View Full Version : Spanking the monkey

captain cumulonimbus
1st Sep 2005, 22:11
Does anyone know the origins of the term "spank the monkey".It seems a rather cruel practise for a first world country.Perhaps ita a french thing?

1st Sep 2005, 22:19
I think it's a universal thing although not normally cruel. I believe the expression is American in origin.



captain cumulonimbus
1st Sep 2005, 22:21
Well,as a non-native english speaker,i find this expression very confusing.i did not know they have monkeys in America? or England for that matter ? (only in parliament):O

1st Sep 2005, 22:24
It's OK guys - I deal with this in private!!



1st Sep 2005, 22:27
....and here was me thinking it's a bit like choking the chicken:}

1st Sep 2005, 22:28
you mean like this???

captain cumulonimbus
1st Sep 2005, 22:28
You mean you have monkeys in your private home!?

Is a permit required? I would like to get one of these monkeys,perhaps to save it from a life of being spanked by some cruel american.

WHIRLYGIG informs me the expresion means "to masturbate a monkey"(!!!).This must surely be a criminal act in your country?

2nd Sep 2005, 07:13
What a tasteless subject.

Talking of which, do any ladies on proon know what it tas*click*brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Bu99er.....censored again. :{

2nd Sep 2005, 15:05
Yea, that's me at 40 below zero:E

Of course without the monkey....we keep those in management.:ok:

captain cumulonimbus
3rd Sep 2005, 00:23
So you spank the Management's monkey,eh?

Thats how you get ahead?:}

Chief Chook
3rd Sep 2005, 00:31
Thats how you get ahead?There are other ways of getting it ;)

captain cumulonimbus
3rd Sep 2005, 00:32
i've tried them,they seldom work:}

3rd Sep 2005, 03:09
Hey, who let Whirls read the he-man handbook? How else would she know?

After all, girls don't do that sort of thing. Do they?

16 blades
3rd Sep 2005, 03:24
They certainly don't readily ADMIT to doing it....


3rd Sep 2005, 04:04
Once I was gone for 21 days in Seoul. Feeling frisky and far from home, I emailed my wife: "I want some cyber-sex. Spank me!"

She was at home with a 2 year old and a newborn. She wrote back: "I'm too busy. Spank yourself...."

captain cumulonimbus
3rd Sep 2005, 11:57
well it appears,from thetwo yearoldandnewborn that you dont do much spanking of you own primate!:O

3rd Sep 2005, 12:14
;) Great Balls of Fire!!
The things I know!!
'The Monkey' is a nineteenth century Americanism for the vulva.
To spank the monkey is to masturbate, especially female. To this day in the US of A, some people, especially in the Ozarks, refrain from using the phrase 'monkeyin' around'.
Now there's a bit of monkey-farting for you.
I'd best be off now else you accuse me of being a Spanish athlete.:p

captain cumulonimbus
3rd Sep 2005, 12:20
is that a vervet monkey,or a cappuchin?

or perhaps a spider monkey?

i think i had a girlfriend oncewho posessed a chimpanzee,it was well trained,but couldnt talk.

3rd Sep 2005, 13:00
The gorilla or the girlfriend?:hmm:

captain cumulonimbus
3rd Sep 2005, 13:12
the chimpanzee.cometo think of it,i believe it was her sister.

3rd Sep 2005, 14:25
For those whose taste in movies ventures beyond the populist, I recommend a fascinating jaunt through some of the human dark side in the movie Spanking the Monkey.

Warning: I thought Something About Mary was gruesomely obvious and, apart from the dog scene, monumentally unfunny and rescued only by Cameron Diaz's nipples. If you thought it was an awesome insight into human nature, disregard my recommendation above! :hmm:

captain cumulonimbus
3rd Sep 2005, 19:31
Banned no doubt by the RSPCA?

Poor little chimps.

3rd Sep 2005, 20:20
especially in the Ozarks, refrain from using the phrase 'monkeyin' around'.

I can't help it....it's stronger than me...but "How do you circumsize a hillbilly?"

Kick his sister in the jaw.

So there! Now I'll go spank myself.

3rd Sep 2005, 21:25
I'm trying to think of an infinite number of monkey spankers joke (and failing miserably)

Any offers? (dangerous two words on JB)

captain cumulonimbus
3rd Sep 2005, 23:30
i have located a monkey,but am unsure whether to proceed to spank the poor creature