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ex_matelot
28th Sep 2005, 14:08
1. Save all your beef fat. You will be instructed later how to use it.

2. If you forget a Northerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Love"

3. Just because you can't drive on snow and ice does not mean we always have to give you lifts everywhere.

4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in > the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of Carly Special and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

5. Don't be surprised to find video rentals and bait in the same store.

6. Do not try to buy fresh pasta. Thump in gob tends to offend..

7. If it can't be fried in lard, it ain't worth cooking.

8. Remember: "Us" is singular. "Thaa" is plural. "Thaas" is plural possessive.

9. There is nothing sillier than a Southerner imitating a northern accent, unless it is a northerner imitating a Brummie accent.

10. Get used to hearing, "Tha not from around here, are tha?"

11. People walk slower.

12. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

13. The first Northern expression to creep into a transplanted Southerner's vocabulary "me ducks", Eighty-five percent end their new northern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.

14. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

15. Be advised: The "He were a southern bugger" ia a legal defence up here.

16. If attending a funeral in the north take your baseball hat off when everyone else does.

17. If you hear a Northern kid exclaim, "Ayup, come and look at this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will say before the explosion.

18. Most Northerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a northern licence plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.

19. Southerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windscreen that comes from yelling at other drivers.

20. The summer wardrobe you always brought out in April can wait til June.

21. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of sun, your presence is required at the local chemist. It does not matter if you need anything from there, it is just something you're supposed to do.

22. Satellite dishes are very popular in the North. When you purchase one, it is to be positioned directly in front of your caravan. This is logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the caravan and should, therefore, be displayed.

23. Blizzards and Northerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a caravan.

24. Leeds does NOT have a castle, no matter how often you ask us.

25. In Northern churches you will hear the hymn, "Come All Ye Faithful". You will also hear expressions such as, "Bugger me, Lord", "God knows", "Jesus wept!" and "God help the poor cow ".

26. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as a Reliant Robin, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.

27. You can ask a Northerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key piles of rubble, canals, coal mines, railway crossings, and where factories used to stand, you're better off trying to find it yourself.

:cool:

Parapunter
28th Sep 2005, 15:24
Just stay in the south:

1) It's warmer

2) It's where the moneys at

3) There are (marginally) fewer northerners about

4) The streets ARE paved with gold

5) You're nearer our dear friends in France

6) We have the best summer festivals

7) We don't have Rotherham.

8) Contrary to popular Northern folklore, being a southerner does not automatically qualify you for Jessiehood, softness or Bastard status, nor is it an accident at birth.

9) You are less likely to be thumped by a Battersby. Apparently.

The Desert Ferret
28th Sep 2005, 15:24
In a similar vein my colleague and I had a stab at a few Monopoly 'Chance' cards in a bespoke Yorkshire version of the Monopoly board game. Any other suggestions on the back of these:

CHANCE:
Bedridden with hypothermia following hatless outing on Ilkley Moor. Miss a turn.

CHANCE:
Brother kills your pet kestrel: Miss a turn.

CHANCE
Trouble at t' mill. Pay £200 to put ‘treddle back in skew.

CHANCE
Today you were lucky: Father beat you to sleep wi' a broken bottle. Pay £20 to buy him a new bottle.

CHANCE:
Pidgin lost in storm over 't Channul. Pay £50 to replace with one from similar stock.

CHANCE:
Whippet storms home in regional race meet. Collect £200 from your syndicate.

CHANCE:
Outdoor toilet blocked. Pay £50 costs for professional unbunging.

CHANCE:
Urine-stained mattress dumped in your front garden by truculent neighbour. £20 cost.

CHANCE:
Rag & bone man takes urine-stained mattress off your hands. £20 bonus.

CHANCE:
Accidentally murder a Yorkshire Terrier by standing in it. Award yourself £20.

CHANCE:
Mice in’t scullery. £20 for professional pest extermination.

CHANCE:
Pit’s closed. Award thiself £500 redundancy then pummel t’wife and kids to death in a drunken stupor wi’ tenor horn.

CHANCE:
Children got rickets. £20 medical fee.

CHANCE:
Caught doping in’t Batley & Spen ferret-legging league. Go to jail.

TURIN
28th Sep 2005, 22:02
"Any other suggestions on the back of these:"



Yeah, here's one.

COMMUNITY CHEST

"You have run over an arrogant, loudmouthed, bigheaded, shandy drinking, southern tw*t! Collect £200."

'appy days eh?

"Knees ap mavva brahn, knees ap mavva brahn....blahblah, blahblah,blahblah, blahblah, knees ap mavva brahn. Oy!:E

tony draper
28th Sep 2005, 23:11
Little Bobby comes out the hotel in London and gets in a taxi,

"Waterloo please driver"

"The Station?"

"Wey am ower late for the Battle"

:rolleyes:

Astrodome
28th Sep 2005, 23:12
I believe Vauxhall Zaphiras are the de rigeur mode of transport "ooop north" ?

One should also develop a liking for Hovis, and creamy, gassed up John Smiths beer :yuk:
:) :ok: ;)

Tell me do they still sacrifice the 'first born' ? :)

planepsycho
28th Sep 2005, 23:14
I don't think you're talking about the same northerners and southerners as I live around:ooh:

stellair
28th Sep 2005, 23:34
Here's a tip for a southern jessie moving up north.....................Keep ******* going your not wanted! :E

Astrodome
28th Sep 2005, 23:41
Oh the fruits of Northern hospitality !

Blacksheep
29th Sep 2005, 01:25
Rule No. 1. Stay away from Sunderland.

Rule No. 2. Newcastle Brown Ale is joke played on people from south of the Tees by those who live north of it. Take the joke with good grace.

Rule No. 3. No matter how far north you go, you're always among southern poofters as far as the folk further up't road are concerned.


Then you reach Scotland.... :suspect:

Rollingthunder
29th Sep 2005, 01:29
You move up north here and the main concerns are arctic clothing, and the best snowmobile to buy, but I know how to pan for gold.

TheFlyingSquirrel
29th Sep 2005, 01:46
remember not to tip cabbies and ask them ' how much is it gonna be to .... ' and always kick up a fuss about the price of sandwiches at railway stations and have a bottle of HP sauce in your briefcase - don't forget to eat Brains Faggots and pebbledash your slum housing !

Blacksheep
29th Sep 2005, 03:53
Price of sandwiches? Why would anyone want a sandwich when there's Stotty on the menu? :confused:

I suppose you'll be wanting a bloody pot of tea next?
With Lemon... :rolleyes:

Spinflight
29th Sep 2005, 07:57
Strange, every time I've been down to London the populace have been good enough to pave the streets in shite for my arrival. :cool:

Keep drinking the shandies. ;)

Matt Skrossa
29th Sep 2005, 08:13
Stellair.....

Your post stated:

Here's a tip for a southern jessie moving up north.....................Keep ******* going your not wanted!


Sorry, but us 'southern jessies' are needed oop north to provide some culture, wit and cash to you northern monkeys and we also know the difference between the use of YOUR and YOU ARE, which can be abbreviated to YOU'RE. Obviously the huge amount of cash that parents down south have means we can all go to very expensive schools and learn how to read, write and more importantly speak properly i.e. either a nice southern accent. Mind you there are some nice parts of the north, such as Oxford, Cambridge and Stamford, but I wouldn't want to got to the far north because as all we southerners know it's very, very grim up there.

Yorks.ppl
29th Sep 2005, 08:19
Where the fcuk is OOOP north?

Do people mean UP?

We say UP as it is spelled this is correct english. Southerners say AP instead of UP
this is INcorrect.

Do try harder.

newswatcher
29th Sep 2005, 08:21
OK, what are the boundaries of "the North"? Does it start North of the Midlands, or are the Midlands divided 50/50 into North and South? Are Northampton and Derby North or South? If you're in "the North", do you go "up" or "down" to London?


:confused:

Parapunter
29th Sep 2005, 08:39
NW, The North Starts at Harpenden as all us Guardian readers know, I.e. Luton is specifically excluded. I learnt 'specifically' at my Grammar school, don't you know - rather!:cool:

Yorks.ppl
29th Sep 2005, 08:43
Newswatcher,

The answer is very simple, the north starts with YORKSHIRE. anything below this is the midlands. Obviously the same thing is true of the other side of the pennines in lancashire although obviously no one would be interested in that. YORKSHIRE is also the start of the Pennines which are obviously up north.

The south starts just south of the center of birmingham, but again this is of little interest.

Maude Charlee
29th Sep 2005, 08:52
Simple, the 'north' starts at Sheffield and ends at the Tweed, and Northerners never go to London - up or down.

As a rule of thumb, if you can't buy Stella or half a lager shandy, then you're in the north. ;)

Ron Manager
29th Sep 2005, 08:53
The south? Anywhere south of the M4, excluding the bit over the bridge in Welsh Wales.

North of the M4? All looks a bit dangerous, and the people talk funny.

1DC
29th Sep 2005, 08:54
Why are you giving the people from down south tips on how to get along up north? If we make it easy for them they may want to stay and we have enough immigrants already.
I say leave them to their ever decreasing circles......

Charlie Foxtrot India
29th Sep 2005, 09:03
Boundary is either the M4, or if you like trains, the train line that goes through Reading and on to Bristol then the Severn tunnel where it becomes Wales and no longer counts.

Any further north than that and you are at risk of becoming a victim of the mystic martial art of Ecky-Thoomp. Very dangerous.

Ace Rimmer
29th Sep 2005, 09:08
Not sure where the boundry is but apparently once you cross it it all gets a bit grim...

ETOPS Jock
29th Sep 2005, 09:15
Does that mean the beer gets colder the further north you go???:}

I always found it rather warm in London :yuk:

ex_matelot
29th Sep 2005, 09:52
The south starts when you get a funny look in the chippy for ordering 'chips 'n gravy' and sausages turn into saveloys etc etc.

Luminous green radioactive mushy peas also grow up north!

I remember Blair,when trying to interract with the locals oop north walking into a chippy and asking for fish 'n chips and pointing at the mushy peas saying 'hmm, i'll have a bit of avocado sauce on there as well''!! Was shown on the news!

TheFlyingSquirrel
29th Sep 2005, 09:54
Newswatcher - I consider it the Cromwell Road mate !

Yorks.ppl
29th Sep 2005, 09:59
Obviously people have a problem understanding this so I will try to make it simple. The leter u is pronounced as it is written. It is not pronounced by anybody I have ever met in 40 years in the north as oo or ooo.

SLFguy
29th Sep 2005, 10:00
Matelot....

was Mandelson & guacamole..not Blair

ex_matelot
29th Sep 2005, 10:03
Cheers SLF...my mistake....

MikeJeff
29th Sep 2005, 10:04
As a northerner coming down South I have a huge problem with the language.. I don't speak Romanian OR Lithuaninan? Down here the streets are paved with illegals!

Biggles Flies Undone
29th Sep 2005, 10:13
Seems like you get two sorts of chips up north - the really great ones you get in the chippies and the huge ones you carry around on your shoulders :p

Gainesy
29th Sep 2005, 10:18
The North starts at Bawtry.

stellair
29th Sep 2005, 10:38
Matt Skrossa,

Allwight me fackin china, I eard da fackin fishins diamond darn sarff too. YOUR fackin muvvaa.....Where's me washboard :E

BlueEagle
29th Sep 2005, 10:50
Having lived there a while I have always considered the North Riding of Yorkshire, (Ripon), to be the North of England, (as well as further North), and the South Riding to be in the South of England, very flat and very boring. The West Riding isn't so bad though, quite like Derbyshire too.!

Yorks.ppl
29th Sep 2005, 11:02
Dont even talk about the ridings!!
I was born in the west riding, I now find my self in west yorkshire:suspect:

Now they have decided that the name "west riding" sounded posh so they have given it to some posh people in the country.

I still put my address as west riding.

lasernigel
29th Sep 2005, 11:03
Tips for southerners moving 'oop north'

Stay down there we don't want you.:ok:

Yorks.ppl

Is that one you don't have to put your hand in yer pocket for???:p

Gainesy
29th Sep 2005, 11:27
There isn't a "South Riding". Just North, East and West Ridings.
Maybe you were thinking of South Yorkshire which is/was a postal district?

Yorks.ppl
29th Sep 2005, 11:35
Wasn't there a fictious south riding and a film of the same name. (many years ago)

The Desert Ferret
29th Sep 2005, 11:42
The Ridings are a collective administrative and undeomcratic balls-up.

Originally there were 3 Ridings, West, East an North. Riding was originally "thriding" which meant a third - hence three Ridings.

That was all wrecked by faceless technocrats in 1974 and we found ourselves with West Yorkshire, South Yorkshire and North Yorkshire. Yorkshire lost a slug of the Dales to Cumbria, the esk Valley and Middlesbrough to Cleveland, and East Riding became part of Humberside. Lancashire made a few raids on parts of the Pennines too (grumble grumble).

Now we've got West Yorkshire, South Yorkshire, North Yorkshire and the East Riding of Yorkshire. Therefore the East Riding is a third of a county split into quarters.

Confused?

Well at least all of it is definitely in the north - though we're not too sure about Harrogate where they seem to think they're really part of Surrey.

Parapunter
29th Sep 2005, 12:08
Jimmy the driver from Leeds was given a load to deliver in the Edgware road. Having never been south of Sheff, he took off his cap, sat with his whippet & had a look at the A-Z.

Satisfied, he hitched up the wagon & set off down T'M1. Three or four hours in & Jimmy reckons he's getting close - there's fewer trees, the buildings are getting bigger & there's lots more people about. Eventually, lost, Jimmy pulls up in a bus stop on the Finchley Road, leans out the cab window & shouts across the road:

"Eh mate, is this London?"

"Yeah, course Guvnor" comes the reply.

"Right" says Jimmy, "Where do you want this timber?"

lasernigel
29th Sep 2005, 12:33
Lancashire has lost a lot of it's identity through governments messing around.
Barrow is now Cumbria.
Warrington is now Cheshire.
Wigan,Bolton and Leigh and quite a few others are just now Greater Manchester.
Even Southport is part of Merseyside!That's the posh speaking bit btw!:ok:

Todmorden used to be Lancashire as well.

ex_matelot
29th Sep 2005, 12:53
Ive always wondered...

Why do Cockneys/southerners always refer to roads as the Edgeware road..the Old Kent road etc as opposed to just saying Old kent Road???

Any ideas/explanation??

G-CPTN
29th Sep 2005, 13:03
After a lifetime driving locally in the Western Highlands, Hamish was chosen to deliver some freight to Birmingham. Hamish had never been south of Fort William, and had certainly never driven on a dual-carriageway, never-mind a Motorway.
When he returned (safely) the others crowded around to hear what 'the Sooth' was like, and particular 'them Motorways'.
Hamish pondered a while, dragging on his pipe and taking occasional swills from his drink, before announcing "There's nair so money SHEEP on the roads!"

tony draper
29th Sep 2005, 13:09
Boudicca had the best idea of what to do to London, when she and her chaps visited the place in 61 AD.
:E
And its pronounced "Boo dick ha" not "Bowdaceee ah" in that French foppish southern manner.
:rolleyes:

1DC
29th Sep 2005, 13:27
Personally I am very wary of people who live west of Gainsborough or south of the Wash.
I am sure that Sheffield buses had the peoples republic of south yorkshire written on the backk

Parapunter
29th Sep 2005, 13:30
By the same token Monsieur Draypeur, It's pronounced

You know, not eeeeeee yer naaaarrrr.

and, right, not reeeeet

and, Londoner, that's Londoner, not Fockin cocneee baztad.:cool:

williamp
29th Sep 2005, 14:01
Anything north of NORTHampton is North
Anything south of SOUTHampton is South.

Everything in between in the Midlands.

Simple, really...

ex_matelot
29th Sep 2005, 14:13
Wouldnt that make it..'hampton' or mid-Hampton???

tony draper
29th Sep 2005, 14:46
Down South its mostly Small Hampton,thats why they is so stroppy.
:rolleyes:

Biggles Flies Undone
29th Sep 2005, 15:00
What - as opposed to shrunken by the Northern cold and shrivelled by weak, frothy beer you mean, Drapes? :p

G-CPTN
29th Sep 2005, 15:03
>And its pronounced "Boo dick ha"

*******************************

And who was Boo?

ex_matelot
29th Sep 2005, 15:10
I goes t'pub 'n ave ten pints 'n I gets really plastered,
Then I go 'ome 'n beat tha wife-cos im a big hard northern ba$tard!!

:D

God ate tripe,pigs trotters 'n chips 'n gravy!

SLFguy
29th Sep 2005, 15:17
Johnny foreigner requiring driving instructions from London to Scotland received the following advice..

"Leave London and soon the jobs will begin to thin out. Eventually there will be no jobs at all - you are now 'oop north' and you're half way there - keep going and eventually jobs will start to appear - when you are surrounded by lots of jobs - you're in Scotland"

*guess it musta been them North Sea oil days*

Gainesy
29th Sep 2005, 15:21
Remember the first few days in the Mob, nobody could understand anybody. Cep the bloke from Orkney, not even the Jocks could understand him six weeks later.:uhoh:

G-BODD
29th Sep 2005, 21:22
People have GREEN snot up North not polluted snot.;)

tony draper
29th Sep 2005, 22:20
Yer don't see snot in London,
it all goes in them jellied eels.
:rolleyes:

heated ice detector
29th Sep 2005, 23:20
cor blimey, luv a duck, bleeden knock it on the ead will yer,
its anywhere norrrth of the Watford Gap that is'nt darn souuuth.
You bunch orf Biffin Bacon's!

teeteringhead
30th Sep 2005, 08:18
Boundary is definitely Hatfield.

There's a sign on the Edgeware Road that distinctly says:

"A1 Hatfield and the North" :ok:

and anyway ....

"gorblimeyluvvadackgavna"

makes much more sense than

"well I'll go t't foot of aar sters"

Shaggy Sheep Driver
30th Sep 2005, 08:26
"A1 Hatfield and the North"

Shouldn't that be "A1 Hatfield and t'North"? ;)

SSD

The Desert Ferret
30th Sep 2005, 08:47
Who make the best lovers then - northerners or southerners?

Who would your average lady prefer a good "seeing to" from?

Candidates for the north:
Mellors (Lady Chatterley's lover)
Heithcliff
Andy Flintoff
Sean Bean

Candidates for the south:
Mr Darcy
Andrew Strauss
David Beckham
Guy Richie

G-CPTN
30th Sep 2005, 09:01
>"A1 Hatfield and the North"

**********************************

As a 10-year child I remember travelling south from Tyneside heading for Nottingham. The road-signs from Scotch Corner (!) read "A1 and the South", and I kept asking "Is THIS the South?", however I suspect that the answer was like looking for the end of the rainbow, as the signs continued to read "A1 and the South". Nowhere did they read "The Midlands", so maybe the Midlands is a figment of imagination. (I know that the North exists, and I'm prepared to believe that, somewhere, there is a "South".)
I suppose when I am darn Sarth I know that I'm not oop Narf . . .
OTOH when around Brum 'tis neither Oop nar Darn.

>Who would your average lady prefer a good "seeing to" from?

Candidates for the north:
Mellors (Lady Chatterley\'s lover)
Heithcliff
Andy Flintoff
Sean Bean

Candidates for the south:
Mr Darcy
Andrew Strauss
David Beckham
Guy Richie

*********************************

What about Boo?

lexxity
30th Sep 2005, 10:12
Mellors (Lady Chatterley's lover)

Sean Bean

How about Sean Bean as Mellors! PHWOAR!!!!!

The Desert Ferret
30th Sep 2005, 10:21
Sean Bean did play Mellors once though he needed a stunt double for love scenes as he's got a Sheffield United tattoo on his arse.

Thats class.

lexxity
30th Sep 2005, 10:29
Sean Bean did play Mellors once though he needed a stunt double for love scenes as he's got a Sheffield United tattoo on his arse.

I know! PHWOAR. And having met and got very drunk indeed with Mr. Sean Bean, I can confirm PHWOAR!!!! You can keep yer southern nancy boys, Northern men are best:ok:

Maude Charlee
30th Sep 2005, 10:50
Why would any self-respecting Tyke bemoan the loss of Middlesbrough to Yorkshire? Ever been there? I'd push the bloody lot into the Tees estuary along with Hartlepool, me. And most of those East Cleveland villages too. :yuk:

The Desert Ferret
30th Sep 2005, 11:10
Maude Charlie - point taken. I'd go further - at the risk of upsetting the brethren in the People's Republic aka (South Yorkshire) - I always thought damming the valleys down there and creating an inland riviera would be a great improvement.

Lexxity - penetration?

ils44
30th Sep 2005, 11:20
Who make the best lovers then - northerners or southerners?

Northern men make the best lovers in my experience and I'm a Southern lass!

SLFguy
30th Sep 2005, 11:25
Are you woolly (spell) ils44?



:D

lexxity
30th Sep 2005, 12:27
Oi Ferret! You cheeky sod. You can get rid of that line!

A lady never kisses and tells. xxxx;)

ThreadBaron
30th Sep 2005, 12:42
Ferret

Yer must be cross-eyed. It's on his left upper arm!

Why I should know that, being a Wednesday supporter :{ :{ I do not know!

The Desert Ferret
30th Sep 2005, 12:47
Damn - I was misinformed - bloody Daily Mail - can't tell their arse from their upper-arms.

Double Echo
30th Sep 2005, 12:47
And as for girls...

Newcastle wins every time, for the simple reason that they all don't waste money on useless purchases like long skirts or tops, mini skirts and bra's ar the normal and formal saturday evening attire... They like to dress functionally and keep their cash for a few glasses of ale "doon tha boozzah man"

:ok:

lasernigel
30th Sep 2005, 13:13
STOP THIS HASSLING OF OUR LEXXY YOU FATALY FURRED TYKE WHO RESIDES DOWN SOUTH.SHE'S IN T' FAMILY WAY AND THE LAST THING ON 'ER MIND IS PENETRATION.

That sorted him lexxy.Them tykes know not to mess with someone fron Lancashire.:ok: :ok:

UL730
30th Sep 2005, 14:02
A tiny cabal of Norferners controls every significant facet of British society and is gradually establishing an Orwellian global state. They are known formally as the N’Illumananti or colloquially as Geordies.

Suferners have been duped and think they are building a better World whereas Norferners are far more pragmatic. An example of Geordie constructional enterprise includes secretly rebuilding Hadrians Wall - 100 kilometres south of its original location. Surferners think it’s a new Barrett housing development or a gateway to the Angel of the North - such is the covert architectural ingenuity of yer Geordie.

So a safety tip for suferners moving north – unless you’re with the programme – you will hit a wall, real or cultural somewhere on your long fruitless journey.

Whirlygig
30th Sep 2005, 14:24
G-CPTN,

In your candidates for the South, you have Mr. Darcy but, in Pride & Prejudice, Darcy came from Derbyshire....where all the best men come from!!

Cheers

Whirls

heated ice detector
30th Sep 2005, 14:46
Ain't Sean Bean from Narfin oiland, At least he was in Patriot Games. A rioght vicious bastad from memory.
Darn suth near Peeortsmuff everyone is refered to as Mush, as in "alriought mush"
That really pisses orf the Biffa Bacons that does.

The Desert Ferret
30th Sep 2005, 14:47
Red Damask - I am suitably chastened.

However, as a substandard retort I have to observe that every day for the rest of my life, no matter how down I feel, I can always bask myself in the warm glow of satisfaction that it always rains heaps more on your side than ours!

Gouabafla
30th Sep 2005, 16:04
There is a road sign in Gateshead (pron. gayts - heed) which reads "Sunderland and the South".

The truth is, there are actually two norths in England. There is the 'faux-North' of Yorkshire and Lancs where they make a big deal of being Northerners, say 'ee bah gum' and 'trouble at t' mill' and play rugby league. If you keep on going, you come to the real North of Co Durham, Cumbria and Northumberland (ok - Tyne and Wear, if you insist) where they know they are Northerners and speak with proper accents. ;)

:rolleyes: - Couldn't find a smiley with a cloth cap and a whippet.

Joking aside, as a Durham lad married to a Yorkshire lass, I am always fascinated by the different aspects of the North. You can more or less divide the north culturally according to whether they play rugby league (or crown green bowls) or not. Despite the long standing rivalry, it seems to me that Yorks and Lancs have far more in common with each other than either of them have with Durham or Northumberland. Likewise (and Drapes won't like this) Mackams and Geordies have more in common with each other than they do with people from Yorkshire.

ThreadBaron
30th Sep 2005, 17:17
Mr. Sean Bean
Forgive the thread creep but he has cropped up quite often...is it Shorn Born or Seen Been!!!

[/creep]

The Desert Ferret
30th Sep 2005, 17:27
Aw c'mon ThreadBaron - he was good as Boromir!

(Though he must cringe and go as red as your bear when he thinks back to that bloody awful football film 'When Saturday Comes' - absolute stinker)

Who is the southern equivalent of Sean Bean then? Jeremy Statham? Does he get the thumbs up Lexxity?

ThreadBaron
30th Sep 2005, 17:35
Ferret
Any actor who gets away with his natural Sheffield accent (Except WSC) in a film has my greatest respect...love the man(so to speak!) Al sithee me ol flower.

cessna l plate
30th Sep 2005, 17:39
Look on the bright side, at least any southern softies migrating to the North already know where Old Trafford is!!!

GROUNDHOG
1st Oct 2005, 20:58
Where be you too my 'ansomes... EVERYWHERE is up North ( up Country to be exact) from down here in the land of St Pirran.

ex_matelot
2nd Oct 2005, 02:13
Janners dont live in England so technically they cant move 'oop north'

Be good if they did though, the Bristol channel needs a bit more`sediment!:D :D

GROUNDHOG
2nd Oct 2005, 12:54
ex- matelot... sorry you have lost me there?
Historically a Janner is someone who lives within sight of the sea, in more recent times it is used to describe someone who comes from Plymouth which I think you will find is in DEVON which is of course up country itself.

jayteeto
2nd Oct 2005, 13:32
If you drive south from Newcastle for an hour and a half you get to Leeds. That qualifies as down south for me. I live in Liverpool now, just round the corner from London.............

newswatcher
3rd Oct 2005, 08:40
BBC had 10 greatest Britons recently, as voted for by "the public"!

The top 10s' birth places were - Portsmouth, Oxford, Huntingdon, Shrewsbury, Sandringham, Greenwich, Liverpool, Burnham Thorpe(Norfolk), Grantham, & Stratford-upon-Avon.

So would that be Northerners - 1(just), "fringes" - 2, Southerners - 7?

:p :p :p

Gouabafla
3rd Oct 2005, 09:10
Yup, that would be about right.

Southerners continue to be the ones who sit on their rears and pontificate about things, while Northerners get on and do the real work - for which, of course, there is little glory or recognition.

newswatcher
3rd Oct 2005, 09:12
Yeah that Brunel, he never left his office, did all his designs on computer!:p :p

lexxity
3rd Oct 2005, 10:57
Jeremy Statham?

Hardly.

ex_matelot
3rd Oct 2005, 14:55
Groundhog,

Thanks for the clarification re-janners but..

My sarcasm was obviously lost on you!:ok:

dawn raider
3rd Oct 2005, 21:46
was on hols on the isle of barra a few years ago and an old guy asked me where I was from. when I replied 'Glasgow' he nodded sagely and said 'so yer english are ye?.

so apparently Glasgow is in the sarf and I'm a southern poof. the shame of it.:bored:

tony draper
3rd Oct 2005, 21:56
Wasn't that Geordie, Robson Green voted the sexiest man in Britian a few years ago?,would of thunk you southern chaps would have known that as you southern blokes prolly all voted in the sexiest bloke poll.
We northern chaps leave that sort of thing to the wimmin
:rolleyes:

Spinflight
3rd Oct 2005, 22:48
Everyone up North knows that all London blokes are borderline homosexuals though apparently it isn't their fault...

It's in the water apparently. The treatment plants have no way of getting rid of the oestrogen which builds up to high levels due to the number of lasses on the pill. Even the fish in the Thames have been known to change sex so the poor southern fairies have no chance.

Thats why they whine like wimmin and drink shandy. :ok:

Maude Charlee
4th Oct 2005, 11:20
The North begins when women have that unnatural orange glow, and only the tourists wear Man Utd tops.

Gouabafla
4th Oct 2005, 11:22
unnatural orange glow
As opposed to Sellafield, where the unnatural glow is green:p :p

MyData
4th Oct 2005, 11:24
There is always the great Eastenders drinking game to play...

Two fingers of proper ale whenever the word "Faaarrmli" is mentioned in the context of:

Beales, Slaters, Mitchells, Fowlers etc.

Double and triple bonus for multiple faaarmli mentions in a single episode, especially if a full suite of all the Square residents.

There are also bonus tipples for use of the wonderful southern double negative, viz:

"I ain't not dun nuffink, OK?"

or

"I ain't never gonna be no member of this faarmli."

At least it makes the watching more bearable...