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ILS32
28th Oct 2005, 00:31
Irish Pilots



> As flight 235 approached Dublin number 1 runway, the tower heard:
>

>> PILOT - Bjeesus will ya look how fookin shart dat runway is?

>

>> CO-PILOT - Yer nat feckin kiddin, Paddy

>

>> PILOT - Dis is ganna be one a de trickiest landings ever, Shamus!

>

>> CO-PILOT - Yer nat fookin kiddin, Paddy !!

>

>> PILOT - Right, Shamus, when I say ‘go’ put de engine in reverse!!

>

>> CO-PILOT - Royt, I’ll do dat !!

>

>> PILOT - An den ya put de flaps down !!

>

>> CO-PILOT - Royt, I’! ll do dat, too !!

>

>> PILOT - An den stamp an de brakes as hard as yer can an pray ta de

>

>> Holy Mudder a Gad !!!

>

>> CO-PILOT - I’m prayin already, but I’ll hit de brakes as hard as I

> can.
>

>> Soon as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse,

> puts the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and continued to pray to the
> Holy Mother with all his soul.
>

>> The brakes screeched, the tyres squealed, and there was smoke

> everywhere, but, to the relief of all the passengers, and, not least of
> all, Paddy and Shamus, the aircraft came to stop but a few meters from
> the end of the runway!!!
>

>> As Paddy and Shamus sat in the cockpit regaining some composure,

> Paddy looked out of the window and said to Shamus, “Dat has gat ta be de
> shartist fo0kin runway in de world!”
>

>> Shamus replied, “Yes, but da ya see how feckin wide it is?

ILS32

chiglet
28th Oct 2005, 01:07
When I [first] heard it, it was JFK, with 3 overshoots...:zzz:
watp,iktch

Binoculars
28th Oct 2005, 01:26
And it was probably a Viscount. :rolleyes:

(Good equipment they've got in Dublin Tower btw);)

Lon More
28th Oct 2005, 15:29
BRIEFING
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He
concludes by saying, "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were
killed." "Oh, no!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!" His
staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands. Finally, the President looks up
and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

OPPOSITES
A theology professor at a rural community college started the class
by asking the students, "What is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness,"
said one student. "And the opposite of depression?" "Elation," said
another. "And how about the opposite of woe?" A redneck in the back
of the class stood up from his seat and said, "I reckon that would
be giddy up, mister."

STING
A woman golfer suffers a nasty bee sting and leaves the course to go see her doctor about it. "What happened?" asked the doctor. "I got stung between the first and second hole," replied the lady golfer. The doctor replied, "You must have an awfully wide stance!"

SHOPPING HABITS
A very proper man started going into the neighborhood drug store
every week and buying two dozen boxes of condoms. Week after week,
he would come in with the same order. One day, the druggist felt he
had to say something to the man. "Wow! You must have the stamina of
a bull. Talk about getting lucky! How on earth do you use that many
condoms a week?" The man looked at him in disgust and said, "I beg
your pardon, but I find the whole idea of sex repulsive!" So, the
druggist asked, "Then what do you do with all those condoms?" The
gentleman answered, "I feed them to my poodle and now she does her
business in little plastic bags."

BROWN OR BLUE
An elderly woman is upset at her husband's funeral. "You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in a blue suit," she says. The mortician replies, "We'll take care of it, ma'am." He then yells to a maintenance man nearby, "Ed, switch the heads on two and four!"

CATS AND DOGS
A dog thinks, "Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me,
provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care
of me. They must be Gods!" A cat thinks, "Hey, these people I live
with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet
me, and take good care of me. I must be a God!"

KITCHEN SINK
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink?
A: That's where you clean vegetables.

Hairy Mary
28th Oct 2005, 16:35
Those two 'Irish' pilots talk like Afrikaaners. Are you sure they were not from ZA?

sgsslok
28th Oct 2005, 18:21
A Great Workout Plan

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent..................................12 Calories
Without her consent.............................2187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands....................................8 Calories
With one hand.....................................12 Calories
With your teeth..................................485 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection...................................6 Calories
Without an erection.............................3315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris........................8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot.......................4092 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary........................................12 Calories
69 lying down.....................................78 Calories
69 standing up...................................812 Calories
Wheelbarrow......................................216 Calories
Doggy Style......................................326 Calories
Italian chandelier..............................2912 Calories

ORGASMS:
Real.............................................112 Calories
Fake............................................1315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging..............................18 Calories
Getting up immediately............................36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately....816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years.......................................36 Calories
30-39 years.......................................80 Calories
40-49 years......................................124 Calories
50-59 years.....................................1972 Calories
60-69 years.....................................7916 Calories
70 and over.........................Results are still pending

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly............................................32 Calories
In a hurry........................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door............5218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door...........13,521 Calories

LGS6753
28th Oct 2005, 18:52
What does it say at the end of the runway at Dublin?
























Tear along dotted line.:}

Lon More
28th Oct 2005, 21:31
Irish Pilots - now that's a joke on it's own:p

con-pilot
28th Oct 2005, 21:49
Say sgsslok you missed one under the POSITIONS list.

Back to Back……………………………..1,869,342 Calories. :D

Taildragger55
28th Oct 2005, 22:28
Irish Pilots - now that's a joke on it's own

???:uhoh: