View Full Version : Write my speech

26th Sep 2005, 15:59
OK, blame Biggles - it was all his idea. I had to do this task recently for the boss, and thought it would be good to know what JB would have come up with.

Here's your first line:

Good morning. I'm delighted to be here today, and to be given the opportunity to take you through ...

tony draper
26th Sep 2005, 16:02
My Philosophy,"Greed is Good"


Biggles Flies Undone
26th Sep 2005, 16:09
That may appear contrary to our corporate policy of equality for all, but it has several key advantages.

26th Sep 2005, 16:15
The most significant of which is...

26th Sep 2005, 16:15
Not least, the fact that the more I delegate, the less I understand what my subordinates actually do...

Biggles Flies Undone
26th Sep 2005, 16:19
This has the added advantage of providing a ready source of scapegoats should the whole situation turn nipples north.

26th Sep 2005, 16:28
"Unacclustomed as I am to peeblic spooking..............

26th Sep 2005, 16:29
As opposed to Peter Nipples-North, the regional sales rep for Ashby De La Zouch. Who, as we all know, is recovering from that unfortunate incident with bucket of sand and a hose pipe.
Bummer - out of sequence!

26th Sep 2005, 19:38
Good effort, Ms SP, even if enuff peeps didn't join in to make your day. However, I assume you have inserted all the Bingo/Business/B0ll0cks words so that all the participants at the lunch/dinner/conference/ can join in?

I'm naturally assuming this speech will take place in the County of BFU & Gainesy tomorrow, just before a certain Scottish son of the Church gets up to really pi55 everybody off?

No? oh well, the thought was there!

:{ :sad: :{

Buster Hyman
26th Sep 2005, 22:14
Now, You may be wondering why I am standing here before you today. Sometimes, I ask myself that very same question and do you know what my answer is? Nothing! Zip! Nada! I don't talk to myself, that's for lunatics.

Speaking of lunatics, Mr. (Boss) has asked me to make a speech today. The reason for this is actually unknown to me, however I will endeavour to entertain you with my stunning vocabulary.

Vocabulary. That's a funny word isn't it. Not many people stop mid speech to explore a word, except lunatics of course.

Anyway, I am here to elaborate before you upon the subject of mastication. As always, I hear w wry titter in the audience...and another one after saying titter! Really, you should grow up.

Mastication is the act of chewing your...I said grow up!...chewing your food. The most effective way to masticate is to not fill your mouth with the substance you intend to imbibe. Start slowly and insert approximately one quarter of the whole object. With your front, incissor teeth, gently penetrate the food and slowly pull it from the main body.

This will leave you with a nice, nourishing morsel to begin your mastication. With your tongue, manouver the morsel towards the rear of your mouth & begin a rhythmic grinding motion. This will begin to break up the food & release nourishing offcuts for you to enjoy. Repeat this at least 50 times to aid the digestive process. Finally, you need to swallow....mmmmm.

Repeat process until finished. I hope this has helped.

27th Sep 2005, 00:25
.......the fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition.

27th Sep 2005, 00:32
I know that in the past we have all had our differences. However, in my dreams, in that place well above clouds, far removed from daily worries, ignorant bosses and screaming children -- in other words, when I receive a complimentary First Class upgrade -- I prefer to think of us as a team. A group of bright-eyed, bushy tailed folks with a fighter pilot attitute who think clean and have fun a lot and realise we'd never get anywhere in our lives without sticking our necks out. Working together for the common good, blah blah blah blahblahblah.

In closing, can't we all just get along? :E

27th Sep 2005, 13:14
Write my speech??

No mention of a please?


27th Sep 2005, 13:52
Now this has major potential.....

I have to give a keynote speech on planning (as in houses and demographics) in the near future to some 400 peeps.... and can see some use in some of the input so far to keep people listening

so chaps and chappeses....think planning....:suspect:

27th Sep 2005, 16:02
Sorry, Jerricho - please. Quite right, I come down on my daughter like a ton of bricks for that kind of offence.

Or maybe I should have said "if you want to".

Right, jim -

"It is important to remember not only the relative claims not only of the different socio-economic groups of today, but also those of the potential future users of the space we inhabit. Our vision must not only be balanced, it must be far-reaching".


27th Sep 2005, 16:46
Nurries Stocky :ok:

Politeness in a speach can certainly gain your audience's attention..........so can nudity ;)

27th Sep 2005, 19:31
Stockpicker....I'm going to use that purely to illustrate the kind of boll0cks I usually hear when the subject is raised.....
Thanks for that!!;)

27th Sep 2005, 19:42
And as you look upon your slimy green tentacles, I ask of you, look forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and twirling, always twirling to the skies!