View Full Version : Useless inventions......

24th Aug 2005, 13:44
Once saw an inflatable dartboard....

any other suggestions for the most useless invention?

24th Aug 2005, 13:49
prons spall chocker wus nevr up too muchh.

24th Aug 2005, 13:51
Here are a few..

Soluble water. It comes in powdered form. To use it, just add water.

After the cordless phone, the phoneless cord.

Building cities in the countryside to avoid pollution.

The french "social model".


24th Aug 2005, 13:54
Inter-continental air transport.

If it's important enough that one voyages across oceans, at the least, it should be done in a civilised manner. Where one is able to sleep in a real bed. Given 3 freshly-cooked meals a day. And where the clocks are changed at most 2 hours every night...?! :O

24th Aug 2005, 13:58
Jet Propulsion Golf Club, once read about a petrol powered device that pumped high pressure water into a hollow golf club, then you pressed a button during the swing which squirted the water out of a hole in the back of the club to assist the swing. Claimed to give distances of up to 700 yards.

Butter sticks. Bit like a Pritt stick but with butter. Complete waste of time and energy.

24th Aug 2005, 14:02
1 Wicker Teapots

2 Easyjet

3 Pprune

Solid Rust Twotter
24th Aug 2005, 14:06

Those butter sticks would be good on the ice, though. Saves yer having to carve off chunks of the stuff to cram down to keep the calorie intake in the green. Always thought that creamed butter and sugar mix would work well too.

Sorry. Back to the thread......

24th Aug 2005, 14:44
Soluble water. It comes in powdered form. To use it, just add water.


Antoninus, I got a mate in Nigeria who sells dehydrated water. Don't let him hear you rubbishing the stuff, he doesn't play well with others.

(Carnsie, is that you?)

24th Aug 2005, 14:45
"Quick man, get me the 12 gage shotgun! There goes that flying furry animal again!"

24th Aug 2005, 14:53
The whole concept of "Mother-in-Law"


24th Aug 2005, 14:54
That isn't an invention. That is an affliction.

Kaptin M
24th Aug 2005, 15:17
The condom!
Let's get real here, who t.f. ever fancied having a REAL experience, with a pseudo balloon/goat's foreskin as the intermediary!!

And Stereo 8 cassettes.

Standard Noise
24th Aug 2005, 15:25
That isn't an invention. That is an affliction.
Yeah, and not one the doc can prescribe you anything for.
As a mate of mine once said, "at least you can get cream for piles, unlike a MIL, that's a permanent pain in the arse."

Women's periods - Christ knows they nag us anyway, why give them a reason to be nasty!

24th Aug 2005, 15:29
Yeah, and not one the doc can prescribe you anything for.

Not true my friend.

A 9mm hollow-point is a good place to start.

(You or her. Either way, ends suffereing ;) )

Standard Noise
24th Aug 2005, 15:35
a 9mm hollow point
Crikey, didn't know docs prescribed them!

Wonder if I can persuade the MIL to move to Mooseland?:E

24th Aug 2005, 15:37
I've seen pictures of her mate.

She looks like she's from there. ;)

The world ain't a big enough place

24th Aug 2005, 15:44
New Labour - what is it for?

24th Aug 2005, 15:52
Solar powered torches - Excellent idea!!


Solid Rust Twotter
24th Aug 2005, 16:37

Don't they stick MILs on an ice floe, with a chicken leg tied round their necks to attract polar bears in your part of the world? :E

24th Aug 2005, 16:40
No Polar Bear with an ounce of sense would try to f**k with anyones MIL

Solid Rust Twotter
24th Aug 2005, 16:48
Well, that explains fur coats then....

24th Aug 2005, 16:53
Cling Film has to be the most frustrating thing ever invented :*

24th Aug 2005, 21:24
Neither Mrs CJ or myself didn't get where we are today by not knowing what Grot Is!

