Nov 2005, 08:43
worse than "is it in yet?" is when the woman reaches under her bed and pulls out a "marital aid" that is thicker than your arm, then tells you to leave!

SilsoeSid
6th Nov 2005, 21:52
669 Sqn AAC, Murray Heights, Falkland Islands 1984?.

'Cobbie the (female) postie', playing cards and having a 'brew' with the groundcrew types one wet and windy evening.

Engineering type walks into the portakabin and tries to chat cobbie up!!

"LOOK!" , She says pointedly,
I've already got one cnut in my pants, I don't need another!

Exit portakabin door centre!!!!

Oh how we all laughed!!!

http://bestsmileys.com/lol/1.gif
SS

ShyTorque
6th Nov 2005, 22:03
"Don't know how I'd ever live without you - but starting tomorrow, I'm going to try!" :hmm:

anguspm
7th Nov 2005, 14:45
From R&R in Calgary:

Group of Squadie Engineers playing pool. Duty romeo bored and somewhat the worse for wear sees fine young filly of a waitress coming over to see if we want anything. Already very very drunk but having to make an effort to keep up his pretence he sidles up to her and says in a very sloshed voice:

Duty Romeo: "Ahh, come to tuck me in have you?"

Waitress very disdainfully: "I wouldn´t sleep with you if you were the last man on earth!"

In a heartbeat: "Darling if I was the last man on earth you wouldn´t even be in the fin queue!"

All the more funny as he hadn´´t managed to put a sentance together in the previous hour...

Double Echo
7th Nov 2005, 15:09
On introductions of wives..

I don't introduce mine as my second wife.. I introduce her as my next ex-wife!!!:rolleyes: