View Full Version : It's the WOMEN who have the impossible standards

27th Sep 2005, 12:02
"Joe Bob's America" for 10/30/95

By Joe Bob Briggs

Take a 30-year-old woman. Put her in a tight black mini-skirt. Add a couple of five-inch spiked high heels. Show a little cleavage. Add in some long blonde hair and the perfect shade of lipstick.

Now turn her loose in the bar at the Marriott.

I think we all know what's gonna happen, right? She probably won't spend the night drinking alone.

Now take the same 30-year-old woman. Put her in Earth Shoes and a straight brown housedress. Get rid of the makeup. Cut all her hair off, so that it looks "sensible."

Now turn her loose in the same bar.

Same woman. Two different results, right?

I've actually done this on television--used the same actress for a sexy role one week and a "stern mom" role the next. Guys will be fascinated one week, totally uninterested the next.

And if you listen to feminists, this is What's Wrong With Men Today. We're too hung up on VISUAL stuff. We can only get interested if we invent some sexual fantasy about the gal.

But let's turn it around and do the same thing with a man.

He's 30 years old. We're gonna put him in a tailored Armani suit. It's loose-fitting but elegant, and it emphasizes his well-toned upper body. His Bally shoes are shiny. His hair has that Pat Riley thing going. He wears no jewelry, or maybe just a watch. Understated. Strong but silent.

Now let's take the same guy and put him in Bermuda shorts, dirty tennis shoes, a T-shirt that says "Kiss me" on it, and a straw cowboy hat.

Same guy. Same looks. Same everything.

The only difference is that the STORY BEHIND THE GUY has changed.

What story?

The story the woman invented when she first laid eyes on him. The story that goes, "I'll go over and talk to him, and he'll look into my eyes and tell me about all the places he's been, and he'll be strong but gentle as he takes me to a romantic restaurant, and he'll never forget my birthday."

Or, if it's another type of guy, "He'll put me on the back of his motorcycle, and we'll go sailing through the western states on our way to a California mountain retreat."

Different woman, different story. But there's always a STORY. Men don't make up a story. Men see the girl, they go "Wow!" or "Ugh!" And that's it. The girl can't really MESS UP THE STORY.

But a woman can make up the story, and then they DO go over and talk to the guy, and the first words out of the guy's mouth are, "Hey, let's go to the Go-Kart track," and THAT'S IT. The guy blows it. He's SCREWED UP THE STORY.

It's over for him. It doesn't matter what he does or says FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE. He can win the Nobel Peace Prize, but it won't make a difference. It was his one chance to FULFILL THE STORY, and he failed.

Men, on the other hand, tend to be more accepting.

If the gal in the mini-skirt says "I'm into channelling--I just talked to a priest in ancient China," the guy just goes, "Okay, yeah, I guess I can accept that."

It's the WOMEN who have the impossible standards, you know what I mean?

Now thats what I call a perfect definition! Do you agree?

Onan the Clumsy
27th Sep 2005, 12:13
Personally I quite like earth shoes and brown housedresses.

ducks fly higher
27th Sep 2005, 12:15
Bet you look great in them Onan :}

Devlin Carnet
27th Sep 2005, 12:29
So basically, keep it vague till you've done the biz :ok:

27th Sep 2005, 13:04
Earth shoes!?!? WTF are they? Made of soil of something? (Or just soiled?)

27th Sep 2005, 13:07
Bet my Ex would look good in them to Onan, only he'd much prefer the lippy, short balck skirt and spike heels....oh and not to mention showing a bit of cleavage......and would then be a little bemused as to why he was drinking alone !



Kaptin M
27th Sep 2005, 13:18
WOMEN are in it for the diamonds, the house, and the prestige that comes with the man's job.

MEN are in it for the swallow factor (S.F.) :eek: