View Full Version : Telephone Menu Systems

23rd Sep 2005, 18:36
Sorry guys but need a rant... and after all it's what Jet Blast is for.

Bank Menu systems on phone.

Just moved house, and have two banks, a building society, and a few other insitutions to change address with.

How the hell do you call these people!?!?!?!?

Over 15 minutes I have held each phone call!

One I held in excess of 30 minutes. It is lunacy.

These banks want our business then do not want to talk to us... however should they need to contact us, they expect us to drop everything.

I feel my comments to the next bank clerk who calls me will be "Your in a queue, your call is important to me..." then place it by my hifi speaker, while I enjoy a nice cup of tea!!!

Soz rant over!

The Real Slim Shady
23rd Sep 2005, 18:40
And if you call them using Skype you can't access the menu system..

Press 1 for Sales

Press 2 for Complaints etc

As it doesn't recognise the key press without a tone!!!!

23rd Sep 2005, 18:43
You could try in person.

Why time does Air India 112 leave Heathrow again :E ;)

23rd Sep 2005, 19:35
"...and if you want to be totally p!ssed off, press 0..."

Evening Star
23rd Sep 2005, 19:40
Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press-no-one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.

If you are phobic, do not press anything.

If you are anal retentive, please hold.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.