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TheFlyingSquirrel
29th Sep 2005, 01:59
I can't stand football, but have always found the chanting and tormenting amusing. My fav is Chelsea to Tottenham.... ( to the tune of i'm only a poor little sparrow I believe )

he's only a poor little Yiddo,
he lives at the back of the shelf,
he goes to the bar, to buy a lar-ger,
and only gets one for himself !

Any others you can share ?

Farrell
29th Sep 2005, 02:09
We had joy, we had fun,
We had Arsenal on the run,
But the joy didn't last,
'Cause the b*st*rds ran too fast!

SmilingKnifed
29th Sep 2005, 02:20
As my yellow clad team were just a few games from relegation;

You're going down, you're going down
You're going dow-ow-own
You're going down

You're going down like a yellow submarine
A yellow submarine, a yellow submarine

We did too.:{

Onan the Clumsy
29th Sep 2005, 03:07
(to the tune of Land of Hope and Glory)

We hate Nottingham Forrest
we hate chelsea too
we hate ninety nie others
but Totenham we love you

...or something like that.



then there's one that ends with "We'll be running after you"






oh, and don't forget "You'll never walk again"

:ugh:

Boh'ban
29th Sep 2005, 05:18
We hate Jimmy Hill………….
He’s a poooooooof
He’s a poooooooof.

(Repeat until hoarse)

Another classic was during a Kilmarnock Rangers match just after a story broke out in the media that Andy Gorham (the Rangers Goalkeeper) was suffering from mild schizophrenia.

Killie fans…..

“There’s only two Andy Gorhams.
TWO Andy Gorhams…”

Curious Pax
29th Sep 2005, 05:27
The following one was popular when Jaap Stam was playing for Man United:

Yip Jaap Stam is a big Dutchman
Get past him if you f***ing can
Try your tricks, he'll make you look a d*ck
Yip Jaap Jaap Stam

Maybe you had to be there......

Smilingknifed's submarine song was also popular whenever we were playing Man City if they were in the bottom half of the table. After the Russian sub disaster a few years ago 'Russian' replaced 'Yellow' for a year or so.

Boh'ban
29th Sep 2005, 05:29
Almost forgot.

Sean Connery for President.

http://www.tartanarmynyc.com/tartanspecials.php

Pure dead magic.

Ace Rimmer
29th Sep 2005, 07:08
A few years back in 3rd div days BM (before Mohammed) Fulham had a keeper by the name of Jim Stannard who was...er...well covered the chant by Fulham fans...

He's big
He's round
He's worth about a pound
Jim Stannard, Jim Stannard...

Ron Manager
29th Sep 2005, 07:50
Not a Man U fan, but their old chant:

"You are my Solskjaer, my Ole Solskjaer,
You make me happy when skies are grey,
Alan Shearer was so much dearer,
So Please don't take my Solskjaer away."

always made me laugh.

Spinflight
29th Sep 2005, 08:01
Man U's Tim Howard has tourettres apparently.

Timmy Tourettes is in our nets so..

F*ck off, f*ck off, f*ck off.....

Gainesy
29th Sep 2005, 08:50
Barmy Army chant to the Ozzies in the Ashes (tune Yellow Submarine):

"You all come from a Convict Colony, a Convict Colony, a Convict Colony."

colmac747
29th Sep 2005, 12:18
Years ago when Pierre Van Hooydonk played for Celtic, the Rangers fans at an Old Firm game would sing:

"Pierre. There's only one Pierre.
He takes it up the r-earr."

Biggles Flies Undone
29th Sep 2005, 14:11
When he was at Leeds, Eric Cantona 'allegedly' had a fling with the actress Lesley Ash - wife of the Leeds striker Lee Chapman (which 'allegedly' led to him being placed on the transfer list).

So, Cantona moved to ManU and Chapman was substituted quite early in the first match between them (allegedly) after the ManU fans started up the chant...

He's French
He's flash
He *****ed Lesley Ash

:p

Standard Noise
29th Sep 2005, 15:07
HEALY! HEALY!

Sorry England fans, couldn't resist.:E

oojamaflip
29th Sep 2005, 15:09
From rugby:

French fans in Paris for a six nations game, standing under the Eiffel tower chanting
'It's just a big f*cking pylon, a big f*cking pyyylon!'

From cricket:

From the last ashes in Oz, from the barmy army:

'Get you sh*t stars, get your sh*t stars, get your sh*t stars off our flag.'

Mariner9
29th Sep 2005, 15:15
Similar to BFU's ditty above, recall the game after Tommy Docherty was revealed to be having an affair with Man U's physio's wife, Mary Brown:

(to the tune of knees up Molly Brown)

Who's up Mary Brown?
Who's up Mary Brown?
Tommy Tommy Docherty
Tommy Tommy Docherty

airship
29th Sep 2005, 15:20
LIVER PO-OL, LIVER PO-OL, LIVER PO-OL!

It seemed to go down extremely well with the extremely over-weight jerk I was confronted with as a 13 year old.... :O

B Fraser
29th Sep 2005, 15:25
Gary Neville's dad was ... believe it or not.... Neville Neville

Sung to the tune of Bowie's 'Rebel Rebel':

Neville Neville, Their future's immense,
Neville Neville, They play in defence,
Neville Neville, Like Jacko they're bad,
Neville Neville, Is the name of their dad

Madforit
29th Sep 2005, 15:44
Man City fans chant

We are not we're not really here
We are not we're not really here
We're the fans of the invisible man
We're not really here

Don't know where we got that one from and against Portsmouth last season we were singing

Na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na
Harry Redknapp Sh*t on you!

Made me smile anyway as it got picked up and went right round the ground in 5 minutes, we even managed to drown out the sound of that bloody drum in their end!

seacue
29th Sep 2005, 16:00
A different kind of football, but I give you

"FIGHT FIERCELY, HARVARD!"
T. LEHRER '47

First Verse

Fight fiercely, Harvard!
Fight, fight, fight!
Demonstrate to them our skill.
Albeit they possess the might,
Nonetheless we have the will.
How we shall celebrate our victory?
We shall invite the whole team
Up for tea! How jolly!
Hurl that spheroid down the field
And fight! Fight! Fight!

Second Verse

Fight fiercely, Harvard!
Fight, fight, fight!
Impress them with our prowess, do.
Oh, fellows, do not let the Crimson down;,
Be of stout heart, and true.
Fight for Harvard's glorious name!
Won't it be peachy if we
Win the game? Oh goody!
Let's try not to injure them,
But fight! Fight! Fight!

SmilingKnifed
29th Sep 2005, 18:26
'Hurl that spheroid?'

I'm not sure you've really grasped the tone of this thread mate!;)

Navajo8686
29th Sep 2005, 21:18
Birmingham City acquired the services of the magnificent Emile Heskey and after a stuttering start we now sing (to the tune of 'Winter Wonderland'):

Emile, Emile Heskey
Emile, Emile Heskey
Used to be sh1te
But now he's all right
We're walking in a Heskey Wonderland!


Who thinks these things up?



Up the Blues!:)

Alberville
29th Sep 2005, 22:27
Any visiting fans to Brighton know this one -

We can see you,
We can see you,
We can you holding hands!

:p

SmilingKnifed
30th Sep 2005, 03:05
Along the lines of Forest fans singing to the same supporters;

Sing when you're bumming
You only sing when you're bumming!

Not exactly PC, but reasonably funny at the time.

Curious Pax
30th Sep 2005, 08:15
Another decidedly unPC chant, popular among home fans when Watford were the visitors, in the days when Elton John was chairman:

He's bald, he's bent
His arse is up for rent
Elton John, Elton John

20 years ago - not sure if chants have moved on since then or not!

Madforit
30th Sep 2005, 08:49
Another modern classic

He's fat, he's scouse
He's probably robbed your house
Wayne Rooney

lordsummerisle
30th Sep 2005, 08:53
Remember at a Highfield road a few years ago, think it was a New Year's day game and the visiting Man City fans on masse singing to the Sky Blue Crew(young,very bad dancing girls for half time entertainment) "Who let the dogs out!" Did make me laugh!

Also remember from the 80's singing to Liverpool fans to the tune of You'll never walk alone

"Sign on, sign on,
with hope in your heart,
but you'll never work again,
you'll never work again"

The mythical scouse great sense of humour suffered a failure then,

and of course the old favourite

"S**T on the Villa"!

BRL
30th Sep 2005, 09:00
God, I know loads of gems, just last week away at Birmingham we sung.......

He's big,
he's red,
his feet stick out of bed,
Peter Crouch,
Peter Crouch!!

Also we sing 'we won it five times, we won it five times, in Istanbul, we won it five times' and last week at half time at the bar under the stand at Birmingham it was packed and they were slow serving us, some wag started singing 'Just give us a pint, just give us a pint, in Birmingham, just give us a pint'!! To which I sang when I got mine, 'I've got me pint, i've got me pint, In Birmingham, I got me pint'!! :D

There are loads more, I will try and put them down here sometime. :)

kopbhoy2
30th Sep 2005, 09:32
When Liverpool signed Nick Barmby from Everton...

'He's Red, he's White
We bought him from the sh*te
Nick Barmby, Nick Barmby!!'

And to the tune of 'Waltzing Matilda' after a win over Everton...

'John Arne Riise, John Arne Riise,
Ran down the wing to score at the pit,
And we sang, and we laughed,
and we shook the ground that's made of wood,
John Arne Riise scored against the sh*t'

West Ham fans used to sing this one to the opera tune 'La Donne e mobile' (Ok spelling might be way off)

'We've got Di Canio
We've got Di Canio
We've got Di Canio
We've got Di Canio'

To which some Liverpool supporting wags chipped in..

'You've got Di Canio,
We've got your stereos...'

So many others...most of them unfit for posting, even here! ;)

TheFlyingSquirrel
30th Sep 2005, 11:53
That reminds me..

My old man, said be a Tottenham fan,
I said f*** sh** bol***s you're a c*** !!!

FLYING COUNSEL
30th Sep 2005, 11:55
One of my all time favourites is from League of Ireland, Their is a fierce rivallry between some Dublin clubs, and Bohemians fans sing to their arch rivals Shamrock Rovers..
Sang to tune of Que Sera Sera.

"When I was just a little boy
I asked my mother what would I be
Would I be Rovers would I be Bohs
Here's what she said to me...
Wash your mouth with soap
And get your father's gun
And shoot the Rovers scum
The Rovers scum"

Then break into a verse of sang very quickly. "we hate rovers we hate rovers we hate rovers"

Was at Spurs v. Middlesborough at White Hart Lane recently as well. Where spurs fans chanted to Mark Viduka:
" Fat Aussie W**ker, You're just a Fat Aussie W**ker, Fat Aussie WAAA N KAAAA

Double Echo
30th Sep 2005, 12:30
Couple of efforts from North of the border..


"The referee's a Mason / Catholic" depending on which side of Glasgow you are on... :E

Or as we used to sing to Peter Grant of Celtic

"He's gay, he's bent, his arse is up for rent, Peter Grant, Peter Grant"

Best one though was years ago at a Southampton V Newcastle game at the old Dell... All the scummers started waving cash from their wallets at the Toon army whilst shouting "Look at my wad"!!!

And courtesy of the Tartan Army, and directed at England... To the tune of Camptown Races...

"We know we're shite but you are too, doo dah, doo dah"




Finally and for the rest of you "Kafflicks" north of the border...

A little poetry

One night a celtic supporter,
Knelt down beside his bed,
He closed his eyes, began to pray,
and this is what he said..

Please god if you can here me, please listen to my prayer,
Make Celtic more like Rangers, a team beyond compare.
They\'re skilled, they\'re flash, they\'re brilliant, Glasgow\'s boys in blue, if Celtic played like Rangers, it would be a dream come true

And God replied...

I\'ve listened to you prayer young Tim, I\'d love to help but can\'t,
Your only chance of lasting joy is to become a protestant!!!!

con-pilot
30th Sep 2005, 16:42
Oh you guys, here is the best!

BOOMER-SOONER

BOOMER-SOONER

SOONER BORN AND SOONER BRED

WHEN I DIE I’LL BE SOONER DEAD

RAH OKLAHOMA

RAH OKLAHOMA

GO OK U :ok:

(I just couldn't help myself West;) )

This is best chanted after large amounts of beer!

SmilingKnifed
30th Sep 2005, 21:29
Is it me or are American chants a bit rubbish?:E

PT6ER
30th Sep 2005, 21:42
How about the classic

"You're going home in a f$cking ambulance"

directed at the other end of the field - classic dry British humor :p

kansasw
30th Sep 2005, 21:53
"Is it me or are American chants a bit rubbish?"

Come now, we just have a different style. Here's a classic:

Rah Rah Ree, Kick 'em in the Knee!
Rah Rah Rass, Kick 'em in the Other Knee!

Mac the Knife
30th Sep 2005, 21:53
Oo's yer farver, Oo's yer farver, Oo's yer fa-a-rver Referee?
'Asn't got one, never 'ad one, ye're a ba-a-stard Referee!

kopbhoy2
30th Sep 2005, 22:51
They're all coming back to me now... :)

In tribute to the great Gary McAllister, this was put to the French tune 'Alouette'

Gary Macca, Gary Gary Macca,
Gary Macca, Gary Gary Mac

Oh we love your baldy 'ead! (Yor badly 'ead!)
Your baldy 'ead! (Your baldy 'ead!)
You're Gary Mac!

Ooooooohhhhh....

(and then as the 2000/01 season reached it's dramatic climax some more details got added)


Oh we got you on a free!
You're only 36!
We love your Barca pen!
Your Derby goal!
Your Spurs peno!
Your Coventry goal!
Your sweet right foot!
Your baldy 'ead!
You're Gary Mac!!

Oooooooohhhhhh!!

Gary Macca, Gary Gary Macca,
Gary Macca, Gary Gary Mac!!

And so on, and so on...!! It was great!! :)

Of course the masses always sang 'Gary Mac, he's got no hair but we don't care'... :yuk:

Flyrr100
30th Sep 2005, 23:49
Used to sing this in the shed in the late 70s early 80s:


One man went to mow, went to mow a meadow,
One man and his dog, spot, went to mow a meadow.

Zigger Zagger

CHELSEA

TheFlyingSquirrel
1st Oct 2005, 10:47
This Addidas commercial at Kew Bridge had been ' adjusted ' by the workers of the adjacent oil depot ! I took this shot - classic !

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v650/theflyingsquirrel/beckham.gif

MMEMatty
1st Oct 2005, 11:15
When we signed Gaizka Mendieta, who at one time was the most valued player in the world (at around £30 mil):

(To the tune flipper the dolphin)

"His Name is Mendi, Mendi, Worth 30 million
Without a doubt,
Yet he cost us 'nowt!"


Or, sun at Sid James park last year:

"Graham Souness is a Red, Is a Red, Is a Red,
Graham Souness is a Red, He Hates Geordies!
T-T-Teessiders, T-T-Teessiders"


Matty

Boro 'till i die (unfortunately)

MarkD
2nd Oct 2005, 01:45
on Paul Merson when playing for (I think) Villa against Man Utd after his spell in rehab:
"you're drunk, and you know you are"

for the United captain:
Oh, Keano's f***ing magic,
He wears a magic hat,
And when he saw Old Trafford,
He said "I fancy that"
He didn't sign for Arsenal,
Or Blackburn 'cos they're shite,
He signed for Man United,
Because they're f***ing dynamite.

for the scousers:
Who put the ball in the Scousers net?
Who put the ball in the Scousers net?
Who put the ball in the Scousers net?
Dozy F*ckin' Dudek!

You look in the dustbin for something to eat,
You find a dead rat and you think it's a treat,
In your Liverpool slums
In your Liverpool slums,
You sh!t on the carpet, you p!ss in the bath,
You finger your grandma, and think its a laugh,
In your Liverpool slums.
In your Liverpool slums,
You speak in an accent exceedingly rare,
You wear a pink tracksuit and have curly hair,
In your Liverpool slums.
In your Liverpool slums,
Your mum's on the game and your dad's in the nick,
You can't get a job 'cos you're too f*cking thick,
In your Liverpool slums.

SmilingKnifed
2nd Oct 2005, 02:17
Poor old Matt LeTissier came to our little ground in a cup fixture with Southampton. He was greeted with 5000 people singing the obligatory;

You'll never play for England
You'll never play for England

They had a player named Marian as well, which caused much mirth.

RiskyRossco
2nd Oct 2005, 02:24
Anyone know who was playing (some years ago, now, when I used to catch football on telly) when their fans were chanting,

"We hate Millwall cos we hate Millwall!
We hate Millwall 'cos we hate Millwall!
We hate Millwall 'cos we hate Millwall!
We are the Millwall haters!"

Friend at the time supported the Gunners, if any help. Or it could've been a general mood of contempt.

biffo170
2nd Oct 2005, 14:07
I watched my local team play Walsall last week who are now managed by Paul Merson. Their few fans were very quiet which lead to this being sung....

Shall we sing a
Shall we sing a
Shall we sing a song for you

Which was....

There's only one Paul Merson,
One Paul Meeeeerson
With his big bag of sweets and his cute little smile
Merson is a ****ing Pedophile

I admit, though I didn't join in, I did laugh!!!

Little Blue
2nd Oct 2005, 16:13
A current favourite at Derby is...........

"Your father is your brother,
Your sister is your mother,
They like to sh*g each other,
The Forest Family !"

DER DER DER DER.. CLAP CLAP...etc etc
to the "tune" of the ADDAMS family
.
It can be very "cleverly" adapted to include Leicester, as well.

YOU RAMS !

Loony_Pilot
2nd Oct 2005, 16:22
Spurs fans sing "Englands No1, Englands Englands No1" to Paul Robinson...

David James in goal for Man City.. greteed by "Englands No 4, Englands Englands No4"

Had me in stitches :D

AeroSpark
2nd Oct 2005, 19:56
He's big,
he's red,
his feet stick out of bed,
Peter Crouch,
Peter Crouch!!


When he was down here we used to sing

Oh Crouchy Crouchyyyyy
He used to be a skate but hes alright now

but now hes gone we change Crouchy to Quashie:rolleyes:

My favourite:
If I had the wings of a sparrow
And I had the @rse of a crow
I'd fly over pompey tomorrow
and sh*t on the [email protected] below below
Sh*t on, sh*t on,
Sh*t on, sh*t on
sh*t on the [email protected] below

Not sure which club would sing it (Wolves maybe?) but I always liked the sophistication of
Oh I do like to be beside the seaside
Oh I do like to bebeside the sea
Oh I do like to walk along the prom prom prom
Where the brass band play F**K OFF WEST BROM!

:D

Lon More
2nd Oct 2005, 21:02
Mid 1970s, Munchen Gladbach at home to Glasgow Rangers; about 500 optimistic Scots singing, "Go home ya Huns ...."

Not many people know this, but when the FA Cup Final was being played atWembley, at the same time the insects held theirs under the stands. One year it was the Earwigs against the Sta Beetles. The score was 0-0 until the final minute of extra time when the Earwig, Oxtrypothokokolis, scored the winning goal. (Of course, Oxtrypothokokolis, would be a difficult thing to print on an Earwig sized shirt, so it just had "O" printed on it)
Far from being overjoyed the poor Warwig did not join in the celebrations, but sat despondently on the side lines until, when aproached by the manager he explained that, as his name was not there for all to see, nobody would remember who scored the goal.
The quick thinking manager told him that this was nonsense and that he should jut listen to the crowds above them singing ....

wait for it......