loganberry slick removers
Tom’s Sprout wine
Dr. Snurd’s pictures of the Algarve
tasteless puddings
square hoops
stringless guitars
clangerless bells
lightweight weights
unstrung tennis rackets
empty biscuit tins
doorless birdcages
broken crockery
breakable cricket balls
silent LPs: ("including
'We Aren’t The Champions';
'You’ll Always Walk Alone';
'Songs From A Trappist Monastery'")
upright models of the
Leaning Tower of Pisa
leaning models of the Eiffel Tower
bottomless ashtrays square footballs
round dice
innocuous white pill:
("they have no side-effects, there's no
need to keep them out of the reach of
children, and Catholics can take them").
insoluble suppositories
oversize eggcups
cruet sets with no holes
blank books
fattening foods:
("for masochists on diets")
useless car stickers
(including ‘We’ve been to the shop that
sells car stickers', 'We haven't been
anywhere', 'This sticker doesn't stick')
rungless ladders
Dutch-Dutch dictionaries
pianos with no keys non-stick glue
LP ‘Laryngitis In 30 Lands’: ("featuring
the silence of Max Bygraves, Des
O’ Connor, the Bay City Rollers, the
Sex Pistols and Rolf Harris")
rubber razor blades:
("for nervous shavers")
porous waterbeds
heat-resistant saucepans
mousetraps made entirely of cheese
elastic tow-ropes
cheque books for the Dogger Bank
tins of melted snow
self-lowering flour
empty cardboard boxes
Jimmy’s Guess-what-it’s-for machine
dentures for pets
edible furniture

24th Aug 2005, 21:27
ejection seats on floppylopters?:uhoh:

24th Aug 2005, 21:40
Black and Decker Wood Welding Kit - keep running out of pine rods....

None of the above
24th Aug 2005, 22:00
The chocolate blow-lamp.

Aah, they don't make 'em like that anymore.

24th Aug 2005, 22:02
fishnet condoms
pedal wheelchairs
software helpdesks

25th Aug 2005, 02:53
Square windows on the Comet.....

25th Aug 2005, 08:16
Electric windows on a submarine.

25th Aug 2005, 08:34
A hamster powered mobile phone battery charger.

(It's not a wind up, it exists, t'was on the box last night. Some kid built it as a GCSE project).

25th Aug 2005, 09:09
Dutch-Dutch dictionaries

I find those very handy! :rolleyes:

Ropey Pilot
25th Aug 2005, 11:22
Helicopter ejection seat (http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/helicopter_20with_20ejection_20seat)

Solar powered torch (http://www.unlimited-power.co.uk/Solar_Powered_Torch.html) :p

Lon More
25th Aug 2005, 13:06
Ropey found this (http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/Personal_20airbag_20vest#1074790800) on the same site.

From an old joke, add these to the list:
Tits on a nun,balls on a priest and those fire ants

Windy Militant
25th Aug 2005, 13:22
Anything made by Ronco or K-Tel :rolleyes:

25th Aug 2005, 16:36
Ash trays on motorbikes:suspect:

25th Aug 2005, 16:51
Sinclair C5
Reality TV
"Diet" drinks

Standard Noise
25th Aug 2005, 16:53
Tits on fish!:}

25th Aug 2005, 16:56
Reliant robin - would it really cost alot more to add an extra wheel? Or maybe I am missing the point....?

25th Aug 2005, 16:59
Tits on fish!



Standard Noise
25th Aug 2005, 17:20
It might explain why dirty looking men in long coats stand in rivers 'tickling' trout.
mmm, there might be summat in this tits on fish business.

Atlas Shrugged
22nd Sep 2005, 05:41
Glow in the Dark Sunglasses :cool:

The Real Slim Shady
22nd Sep 2005, 09:57
Crotchless panties.

Why not just take them off???

And tights / panyhose.

Must have been a woman who thought them up. What was wrong with 58 pattern webbing?

22nd Sep 2005, 11:27
Decaffinated coffe. What's the point?

Kensington tractors eg Mercedes M320, BMW X5, Hummers etc. Why bother blocking the roads with them, spend your money on a Merc SLK 500, a BMW 6 series or a Corvette. At least then you get performance AND handling :ok:

22nd Sep 2005, 12:06
A flashing light on the telephone to let deaf people know when it's ringing:E

22nd Sep 2005, 12:50

22nd Sep 2005, 13:33
The Japanese call the art of useless inventions "chindogu" . Some of them are great. I especially like this one.


Onan the Clumsy
22nd Sep 2005, 13:45
would it really cost alot more to add an extra wheel? Or maybe I am missing the point....? isn't so that it can be registered as a motor cycle, ie cheaper (or a fun fair ride perhaps?)