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Phileas Fogg
2nd Nov 2005, 16:42
McDonalds Application Form

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida...and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries

colmac747
2nd Nov 2005, 21:37
NAME: Colmac747

SEX: Well, seeing as it's not a question, I'm male

DESIRED POSITION: Is this related to the sex part?

DESIRED SALARY: Shit loads

EDUCATION: eh???

LAST POSITION HELD: (see Desired Position)

SALARY: less than the shit loads i want!

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: Managing to post my pic on the PPruNe members' photo thread.

REASON FOR LEAVING: where?

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: 11am to 12.30pm

PREFERRED HOURS: as above, but only on Saturday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: No.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: Yes, but i've not got one.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Nothing that i can think of off the top of my head, but i suspect having no arms and one leg is a possible downfall.

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: Just the collectors' Matchbox type

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: Doubt it.

DO YOU SMOKE?: Yes. Why do McDonalds provide cigarettes too?

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Filling out application forms.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: The only word i recognise from this question is certify.

SIGN HERE: Colmac747


*stop-press* I apparently start tomorrow:mad:

stagger
2nd Nov 2005, 23:09
Urban Legend...

http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/mcdonald.htm

MikeJeff
3rd Nov 2005, 13:29
yay it's in SNOPES and they're ALWAYS right!!

If Snopes said prince harry an 4 penisis would you believe it?

Binoculars
3rd Nov 2005, 13:38
In all fairness, the more likely scenario would be that a rumour about Prince whoever having four penises would flood the world's email systems and Snopes would debunk it. Snopes doesn't start rumours.

If only more people took the time to check there before posting hilarious :rolleyes: actual genuine real life happenings cos it happened to a mate of mine's friend who was there at the time and it was in the local paper and it was on Jay Leno, the extremely gullible may have a lot less to laugh at, but all our inboxes would have their spam content reduced significantly.

Don't shoot the messenger, Mike. :bored:

Floppy Link
3rd Nov 2005, 13:45
Mike Jeff

EXACTLY! :ok:

Philosophical question....

If Snopes stated:

Snopes talks bolleaux all the time. Status TRUE

Would the Snopefans believe it? :confused:

Capt.KAOS
3rd Nov 2005, 13:47
http://images.ucomics.com/comics/db/2005/db051101.gif

under_exposed
3rd Nov 2005, 13:56
In all fairness, the more likely scenario would be that a rumour about Prince whoever having four penises would flood the world's email systems and Snopes would debunk it.

What kind of access does Snopes have to the royal familly?!

Binoculars
3rd Nov 2005, 13:57
Perhaps, then, to prove their point, Mike Jeff orFloppy Link could between them provide just one example of where something Snopes considered a myth was later proven to be true?

Just one will do, guys. :rolleyes:

alphapat
3rd Nov 2005, 14:24
If Snopes said prince harry an 4 penisis would you believe it?

http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mplurals.html

teeteringhead
3rd Nov 2005, 15:45
Or if a Princess was found to have several clitorides ....

....been waiting for years for a chance to use that plural :ok:

Jerricho
3rd Nov 2005, 15:48
Hey Mike and Floppy.......

Did you guys hear the story about the USS Enterprise and a lighthouse?

click
3rd Nov 2005, 15:57
clitorides Great...now that I've recovered from the plural of 'moose', I have this to contend with. So much for sleeping tonight...visions of clitorides dancing in my head....

G-CPTN
3rd Nov 2005, 16:14
I heard of a young lady who had three breasts, one of which was in the middle of her back.
She wasn't much to look at, but delightful to dance with . . .

Jerricho
3rd Nov 2005, 16:17
Hey, that sounded like the start of a limerick. :ok:

SmilingKnifed
3rd Nov 2005, 19:54
That sounds like a girl from Limerick.:E

ShyTorque
3rd Nov 2005, 20:10
I once knew a girl with a large breast growing on top of her head!

She became a policewoman - the helmet fitted perfectly. :E

Farmer 1
3rd Nov 2005, 20:19
Well, seeing as how we're talking about breasts and limericks:


There once was a lady from Devizes
Who had breasts of two different sizes.
One was small,
Almost nothing at all,
And the other was big, and won prizes.

teeteringhead
3rd Nov 2005, 22:51
To his girl said the sharp-eyed detective:
"Can it be that my eyesight's defective?
Has your east tit the least bit
The best of your west tit
Or is it a trick of perspective?"