"Earwig O, Earwig O, Earwig O "

Nopax,thanx
2nd Oct 2005, 21:58
Chelsea? fans on seeing Posh in the crowd watching Becks playing....(to the tune of 'Men of Harlech')

David Beckham,
David Beckham,
Do you take her up the arse.......nal?
Do you take her up the arse.......nal?

SmilingKnifed
2nd Oct 2005, 22:46
Poor old Posh does take some stick. I borrowed a mate's season ticket to see Everton vs Man Utd, where the song that had me in stitches was;

Posh Spice is a slapper
Posh Spice is a whore
When she's shaggin' Beckham
She's screaming Joe Max Moore

Moore Moore Moore
How do you like it?
How do you like it?

Wonder if the Barca fans have come up with one yet?

Spinflight
3rd Oct 2005, 23:33
Oh I'd rather bomb Bolton than Iraq!
Oh I'd rather bomb Bolton than Iraq!
Oh I'd rather bomb Bolton than Iraq!

And we beat them 2-1 at the weekend too. :)

goose boy
2nd Nov 2005, 09:14
POOR SCOUSER TOMMY
Let me tell you the story of a poor boy,
Who was sent far away from his home,
To fight for his king and his country,
And also the old folks back home

So they put him in a higher division,
Sent him off to a far foreign land,
Where the flies swarm around in their thousands,
And there's nothing to see but the sand.

Now the battle it started next morning,
Under the radiant sun,
I remember our poor Scouser Tommy,
He was shot by an old Nazi gun

As he lay on the battlefield die-die-dying,
With the blood gushing out of his head (out of his head)
As he lay on the battlefield die-die-dying,
These were the last words he said:

Oooooh, I am a Liverpudlian,
and I come from the Spion Kop,
I like to sing, I like to chant,
I go there quite a lot.

Support a team, that plays in red,
A team that we all know,
A team that we call *Liverpool*,
To glory we will go.

We won the league, we won the cup,
We've been to Europe too,
We played the Toffees for a laugh,
And left them feeling blue (5-0)

1-2, 1-2-3, 1-2-3-4, 5-0!

ALSO TO THE SOUND OF KA- SARAR, KA_SARAR (forgive incorrect spelling)

Steve Gerrard, Gerrard
He scores them from forty yards
He's big and he's f**king hard
Steve Gerrard, Gerrard

Abdel
2nd Nov 2005, 09:35
QPR beat Chelsea at Stamford Bridge, early Nineties...(of course!)

Kevin Gallen's magic
He wears a magic hat
He plays for Queen's Park Rangers
He's such a lovely chap

He scores with his left foot
He scores with his right
And whenhe plays at Chelsea
He scores al f**king night!

Wycombe
2nd Nov 2005, 10:00
Great one I heard about at the weekend, by Brighton fans, bearing in mind their recent news from 2 Jags:

He's fat
He's round
He's given us a Ground!.....

Had me in stiches

with alacrity
2nd Nov 2005, 11:51
Chelsea fans to Norwich supporters following Delia Smith's alcohol induced battle cries to get behind her team:

" We've got Abramovich,
You've got a drunken bitch"

Very funny

:D

EI-MICK
2nd Nov 2005, 13:19
we had numerous great chants at cork city games years ago when i used to go,
especially against any dublin teams, dublin media coverage(RTE) and referees. I remember an incident when rte's ryle nugent was doing live interviews in front of the shed end at a UEFA cup game,when the very loud chants off 'Fu*k off back to dublin' made RTE go for a commercial break!! also when were were beating a useless team we'd shout ''are yee rovers(shamrock) in disguise''

all time beauty:
'' If i had the wings of a sparrow,if i had the arse of a crow,i'd fly over ...(where ever the team was from) tomorrow and sh!t on the bas**rds below below and sh!t on and sh!t on and sh!t on the bas**rds below.''