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acbus1
24th Aug 2005, 07:56
Is it just me?

Are they just the most useless things ever invented?

If I follow the instructions, I end up (?) with a wrinkled mess over only half of my pride and joy. The remainder isn't covered at all. Impending slip off.

If I "do my own thing" and ignore the instructions, they reckon there's a risk of tearing.

I dunno. :(

EDDNHopper
24th Aug 2005, 07:59
Reasons for messing up condoms:
a) (over)exitement
b) nervousness
c) no time really to read the instructions and follow them closely
d) not enough practice

Solution: Let her do it for you.

Saintsman
24th Aug 2005, 08:35
I was packing for an overseas trip with work and looking for the travel adaptor. Hunting through the bedroom drawers, I found at the back of one of them a packet of condoms where the use by date had expired some 5 years previously (I no longer need them since the snip).

So I put them by the suitcase on my bed so that I could show the wife and say look what I found. Meanwhile, I am looking in another room and she finds the packet. I return in all innocense to find all hell breaking out.

I thought she would find it slightly ammusing to see a packet of condoms that had been hidden all that time. Women just don't have the same facination with those sort of things that men find interesting. Lesson learnt there I can tell you.

As I had a valid excuse and came out with it straight away (5 year old condoms) she believed me and I was okay.

They think that as you are going away you must be going away to have a good time. They don't understand that its a business trip and you have work to do. Overseas = holidays to them.


Anyway, the moral of the story is always buy your condoms at the airport! ;)

Standard Noise
24th Aug 2005, 08:50
"I end up (?) with a wrinkled mess over only half of my pride and joy."

'It came off in my hand' said the actress to the Bishop.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Capn Notarious
24th Aug 2005, 09:26
Get yer act together chaps and learn to do it properly.
I once supplied condoms to a refuse collector. Poor chap previously vasectomised, had become an "at risk", this on account that some ******** had left a needle and syringe in the rubbish.
So before any one digits a smart a- - - d response , go look at a cadaver bag!

Kolibear
24th Aug 2005, 09:30
I end up with a wrinkled mess over only half of my pride and joy

Thats no way to talk about one's better half

HandspringGuy
24th Aug 2005, 10:01
before any one digits a smart a- - - d response , go look at a cadaver bag!
Yep, that should fit

BRL
24th Aug 2005, 10:24
I can put one on my head and blow it up!!!! :D

Biggles Flies Undone
24th Aug 2005, 10:27
:rolleyes: That would be the best thing to do last night then, BRL - save you watching the old tut your mob were playing :p

Parapunter
24th Aug 2005, 10:37
I remember getting lucky with a fine young filly way back & put the old chap hat on whereupon she asked me if I was a virgin. Quick as a flash I whipped around, showed her the kit in all it's (small) glory & replied: Look, it's not even out of the packet yet:cool:

Mebbe this should be in the other thread....

Avtrician
24th Aug 2005, 10:47
BRL, was that the condom or the head:E :E :E :E

Rushton
24th Aug 2005, 10:55
Now linking to the Cling Film thread - you could that round your old man instead of a condom:8

tall and tasty
24th Aug 2005, 10:56
I can put one on my head and blow it up!!!!

Know someone who can do that too.

Best fun with them is fill them with water, tie the end and have a water fight!! They last longer than the average balloon

TnT

:p ;) :p

BRL
24th Aug 2005, 11:01
Biggles tell me about it, they looked like Everton last night, just terrible. Hope the bluenoses get thrashed tonight, I will get home from work just in time for the second half :E

TnT, you got a PM

and keeping in the relams of the topic itself I once blew up a condom and wrote in heavy black felt tip EFC on it then let it go on the kop (in the good old days....) :ok:

Yorks.ppl
24th Aug 2005, 11:10
Has anyone else noticed the serial number embossed near the open end of every condom?

Ontariotech
24th Aug 2005, 11:15
I have. You have to unroll all 1.5 feet of it.

MadsDad
24th Aug 2005, 11:23
Now linking to the Cling Film thread - you could that round your old man instead of a condom

Long time ago neighbours of ours went out for the evening leaving the kids in charge of a baby sitter. They returned early to find the baby sitter and her boy freind at it on the living room floor. Much kerfuffle later the wife took the baby sitter into the kitchen for a 'woman to woman' talk and, during the conversation, asked her if they had been using 'protection'.

"Oh yes, we used clingfilm" was the reply.