View Full Version : Headlines

25th Oct 2005, 20:43
I loved the headline I saw in the paper the other day:

'NHS chiefs face mass pull-out by dentists.'

Thought that was quite amusing.

A bit like:

'Postmen fail to deliver' or 'Miners dig themselves into deeper hole'.

Any other good ones out there? ;)

25th Oct 2005, 20:45
"Cover-up at nudist colony"

25th Oct 2005, 20:51
Hole found in the M25, Police are looking into it.

25th Oct 2005, 20:53
"Stolen Painting Found By Tree"

"Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says"

"Two Soviet ships collide - one dies"

"Kicking Babies Considered to Be Healthy"

"Iraqi Head Seeks Arms"

25th Oct 2005, 20:54
An elephant did a ton on the M1 this afternoon. Motorists have been advised to treat it as a roundabout.
The Two Ronnies live on

25th Oct 2005, 20:55
Tightrope walkers life hangs in the balance.

B Fraser
25th Oct 2005, 20:59
A newspaper headline during WW2 described the speedy advance of the 8th Army causing chaos amongst the retreating Afrika Corps.

"British Push Bottles Up German Rear"

25th Oct 2005, 21:01
Sperm Bank short-handed.

B Fraser
25th Oct 2005, 21:03
oops.....I forgot the headline that described Michael Foot chairing a CND committee.

"Foot Heads Arms Body"

25th Oct 2005, 21:05
A lorry load of margarine crashed on the M1 today. Police fear it may spread to the M18.

25th Oct 2005, 21:15
Here (funnies.paco.to/Headlines.html) are some more - some very amusing. :D

25th Oct 2005, 21:20
WANTED - Actors for Adult Movies.

(Full On the Job Training Given).:E

25th Oct 2005, 22:46
Nut Screws Washers and Bolts
About an ecsaped inmate from the local aslum who broke into a laundrymate ..

heard on the telly durning a test match
...England v West Indies
"the bowlers Holding the batsmans Willy."......???

M xx:O

captain cumulonimbus
25th Oct 2005, 22:52
Headline in Irish Daily:

"Four-seater cessna crashes into graveyard-police still discovering bodies"

26th Oct 2005, 01:12
rotflmao cumilomnibus
please tell me thats made up. :p

Another Irish Daily about former (ahem) terrorist Johnny Adair's tastes in expensive clothes..
'Adairs and Graces'

be careful about using the word ire as well in case u mespell sumthing

1) Headline over public disquiet over an incinerator being used in their area.
\'No smoke without ire\'

2) Headline over the voters discontent over the conservative government
\'Pubic ire over tories\'


Captain Lampshade
26th Oct 2005, 09:33
Another on a sporting note.

' There's an icy wind blowing as snow comes in from the pavillion end'

Gordon Fraser
26th Oct 2005, 11:40
While I was working in Calcutta in 1961, the Chinese invaded Northern India. The headline in the Calcutta "Statesman" read - MANY CHINKS IN CHINESE ARMOUR. The newspaper was edited by Brits at the time.

26th Oct 2005, 11:50
Fog In Channel, Europe cut off. Never get tired off trotting that out - must be the 5th time here on proon.:}

turn right heading 365
26th Oct 2005, 12:00
Police Station Toilets Vandalised - Police Have Nothing To Go On

Vankem Spankfaart
26th Oct 2005, 12:19
Hopefully not thread creep...in a similar vein Mrs Spankfaart and her colleagues take pictures of road signs that are physically impossible to do....such "classics" are:

In a carpark entrance - "Use both lanes" how do you do that then???

On motorways around Manchester - "For Stockport follow Manchester Airport" Yeah, right....follow that airport!!!!

etc etc


26th Oct 2005, 12:50
Interesting that some of the headlines here are from the Two Ronnies!

Here are some of my favourites.

'Man found dead in Graveyard' - seem to recall this was a paper in West London.

And when Murdoch took over the New York Daily Post he sent a couple of hacks from the Sun in London (infamous for the 'Freddie Starr ate my hamster headline) with instruction to make the headlines as snappy as possible for the front page, sod the news.

One of their first headlines was 'Headless man found in topless bar'.

26th Oct 2005, 12:51
Another 'old but true' one:

Another ring dicovered round Uranus

Kuwait Times c. 1985

26th Oct 2005, 13:07
From 'Hatches, Matches & Dispatches'

To George and Wilma, a git of a son.

26th Oct 2005, 13:57
Headlines that donīt mean what they say....

CNN front page story today: US Drops nuclear "bunker-buster" (http://edition.cnn.com/2005/US/10/25/bunker.buster.ap/index.html) - cunning dropping the last word, "plans" from the full title.

No doubt automatically shortened to fit the space available..... :hmm:

26th Oct 2005, 16:51
U.K. one.

"Queen in brawl at palace"

footballer Jerry Queen involved in a bit of biffo at Crystal Palace

Aussie one.

A Mr Nunn said something contentious and the Bishop of Sydney soundly criticised him for it.



26th Oct 2005, 19:20
in the Beeb, referring to '50s concrete buildings:

"They are getting older all the time"